Act of Contrition

by Linda Rettstatt

  “Oh, that makes sense. Sure.” Silence fell between them, until Jenny said, “I think it’s time to open presents. Let’s go to the living room.” She picked up two boxes, both wrapped in silver foil paper and red ribbon. “Merry Christmas, Patrick.”

  “Two?”

  “Well, one gift is for your dad, but he probably won’t be able to use it now. Maybe it will fit you.” Kari sat beside Patrick on the sofa, wide-eyed as she stared at the gifts. Jenny offered another brightly wrapped package to the little girl. “And this one is from Santa for Kari.”

  The child tugged at the ribbon, then looked up at Patrick for assistance. He loosened the ribbon and paper, encouraged her to rip the rest of it away. The box held a baby doll wrapped in a pink blanket.

  Kari grinned and pointed. “Baby.”

  “That’s right. It’s your baby.” Patrick removed the doll from the box and handed it to her. Kari hugged the doll close. “Can you say thank you to Jenny?”

  She nodded and grinned at Jenny. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, sweetie.” A wash of memories flowed through her mind and she blinked back tears.

  Patrick reached out and snagged the box he had wrapped in green paper covered with Christmas trees and secured by a gold ribbon. He hesitated. “You know, maybe this gift wasn’t such a good idea.”

  She snatched the package from his hand. “Don’t be ridiculous. You always had good taste in gifts.” Jenny set the box on her lap. “You go first.”

  He undid the ribbon and ripped off the paper. Lifting the lid, he removed the sweater. “It’s my favorite color.” He held it in front of him. “Thanks, I love it.” He picked up the other box for Mike. “Let’s take this later to open with Dad, even if he can’t wear what’s inside. It’ll mean a lot that you got this for him.”

  “My turn.”

  “Jenny, wait. I’m not so sure about the gift. I didn’t think—”

  “Now I really want to see what’s in here.” She grinned as she tugged on the ribbon. It gave way, and she slid her finger under the paper held together by tabs of scotch tape. She eased the box out of the paper and opened the tissue. She stared into the open box and gasped. “Oh, Patrick.” Her hands shook as she lifted the dark wooden collage frame from the box. “How did you get this picture?”

  “I saw you on the island one day with your son. I had come back for a visit and shot that from my boat. You were skipping stones, like we used to. I’m sorry if it makes you sad. I didn’t think.”

  She swiped a tear with the heel of her hand. “No. No, it’s beautiful. I remember that day. Cooper was five years old. He loved going over to the island to explore. I’ll treasure this. It’s a wonderful photograph.”

  “I figured you could fill in the empty slots in the frame with other photos you have.”

  She stood and set the photograph carefully against the coffee table. “Thank you so much.” She bent and hugged him. Filling in empty slots sounded a lot like her life from now on.

  He turned his face and kissed her cheek. “You’re welcome.”

  The warmth of his hands on her shoulders and sweep of his breath across her cheek made her want to sink into him. She pulled away. “We should get to the nursing home. It’s getting late.” She nodded toward his daughter. “She’s ready to fall asleep.”

  ****

  Mike glanced from the flannel shirt Patrick had opened for him to Jenny, and he blinked.

  “You’re welcome. You just have to get yourself well enough to wear this shirt,” she said. Mike didn’t look as if that was likely, though, and her heart sank.

  Kari sat perched on the edge of the bed, Patrick holding her steady so she didn’t grab at Mike’s IV or feeding tube. She clung to her new doll with one hand and patted Mike’s arm with the other.

  “Your granddaughter is beautiful,” Jenny said.

  One side of Mike’s mouth pulled up in a twisted smile and he blinked again.

  When Mike drifted off to sleep, Patrick tucked the blanket up around his father’s neck, as though he were tucking in a child. “We can go. He’ll sleep through the night now.”

  In the truck, he fastened Kari into her car seat, started the engine, and turned toward Jenny. “Thank you for coming with me. This wasn’t much of a holiday for either of us, but we managed to get through it.”

  “Like you said, misery loves company. Not that I was miserable. I meant, with what we’re both coping with…”

  He slipped a lock of hair behind her ear, stroked her cheek. “I know what you meant. And I take back any doubts I cast on your culinary skills. Dinner was great.” He shifted the truck into gear.

  His touch left a white-hot trail on her cheek. Her palm itched to cover the spot, savor the warmth. She glanced back at the drowsy child. “Thanks for bringing Kari with you. It must have been hard for her with her mother leaving and you having to be here.”

  “It was. She’s close to Jaclyn’s parents, but it’s not the same. And I missed her, too.”

  When they reached her cottage, he held the door open and helped her down from the truck. “I guess I’ll see you on the thirty-first.”

  “Eight o’clock.” She glanced from his face to the darkened bay, lit faintly by a half-moon. “They’re predicting a snow storm tomorrow. Did you hear that?”

  “No, but we’re about due for one. I can come by with a snow blower and clear the driveway for you.”

  “I have one in the shed. I can do it. Thanks, again, for the photograph. You’re a good photographer. You could probably make a living out of it.”

  “I’ve considered it. But, everything’s on hold right now.”

  She nodded. “Yes, well… Goodnight, Patrick. Merry Christmas.” She lifted onto her toes to kiss his cheek but Patrick cupped the back of her head and turned his face to her.

  His mouth claimed hers, stealing her breath as their bodies made contact.

  She leaned into him until her mind re-engaged, then she drew back, unable to meet his gaze. “You should go.” Her voice trembled. She turned and hurried to the house.

  Once inside, she peered between the blinds and watched as he turned and exited the driveway. She rested her forehead on her arm and exhaled a breath she had not been aware of holding. How could something that was clearly wrong feel so right? Desire had flooded her and she came so close to forgetting everything for just a moment. But forgetting, allowing herself a reprieve was unacceptable. Confusion swarmed and she shook her head to try to clear it.

  A landslide of emotions avalanched over her. Cooper’s absence, like a black hole, threatened to turn her inside out. She dropped her jacket on a chair and sat on the sofa. The photograph lay on the table. She picked it up and traced her fingers over Cooper’s image, feeling his silky blond hair and the warmth of his bronzed skin. When she closed her eyes, she could hear the laughter that came from deep in his belly when he was truly amused.

  Jenny clutched the frame, hunched over, and let grief have its way with her.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Okay, spill. What is going on with you?” Shelly asked.

  Jenny loaded their shopping bags into the back of her SUV and prepared for round two of after-Christmas sales in Freeport. “What do you mean?”

  Shelly leaned against the back of the vehicle. “It’s like you’re…you’re almost happy. Not quite, but almost. Something’s changed.”

  Jenny sighed and leaned beside her. “Not sure what you mean.”

  “Oh, come on, Jen. You’re having fun today. I haven’t seen you like this in…I don’t know…ten years? I was almost afraid to mention it for fear you’d retract back into yourself.”

  Jenny squinted against the snowflakes that had begun to fall. “Maybe it’s knowing I wasn’t responsible for the accident. I feel so relieved about that.”

  “And Patrick?” When she didn’t respond, Shelly nudged her with an elbow. “Come on, Jen. I need to know before the two of you come over for New Year’s Eve. Where do things stand?”


  Jenny sighed. “We’ve agreed to try and be friends again. But—”

  “But?”

  Jenny pushed off from the SUV. “Let’s walk. My limbs are getting stiff from the cold.”

  Shelly fell into step beside her. “Is it his daughter?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’d guess it would be difficult putting it all together. I mean, what happened to Cooper and then Patrick, out of the blue, showing up with his own kid. And not having mentioned her to you all these months? What was that about?”

  “I think he was protecting me.”

  “From what? The truth?” She stopped. “Sorry, Jen. I love Patrick. He’s a great guy. But to spring Kari on you right at Christmas when he had months to tell you about her?”

  “Well, he was kind of cornered at that point. I’d invited him to Christmas and then he found out he was getting full custody of Kari. He couldn’t very well leave her alone at home.” Jenny stared at her friend. “Are you suggesting Patrick was getting even with me? That would be ludicrous.”

  “No. I just question why he waited so long to tell you. I honestly thought you knew. And I didn’t bring her up because I figured it would be a sore subject for you right now.”

  Jenny nodded toward a quilt shop. “Let’s stop in there.” She held the door for Shelly. “Patrick’s always been kind of private, you know that. Maybe he wasn’t ever expecting to get custody of Kari and was concerned about what people would think of him so he didn’t talk about her. I don’t know.” She fingered a hand-sewn child’s quilt made up of pink and yellow squares decorated by teddy bears and building blocks. “This is sweet.”

  Shelly stared at her. “Uh-huh. Are you thinking…?”

  “I happen to know Kari’s birthday is coming up soon.” Jenny looked up at her friend. “She’s a sweet little girl whose mother just gave her up.”

  “Ah. And that resonates with you. Jen, be careful.”

  “Of what? A three-year-old?”

  “You know what I mean. I don’t want to see you get hurt. You’ve said it yourself—you and Patrick have history, but too much time, distance, and life between you. I’d love nothing more than to see the two of you get back together, but only if it’s right for both of you, and for the right reason.”

  Jenny picked up the quilt. “And that would be?”

  “That you both love one another and can let go of the past. If you can’t do that, it will stand between you at every turn. Look at my folks. My step-dad could not get past my mother’s history with my dad. It wrecked their marriage. George was a great guy and he loved my mom and me, but all that love couldn’t make a difference. Her bouts of depression every time my dad’s birthday or their wedding anniversary came around, and then the day he died. George couldn’t compete. I don’t want to see that happen to you and Patrick.”

  Jenny set the quilt down at the cash register and removed her Visa card. “And now you know why I’m confused, why I can’t let myself get too comfortable with him again. I don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t know if or when I’ll ever be whole again.” She thanked the sales clerk and picked up the bagged quilt. When they were outside, Jenny turned to Shelly. “Thanks for your concern. I have been kind of afraid to let myself be happy. Being here in Maine again, closer to my friends and home, it’s made me happier. I’m feeling more like myself. I will have to return to Boston eventually, but I’m planning to look for an apartment in the city, close to the office.”

  “I know.” She nodded at the bag. “Kari will love that quilt, I’m sure. I’d get some for the girls but, even on sale, they’re out of my price range. Maybe next Christmas. Now, let’s find a ladies room before we forge on.”

  “There’s a restroom in the quilt shop. I saw the sign in the back.” She turned and re-entered the store. “You go ahead. I’m fine.”

  While Shelly used the restroom, Jenny quickly chose two quilts that she thought would be appropriate for Shelly’s daughters. She had just accepted the bag from the cashier when Shelly returned.

  “You make another purchase?”

  “Yes. I really should not be left alone in shops like this. Come on, I want to run these to the car.”

  “The snow is picking up. Maybe we should call it a day,” Shelly said.

  “Okay. Let’s go home.”

  When Jen pulled up in front of Shelly’s house, she reached for her friend’s hand. “Thank you. I needed this day, and I needed to spend time with you.”

  “I had a nice time, too. I’m glad things are going better for you. You’re still coming on New Year’s Eve?”

  “I am. And I’ll be fine with Patrick. We’re adults. We can figure out how to be friends.”

  She hopped out of the SUV and opened the back hatch to retrieve Shelly’s packages. “Wait, there’s one more.” She handed Shelly the bag from the quilt shop.

  “What’s this?”

  “For your girls. My treat.”

  “Oh, no. I saw the price tags on those quilts.”

  “They were on sale, and I wanted to do this. Please?”

  Shelly grinned. “They’ll love them. Sure you don’t want to come in and give them the gifts yourself?”

  “No. The roads are getting slick. I’d better head for home. I’ll talk to you soon.” She pulled her friend into a tight hug. “Thank you.”

  “See you on Friday. No changing your mind.”

  She waited until Shelly reached her front door then pulled from the driveway. The shopping trip, a day with her old friend, even buying the gifts for Kari and for Shelly’s girls were all indicative of a move forward, back into life. She took a moment to draw on a memory of Cooper. If she was going to move forward, she had to keep her memories of her son close. She could never allow herself to forget.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  When the thirty-first arrived, Jenny called Patrick in the afternoon and left a message. “I’m going to take my car tonight. I want to arrive a little early to help Shelly. I’ll see you there.”

  The post-Christmas snow had left a slushy coating that was turning to ice as the temperatures plummeted. At seven-thirty, she bundled up in a down jacket, foregoing the hat to preserve her hair. She carried a cake pan to the car and returned for a Crock-Pot. She drove slowly, her mouth watering from the aroma of the Swedish meatballs she had made from her grandmother’s recipe along with the sweet chocolate scent of still-warm fudge brownies. She pulled into Shelly’s driveway, her knuckles white on the steering wheel. She was a seasoned winter driver, but the accident had left her shaken and unsure in anything but ideal weather.

  When she rang the bell, Shelly opened the door with a smile. “Welcome.” Then she looked behind Jenny. “Where’s Patrick?”

  “I drove myself here. I’m sure he’ll be coming soon.” She held up the Crock-Pot. “I made Swedish meatballs, and I have a pan of brownies in the car. Take this, and I’ll get them.”

  As she lifted the warm cake pan from the back seat, Patrick parked his truck beside her SUV.

  “Need help?” He got out of the truck, carrying two brown bottle-shaped bags.

  “No thanks. I’ve got it.”

  He rounded the back of her car and slipped, grabbing at the fender to steady himself. “It’s getting slick. You should have let me pick you up.”

  “I grew up here. I know how to drive in this weather.” Her tone was sharp. Why did she suddenly have the urge to be mean? “I’m sorry. That sounded harsh.”

  “No offense taken. What’s in the pan?”

  “Brownies.”

  “Mmmm. Grandma O’Connell’s recipe?”

  “Certainly not mine.”

  He fell into step beside her as they walked to the house, keeping one hand near her elbow. “Dad seemed a little better today. He managed a full-fledged smiled when I told him I had plans tonight and would see you. Sometimes I think he likes you more than he likes me.”

  “Don’t be silly. He loves you.”

  Patrick held the door open fo
r her to enter. “He loves you, too.”

  Shelly met them and hugged Patrick. “I’m so glad you came. Whatcha got there?”

  He held up the bottles. “Bubbly for you three, fake stuff for me.”

  “Take them to the kitchen. Greg’s in there making chicken wings that are sure to burn a hole in your tongue. See if you can get him to tone down the heat level a notch. God knows, I have no authority.”

  Patrick laughed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  Jenny set the brownies on the table and hung up her jacket. “Thanks for having me tonight, Shelly. I wasn’t up to a big party, and I don’t need to be alone.”

  “I figured. Come on, let’s check on the men.”

  Jenny followed her. The men. Shelly said it as if one belonged to each of them.

  After giving her a kiss on the cheek and handing her a glass of wine, Greg returned to the stove, hands raised up in surrender. “I got the message. Toning down the hot sauce.”

  “Thank God.” Shelly asked Jenny, “Want to see the quilts in the girls’ room? They love them, by the way.”

  “Sure.” Though stepping into a child’s bedroom felt a bit like walking into a minefield.

  Fortunately, the room that housed both little girls could not have been further from Cooper’s room. Pale pink walls, glistening white furniture, and neatly made beds, each covered with a mound of stuffed animals welcomed her. “The colors you chose are perfect, and each one is just different enough to keep them from fighting.”

  “I’m glad they like them.”

  Shelly sat on one of the twin beds and motioned for Jenny to sit down across from her. “You doin’ okay?”

  Jenny shrugged. “I’m trying. You know what they say about the year of firsts.”

  Shelly reached over and patted her knee. “Don’t take this the wrong way. I want you here. But if it gets to be too much, I won’t be offended if you need to bug out early. I’m guessing that’s why you brought your own car.”

  Jenny nodded. “Thanks.” She took a breath and let it out. “You’re a good friend, in case I haven’t told you.”