Act of Contrition

by Linda Rettstatt

  She stretched, stood with him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I love you, Patrick Doyle.”

  “I love you, too.” He kissed her again and she pressed her body to his.

  Patrick backed her against the door.

  Jenny slid a hand between their bodies and felt the heat of his chest. “I thought you had to leave.”

  He smiled. “I have enough time.”

  Jenny sighed. “Yes, and we both know time isn’t the issue. I need to take this slow.” She patted his chest with both hands. “Go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Give Kari a kiss for me. Tell her I can’t wait to see her. Soon, I hope.”

  “I will.” One more heated kiss and then he opened the door and strode to the elevator. Jenny waited until the elevator whooshed closed before going back inside the apartment. Her first instinct was to call Ashley, but she wanted to sleep—as if that would be possible—on what had transpired. She had taken a leap across the chasm that had fractured her life. She hadn’t fallen into the abyss.

  She had made it to the other side.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  The drive to Miley’s Cove was not without tension. As they traveled north, snow blanketed the fields and dusted the roads. By the time they reached Jenny’s cottage at noon, a white crust of frozen precipitation framed the windshield.

  “It’s starting to freeze. I’d better run into town and get some groceries,” Patrick said. “You and Kari go inside and get the heat going.” He deposited their bags on the front porch.

  “Be careful,” Jenny said, standing on tiptoe to kiss him.

  “Don’t worry. I have all wheel drive in your SUV. I’ll be back soon. I just hope everything isn’t closed already.” He climbed back into the SUV and carefully backed out of the driveway.

  Jenny ushered Kari inside and then lugged the suitcases in behind her. “Let’s get the heat on and a fire going. Then I’ll make some hot chocolate. How does that sound?”

  “Good. Is my daddy coming back?”

  “Yes, he is. He just went to the grocery store. Keep your jacket on until it warms up in here, okay?”

  “Okay. Can I see my bedroom?”

  “Sure. It’s at the end of the hall on the right side. It’s all pink.”

  Kari raced down the hall. She returned a few moments later hugging the stuffed whale. “Where’s my daddy going to sleep?”

  Jenny hadn’t considered the sleeping arrangements when she and Patrick decided it would be easier to just open up one house than for him to open his house up, too. “Uh, maybe he’ll sleep on the sofa out here.”

  Kari stared at the sofa. “He’s too long. He won’t fit.”

  “Then he can sleep in my room, and I’ll sleep out here.”

  “Your bed’s big. He could sleep there, too.”

  Jenny coughed as she felt a flush spread up her neck.

  “Or maybe you and I can sleep in the big bed, and your daddy can have the other room.”

  Kari giggled. “He can’t sleep there. It’s all pink, and he’s a boy.”

  Jenny’s cell phone rang and she looked at the screen. The call was coming from Patrick. Her heart slammed in her chest. “Patrick, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, unless you absolutely have to have a turkey for Thanksgiving. I can only get chicken. Will that do?”

  “You scared me to death. I thought you’d had an accident. I guess I should have shopped and brought food with us.”

  “Sorry, sweetie. I’ll go with the chicken and be home in a few minutes.”

  Home. Patrick was coming home to her.

  ****

  “Is she asleep?” Jenny asked.

  “Out cold.”

  Jenny deposited blankets and a pillow on the couch. “I’ll sleep out here. You take the bed.”

  He reached for her. “I have a better idea.”

  “I’m sure you do, but Kari’s right across the hall.”

  “That’s why bedroom doors have locks. Trust me, she won’t be awake before six or six-thirty.”

  Jenny wanted nothing more than to curl up next to him in her bed, make love with him, sleep with him.

  “We’re going to be a family together, Jenny. This isn’t a one-night stand or some stolen weekend. If that’s all it was, I would never have brought Kari with us.”

  “I know. I want to be with you more than anything.”

  He took her hand. “Then let’s stop talking and go to bed.”

  ****

  Patrick stirred next to her, pulling her closer. His eyelids fluttered in the soft light and he smiled at her. “Good morning.”

  “Morning.” She shifted and snuggled in under his chin. The warmth of his body radiated into hers sending a ripple of desire through her.

  He rubbed his hand along her bare arm. “Did you sleep?”

  “Yes. Did you?”

  “On and off.”

  She pulled away and glanced up at his face. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

  His eyes locked on hers. “Because I was watching you.” He traced a fingertip over her lips. “You smile in your sleep.”

  “Really? I don’t remember dreaming.”

  “Maybe I put that smile on your face, then.” He grinned . “Jenny, look at me.”

  She tilted her face up to his.

  “Will you marry me?”

  She was certain her heart came to a screeching stop for a second. “M-Marry you?”

  “I know this isn’t how we’d planned it, but…”

  She pressed a finger to his mouth to silence him. “Yes.”

  He rolled onto his back, hauling her with him, wrapping his arms around her.

  She lowered her lips to his. “On one condition.”

  He lifted an eyebrow and waited.

  “Promise me we’ll always be honest with each other no matter how much it might hurt. And we’ll never go to bed angry.”

  “I promise. But only if you promise not to take on the responsibility of every disagreement we’ll have. And I’m sure we’ll have a few. We always did.”

  She steadied her eyes on his. “I love you, Patrick Doyle.”

  He sat up abruptly, dropping her back onto the bed. “Come on, we’re driving to Portland.”

  “Portland? What for?”

  “We need to go shopping.” He stood and stretched, oblivious to his nakedness.

  “You suddenly want to drive all the way down to Portland in this weather to shop. And on the day after Thanksgiving? What’s the big emergency?” she asked, reluctantly climbing out of the warm bed.

  He lifted her left hand and kissed her ring finger. “A ring. We need an engagement ring.”

  She drank in the length of him from head to toe. “Are you thinking of getting dressed first?”

  He took hold of her hand and tugged. “A shower, then we dress. We’ll get something to eat along the way.”

  “I’m not showering with you. What if Kari wakes up and needs to use the bathroom?”

  “Good point. I’m surprised she’s not already up.”

  Jenny cracked open the bedroom door and peered across the hall. The twin bed in her childhood room stood empty. “She’s not there. You shower. I’ll go and see what she’s up to.”

  Jenny tugged a flannel nightgown over her head and located her robe and slippers. She tiptoed into the living room where she found Kari, snuggled in the blankets on the sofa and talking with her doll, Baby Zenny. “And maybe Jenny will live with us in Boston, too. She could be our mommy.”

  The words wrapped around Jenny’s heart like a tiny fist.

  ****

  When Patrick, Jenny and Kari walked into the diner for dinner that evening, Jenny held out her left hand and Shelly squealed. “Oh, my God. You two are full of surprises. How did this happen?”

  Jenny grinned. “We both ended up in Boston and, well, it’s a long story. We drove up here for Thanksgiving and Patrick proposed.”

  “This calls for a celebration. How long are you staying?”

  “We’r
e driving back on Sunday.”

  “Good, then that leaves tomorrow night. Be here at the diner at seven for an engagement party. I’ll introduce Kari to my girls.”

  “Thank you. Isn’t that short notice?”

  Shelly rolled her eyes. “It’s late November in Miley’s Cove. What else do people have to do on a snowy Saturday night?”

  “I’d forgotten about that.”

  “Now, you three settle in a booth and I’ll get your dinner orders.” As Shelly headed back to the kitchen, she called out, “Party here tomorrow night to celebrate Patrick and Jenny’s engagement. Tell everyone you know.”

  Heads turned, faces smiled, and hands applauded. Kari grinned and took a bow.

  ****

  Before the party was over, it seemed every resident of Miley’s Cove had stopped by to wish Patrick and Jenny the best.

  Mack Grogan hobbled over to Jenny and hugged her. “Your grandparents would be so happy for you today. I’m sorry they can’t be here to tell you that themselves.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Grogan. But I think they are here. Look at all these people, so many of them friends of Grandma and Grandpa. Miley’s Cove is my home, my family.” Her eyes stung with tears.

  “I’m glad you feel that way, Jenny. I promised your Grandpa I’d look after you and your grandmother. I guess I didn’t do such a good job.”

  She stood on her toes and kissed his scraggly cheek. “You did a fine job. When Grandma was in the nursing home, you visited her almost every day. I know, because the nurses told me. And when I came back here after the accident, you didn’t treat me like a criminal or an outcast. I can’t tell you what that meant.”

  He patted her back. “You just go and be happy with Patrick and that little girl. That’s what your grandparents would want for you now.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Grogan.”

  He grinned. “You think you could call me Mack?”

  “Okay, Mack. I’ll see you when Patrick and I come back for a visit.”

  Shelly came over and nodded to the corner booth where Kari played with her girls. “They asked me if Kari could stay over tonight.”

  “What did Kari say?”

  “She’s already asking Patrick.”

  Patrick kissed his daughter’s cheek, then joined Jenny and Shelly. “Are you sure you want another kid for the night?”

  “Hey, what’s one more? They’ll have fun, and that’ll give you time alone to celebrate, if you know what I mean.”

  “Come on.” Jenny tugged on Patrick’s hand.

  “Where are we going?”

  “I thought we’d take a run out to Grover’s Point and fog up the car windows.” She winked at him.

  He grinned, then put an open hand to his mouth and shouted, “Thanks, everyone. We have to be going.”

  Jenny laughed. The feel of the action was still foreign to her. But at least now, when a smile tugged at her lips or a laugh escaped her, she didn’t swallow it with shame. She was, she believed, going to be okay.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Absolution: Forgiveness. Pardon. Release. Freedom. Liberty.

  Jenny gazed out the kitchen window of the Dutch Colonial she and Patrick had bought in the Boston suburb of Quincy. In the enclosed backyard, Kari raced around, shrieking with delight as her new Golden Retriever puppy yipped at her heels.

  Patrick entered the kitchen, snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her close. He nuzzled her neck where the scar had been. Pre-wedding surgery left only a thin white line in her flesh. “What’cha doin’, Mrs. Doyle?”

  “Baking cookies.”

  He reached over her shoulder and snatched a warm cookie from the plate on the counter. “Mmm, this is good.”

  She turned in his arms. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. You’ve become quite a cook.”

  She laughed. “Not for the cookie. For…everything. All of this—the house, our family.”

  He pressed a palm to her flat belly. “Our growing family.”

  Jenny placed her hand over his. “I was worried this was too soon. We’ve only been married for six weeks. I can’t believe I got pregnant on our honeymoon. Probably the first night. But Tuscany was so romantic.”

  “Tuscany? What about me? I’m romantic.” He wrapped her in his arms. “And I’m not surprised at all. Not too soon for me.”

  She leaned her head on his shoulder, snuggling into his embrace. “Me, either.”

  Kari burst through the kitchen door, the puppy right behind. “Can me and Buddy have a snack?” she asked, clambering up onto a chair.

  “Sure. I made peanut butter cookies. You want to wash your hands?”

  “Okay.” Kari scrambled down and raced to the powder room. The puppy yipped and followed.

  “If she’s like this since she got the puppy, what’s she going to be like when we tell her about the baby?” Patrick asked.

  “I think she’ll still be more excited about the puppy, at least until the baby’s here.” Jenny poured three glasses of milk and carried them to the table, then set the plate of cookies in the center.

  Patrick placed a few puppy treats on the floor beside his chair and Buddy skidded to a stop when he smelled them. “Come on Bud. Us guys have to stick together.”

  Jenny picked up a cookie, took one sniff, then set it down again. “Excuse me.” She hurried to the powder room. Morning sickness had kicked in two days earlier.

  When she returned to the kitchen, Patrick stared with concern. “You okay?”

  She nodded. “I’m fine. But I think I’ll pass on a snack for now.” She pushed away the glass of milk and swallowed hard.

  Kari polished off two cookies and drained her glass of milk, wiping away the white mustache with the napkin Patrick handed to her. “Did you know Sydney has two daddies?”

  “I didn’t know that,” Patrick said.

  “Yeah. She calls her first one Daddy. But she calls Mr. Dyer—the one she and her mom live with—Dad.” Kari furrowed her dark eyebrows and looked at Jenny. “So maybe, because I already have a Mama, I could call you Mom instead of Jenny?”

  Jenny’s throat constricted and tears stung her eyes. She crossed the kitchen and cupped Kari’s face in her hands. “Oh, sweetie. You sure can call me Mom.” As she bent to kiss Kari’s cheek, Patrick caressed her back with his warm hand.

  Kari looked up at her. “Why are you crying?”

  Wiping away a tear, Jenny said, “Because I’m happy.” She straightened and smiled at Patrick. “I’m so very happy.”

  ****

  Jenny and Patrick had fallen into an easy rhythm in the weeks since they had moved into the new house. With both working in Boston, they usually commuted together. Patrick would drop Jenny off at her office, deliver Kari to Angie for the day, then go on to his work. Once school started, they would have to adjust their schedules so one of them could leave work early to pick up Kari from kindergarten.

  The late spring day offered bright sunshine and a gentle breeze off the harbor. Jenny exited the office building and hailed a taxi. She and Patrick had agreed to wait at least another four weeks before telling everyone about the baby. But Jenny couldn’t help herself. There was one person she needed to talk to.

  Gavin smiled when he opened the door. “Well, look who’s on my doorstep. The new Mrs. Doyle.”

  “Hi, Gavin. Are you busy?”

  He stepped back to let her enter. “Never too busy for you.” He closed the door and gave her a hug. “How are you?”

  “I’m great. And I have some news.”

  “Come in. If you had called earlier, we could have had lunch.”

  “Yeah, my appetite’s a little off these days.” She followed him into the sitting room.

  “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine. I have something I’m dying to share even though Patrick and I agreed to keep it a secret a bit longer. But, you’re my confessor, so I figured I could tell you.”

  “Is this where I need to be serious? Is this a confession?
”

  “Not exactly. Just private.” She sat and smiled up at him. “You’re not going to believe this. I’m pregnant.”

  “Wow. That’s wonderful news.” He sat opposite her. “Isn’t it?”

  Jenny nodded. “It is. I have to admit that, at first, I panicked. But then I realized that this baby is part of a new beginning. You know I don’t believe in signs or fate or God engineering my life.”

  He smirked. “Of course not.”

  She turned the white gold and diamond band on her left hand. “I am starting to think there may be something to this whole idea of destiny, though.”

  Gavin lifted an eyebrow. “Are you saying you’re having doubts about your doubts?”

  She laughed. “That’s one way to put it.” She took in a breath and exhaled. “I’ve believed that my being happy since the accident was a betrayal of Matt and Cooper. Especially Cooper. I feel sad when I think of my son being taken from me so soon.”

  “Of course, you feel sad. It’s a terrible loss.”

  Jenny nodded. “When I found out about this baby, I was so excited. And I thought about Cooper and how many times he asked when he would have a brother or sister to play with. Now Kari and this baby will have to get know Cooper through me. He’ll always be alive in my heart and my memories.”

  Gavin sat back in his chair, listening.

  “I know you believe that God has a plan for each of us and that we’re led through life with the intention of fulfilling that plan. Well, I’ve never thought that way.” She looked at him. “I can’t believe in a God that would take an eight-year-old from his mother just so she could be with someone else. That makes no sense. So, maybe God isn’t so much in control of everything as we’d like to think?”

  “How so?”

  “Maybe accidents do happen.” She leaned forward, resting her forearms on her knees, stretching out her open hands. “I’ve tried to make sense of so much in the past year and a half. Why I couldn’t make my marriage to Matt work. Why Cooper had to die so young. What if I hadn’t come to Greta’s dinner party and I’d never have met you? Why didn’t I die in Penobscot Bay after weeks of wishing I was dead? That’s the one thing that puzzles me the most. Why didn’t I die? If not from drowning, from hypothermia? Why was Patrick there that day to save me?”