The F It List (Love You Forever Book 6)
Page 13
The last time I peeked at her list, there were many more things left to do, so I’m not too worried about what will happen between us when there’s nothing left. Although that thought has crossed my mind as well.
Am I just here to help her with this list, or does she enjoy being with me? Am I just a friend of convenience to her, or does she want something more? I’ve been careful to avoid asking these questions, because I’ve been too afraid of the answers. I’m not sure I could take it if she told me that she’s just having fun and doesn’t see us going anywhere as a couple. I don’t do random hookups, and that’s basically all Cora and I have been doing since there’s no official commitment between us. I just keep holding my breath and praying that one day she’ll wake up and want more—and that she won’t be too afraid to ask for it when she does realize it.
The drive back feels like it takes twice as long as it did to get to the campsite, but we finally make it and I take Cora home. I carry her bag up to her apartment then pull her against me for a goodbye kiss.
“Do you have to go?” she asks, looking up at me as her hands tangle into my shirt.
“Well, if I want to wear clean clothes to work tomorrow, then yes.”
She pouts and I think it’s adorable. “Do you have any dinner plans?”
She shakes her head.
“Well, how about you come to my place tonight? You can stay there and I’ll make us some dinner. You can meet my roommate too.”
She acts surprised. “You can cook?”
I laugh. “Somewhat. As long as it doesn’t get too fancy.”
“Mmm, in that case, I’ll get cleaned up, pack, and come over.”
“Skip cleaning up. You can do that with me tonight.”
She giggles but presses her lips to mine.
I kiss her softly, then pull away and swat her on the ass. “Go pack. I’ll wait.”
She switches out the clothes in her bag then we load back up in my car to go to my place for the night. We make the drive across town and I show her into my apartment. The place is dark and quiet when I open the door.
“I thought you said you have a roommate?” she whispers as we walk in.
“I do.” I turn on the light in the living room and we find Chuck asleep at his desk. I laugh. “He’s right there.” I motion his way.
“Is . . . is he alive?”
“I think so,” I reply, stepping closer to him to see if he’s breathing. “I hope so,” I mumble.
Shouldn’t he be waking up? Cora and I both lean in close to see if he’s breathing. Then his head pops up and it scares the shit out of us. We all end up jumping and screaming.
“What the fuck, man?” Chuck says once he realizes it’s me.
I laugh and shake my head. “Sorry, you didn’t move and I was worried you’d finally worked yourself to death.”
He runs his hands down his face, trying to wipe away the stress. “I must’ve passed out sometime this afternoon. I’ve been trying to finish this project. I’ve been working on it for days, but every time I think I finish, there’s something else the client decides to add in.” His eyes finally move over and notice Cora standing at my side. “Who’s this?”
I put my arm around her and pull her to my side. “This is Cora. The girl I told you about from work.”
“Oh, right.” He holds out his hand. “It’s nice to finally put a face with a name. Great to meet you.”
She slides her hand into his and his big hand makes hers look that much smaller. “You too. I hope you don’t mind me crashing for the night,” she tells him.
“Not at all. I have noise-canceling headphones and everything.” He cracks a smile and winks, making her blush.
I laugh. “Ignore him. Chuck likes to embarrass people. That’s why he always gets kicked out of apartments.”
“People just can’t handle my honesty,” he says with a shrug.
I shake my head at him. “Anyway, I’m going to cook dinner tonight. Any special requests?” I ask, looking between the two of them.
“Steak! Steak!” Chuck says, then looks over at Cora. “He makes the best damn steak you’ve ever had. Pick steak. You won’t regret it.”
She laughs and shrugs. “All right, steak.”
I nod. “Steak, it is,” I agree. “Let me grab my computer and I’ll order the groceries.”
Chuck goes back to work on the computer with his headphones on and the two of us sit on the couch, watching TV until the groceries arrive. I get everything at the door and we go into the kitchen to get to work. I take everything out of the bags and go out on the balcony to light the grill. While that heats up, I get busy seasoning the meat while Cora prepares the salad and wraps the potatoes in foil. I throw them on first and let the meat rest. She gets the rolls in the oven and opens the bottle of wine to breathe. The potatoes take nearly an hour to cook on the grill, and the meat goes on the last 20 minutes.
Everything is done and we all make our plates and take everything to the small table in the living room. There are only two chairs, so Chuck takes his plate to the desk in the corner, putting his headset back on and giving Cora and me a little privacy.
She cuts into her steak and takes a bite.
“What do you think?”
“It’s the best, right?” Chuck says, spinning his chair around.
She giggles and nods. “It’s really good,” she agrees as she chews.
I wave Chuck off. “Go away and leave us to our date,” I joke, causing him to turn back around to face the computer.
“He’s funny,” she says, nodding in his direction.
I snort. “He thinks he’s funny. There is a difference.”
She rolls her eyes but she knows I’m joking. She stabs at her ranch dressing-covered salad and eats a forkful. I watch as she takes the smallest bites possible. She pushes her half-full plate away. She rubs her stomach and lets out a deep breath. “I’m stuffed. That was amazing.”
I smile. “You eat like a bird. Maybe that’s why you’re so small.”
She sticks her tongue out at me. “I’m small, which means I don’t have as much room to stuff myself with food like you.” She stands and takes both of our plates. I pick up our empty glasses of wine and take them into the kitchen. We pour another glass when we’re done with the dishes and move to my bedroom. She sets her glass on the bedside table as I go into the bathroom to start the shower. When I step back into the room, she’s curled up on my bed.
“Comfy?” I ask.
She offers up a little smile and nods. “You have a very comfy bed. And it smells good . . . it smells like you.”
It’s like there’s this string that’s tied to my insides and she’s tugging it. I walk across the room and fall onto the bed at her side without even realizing I was moving. I wrap my arms around her and pull her lips to mine. I kiss her long and deep. When she hikes her leg up over my hip, I pull back.
“Why don’t we go get a shower and then come back to this?”
She smiles. “We’ll always come back to this.”
The weeks fly by and I have Cora at my side for nearly every minute of it. The only time we’re not together is when we’re at work. But after work, she’s either at my place or I’m at hers. We go to the gym every night and I watch as she gets closer and closer to her goal until she finally achieves it. She signed up to run the marathon and I thought about joining her, but then I realized that if I were running next to her, I couldn’t cheer for her at the finish line, and I want to be the first person to greet her after this journey of self-discovery she’s been on.
Our routines have been crazy with all the dieting and exercise, and I know she’s looking forward to crossing that finish line so we can celebrate with a lot of alcohol and all the fried food she can handle. In fact, that’s the plan. After the race, I’m taking her to her favorite bar and grill to get trashed . . . and to order everything on the menu. I asked if she’d like to invite Harley and Foster to join, but she decided against it. She didn’t want Harley to
have to sit uncomfortably in a bar when she couldn’t join in on the drinking fun. She seems content with it just being the two of us.
We wake in the morning and she’s in a mad dash to get ready for the race. She dresses in a pair of black yoga pants that hug every curve of her body. Her thin but muscular legs and her toned ass look great in them as I lie back in bed, watching her change. She pulls on a neon pink sports bra, then layers a baggy tank top over it. Her bright pink bra is still visible out of the sleeves of the shirt. She pulls on her running shoes then moves to stand in front of the mirror to pull her hair back into a ponytail. Lastly, she rubs sunscreen over every inch of skin that’s showing.
She flops back on the bed with a grin. “Are you going to get up and get ready, or just sit here and watch the show?”
I smile. “I like the show,” I say with a smirk.
She rolls her eyes. “Well, show’s over. Get up!”
I smile as I reach for her, pulling her back onto the bed and against my chest. I press my lips to hers, and even though she’s in a hurry, she doesn’t try pulling away. She just gives me this moment. I break the kiss but don’t release her. “You know, no matter where you place today, I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way. It doesn’t matter if you finish first or last, because you worked hard and achieved your goal.”
She gives me a sweet smile. “Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Yes, you could.”
She seems taken aback.
“This was all you, Cora. You put in the work, blood, sweat, and tears. This was all you, and you deserve to cross that finish line today and be proud of yourself, knowing how far you’ve come.”
Her eyes fill with tears, but they don’t have time to fall as she closes her eyes and presses her lips back to mine.
Fifteen
Cora
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
My lungs tingle as I focus on getting much-needed oxygen. The muscles in my legs burn. There’s a point in time when I think they may go numb, but they never do, so the pain continues as I run. I don’t remember having this much trouble in the gym. Are real roads different than a treadmill? That doesn’t make sense. I’m still getting all the impact on my knees and ankles. With every step, my back is jarred, shooting a pain down my left butt cheek and leg.
My entire body is wet—sweat-soaked. My clothes seem to hold the moisture, and they’re feeling heavy like they’re weighing me down. I have my phone strapped to my right arm and my earbuds are in my ears, blaring loud rock music to keep me pumped, but it’s more distracting than anything. What is it that gets me through this at the gym?
That’s when I realize it’s not the thought of running this marathon that gets me through the pain. It’s not rock music or thinking happy thoughts. It’s him. Grayson.
I picture him running beside me, pushing me along with his words of kindness and encouragement. I picture the way his lips turn upward into a smile and how his eyes squint when he laughs. I see the dimple on his chin, that wrinkle that forms across his nose, his striking blue eyes, his thick dark hair—how soft it is and how it blows in the breeze. I imagine his tall, thin-but-muscular frame. I can feel the tingles that take over my body when he touches me, and the way my breath hitches in my throat.
Thinking of him right now, it’s easy to see that I’m falling in love with him. Hell, I may be a little late to this party because I don’t think I love him. I know I love him.
How did this happen? I ask myself, and almost like the gods are sending me the answer, I see visions of us together in front of me instead of the road and the runners. I see our first time together in the shower at our little camping spot. I see him being by my side every day. I see the way I laugh when I’m with him—the way I smile and feel like nothing could ever hurt me when I’m in his arms. Then, suddenly, I see him differently too. I don’t see some work friend who decided to help me knock some shit off a list I randomly came up with. I see a real friend who cares deeply for me, who encourages me to do better—to be better. I see the way his blue eyes light up when he first sees me in the morning, and I feel his heart race against my palm when we’re lying in bed together. And now I truly see it: Not only do I love him, but he loves me too.
But I’m not ready for a relationship, I remind myself. It’s like I’m on a runner’s high and seeing everything more clearly. I’m understanding my feelings better than I ever have before. I’m seeing a whole new future play out before me—one where Grayson stays by my side. We get married, merge our lives together, fall even deeper in love, start a family, grow old together, and watch our own children grow into adults who have their own children. I see everything, and I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything. More than I wanted Jimmy or the life I envisioned for us. Suddenly, I’m not running to the finish line. I’m running to him.
But now that I’ve figured all this out, what do I do? Grayson wanted to analyze all this before, but I asked him not to. I wanted to let things be and see where we ended up. Well, here we are. It’s time. I just have to figure out how to do it.
I see myself in a whole new light. Each and every time I checked something off my list, I was finding a piece of myself. Now I know myself. I know who I am and what I want. I’m Cora Robinson. I like reality TV, junk food, drinking too much, and sleeping too long. I like my job. I like my friends, my life, and everything I’ve had to overcome to get where I am today. I like the work I’ve done to discover myself. I like camping and boating, and even though I’m a little too impatient for fishing, I like that too. Or at least I do when I have Grayson at my side. Grayson was the key to all of this. By pushing me to find myself, he was revealing his true self to me too. And who he is makes me the person I am. Alone, neither of us is whole. Together, nothing else matters, and I see now that that’s how things should be. When you find the other half to your soul, nothing else matters as long as you’re together.
This road to self-discovery is coming to an end. Or maybe it’s not an end but a fork in the road. Which way will I go? Will I follow to the left, which leads to Grayson, or will I find my own place on this earth by going right? I guess that’s up to him. I know what I want now. I want him. Us.
Just as my legs are about to give out, I cross the finish line. There’s a big group of people crowding the runners to celebrate with them. I bend down and place my hands on my knees to catch my breath. I don’t even see him coming. The next thing I know, I’m in his arms with his lips on mine.
“You did it, Cora!” he says against my lips. “I knew you could do it.”
“Not without you,” I reply, pulling his lips back to mine and kissing him until I’m completely breathless.
Grayson takes me home and the first thing I do is climb into a deep tub of hot water. It soothes my sore muscles and my racing mind. Now that I know how I feel about Grayson, I have to do something about it. I don’t know how long I can keep it to myself, and this isn’t something you just blurt out. I decide that I’ll tell him tonight. We’re going out to celebrate. We’re going to stuff ourselves with deep-fried bar food and drink entirely way too much. I don’t want to wait until I’m eyeballs-deep in beer. I don’t want him to second-guess my feelings or pass it off as me being drunk. So I have to tell him before drinks. I’ll tell him over dinner.
With that settled, I take a deep breath. Now I’m nervous for a whole different reason. I know he loves me. Well, I think he does, but what if that isn’t enough for him? What if he’s looking for something else? What if he doesn’t really want the family life? I know he’s told me in the past that he does want that, and I know he doesn’t take dating lightly, but what if this whole time I’ve been finding myself, he’s been finding things about me that he doesn’t like? What if he shoots me down? What will become of us? Will we still be friends, or will we go back to being work friends? What if we don’t even have that? I’m terrified of ruining this.
When I get out of the tub, I get right to work on blow-drying my short blonde hair and adding in a little curl to make it look nice. I take extra time on my makeup, wanting everything to be perfect. I bronze my cheekbones and highlight my nose perfectly. I finish with a quick brush of mascara and a thin coat of shimmering pink lip gloss. Finding something to wear takes a little longer than normal. I can’t decide. Everything in my closet looks like something the old Cora would wear—not this new and improved Cora. I want to be sexy, show a little skin. I don’t want to keep myself covered up. All the training for the marathon has paid off. My legs are toned and shapely now. My ass is round and hard. My stomach is thinner, more trimmed, and that makes my rather small breasts look larger. Plus, the push-up bra does wonders.
We’re just going to the bar, so I don’t want to dress for a fancy dinner, but I do want to look good. I settle for a pair of tight jeans, some ankle boots, and a light pink tank top that hugs all my curves. I check myself out in the mirror and smile, happy with all my hard work. I know Grayson is going to love it. I smile when I remember how he said he loved the color pink on me before, so I know I made the right choice.
Someone knocks on the door and I grab my purse and phone before rushing from my room. I drop my things on the couch as I pass it, then race down the hallway to the door. I quickly pull it open to find Grayson on the other side. His eyes take me in and his smile falls as he looks me up and down.
“Don’t like it?” I ask, feeling a little sad and let down.
He shakes his head as he reaches for me. “I love it. You just took my breath away.” He pulls me against his chest and his lips find mine. My arms snake around his neck, pulling him closer. Yeah, he loves me.