by Jordan Marie
“Do it,” I tell him. I would like to do it myself, but I can’t leave Diesel. I’m going to watch his back until there’s nothing left to watch.
“You got it, man,” Gunner says.
I nod, walking by him and Rebel and ring the intercom. They let me back into the private section of the ICU without delay. I ignore the nurses, doctors and anyone I pass. I go straight to my brother’s room.
It fucking hurts to see him like this. There’s a nurse there, sponging him off and I frown. Diesel would enjoy that any other time. Maybe… I got a feeling Rory McDaniels might be a game changer.
“Mr. Dawson,” the nurse says, looking nervous.
“Can I have a moment alone with my brother?” I ask, but my tone makes it sound like anything other than a question.
She gathers her pan and supplies, then hurries out of the room without responding. I pull up a seat and lean down to look at my brother. The doctor’s explained that he had lost so much blood and his body had been through so much trauma being out in the elements that he slipped into a coma. He could lay like this forever. There’s brain activity, but with each day that passes…
There are two things that I know about Diesel. He loves his son more than anything in this world and he wouldn’t want to continue to live like this. Those two things keep warring in my head.
I reach down and grab my brother’s hand, clearing my throat.
“Diesel,” I start, wondering how in the hell to talk to a man who probably can’t even hear me. I ignore the urge to feel like a dumbass and push through. “Years ago, you had my back when I desperately needed it. You helped me start over, you helped my woman heal. I owe you the world man and right now…” I stop, raking my hand through my hair. “Fuck, man,” I growl. “Right now, I just don’t know how to help you. I’ve found your son and I think this Rory means something to you and I’ve found her too. I’m going to bring them to you, man. I’m going to do that, but there’s something you have to do. Diesel… Christ.” I stumble over the words, each one getting harder to say than the others. I take a breath and start again. “Brother, I can’t imagine what you’ve been through and I don’t know how you survived, but you did survive. You fought for a reason and brother… I know it sucks, but you need to keep fighting. You need to reach deep and see if you want to keep fighting; be here for Ryan and maybe for something more with your woman. I’m at a loss man. There’s nothing more I can do, other than get revenge on the fucker that put you here and I will do that. I swear to God man that I’m going to do that. He will not continue breathing air, his death is all but mine. But, you have to decide if you want to keep fighting and come back to us. After Ryan sees you… I’m going to let the doctors begin to unhook you. Son of a bitch, I don’t want to do that. I really don’t. But, I know you being tied to machines to breathe, to eat… to fucking piss… that’s not what you want. That’s not how you want to go down. So, I’m doing that for you too. If you’re in there somewhere man,” I tell him, squeezing his damn hand and choking on tears that I refuse to fucking shed. “If you’re in there… I need you to fight. Dani and I, brother, we will take care of Ryan and you know me, brother. That kid will not want for a single thing. Anything I can physically give him, I will. You know that, too. But he’s going to miss you every damn day of his life. He’s going to need you. You feel comfortable leaving him to me, I will try to fill that void. I swear to fucking God man that I will do my best,” I tell him, pain and anger warring inside of me.
I guess I hoped my speech would reach him. That he would somehow show me that he was alive in there. I get nothing but the sounds of the equipment that’s keeping him alive.
I get nothing.
I stand up with a sigh and remember one last thing. I’m flying in the dark on this issue, but I need to say it just in case he can hear me… Just in case this helps bring him closure too.
“I don’t know what this Rory means to you, but I promise I’ll protect her too and make sure she’s good and out of King’s reach. She seems like a good woman and you should know she’s been through hell to protect Ryan. I wasn’t there, but there’s an FBI guy involved and he seems to… really admire her. Hell, I think the man might be half in love with her. He’s been trying to help her and he’s told me some of it. You need to know that I’ll keep her safe and see she’s good to live free and without the shadow of King hurting her anymore. So, if you’re worried about her… you don’t have to be.”
Silence.
I rub my jaw and then my chin as I walk to the door. Disappointed I can’t just have a conversation with Diesel… hurting that I can’t just laugh and shoot the shit with him… even if it’s one more time. Pissed off that I’m making decisions a brother never wants to make about one of his own and hating that I can’t just fix it all.
“Love you brother. You know that, too, I guess. But, I never said it and I need to even if you can’t hear me, man. Only been a handful of people in my life I’d die for. Right now, I’d fucking take your place if I could.”
With those words I leave the room. I walk out and I go through to the waiting room. I do that not looking at Gun or Rebel.
“Crush?” I hear one of them ask and I’m not even sure which.
“Going to get some coffee,” I growl, my voice hoarse with unshed tears and sadness so deep it will never leave me.
Fuck.
15
Rory
“Am I really going to get to talk to Daddy?” Ryan asks for like the hundredth time. I grin just like I have every single time so far. I love that he’s so happy. I can’t begin to explain what I am feeling. Noah is alive. We didn’t end with a good note. He thinks I’m a liar… or a cheater… I guess technically both. He broke my heart and I’m done with letting men hurt me. I was done before but after the hell Ryan and I have lived through I’m really done. I’ll never let myself get put in that position again. I’m done. Still, that doesn’t mean knowing that Noah is alive doesn’t mean the world to me. I may be done, but I love him. I’m pretty sure I’ll always love him…which probably makes me stupid.
“Yes, baby. We’ll call him in just a little bit, I promise. First, you have to eat some dinner. What would you like?”
“Hot dog with ketchup and French fries?” he asks hopefully.
“I think we can do that,” I tell him, reaching over the table to ruffle his hair. When the waitress comes over I order Ryan’s food and order a bowl of soup and a soda for me. I’m still not eating great these days. I’ve lost weight… too much… but I can’t seem to stop myself.
We’re at the diner where I work. I just got off work about an hour ago and picked Ryan up at the local daycare that a church runs here. The woman’s shelter here put me in touch with them and they’ve been a Godsend. Without them, there’s no way I could leave Ryan and work. I have to work, I just get paid tips really, but it’s enough. We can leave for the next town soon. I can go to Tennessee and drop Ryan off with Noah and then maybe make my way to Mexico. I’ve been looking through travel brochures someone had left at the diner and I’ve been thinking maybe the safest place to be would be Brazil? Rio? Crap I don’t know, just somewhere far away and anywhere that King or his stepbrother—I’m never claiming either as a brother—can’t find me.
“Rory? You okay?” Ryan asks.
I bring my attention back to him… having been too lost in my thoughts. I’ve not dealt with everything that’s happened. I haven’t allowed myself the time.
Agent Lodge did help me find a doctor and called ahead for me so I wouldn’t have to give them any information. I don’t know how he managed that, but I was glad he did.
I lost my baby.
Those words still don’t sound real to me.
It was barely more than a promise. I can’t call it a he or a she… I have no idea if it would have been a beautiful little boy like Ryan or a sweet little girl.
No. Idea.
None.
I’ll never get to hold my child. I’ll never get to sin
g to it, to nurse it, to watch it grow. I’ll never hear its laugh, its cry, or hear it say… momma…
“Rory?” Ryan asks.
I look up startled. I quickly take a breath and wipe one of the tears that is starting to leak from the corner of my eye.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Are you okay? Are you still hurting?” he asks, his question innocent—but still painful for me to answer. Mostly because I hate how much I’ve been lying to Ryan lately. He’s got to be protected though.
He has to be.
“I’m fine, Ryan. I promise. Not hurting at all anymore,” I tell him.
“Good,” he grins. I smile back, because I can’t stop myself. When Ryan smiles the world is just better.
He reaches over and grabs my hand and I know what he has in mind before he even starts. Our fingers lock and his little thumb comes up moving around mine.
“Hmmm,” I laugh.
“One, two, three, four! I declare a thumb war!” he announces and I go along. I let him trap my thumb once and then pull it away before he can begin his count. I do this a couple of times and his face becomes a mask of concentration. He even bites his little lip, his eyes narrowing on our hands. I let him capture my thumb. He releases his lip and smiles so big it would almost have to be painful. “I won!” he cheers, like he just won a gold medal in the Olympics.
“Darn it! I suck,” I grumble, sounding disappointed.
“You do, but don’t feel bad. Girls aren’t as good at sports as boys.”
“Is that a fact?” I ask, my eyebrows going up.
“It is. Boys have more muscles. That’s why we have to protect you.”
Spoken like a little boy who grew up around nothing but men. I smile wishing my life could have been so simple, not that I ever wanted someone to protect me. Still, having what I got instead… is so….
I don’t really have the words in my vocabulary to describe it.
“Although, I didn’t protect you. You got hurt because of me,” Ryan whispers, his eyes getting lost. Sometimes I forget he has his own memories now and they are memories a child should never have. He’s completely blocked his mother from his memory and I haven’t brought it up, just because I don’t know how. Eventually we’ll both have to deal with it though… or I guess he and his father will… I won’t be in the picture.
“Stop that Ryan, you did the best you could. Don’t you remember how you put a cloth to my head when I was out and how you stayed with me?”
“He hit you because of me Rory. I should have let him hit me. Dad will be disappointed in me.”
“He will not. Your father will be so proud of you, Ryan.”
“He will?” Ryan asks.
“Definitely and I’m sure he will tell you that when we call today.”
“I really want to hear his voice, Rory. I was scared… he was…. you know…” Ryan says, proving he’s smarter than anyone has ever given him credit for.
“I know,” I tell him and I lean over to kiss the top of his head. “But he’s not, and your Daddy will be really proud of you.”
“That I can definitely agree with,” a man’s voice says from beside the table.
Shit! Some protective adult I am. I didn’t even notice the guy coming back to us. I jerk up, but keep my hands tight on Ryan. My gaze travels up the length of the man and my eyes go wide.
He’s tall, maybe even taller than Noah. He’s also powerfully built, his shoulders wide and his biceps so wide that they stretch the blue checked, flannel shirt he’s wearing. His hair is cut short, his arms that I can see and his fingers are covered in ink. He has a black leather vest on with Savage MC written under the word Dragon and then President. He has a couple rings on and the silver gleams against his milk chocolate skin.
“Uncle Dragon!” Ryan squeals and my body jerks. Ryan obviously knows this man—and likes him. I pick up the silverware the waitress left, wondering if the butter knife will be any sort of weapon against this man, figuring it won’t, but needing something.
Dragon—which I figure is a road name much like Diesel, reaches over and plucks Ryan up from his seat and the boy immediately wraps his arms around the man’s neck and holds on. I’ve managed to unroll the silverware and now have the butter knife in my hand like a weapon.
“Hey, pipsqueak, how you doin’?”
“I’m not a pipsqueak!” Ryan grumbles. “Where’s Dom and Thomas!?!?!”
“You’ll see them in a bit and Nic is making you some chocolate chip cookies.”
“Yessss!” Ryan answers, the excitement clear on his face.
Until this moment, I had thought of Ryan and I as a team against the world. I didn’t do it consciously, but I did it just the same. Right now, it’s almost painful to see him happy with someone else. I hate myself for that feeling and it probably says I’m a horrible person—but the feeling is there just the same.
“You don’t want to do that, Rory,” Dragon says, his deep voice gentle but serious. He puts his hand on mine. I look at my hand, clutching the knife so tight my fingers are bone-white. Dragon’s much darker hand over mine and it’s beautiful in the way it looks, the roughness of it and the ink covering it. I slowly drag my eyes away from it and back to his face.
“I don’t?”
“You don’t know me, but I promise you right now that you’re safe and that Ryan is safe.”
I clear my throat. I want to believe him and something about him makes me feel like I should, but…
“Noah, didn’t trust his own men. If he did, he would have never taken Ryan to Montana on his own,” I tell him.
“I’m not one of his men,” Dragon argues.
“You’re not?”
“I’m family,” he says.
I frown.
“Yeah, Rory! Dragon’s family! He’ll take us back home. Won’t you, Dragon?”
“Well, I’ll take you to my place, but then I’ll make sure you get to Uncle Crusher and your Dad. How’s that?”
“I’ll get to see my Dad?” Ryan cries, his whole body vibrating with happiness. Even then, I don’t let go of the knife. Dragon has let go of my hand, however.
“You will,” Dragon answers, but he turns to me. “Babe, you really think that’s going to do some damage?” he asks, his lips spreading into a slow smile that… to be honest, had I not sworn off men would warm me clean through.
I frown at him and grumble under my breath, but I do it dropping the knife loudly on the table.
“Ryan needs to eat.”
“Rory—” Ryan whines.
“Especially, before chocolate chip cookies,” I respond, narrowing my eyes at him.
Dragon surprisingly laughs.
“Then I guess you better eat, little buddy,” he says and he helps Ryan down into the seat beside me. I scoot over immediately. I’m shocked Dragon put him beside me, but I do feel safer with Ryan closer. Then, Dragon slides in on the opposite side. I’m not sure how the mountain of man fits in the small booth, but he does it smoothly. The waitress brings our food and the vegetable soup I wasn’t crazy about eating before, is something I really don’t want now.
“That all you eating, woman?”
“I’m not really hungry,” I mutter.
“Didn’t know you before, but seems to me those clothes you have on are hanging off of you.”
“I like my clothes loose,” I mutter.
“Right.”
“She’s been sick, Uncle Dragon,” Ryan supplies helpfully.
“Eat, Ryan,” I mutter, wanting to shut him up before he says more than I want to Dragon.
“She has?” Dragon questions and his eyes move over me and I get the feeling he doesn’t miss much.
“Yeah. The monster got mad cause I wouldn’t call him Daddy and he wanted to punish me. Rory wouldn’t let him, so he gave her my punishment.”
“Ryan, eat.” I tell him, to get him to shut up.
“Dad will be disappointed in me,” Ryan says and his lip trembles and it’s as if now that someone he t
rusts is close to take care of us, he lets the emotion he’s bottled up loose a little more. He flings himself in my arms and holds me tight, his body shaking as he cries.
“Ryan, honey,” I whisper, holding him tight, using my hand to slide back and forth on his back, wanting to comfort him. I close my eyes, hating the pain we’re both dealing with.
“I’m sorry, Rory,” he says, his voice muffled. “I’m sorry I got you hurt,” he cries.
“You didn’t get me hurt, Ryan. You’re not to blame for any of this,” I whisper, my eyes still shut tight. My own tears are falling now, although mine are silent compared to Ryan’s sobs.
“He hurt you because of me,” he whispers. “He made you bleed, Rory,” he mutters into my neck.
“But I’m okay now,” I tell him, trying to lock down the emotion. “I’m okay and you get to go home to your Daddy. It’s okay now, Ryan.”
I slowly open my eyes and I do it to see Dragon staring at me. His face is somewhat blurry through my tears, but his face is intense and heated.
“Were you bringing Ryan home?” Dragon asks, surprising me.
“I… uh well… not really,” I tell him. “I didn’t know Ryan had a home that I could trust. I was giving Mr. Dawson a chance and if I found I could trust him, I was going to take Ryan to him…” I mumble.
Ryan pulls away, getting my attention. We look at each other, and I use the back of my hand to wipe my tears away and then the tips of my fingers to do Ryan’s—which have finally slowed.
“No more tears, baby. We’re okay now and soon you’ll have your Daddy.”
“No more tears,” Ryan says. “I love you, Rory.”
“I love you too, baby,” I tell him, kissing his forehead. “Now you eat so you can have some cookies,” I tell him.
“Okay,” he agrees and then slides from my lap. This emotional outburst might be done, but I know it won’t be the last.
“How far are we away from your home… umm… Dragon?”
“About twenty minutes,” he says and my eyes dilate while I gasp.
“Twenty minutes?”
“Yep,” Dragon says with a lazy grin.