by Jordan Marie
“I grieved that I wouldn’t have the chance to fix what was between us and I knew that you were the only one I could trust with my son. I told him to go to you. To you, Rory. Does that sound like a man who didn’t care about you, or trust you?”
“Maybe, or maybe you were just a man who didn’t have many options,” she reasons.
“You can believe that if you want, Gorgeous. But I’m telling you right now that I was a man saying goodbye to the two things in his life that he loved. You might not have been there, but I’m standing here right now, and I’m telling you that was exactly what I was doing. I might have fucked up, Rory. I get that. You might need time to trust this change in me and trust me when I tell you, Gorgeous, I fucking get that. But, you have to give me a chance to prove it to you. You have to.”
“Why, Noah? Why do I have to?” she asks, quietly.
“Because I fought to come back to you, Rory. I fought to come back and I’m going to fight for you now and I’m not giving up.”
“Noah.”
“I’m not giving up. I had a taste of life without you Rory and I never want to fucking experience that again. I’m not letting you go.”
I give her that vow. I let her stare at me and I can feel her pulse beating harshly against my hand. Before she can respond—possibly to tell me to go fuck myself—I lean in deeper and I take her mouth.
Maybe I surprised her, but she doesn’t close her mouth from me. She opens for my kiss right away. My tongue sweeps in, seeking her. I moan at the familiar taste of her, the heat of her mouth, the sweet depths that I thought I might never taste again. Her tongue comes up shyly to touch mine and I tangle mine with hers. The kiss deepens and I swallow her groan, as her fingers tangle into my hair and she pulls me to her. Our tongues war with one another, our mouths biting at each other as we let our hunger take over and make up for the months we’ve been apart.
“Rory, baby,” I groan, when we break apart just enough to take a breath, before I immediately claim her mouth again.
“Daddy?” Ryan’s voice intrudes, just as my hand moves down to cup Rory’s breast. I squeeze, cursing under my breath as I pull away just enough to look into Rory’s confused face. I see hunger in her gaze though, and for now that’s enough. I squeeze her breast again and even with the sheet and her pajama top between, I still feel her hardened nipple press against my palm.
“Hey sleepyhead,” I respond, forcing myself to let Rory go and face my son.
“You were kissing Rory,” he says.
“Yeah, I was,” I tell him, hearing Rory take in a shuddering breath.
“You two like each other again?” Ryan asks, proving my son is more observant than anyone gives him credit for—including myself.
“God, I hope so,” I whisper, watching as Rory bites on her bottom lip, studying me.
“Cool. Are we going to have breakfast together? I can help Rory make blueberry pancakes,” he says and Rory’s gaze doesn’t leave mine. I grin, she does too—although much more cautiously.
“I could use some pancakes,” I answer.
“Yes!” Ryan answers. “Right on!”
“Right on,” I murmur quietly, letting my lips touch Rory’s again quickly before I pull back and we let Ryan take over our morning. I don’t know what’s going through her mind, but I’ve gotten through to her—at least a little—and damn if I’m not going to build on that.
I’m not letting her go again.
36
Rory
“Don’t you ever feel like grabbing one of those bitches by their stringy hair and slamming their face into a wall?” I mutter over my drink as I see another woman with a loose t-shirt that hangs off her shoulder and a G-string—and yes, that’s all she’s wearing—lean over Diesel, giggling. He’s been ignoring them all and this one in particular he gives what I’ve come to call “the look”. It’s designed to make a woman cold clean through, and if you’re smart, it will make you run. I don’t know how intelligent this woman is, but she does leave and I sigh. Diesel looks over at me and gives me a small smile. I don’t fully return it, but I give a tight one in return. I’m still sorting my way through my head.
Diesel gave me his speech two days ago. He made a lot of valid points and I can’t discount them. Still, I can’t let myself trust him again—not right now. I’m trying, but I’m a mess inside and I am not sure the man won’t turn cold again at the drop of a hat. He’s giving me space. We spend time together—although Ryan is always there. He hasn’t tried to kiss me again which I’m glad for, but also a little sad about.
I’m definitely a mess.
“I ignore them. They’re just club candy,” Torrent says staring at her lemonade and then back at my beer longingly.
“They’re sluts,” I grumble. “And, it’s not that I’m into shaming women. They do them, I do me—normally. But these bitches are all barely dressed. What is with the white t-shirts, no bras, and thongs? Is that like a uniform for them? I swear I’d have to fumigate a seat before I put my ass where they are.”
Torrent laughs. “The boys get randy often, they want easy access,” she laughs and at that thought I want to hurl.
“Here we go ladies, Fireball for me and Rory and a Sprite with cherry juice, sans vodka for Tori,” Dani says, coming behind us.
“Gee thanks,” Torrent grumbles and despite the fact I wish I was in her shoes, I giggle.
“I should probably have what Torrent is having,” I say with a sigh. “I’m not sure a shot of Fireball is something I should do. Honestly, that might loosen me up enough so I go over there and beat that bitch up with those fake boobs she keeps trying to rub in Diesel’s face. I’m pretty sure I can slam her face into her own boobs and her head will bounce like it’s on a damn trampoline for hours,” I grumble.
Dani snorts and Torrent laughs so hard that she almost chokes on her drink.
“That would be Connie the Cunt,” Dani says, sitting down and putting a couple of bottles of beer within our reach. Apparently, her job is to keep me in drinks and shots. If I have to sit and watch this much more, I’m going to need plenty of both. “She makes it her mission in life to be with every Savage Brother ever to wear a cut. It doesn’t matter if they’re a prospect or not. She wants them all. For some reason she thinks being with all of them will make her the head twinkie.”
“Twinkie?” I ask, finally pulling my gaze away from Diesel now that there’s no woman trying to smother him with her tits.
“That’s what they call club girls in the Savage family. All fluff and cream, no substance for a man.”
“Christ, did you have to say cream?” Torrent complains her face curling in distaste. Dani flips her off.
“Seriously though a few men have taken twinkies as their old ladies in Kentucky, but those girls weren’t bitches. They were good women who knew what they wanted and took it and enjoyed the ride. These chicks? All twinkie,” Dani mutters.
“I’ll never buy another box of those at the damn store again,” I moan.
“Now you’re sounding like Nic, Dragon’s old lady. She once smashed a whole box of that shit on the table and left it for Dragon to find. It was kind of epic, even if she probably didn’t mean for him to see it,” Dani laughs.
“Nicole seems so sweet and a total mom to everyone, I can’t imagine that,” I tell Dani. She smiles.
“She’s happy and safe with Dragon and knows it, but trust me, when she lets her hair down you’ll see it.”
I shrug, thinking it’s doubtful I’ll be around to see it—which is kind of sad. I’d like the chance to get to know her without having a meltdown.
“Club candy is kind of a necessity in club life. Our men aren’t like others. They deal with some tough shit, they have their own laws and they do shit other men couldn’t live with. It takes a special kind of man to live this life. They have a lot of pent up energy. Like it or not the club girls help work that off,” she says.
“Spoken like a woman who grew up in the life,” Dani says with a smirk
. Torrent just shrugs.
“Whatever,” I grumble around my beer, before sitting it down hard on the table. “I’m just an outsider, but from where I’m sitting, I think it’s just grown men having an excuse for a ready-made harem.” My eyes go to Fury and Scorpion who have no less than five girls climbing all over them and when I say climbing—it’s dark in their corner but you can tell the things they are doing are definitely X-rated. “Or orgy,” I add after seeing that, looking down at my beer.
I don’t like anything to do with the women, which is probably just another sign that I don’t belong in Diesel’s world. All I can think in my head is that all of these women have probably slept with Diesel at one time. I shouldn’t be jealous, but that’s probably what it boils down to.
“You’ll get used to it,” Torrent says and I frown. I won’t be here long enough to get used to anything.
“I guess,” I mumble, instead of telling Torrent that. She thinks for some reason, that I’m here permanently and I don’t really want to get into that conversation right now. “I don’t care what they do, still… it doesn’t help that these women act like bitches toward me. With you guys, there might be some animosity, but they definitely don’t show you disrespect—not like they do with me.”
“That’s because we belong to members of the club; as old ladies, one word from us and they’re gone. If nothing else, that gets us respect. You haven’t officially been claimed by Diesel yet. Until you let him do that they will resent the hell out of you openly. Especially Connie,” Dani informs me.
“Why especially Connie?”
“Because she’s wanted Diesel forever and not just for another Savage belt notch. If she bagged him she’d be the old lady of the President. There is no higher position in the club.”
“That’s kind of disgusting. Diesel’s a man, not a trophy.”
“It’s this world,” Torrent mutters.
I frown because this world is so foreign to anything I’ve ever experienced. This whole lifestyle is. It’s not that I don’t like it either. I enjoy being part of the family atmosphere and I really like Dani and Torrent and a few others that I’ve met. The men are good too. They’re nothing like King or the men I’ve been used to in my life. I can tell that by the way they interact with Ryan.
“Okay you ready, Red?”
“Red?” I ask Dani.
“Well, I can’t call you carrot, I already have a girl in my circle I call Carrot, plus your hair is darker. I could call you other things that resemble the color, but right now all I can come up with is a rose—which would be lame. Maybe Elmo…”
“Dani, I like you, but if you call me Elmo I will probably have to kill you,” I warn her.
“So, Red it is. Now grab your shot and let’s do this shit.”
“The last thing I need to do is get drunk.” I look at the shot, because it is tempting. I’d like to get drunk until I can’t remember the last several months.
“One Fireball won’t get you drunk, Rory. It will just make you relax,” she reasons.
I look up to see Diesel staring a hole through me, his gaze heated and intense. I grab the shot glass, more to distract myself from Diesel than to drink.
“Here’s mud in your eye,” Dani says with a grin and we both take the shot at the same time. She slaps her palm against her leg as she drinks, which for some reason makes me smile despite the burn. We put the empty glasses upside down on the table and before I even catch a breath, Dani announces we need one more.
“Another one!” she chimes.
“She’s so going to get your ass drunk,” Torrent says, sounding sad.
“I don’t really drink that often and I never get drunk,” I tell her and I haven’t. I’ve had a few drinks before, but I’ve not been drunk once in my life.
“Never?” Dani gasps like I’m some alien from another planet.
“Well no. With my life, getting drunk and letting your guard down was just too dangerous…” I whisper, wondering if they will think I’m a freak—or worse. They could think I’m a weak person for allowing my life to be like this for so long.
“I remember those days,” Dani whispers, seeming to get lost for a minute, but then her head jerks up and she looks at me with something that looks like awe. “Red! You’ve never had drunk sex!” she practically shouts the words and despite the music, I blush because I can feel eyes on me. When I look up, my gaze automatically goes to Diesel. His stare is even more heated now, but that’s not what shocks me. Gunner is looking at me with a lazy smile. I don’t think of Gunner that way, but I’m a woman and if Gunner looks at any woman the way he’s looking at me, your toes curl. It’s just a natural reaction. He’s hot, not Diesel hot, but hot in a sexy intense way that makes your stomach get butterflies, just the same. I hear Diesel growl, and my gaze automatically comes back to him and now he just looks pissed.
Yikes.
“I think maybe I ought to check on Ryan—” I start. All the kids are in the other part of the building for what Dani called a movie night while the adults have fun. Suddenly, I’m not feeling like this is fun. If the anger in Diesel’s eyes is anything to go by, fun is not even on the table.
“I’ll go check on them, I’m useless here anyway,” Torrent mutters, going to get up. It takes her two tries, she really is big. I want to ask her if she’s carrying twins, but haven’t found a way to work it into conversation just yet. You can’t exactly blurt out: Oh my God, you’re bigger than the side of a house, are you having twins? Well you can, but I haven’t found out a way to do it politely. On the second try her man, Devil, comes over and helps her up. He treats her so sweet, leaning down to kiss her, his arms going around her as he takes her weight. My eyes are glued to them, as he looks down at her like she hung the moon. It’s clear he’s totally in love with her.
“I got you, Angel,” he says so softly I have to strain to hear him. I want to sigh when I hear how tender his graveled voice is when he talks to her.
“I miss drunk sex,” Torrent whines to him and that makes Devil’s face soften in a way that does make me sigh. Damn, he’s a good-looking man too and that patch he wears makes him look dangerous and… hot.
“I’ll take you back to our room and we can pretend you’re drunk,” Devil reasons.
“After we check on Ryan for Rory,” Torrent qualifies, giving me a wink.
“Sounds good,” Devil agrees instantly, smiling at me briefly before walking his woman out.
“You’ll have to get on top,” she mutters, like that’s some kind of bad thing. I really must talk to her. Sometime. Any woman I’ve ever met would kill to have Devil over her in bed.
“Hey you!” Dani yells across the room, jerking my attention back to her. I look behind me to see she’s yelling at someone at the bar. “Bring us two more rounds of Fireballs!”
“Hellcat,” Crusher mutters from beside Diesel. He acts like he’s trying to reprimand her and maybe get her under control, but he’s got a smile on his face and he looks more like he’s about to laugh.
“You get drunk sex tonight, Cowboy,” she announces to the room. She’s not a bit embarrassed. I’d be horrified, of course I don’t think the room cares, especially since the last time I glanced at Fury and Scorpion they were getting their dicks sucked off by women… Right out in the open! I think I’ve kind of blotted that out of my mind—and tried not to watch…although I might have peeked… once…maybe twice…
“You’re going to do all the work,” Crusher tells her. “I’ve been working in the garage all day and I’m too damn tired,” he adds. I’m pretty sure he’s lying, if the look on his face is anything to judge him by.
“You don’t have to work, Zander. You just have to let me ride your face,” she responds. Again, she’s not embarrassed. Me? I’m pretty sure I’m beet red at this point.
“That doesn’t seem fair to me,” Crusher muses.
“Then I guess you better bring your A game to the table, Cowboy,” Dani taunts.
“I’ll see what I can
do,” he smirks and I have no doubt he will definitely deliver his A game. From the wink Dani gives me, I think she knows that too.
I don’t look at Diesel—or Gunner. Instead I look down at the table, trying to figure out a way to get out of here without running out in a panic and having all of the club girls laughing at me. By the time the shots are delivered to the table, I still haven’t figured out a way.
By the third or fourth shot… I can’t remember why it was even important to leave.
37
Diesel
“I feel like the world is spinning. Is the world spinning, Diesel?” Rory asks.
I sigh, because as good as it is to have her in my arms, she’s still back to calling me Diesel and I fucking hate it.
“You’re forgetting something, Gorgeous,” I whisper close to her ear as I enter into my bedroom.
“I am?” she asks, sounding confused.
“You call me Noah now, remember?”
“I… I don’t think so. I can’t call you Noah,” she responds as I lay her on the bed.
“Why is that?” I ask her.
I put a knee to the foot of the bed, and bend down to lift off Rory’s boot.
“Because I love Noah, and I can’t love you now. That makes you Diesel,” she whispers. “It really feels like the world is moving, doesn’t it?” she adds, sounding confused and lost.
I go over the words in my head, mad at myself, at the circumstances surrounding us… Everything. I wish I knew how I could go back and fix everything, but I just… don’t.
I groan as I shift and work on her other boot. Carrying her was pushing things. Rory doesn’t weigh a lot, definitely no more than the weights I’ve been lifting in therapy, but carrying her and walking at the same time was murder. I’d do it again though—in a heartbeat.
“Are you okay?” she asks, I look up to see her gaze focused on me and concern etched on her face.
“Would you care?” I ask, needing an honest answer from her. I feel like I’m feeling my way through the dark with Rory and I don’t know how to make it any better.