by Jordan Marie
“I want another chance.”
“That’s not happening,” I tell him, terror—the likes of which I’ve never felt—slashes through me, and with everything I’ve been through that means something.
“I’ll earn it,” he says and I ignore the way that makes my heart speed up.
“There’s nothing to earn, because that’s not happening,” I reply and I take a step back as he advances toward me. He’s walking. That realization hits me, although it should have before. Still, that’s the thought that I have as he takes the two steps between us. I back up, but my legs hit the desk, the edge of it pressing against my ass. “You’re walking,” I whisper.
“A little limp, but I’ll get stronger and it will be gone,” he acknowledges. He reaches out his hand, and his finger slides against my cheek, wrapping against a strand of my hair. He leans his head down like he’s about to kiss me.
“Diesel if you bring those lips any closer, I’m going to cause an injury to your body so severe that all your progress might stop,” I warn him quietly.
He freezes and I swear there’s a spark of laughter that shows up in those brown depths of his eyes.
The bastard.
“Point made,” he whispers. “We are going to talk, Rory. You can’t stop that from happening.”
“You’re wrong. I can stop it if I’m not here.”
“You’re not leaving.”
“It’s against the law to hold someone against their will, Diesel.”
“Noah,” he corrects.
“Diesel,” I respond, stubbornly.
“Careful, Rory. I always did like a challenge.”
“I’m not a challenge, Diesel. I’m nothing, just someone you used and threw away.” I respond, walking around him.
I’m surprised when he just lets me go. If I want to be honest with myself, I might be a little disappointed too. He does stop me once I open the door.
“Rory?” he prompts.
“What?” I ask, looking at him and holding onto the doorknob for dear life.
“I happen to think you’re everything,” he says, delivering words I didn’t expect and words that I do my best to not believe.
But God… I want to.
“Then, it sucks to be you, because you lost me,” I tell him and I leave before he can respond.
I leave before his words can form cracks around the ice he poured around my heart. He doesn’t get to do that.
I can’t let him.
33
Rory
“What in the hell are you doing now?”
“Packing,” I mumble, not bothering to turn around and look at Diesel.
“Gorgeous, after our run in earlier in the office, I’ve gone through a fucking long workout in a therapy session. As much as I love being able to talk with you again, I don’t think I have the strength left in me to fight right now,” Diesel says and with a bone deep sigh, that tells me exactly how weary he is, he flops down in a chair that’s opposite the bed.
“Gunner says you’re pushing yourself too hard,” I murmur, letting my defenses down for a minute—a minute I’m sure to regret, but can’t seem to stop myself.
“You talk to Gunner a lot?” he asks, his eyes narrowing.
“You did not just ask me that question,” I respond, shaking my head.
He frowns before letting out a breath.
“Gunner needs to mind his own damn business. I’ve got things to do and I can’t do them like this.”
“You’re getting around great,” I correct him.
“I’m getting around on a cane and walking more than fifteen feet leaves me weak as a kitten. That is not great, Gorgeous.”
“You almost died, Diesel. Your body was shutting down. If you think about that and see you now, you’re doing beyond great,” I tell him. “And stop calling me that. I hate it,” I mutter. I’m lying. Even now, with everything between us, I still love to hear his deep voice call me gorgeous. I just have to remind myself that I can’t trust him or believe him anymore.
“What do I have to do get you to call me Noah again?”
I ignore the question and turn back around to my packing.
“Rory, you aren’t going anywhere,” he growls.
“I figured that, Diesel, since there are guards everywhere I go to keep me a prisoner.” I’m not exaggerating either. Everywhere I go, Rebel is like a freaking dog with a bone. I’m surprised I’m allowed to go to the restroom alone.
“They aren’t with you to keep you a prisoner, it’s just until I know where King is, I’m not leaving you unprotected. I did that once and…”
“You left me… You were in the hospital you fucking asshole.”
“I had almost forgotten how sweet you can be,” Diesel grins. “For some reason I had missed that nickname.”
“Because you’re an idiot,” I mumble.
“If you’re not leaving, then why are you packing?”
“I’m moving into the room down the hall. Gunner said it was empty.”
“That was nice of Gunner,” Diesel says in a way that clues me into the fact he doesn’t think it was nice at all.
“I’ll be gone in a bit and you can sleep. I know you’re tired.”
“I don’t want you to leave,” he responds.
“You’ve made that clear. It would be better if I left. Ryan would be safer.”
“I want you both safe. Gorgeous, I know you need time to heal, so I’m not pushing it. I probably don’t even have the right and I know that,” he says. His voice is earnest and there’s a note in it that I haven’t heard before. It makes me turn—almost against my will—and face him. “We’re going to have to talk about your brother and everything that went on,” he says solemnly.
“No, we don’t,” I tell him just as softly.
“We do, baby. I need to know.”
“Why? What possible good could come from it?”
“He took our child from us. I’m going to make him pay,” Diesel answers, his voice deadly.
His words slice through me like a deadly weapon. Once they hit their mark, I don’t know how I remain standing. My eyes dilate, my breath literally freezes in my chest, and my mouth is open.
“Our child?”
My words sound strangled and they are. It feels like I ripped my heart out of my chest and I’m just standing here like an idiot holding it out to him to finish destroying.
“Our child,” he says again. His voice is deep, but there’s nothing in it to make me think he has any idea the devastation he’s causing. He has no idea the wound he just plunged another knife into.
He has no idea that he is destroying me.
He gets up and for the first time I notice he’s leaning on a cane. He wasn’t earlier and if my world wasn’t shattered at the moment, I’d realize it’s because he’s pushed himself too hard in therapy. He walks over to the nightstand, where I sleep and pulls out a paper, handing it to me. I look at the folded, white paper like it was a snake. I’m afraid to open it. I don’t think I want to read it. So, I concentrate on something else—which seems to be a recurring theme with me lately.
“When did you put this here?”
“When you and Ryan were working on his math. I couldn’t find you and Crusher told me that you had taken over Ryan’s homeschooling lessons.”
“I… Well he… he was getting behind and it’s not like I’m doing anything. If you’re going to start with how you don’t want me around your son—”
“I was a bastard. I may have had reason to act like I did, Rory, but that doesn’t excuse me for being the way I was with you and I’m sorry.”
I don’t know what to say to that. It makes me a bitch, I know. But, how can sorry make it better? It doesn’t change anything and I don’t want to soften towards Diesel. I’ve had enough. I just want… peace. That’s not what is on Diesel’s mind. Even now, even after almost dying he just wants revenge. Me? I want quiet. I want to… heal. I want… peace. I want to wake up every morning and not worry about
someone trying to kill me or hurt those I love. I want my life to be normal.
Because I don’t know how to reply to him and he seems to be waiting for me to, I open the paper. It’s a medical report and at first, I don’t understand it. There’s references to all of these medical terms, and since he didn’t explain what the paper was—I’m kind of sailing in the dark. Then, slowly it begins to click. Vas deferens, samples, sperm count….
“My doctor didn’t seal the tubes off correctly, or maybe fate just decided I needed more children. Whatever the reason, Rory. The severed tubes grew back together. I may have had a vasectomy, but at best my body healed itself from it and at worst the doctor was an incompetent quack. The point is, I know the baby you were carrying was mine.”
My hands are shaking so much that the paper is moving so I drop it onto the bed as if it is burning me… and maybe it is. I rush to add what is left of my junk. I don’t have much, but since I’ve been here Dani and Torrent have given me more. I tried to tell them I was fine, but they wouldn’t listen. I throw it all into my worn overnight bag that I found at a secondhand shop and zip it up.
“Rory?” Diesel asks. “Do you understand what I’m saying? I know. I know you weren’t lying to me,” he says, like that just makes it all better.
I turn to walk away and Diesel puts his hand on my arm. I jerk away instantly, because his touch? That does fucking burn.
“You think it makes it all better that you believe me now because a doctor confirmed it, Diesel?”
“Rory—”
“You know what would have made it better? Having the man I loved, the man I got shit from again and again, but overlooked it because he had reasons for being like he was, having that man believe me when I told him I was having his child. Not because he had tests that proved I wasn’t a lying whore, but because he believed me. I guess I should be glad you at least thought to have the tests done, right? Although, I doubt that would have happened if I hadn’t proved to you that I wasn’t going to harm your son. Still, I guess I should be thankful because now you think I’m okay to have around Ryan. Maybe I am, because I do love Ryan. But guess what, Diesel? You’re not good enough for me,” I growl, my heart feeling like shattered glass. “I loved you despite all evidence that I shouldn’t. I loved you despite how you kept turning hot and cold. I deserve a man who gives that back. I deserve so much better than you.”
I all but run out after that. I said too much and I definitely reacted too strongly, but I’m tired of being strong. I’m just fucking tired. I make it to my room and I see Rebel following me, but I ignore him. Diesel doesn’t follow me, not that I thought he would. Whatever is between us, it’s over now.
Over.
34
Diesel
“Gunner?” I growl. Fuck, I’m growling at everyone.
It’s day three of radio silence from Rory. After she walked away, I had to come to some hard realizations. If I want Rory back, I’m going to have to earn her. Since I’ve never had to do that before, I have no idea how to start. Which fucking means I’m in trouble. You add in the fact that I’m sleeping alone, when my woman is just down the hall, plus not having any new leads on King at all and I’m lucky I’m letting people around me live. Gunner though, that motherfucker, my rage toward him is completely earned.
“Yo,” he responds as I enter the garage.
“You’re helping the prospects today,” I tell him, turning to walk away.
“The prospects?” he asks, an edge to his voice.
“You got a problem with your orders?”
I stop and face him, inside begging for him to say something—just one little thing so I can smash his fucking face in.
“They’re grown ass men, but hey if you want me to order them and tell them how to spread gravel on the parking lot, I can. You’re the boss. Seems like a damn waste of time to me,” Gunner says, arms folded.
“No. You don’t order them. You will work with two prospects and spread the gravel. I’m taking the others with me.”
Gunner’s eyes narrow and I don’t blink. Say something motherfucker, just give me an excuse.
“Fine.”
“Fine,” I growl, pissed he didn’t give me a reason to ram my fist into his face. He starts walking away, whistling.
“When you’re done with that you can make sure the security cameras on lot seven are clean. Scorpion said the picture was blurry.”
Gunner stops and he looks at me. We both know that the only way to get to the cameras on lot seven is to walk—a long walk at least six miles one way and on a steep incline. The bastard actually laughs.
“If you think this is funny, I can find more work for you to do,” I warn him.
“I’m just wondering something,” he says with a shrug.
“What’s that?”
“If I get all this just for telling your girlfriend the room down the hall was empty, what am I going to get when you find out she asked me to take her into town tomorrow?”
“You’re not taking her anywhere,” I growl.
“She asked, it’d be rude to turn her down. Besides she needed to go into town to pick up a few things. You might not have noticed, but she didn’t exactly have a lot of things with her when Dragon picked her up. She’s been borrowing shit off of Dani and Torrent since she got here.”
Guilt hits me. I guess I hadn’t really thought about it. I was just focused on getting back to her and claiming her… Fuck.
“Rory can’t leave, it’s too dangerous. There’s a reason we’re on lockdown,” I tell him.
“I told her that, but she was adamant.”
“I’ll talk to her.”
“Now, there’s a novel idea,” he says—the fucking smart-ass.
“Maybe I’d talk to her more if you’d leave her alone.”
“I help guard her, Diesel. You asked me to do that.”
“That doesn’t mean you get chatty with her. She’s not your concern. She’s mine.”
“I don’t think she knows that.”
“She will,” I promise him and I stomp off.
“Am I still on gravel duty?”
“Yeah, and if my mind doesn’t change you will be for the next year.”
“That’s a lot of gravel, not sure our parking lot can handle more than what we’ve got to spread now,” he yells. I don’t turn around. I’m going to find Rory and put an end to this crap.
“I wasn’t going to order more. I was just going to have you shovel it back off the drive and then spread it again,” I growl and I slam the door to the club on the fucker’s laughter.
If Rory gives me any shit, I just might kill that man.
35
Diesel
My anger lasts me until I get to my old room, I open it and find Rory still in bed. I’m about to wake her up, but instead I stop and stare down at the beautiful woman who I want back in my life. Her dark auburn hair strewn across the pillow, her pale skin relaxed in sleep, long lashes brushing against the rise of her cheekbone. She’s breathtaking, there’s no other way to put it, but that’s not what makes my fucking heart stop beating. Ryan is curled into her, his head resting against her chest. Rory is holding him tight and my boy…
Fuck, even in his sleep, my boy is smiling.
My boy rarely smiled before Rory came into our lives. Even with everything he has been through… he’s smiling now in his sleep. How is that possible? How does Rory give him good dreams after the nightmare that he has endured?
“Noah?” she whispers and that burn starts anew. Noah. My eyes close and I drink it in deep, so fucking deep it feels like my heart begins beating for the first time since I woke up in the hospital.
She’s still half asleep, her voice soft, her face tender… she looks like she does in my dreams. Dreams that have been haunting me from the moment I woke up in that damn hospital bed.
Without thinking or questioning myself I walk to her side of the bed, I bend down, cupping her neck in my hand and let my thumb press into her cheek, captur
ing her and not letting her pull away.
“I fucked up, Rory. I let my past cloud my judgment. What you don’t get is that my past was bad. That’s not an excuse, but it is a fact.”
“I don’t—”
“But I had a vasectomy. I honestly thought I couldn’t have babies. So, I had this woman that I cared for. I had her in my arms, I let my guard down. I let her near the only thing in this world that mattered to me, I let her near my child and I let my heart guide me and not my head. Then you come at me with something I honestly thought couldn’t happen—something a doctor assured me couldn’t happen.”
“Will you—”
“The past taught me hard lessons, Rory, lessons that I fell back on without thinking and I lashed out. That’s not right, and it’s not fair, but it’s the God’s honest truth.”
“What do you want me to say to that?”
“I want you to know that I was working through it in my head. Had things not gone down like they had, I would have fixed it. I swear. I was already planning on seeing a doctor. I would have fixed the mess I made.”
Her eyes scan my face and for a minute I think I see indecision and I feel a spark of hope. Then, she shuts it down. I watch it as it happens. I can see it clearly, but I don’t give up.
“Diesel—”
“Noah,” I tell her and I don’t give a fuck that it sounds like I’m pleading. Hell, maybe I am. “No one calls me that. That’s yours. That’s who I am to you and that’s what you call me, Rory. I’m Noah to you.”
She swallows and I can see a hint of uncertainty in her face. I don’t know what that means for me, but I’m hoping that I’m getting to her.
“Regardless, you still needed a doctor to prove something to you. You didn’t believe me. You don’t trust me.”
“When I was in that truck and I knew that was it, I knew I wasn't going to be able to protect my son. I knew I wasn’t going to survive. I had two thoughts, Rory. Two.”
“N…Noah…”