Act of Contrition

by Linda Rettstatt

She hadn’t realized the cab had come to a stop. The cabbie placed their bags on the sidewalk and extended his hand for payment.

  Ashley took care of the tab and a tip. “Thank you.”

  Jenny stood and stared up at the building. Her new home. Fatigue washed over her like a huge wave. Too many stops and starts, too much letting go and reaching to take hold. Her mind drifted back to the day she had fallen into the bay. Rough waters had nearly claimed her. She needed calm waters for a while. And she desperately needed to talk with Gavin. He had become her compass, her leaning post.

  She followed Ashley into the elevator. “What do you want to do for dinner?”

  “Let’s order from Ming’s. I couldn’t cook anything if my life depended on it. Aren’t you exhausted?” Ashley asked.

  “I am, but I need to make a few phone calls. Ming’s sounds good to me.”

  In the apartment, Jenny dragged her suitcase to the guest room, then returned to the kitchen and put water on for tea. She made her selections from the menu Ashley had set on the counter and returned to the bedroom.

  “St. Anthony’s Rectory,” the voice answered her call.

  “Is Gavin…Father Santorino in, please?”

  “One moment. May I ask who’s calling?” the secretary inquired.

  “Jennifer Barnes.”

  When Gavin came on the phone, Jenny could practically hear the smile in his voice. “Jenny, you’re back from L.A. How was the trip?”

  “Interesting. And exhausting. Are you free for breakfast tomorrow? I can tell you about it then.”

  “After the eight a.m. mass?”

  “Perfect. How about the South Street Diner?”

  “Sounds good. See you there.”

  She ended the call, a smile stretching her mouth. Never in a million years would she have thought that one of her closest friends would be a priest. She still had trouble wrapping her head around Gavin in clerics. He seemed so normal. Just another guy.

  Over dinner, she and Ashley talked about the added responsibilities Jenny would have as Executive Editor. “I know you like to avoid conflict, but you have to ride herd over the editing staff. We have talented people, but that also makes them a bit difficult at times. You know what they say about artists being moody. Well, you’ve worked alongside them for a while.”

  Jenny grinned. “Oh, I know. I’ve observed their attempts to circumvent your decisions. I’ve also paid close attention to how you managed those situations. It’ll be a challenge for me, but I think I’m up to it now. From now on, I intend to only look forward. Aside from my memories of Cooper and my grandparents, the past doesn’t hold anything for me.”

  Ashley toyed with her chopsticks and asked, “What about Patrick?”

  “I can’t move forward as long as one foot is planted in the past, and Patrick is part of my past. My focus now is on my work.” She took a swallow of tea to wash down the tears that threatened.

  Ashley regarded her for a moment. “Can I give you a bit of advice?”

  “Sure.”

  “Don’t let work be your only focus. I’m speaking from my own experience here. I love my job, and I’m looking forward to the new office in L.A. But putting in twelve and fourteen hour days then coming home to an empty apartment gets old. Lonely. I don’t intend to do things the same way once I move to the West Coast. It’s going to be a new start for me, too. I want someone in my life.”

  Jenny reached for her friend’s hand. “You never told me this. I saw you as the ultimately-evolved woman—career-focused and headed straight for the top.”

  “Yeah, well, I got a glimpse of the top. It’s lonely up there. I guess my advice is don’t shut yourself off from another relationship—someone to hold hands with and walk through the Public Garden or curl up against on a cold night.”

  A flush warmed Jenny’s chest. She remembered the feeling of snuggling into Patrick’s embrace the night they spent on the island. She had felt calm and safe and sated. Tears burned the backs of her eyes. She picked up a paper napkin and dapped at them. “Shit, now look what you’ve done.” When she glanced at Ashley, she saw that her friend was wiping away her own tears.

  Ashley laughed. “Well, aren’t we a morose pair.”

  “I’m going to miss you, Ash. I figured I’d say that while we’re both crying already.”

  “I’ll miss you, too. But, hey, we’ll still be working together. You’ll have reason to fly to L.A. now and then, and I’m sure I’ll have to travel back here to Boston for meetings.”

  Jenny nodded.

  Ashley lifted her teacup. “Let’s make a pact. Let’s promise to stay in touch and to both keep our hearts open for love.”

  Love. Jenny wasn’t sure she had any more love in her to give. To avoid further discussion of the topic, she lifted her cup and forced a smile. “Deal.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Jenny fidgeted in her chair, flanked by Ashley Rogers and Edgar Carlson, the President of Harbor Lights Publishing. The rest of the staff sat around the huge conference table, most bearing looks of uncertainty.

  Edgar stood. “You all look as if you’ve been summoned to the gallows. Relax. This announcement is good news. As a result of all of your hard work under the leadership of Ashley Rogers, Harbor Lights Publishing has grown significantly over the past six years. So much so that we are now announcing the opening of a West Coast office in Los Angeles. I’m pleased to announce that Ashley has graciously accepted the position of Executive Editor and vice-president and will establish that office for us.”

  A low rumble sounded around the table.

  Edgar held up a hand. “Don’t worry. You’ll all be in capable hands. I’ve asked Jennifer Barnes to step in as Executive Editor here in the Boston office. Most of you already know Jennifer, and I’m sure you will give her your full cooperation.” He nodded to Jenny then asked Ashley, “Would you like to say a few words?”

  Ashley thanked him and gazed around the conference table. “It’s been a pleasure working with you these past few years. I’ll miss you all. I know I can count on you to continue to do the fantastic jobs you’ve done and to work with Jennifer the way you’ve worked with me.”

  “Why wasn’t this position opened up for applicants?” someone asked from the back of the room.

  Jenny scanned the crowd—Barrett Haygood. It figures. An editor since Harbor Lights first opened its doors fifteen years earlier. He had been the one troublemaker Ashley had to contend with, and he wasn’t likely to change now.

  “The policy of Harbor Lights has always been to promote from within first,” Ashley responded. “Harbor Lights is moving into a new era in publishing. Both Mr. Carlson and I agree that we need a person at the helm who will embrace new technologies to advance our product lines.”

  Jenny near choked. Ashley had issued a direct hit on Barrett. He had fought every change Ashley had tried to make, including the recent addition of electronic book formats. He now glared at Ashley with venom in his eyes.

  “We’ll have an opportunity to say a formal goodbye at a luncheon next Wednesday. Now I’ll turn the floor over to your new boss, Jennifer Barnes.”

  Jenny stood on shaky legs to the half-hearted applause of a few staff members. “Thank you. I…uh… I want to first thank Mr. Carlson and Ms. Rogers for their votes of confidence. I promise to do my best not to disappoint.” She glanced at Edgar and Ashley and flitted her gaze over her co-workers. “We already have goals established for the coming year and I’ll count on your support in seeing those through. I want you all to know that my door will be open at any time. I’ve learned a great deal from Ashley, and I only hope I can do the job as well as she has.”

  Barrett Haygood coughed loudly, cleared his throat. Ashley cast Barrett an ominous stare.

  Jenny felt a flush start in her chest. “I’ll work closely with Ashley to make the transition as smooth as possible. I will be scheduling individual meetings with each of you so that I can familiarize myself with your workloads and deadlines as well as d
iscuss any concerns you may have. Thank you.” With that, she returned to her seat.

  Edgar reissued the official invitation to a farewell luncheon for Ashley the following Wednesday before dismissing the staff.

  Later in Ashley’s office, Jenny dropped into a chair and exhaled. “That was fun. Can I say I’m a little underwhelmed by the warm response to the announcement of my promotion?”

  Ashley laughed. “They were surprised, that’s all. The only one you have to worry about is Barrett. The best way to handle him is to put him in his place from the start.”

  Jenny grinned. “I thought you did that nicely.”

  “The problem with Barrett is that he doesn’t get the point unless you’re very direct. I’m sure my comment went right over his head.”

  “I don’t think so. Didn’t you see his face? How has he managed to hang on here for fifteen years with that attitude?”

  “He’s married to Edgar’s wife’s sister.”

  “Oh. I forgot.”

  “Edgar really doesn’t like the guy. So he won’t get in the way if you have to come down hard on Barrett now and then. Just be sure you document any problems you have with him. I already have a file started.”

  “He has a file?” Jenny wondered what she had gotten herself into.

  “Everyone has a file. His just has more notes than most. You’ll be fine, Jen. What do you say we get some lunch?”

  “Good idea. I skipped breakfast because I was too nervous about the meeting.”

  “Let’s eat, then we can come back here and I’ll walk you through some of the things you’ll need to know.”

  They walked to a small bistro around the corner on Charles Street. Seated by the front window, Jenny gazed out across the street to the Public Garden. She loved that one spot in Boston and often picked up lunch in the summer and found a vacant bench in the park. Her new office afforded a full view of the Garden. As she glanced up, a man passed by the window. Jenny’s breath caught.

  “Jen, are you okay?” Ashley asked.

  Jenny shook her head. “I’m fine. I thought I saw someone I know.” The guy had looked so much like Patrick, Jenny almost called out to him. But that was impossible. By now, Patrick was on his way to Santa Barbara. She turned her attention back to the menu.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Jenny waved until Ashley’s taxi was out of view. Back upstairs, she wandered around the apartment she now occupied alone. A familiar wave of loneliness engulfed her. She grabbed her purse and car keys.

  Gavin opened the door and smiled. “Ashley left, huh?”

  Jenny nodded, fighting tears.

  “Come in.” He ushered her into the den. “I have mass in an hour, but let’s talk.”

  “I should have called first. I forgot about the Saturday mass.”

  He lifted a brow. “You could always stay for mass, then we could go to dinner.”

  Jenny hadn’t been to mass in years, but it sounded like a good alternative today, rather than being alone. “I just might do that.”

  Gavin took an exaggerated step away from her, a hand pressed over his heart.

  “What are you doing?”

  He grinned. “Waiting for the lightning strike.”

  “Very funny.”

  Mrs. Colonna tapped on the doorframe. She cast a disapproving look from Jenny to Gavin. “Father Santorino, will your guest be joining you for dinner tonight?”

  “No. We’ll be dining out. Thank you. Father Mariani will be back shortly, though. I’m sure he would appreciate dinner.”

  The woman nodded, unsmiling, and turned to march back down the long hall.

  “She doesn’t like me very much,” Jenny said.

  “It’s not you. She’s old school when it comes to priests. I’m an aberration to her. I’m not supposed to have a woman as a friend.”

  “She thinks there’s more between us than friendship. I worry what she might say to your superiors.”

  “Don’t. That’s my problem, not yours.”

  Jenny widened her eyes. “Has she said something?”

  “Frank, Father Mariani, said she commented to him one day that I had a woman here often when he’s not around. He knows who you are and why we meet. He’s fine with it, just cautioned me to be discreet, not give parishioners anything to talk about. This is a church rectory. People come here to speak with both myself and Frank. You want a cup of coffee?”

  The prospect of having him call Mrs. Colonna back to the den gave Jenny pause. “No, thanks. I’m good.” For the first time, she felt out of place in Gavin’s home. Was it a home? The first floor seemed to be all about business, with the exception of the dining room and even that had a cold, formal feel to it. How was a young, healthy man content to live this kind of austere life? She didn’t understand it at all.

  They chatted about the changes in Jenny’s life and the departure of her best friend for the West Coast. When Jenny expressed her concerns about stepping into Ashley’s shoes at Harbor Lights, Gavin said, “Let them know from the start that you are in charge. You don’t have to be a tyrant, but you will have to be firm. Especially with the one guy, Barrett. He sounds like the type that will undermine you and try to run right over you.”

  “He is the type. He’s been with the company from the start and thinks he should have been promoted into the job I now have. I’m going to be looking over my shoulder constantly.”

  Gavin glanced at his watch. “I need to run upstairs and change, then get over to the church. You coming to mass, or do you want to wait here?”

  She liked that about Gavin. He didn’t press her to come to church, but respected her choices. The thought of sitting there with Mrs. Colonna staring daggers through the wall left her with only one option. “I’ll come to mass.” She would rather take her chances with God.

  A few minutes later, she followed Gavin across the courtyard and through the back door of the small stone church. He directed her through another door that led into the body of the church. A small gathering, mostly older women, prayed the rosary. Jenny walked, eyes downcast, to one of the furthest pews in the back. The leftover sweet scent of incense and the soft lighting carried her back to her childhood when she would accompany her grandmother to church. Her grandmother knelt and prayed the rosary with a group of women much like those gathered here. The practices of religion had been a mystery to Jenny in her childhood. When she was six years old, the priest had talked about how God could see everything all the time. She refused to take her clothes off to dress for bed that night. Until her grandmother convinced her God was everywhere except in the bathroom. Faith had been so simple then. A smile tugged at her mouth.

  A blast from the pipe organ jolted Jenny from her thoughts. The organist played a few hymns as the faithful gathered. Families with young children in tow filled up the pews as the mass began.

  When Gavin rose to give his homily, he gazed out at the congregation. “I don’t believe in coincidence. I like to think all things happen for a purpose. We can’t find the car keys, we are late leaving our house, and then get an important phone call we would otherwise have missed. Sometimes fate…or God…puts us right where we are meant to be, even when we can’t imagine it being the right place or the right time.”

  His eyes searched the congregation and settled on Jenny’s face. “Today’s gospel tells the story of the prodigal son. We sometimes mistakenly think of the prodigal as one who was lost and is now found. But, in fact, the term refers to one who is extravagant to the point of being reckless. And, yet, this son was warmly welcomed home by his father. It makes us question the ways in which we ourselves are reckless, the ways we are too extravagant to the point of being wasteful with the gifts we are given.” His gaze locked on Jenny. “And, yet, we are welcomed home.”

  Jenny’s cheeks burned. He was talking about her. He was talking to her. Gavin, her friend and her priest, was welcoming her home. Was this her final absolution?

  ****

  At the end of mass, Gavin pronounced a f
inal blessing and processed out to the closing hymn. Jenny remained in the pew while the congregation filed out. She caught sight of a woman who appeared to be in her mid-forties and holding the hand of a little girl. The child looked so much like Kari, Patrick’s daughter. Jenny shook her head and blinked. The two were gone. Great, now I’m hallucinating. Gavin’s words haunted her, “I don’t believe in coincidence.” But it could not have been Kari with that woman.

  A hand on her shoulder startled her. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “I thought I saw someone I know, but it’s not possible. She’s in California.”

  “Ashley?”

  “No, someone else.” She stood. “You ready for dinner? My treat, pick an expensive place. We’ll celebrate.”

  “What are we celebrating?”

  “A new beginning.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  “I don’t agree, but then, you’re the boss.” Barrett Haygood scowled down at Jenny.

  She stood and leaned across her desk to meet him eye-to-eye. “Yes. And as such, I have the final say. Are we finished here?”

  “At least Ashley listened to creative suggestions,” he insisted.

  “Barrett, it would be good for you to accept the fact that I am not Ashley. I will do this job my way.”

  “That explains a lot,” he mumbled.

  “What did you say?” Anger heated her chest. She had about had it with Barrett and his untiring efforts to undermine her.

  He glared at her with no verbal response.

  “We’re moving this company into a new era in publishing, and I cannot afford to have anyone on my staff who is deliberately trying to hold us back. You have a choice—either adapt to the changes or look for a company where you might be more comfortable.”

  “Are you threatening me?”

  She met him with a steady gaze, pressing both palms down on her desk to steady herself. “No. I’m putting you on notice that I will no longer tolerate your derision and public criticism. I’m telling you how it’s going to be around here and giving you a choice. You may want to think about it.”