The F It List (Love You Forever Book 6)

by Alexis Winter

  I audibly gasp and drop the test. It clatters in the sink.

  “Oh my god. Oh . . . my God,” I repeat to myself. I stand there for I don’t know how long until I hear someone trying to enter the restroom. I panic—grabbing the test, shoving it in my purse, and unlocking the door. I make a mad dash back to my office. I toss the rest of my sandwich in the trash and try to calm my nerves with a few moments of meditation, water, and deep breathing.

  I pull out my phone to text Harley but decide against it. I want Grayson to be the first person to know. A smile spreads across my face and the butterflies are back dancing in my stomach. “I—I’m pregnant,” I say to myself before my hands instinctively cover my mouth and a tear trickles down my cheek. It takes everything I have not to go sit in Grayson’s office and wait for him to return, but I know telling him at work could be a disaster. Instead, I take several more calming breaths and get back to work.

  The day creeps by with everything going on. No Grayson at work, and now I finally have to prepare to tell him the one thing I’ve been holding back from him—well, actually, two things. I think of a hundred different ways to tell him over dinner, but nothing sounds right. I guess I’ll just wing it.

  After work, I go home alone and pace back and forth. I think about calling Harley again, but I know what she’d say. She’d say that I’m overthinking again. That it shouldn’t be this hard. That I should just listen to my heart and say the words I’m feeling. I know she’s right, so I push all thoughts away and go to get ready for dinner.

  Grayson comes by and picks me up around 5 p.m. He’s dressed to kill in dark-wash jeans and a navy blue button-up shirt, and his dark hair is styled perfectly. I hope that I look good enough in the black dress I chose, and judging by the look on his face when I open the door, I do.

  He smiles. “You look amazing.”

  “Thank you,” I say as he’s leaning in for a kiss.

  “Are you ready?”

  I nod and step out into the hallway with him. I lock the door behind us as he leads me out to the car and drives us across town.

  “Where are we going?” I ask, looking around us and trying to figure it out.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  I smile and shake my head, but sit back to wait.

  The restaurant he takes me to is one I’ve never been to before, and when we walk in, I see why. It’s nice. Like, really nice. The kind of place you don’t get into without a reservation. We’re shown to our table and given menus and some water. I pick up my glass and take a sip. Even the water tastes expensive.

  I lean in and whisper, “This place looks really pricey.”

  His eyebrows go up. “It is.”

  “Then why are we here? Why didn’t we just go to the bar or something? I’m good with chicken wings,” I joke.

  He laughs. “I know, but I didn’t get to see you all day and I wanted to treat you with something special. Order anything you want.”

  After ordering bowls of $27 pasta, we’re left alone again to enjoy our wine. Or at least, Grayson to enjoy his. I finger the stem of the wine glass, I’d kill for a little liquid courage but not with a baby inside me. I feel like right now is the perfect time to tell him. I open my mouth, but no sound comes out.

  “I have something to show you,” he says.

  “Oh, okay,” I say, snapping my mouth shut.

  “But first, I have to ask you something.”

  I nod my head, urging him on.

  “What’s left on your list?”

  “My list?” That throws me off guard.

  He nods this time.

  “Oh, well . . . about that. I think I’m done with the list.”

  His forehead creases with confusion. “You’re done?”

  I nod. “Yeah, I mean, the whole point of the list was finding myself, right?”

  He nods.

  “I did that. I know who I am and what I want. So I threw out the list.”

  His purses his lips together in thought.

  “So, what did you have to show me?”

  He cracks a little smile as he pulls out a small spiral notebook from his pocket. “This.” He holds it up, its blue cover facing me.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s my list.”

  “Your list? You made a list?”

  He nods.

  I smile. “What’s on your list? We already took the Segway tour.”

  He looks nervous but he flips the book open and then turns it around for me to see. There’s only one thing on his list. It reads: Get Cora to fall in love with me.

  I’m shocked. My back straightens as my eyes read that one line over and over and over again. I’m speechless. I guess Harley was right. He does love me!

  I crack a smile as I look between him and his list. “I actually had something I wanted to tell you too,” I start.

  “You do?” he asks quietly.

  I nod. “You see, the thing is . . . by finding myself, I learned a lot about myself. A lot about what I wanted my life to look like, who I wanted to spend it with, and everything I needed to figure out. It all pointed right back to you. You not only helped me find myself, Grayson, but you helped me learn so much more. Had it not been for you, I wouldn’t have done any of the things on my list. But most importantly, I never would have fallen in love with you.”

  “You’re . . . in love with me?” he asks, sounding unsure.

  “I love you, Grayson. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone. And I’ve known it for a while. I was just scared that you might not feel the same way. I wanted to tell you every day, but it never seemed like the perfect time. Then I realized that the perfect time doesn’t exist. The words would make any moment perfect. But . . . there’s something I need to show you too.” His brows furrow together for a brief second as I reach into my purse and pull out the pregnancy test I took earlier.

  My hands are shaking as I gently place it on the table in front of him. I don’t say anything. The words are caught in my throat.

  “You—you’re pregnant?” His eyes bounce between me and the test as his words come out in whisper. I nod my head slowly, waiting for I don’t know what.

  I watch and wait as he puts the notebook back into his pocket. Then he slowly stands up, moves around the table, and takes my hand in his. He pulls me up against his chest. His hands move to my cheeks, cupping my face as our eyes lock. The restaurant is full of people right now, and they’re probably all looking at us, but neither of us cares as he moves his lips to mine. This kiss is more than a kiss. It’s everything. I feel tingles on every inch of skin. There are fireworks going off behind my eyelids. And my heart and lungs are racing to catch up to my mind that’s floating in the air, somehow mixing with his. Our two souls have officially become one, no longer hurting or separated.

  “You’re pregnant!” he shouts as tears fill his eyes.

  “I’m pregnant,” I repeat his words back to him as my lip begins to tremble.

  “When did you find out?”

  “Today. I took the test at work. That’s why I kept asking you to lunch and seeing if you were around. I didn’t know what to expect. I know we didn’t plan for this. I’m so—”

  He cuts me off before I can finish. “Don’t you dare apologize for this, baby. We are both part of this, but that’s beside the point, because I couldn’t be happier. I get to be a dad with the love of my life. I’m having a baby with my best friend and soul mate!”

  Tears flow down my cheeks as I bury my face in his chest. He holds me tightly for several minutes before he tips my chin up and plants his lips on mine.

  We kiss long—too long. The waiter clears his throat as he’s walking up with our food in his hands. Grayson pulls back quickly and I let out a nervous laugh as we both take our seats. My face feels like it’s on fire, so I’m sure it’s bright red from getting our kiss broken up in the middle of the crowded restaurant.

  When the waiter walks away, Grayson looks at me and we bo
th start laughing, but then he reaches out and takes my hand in his across the table.

  “I love you, Cora, and I’ve never been more glad that I finally get to say it.”

  I laugh. “I love you too, Grayson.”

  And like that, we’re magically together, joining our minds, bodies, and souls as one, like we were always meant to be.

  Eighteen

  Grayson

  I can’t believe it. I’m going to be a dad, and the one woman I wanted to make a family with more than anything loves me! I want to start beating myself up for not saying it sooner, but then I remind myself that had I said it sooner, she may not have felt the same way. I could’ve just run her off. The important part is that we’re together now. We’re both in love and planning on spending the rest of our lives together, and very soon, we’ll be a family.

  The moment we walk out of the restaurant, I spin her around—my lips landing on hers as I walk her backward toward the car. She’s giggling into my kiss as her hands move up to cover mine, which are cupping her cheeks. I kiss her like she’s the air I need to breathe. I kiss her like this is the last chance I’ll ever have to kiss her. I’ll never get to relive this moment, so I make sure to take advantage of the situation and make the most of it.

  “We’re going to get married one day,” she whispers against my lips, and I nod. “We’re going to buy our own house, have babies, and watch them play in the front yard, aren’t we?”

  I smile and nod, kissing her some more before letting my hands come down to rest on her belly. “I’m going to give you everything you’ve ever wanted.” I press another kiss to her lips. “Everything.”

  Her big blue eyes open and lock on mine. I can see them shining through her thick lashes. “Can we start working on everything now?” She offers up a smirk and it makes me smile.

  “Let’s not wait another minute,” I say, reaching out and opening her door. She slides in quickly, so I shut it and race around the car to get behind the wheel.

  I quickly drive across town, neither of us talking, and both of us wrapping our minds around what we’ve finally achieved. When I make it to her apartment building, I park the car, shut it down, and remove the key in one fluid-like motion. Then I unbuckle and open the door, slamming it behind me on my way to her side. I open the door just as she manages to take off her seatbelt. I hold out my hand and she takes it as I help her out of the car and into my arms.

  Our lips meet again, but this time, I pick her up against me. She wraps her arms around my neck and her thighs tighten on my hips as I walk us into the building and hit the button for the elevator. It opens immediately and I step in, opening one eye to push the right button for her floor. When the doors close, I turn us so her back is against the wall. With her pinned between my chest and the wall, my hands are free to roam her body. The ride up to her floor isn’t nearly enough time, but when the doors open, I hold her tightly and walk us down the hall.

  I pause at her door and she slowly slides down my body to dig through her purse. She pulls out her keys and opens the door. Walking inside, she kicks off her shoes and tosses her purse on the entryway table as I lock the door behind us. Then she spins to face me again. That’s when I pull her back to me for a long, slow kiss that I can feel in the tips of my toes.

  This isn’t a fast or a rushed kiss. This is teasing, savoring. This is me trying to tell her how I feel, even though I can’t express it through words. I love you will never be strong enough. Not when it comes to her. As I walk her backward toward the bedroom, my hands are busy slowly lowering the zipper on the back of her dress. I let my fingers graze her skin as I slide it down, and I feel the moment when a shiver runs through her and goosebumps prickle her skin.

  We’re in the bedroom now and I lay her back on the bed, covering her body with mine. Her hands move up to cup my face, her fingers toying with the short hair around my ears. She doesn’t ask, but I know she knows that this time is different for us.

  I’ve never held back with her, but I’ve also never revealed my true feelings until tonight. Tonight is just a reflection of my feelings. It’s not all about sex or getting off. It’s about the love I hold for her inside me—a love that I was sure was going to be left rotting. But instead of dying, it flourished and blossomed into something else entirely. It’s growing at a rapid rate. I can feel it consuming me, and I’m more than happy to know that this feeling will only get better from here.

  My hands push her dress up her thighs until I can see the black lace panties she’s wearing. I hook my fingers over the band and pull them down her legs slowly and teasingly. I have to lift myself up to take them off completely, but when I do, I see her blushing, glistening sex waiting for me. Begging for me. My mouth smashes against hers again as my fingers move to glide between her slick folds. I dip them inside only to pull them back out and up as I work over her bundle of nerves. She’s already moaning into my mouth and begging for me—begging for release. But release won’t come easy tonight. No, tonight I’m going to push her to the edge only to pull her back. Then I plan on repeating the process again and again until we’re both too tired to continue. That’s how this love for her has felt for so many years now. I’d finally think I was getting somewhere, but at the last minute, the rug would be pulled out from under me. But I’ve finally gotten my shot and I’m never going to screw it up. Not now. Not ever. She’s mine until the day I die.

  “Oh my God. I don’t think I’ll be able to move for a year,” Cora says, breathless as I pull her against my chest.

  “Good. That just means we’ll get to stay in this moment that much longer,” I reply, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.

  She offers up a sleepy smile that I can see through the faint streetlight shining through the curtains. “I really like where we are.”

  “Me too,” I agree.

  “Do you think anything will change with us now? Now that we’re together together and have a baby on the way?”

  I chuckle. “What? Like we weren’t together together before?”

  She shrugs one shoulder. “Before, we were together, but it wasn’t like we are now. And they say kids change everything.”

  “I guess you’re right about that.”

  “So do you think things will change?”

  “I think things will change for the better. We have a lot to figure out, like where we’re going to live, what school we want our kids to go to, when we want to get married . . . but I’m not worried about those changes. Those changes just come with life. Those are things we would have encountered anyway even if we’d planned it all out with perfect timing. And that’s sarcasm, by the way. Perfect timing doesn’t exist.”

  “That’s true. And they’d be good changes as long as that’s what you want.” Her voice changes. “You do want those things, right?”

  “I told you I did,” I remind her.

  “I know, but before was hypothetical. Now, it’s actually happening.” She giggles as she rests her hand on her lower belly. “So, do you want marriage someday? With me?” She looks so hopeful with her brows raised and the corners of her mouth lifted.

  I kiss her forehead. “I wouldn’t want that stuff with anyone but you, Cora. And I’ve known that for a long time.”

  “How long?” she asks, teasing me now.

  “I’ve had my eye on you since the day I met you. I had to sit and watch as you dated then got engaged to that loser. I watched the way you bent over backwards to please him, and how the only thing you ever got in return was let down. It took so much willpower to hold myself back every time he’d leave you upset and crying. All I wanted to do was go to you, pick you up, and tell you how beautiful you are—how good and perfect.”

  She offers up a small smile. “You should have. Then you could’ve saved me some time.”

  I laugh. “You wouldn’t have listened. I had to sit back and watch you learn that lesson on your own.”

  “That must have been the worst show ever to watch,” she jokes.

  I shrug.
“It wasn’t so bad, because even when you were hurt or upset, I got to watch you get back up and smile, and that made it all worth it.”

  This time, she doesn’t reply or make some smart comment. She just lifts her head and presses her lips to mine.

  Sleep takes her rather quickly. Watching her sleep, I know I can’t wait years to ask her to marry me. Fuck, it was hard to wait this long, if I’m being completely honest. From the day I found out she was single, I wanted her more and more. I don’t know how I managed to play my cards perfectly, but for once, I did it. I won the game and got the prize. Now all I have to do is keep her. And to keep her, I have to do one thing. Ask one question: Will you marry me?

  But is it too soon? Sure, we’ve only just gotten together as a real couple, but we’ve been together for months now. Still, I’m sure that’s too soon as well. How long do people stay together before getting married? And are we a regular couple, or are we something more? I’m sure she’s my soul mate. Are most people? Then again, what does anyone else have to do with our happiness? I should do this based on our timeline, not anyone else’s.

  It may be too soon, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have to figure out the perfect way to do it. How should I go about it? Should I take her out to some fancy dinner? Or maybe just the little bar and grill we frequent? I could order the whole menu for her again. That really won me some brownie points, even though we didn’t have to pay for it in the end. Or maybe it wasn’t the date that made her so happy. Maybe it was because she was finally done with the marathon.

  Why do I have to completely overthink everything? I need to ask when it feels right. I need to remind myself that if we’re really meant to be, when or how I ask isn’t important. All that matters is that we’re together. I push all these thoughts away, and the moment my head is clear, I fall into a deep sleep.

  “Thanks for meeting me,” I say to Harley as she comes to a stop in front of me on the sidewalk. Her belly is swollen with her growing baby and she’s holding her coat closed given that fall is in full swing now.