Memory's Wake

by Fenech, Selina

  “I’ll keep Mem and myself moving fast. I can behest our bodies to react quicker, keep us a step ahead of Thayl. He won’t know which of us is which. I think we’ve a good chance of luring him away from the rest of his men with glimpses of us.”

  Roen leant forward in the matching armchair across from Memory. “And you say your behest can also help me fight better, to hold back any men with him until he’s on his own? Will too, if he shows up again?”

  Eloryn nodded, moved as if to pace, but instead fidgeted in place.

  Memory leaned back into the upholstered comfort, pulling her knees up in an effort to stop their jittering.

  This cottage had been set up by Alward, Eloryn had told them when they arrived. A home away from home in case their other was lost, bought and fully stocked with essentials by Alward’s guidance from afar. Stocked and furnished but too sparse to be considered cozy. Memory now sat in a simple cotton dress, more grey brown than lilac, taken from a small supply in a room fitted for Eloryn. Inexpressible happiness filled her to be out of the destroyed black ball gown. Clean, dry, fed and sitting. All the good things in life. But a dark unease at what lay ahead continued to build.

  “I don’t know, isn’t it risky though? He’ll still have his magic the whole time. We know he hit me once and it did nothing, but the two of you... We’re going to have to get so close to him. Maybe it should just be me. I can do it, lure him out by myself,” Memory said past the fingers in her mouth, having graduated from chewing her lips to chewing on them.

  “I can’t let you take that risk on your own,” Eloryn said firmly. “He could have any number of men with him even with the distractions. You need us there to help. Even if you’re immune to his magic again, he could hurt you in other ways.”

  Roen rested his elbows on his thighs and bent his head down into his hands. “If anyone is to confront Thayl on their own it should be me. He doesn’t know me, and I can probably sneak in close enough without being seen. Both your lives are too valuable.”

  “It needs to be all of us for the plan to work. Thayl needs to see Memory and me. I need to be there, close by, for my behests to work. Memory must be there for the chance to get her memories back.”

  “Then Roen at least can stay behind then, and Will; he doesn’t need to be part of this either,” Memory said, volume growing.

  Eloryn paused with her mouth open, looking across to Roen.

  “Not a chance.” Roen’s voice was barely below a yell as he stared at the two of them.

  “But-” Memory said, her voice rising again to match.

  “Mem, Roen, please, if we do this, we have to do it together. I won’t let either of you do this without me, so you won’t stop me. It is my plan. Now, do we follow it? Together?”

  Roen nodded gravely then put his head down into his hands.

  Memory tore off her last fingernail between her teeth and chewed on the rough fibers left behind. Her mind whirred, but all she could catch from the thoughts that flew past was a large amount of cursing.

  She shrugged and nodded.

  Eloryn sighed out enough air that she visibly decreased in size. “Then we do it tonight.”

  “I figure you heard all of that?” Memory said out loud to the copse of trees, feeling foolish.

  With the faintest rustle of leaves, Will dropped down in front of her, landing as easily and quietly as if he’d simply taken a step forward. She squeaked a gasp of shock at his arrival. At this point she could do without such surprises, and punched him in the arm in retribution. She thought she saw him smile in response, but it passed too quick for her to be sure.

  Seeing him here now, so close in front of her, she realized she hadn’t ever really looked at Will. William? William what? He had just been “that animal man”. But he wasn’t that. He was some normal boy whose life she’d ruined, lost in her own insane world of issues. Half the time she forgot he was even there, watching her from a distance. So many questions she hadn’t asked him, things she hadn’t seen. He seemed several years older than her now. On his bare chest large pale scars showed against the worn skin, silver in the moonlight. Clothing, if it could be called that, covered only parts of him. It was an odd mixture of finely made but worn garments and the furs that added to his animal appearance, all held together by strips of leather. He stood straighter than he normally did, making him even taller than she’d thought. She only just came to his biceps.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t go,” he said.

  “Don’t you want me to get my memories back? Then, I would remember you too.” She smiled, but her lips shook for some reason.

  “Maybe. But others, maybe not. Maybe you shouldn’t.” He didn’t seem comfortable, his eyes turning from edge to edge but not toward her.

  Memory snorted. “Considering the grand memories I’ve made for myself so far this time around, really, what could be worse?”

  No answer. Will’s breath formed a shimmering haze as it shook from his mouth.

  Memory lost the wry smile from her face. “I’m not talking about happy endings here. I honestly don’t think that this will turn out the way Lory wants it to, but we have to do something.”

  “Then hide. I can keep you hidden, in the forests…”

  “With your fairy friends? Maybe you haven’t noticed, but they don’t seem to like me at all.”

  “Somewhere, somehow I’d keep you safe.”

  He sounded so much like a child at that moment, so touchingly, that Memory breathed out a giggle. She instantly regretted it. He looked at her as though that laugh was something familiar and hurtful.

  “I’m going to do this. One way or another,” Memory muttered. “What are you going to do?”

  “Mina, Yvainne, the other fae... they won’t help. But they’re close. They’re watching to see what happens. If it’s done, after that, I don’t know. But I will help. I’ll follow you. As long as I can.” He looked behind him into the trees, then finally brought his eyes onto her face. The corner of his mouth twitched. “I’ve never seen you without your hair dyed.”

  “You don’t dig the blonde?” Memory folded her arms up into her chest, lifting her eyebrows. This was the one person in all Avall that knew the most of her life. His opinion suddenly seemed to matter a lot.

  “Never in a dress either. You’re different.” The cool blue of his eyes remained fixed on hers, assessing her, making her heart jitter. “Everything is different here.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was like before.”

  Will huffed, mouth lifting slightly more, almost a smile. “You would never say sorry, before.”

  The faintest flicker of light caught the corner of Memory’s eye, and Will turned away from her again.

  “I have to go,” he said.

  “Oh, well, do you want to stay tonight in the house or...?”

  Will had already taken three long strides, then stepped up into the trees and disappeared. Memory’s words drifted to nothing.

  She wished she could do that light spell, to light up the trees and see where he went. She just couldn’t get it to work, a simple thing like that. If she couldn’t even do that, why did she think she could do what she had to for Eloryn’s plan? This wasn’t going to work. The blood drained from her to think of what would happen if it didn’t.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Roen watched Eloryn push the study door open and step out, looking grey and empty. She didn’t notice him, sitting still and silent in the same armchair as before. He hadn’t lit the room, finding no lamps or lighters in a wizard’s home, and unable to do it himself any other way. Still just a thief hiding in the shadows.

  A tiny wisp followed Eloryn and lit her face. Twin tears ran down and joined under her chin.

  Roen cleared his throat.

  She wiped frantically at her cheeks. “It’s so dark in here. Sorry, you startled me.”

  “How went the messages?” he asked softly.

  “I was able to speak with Duke Lanval. He won’t be involved, as exp
ected, but had information about the Wizards’ Council. They still live, and I know where they are held. He also agreed to rush messages to his contacts in the resistance, so they can rally as many men as they can for this morning. He was more agreeable knowing that if we do not achieve our part, there is no risk to them. He said we were foolish, but wished us luck.” Eloryn’s voice had lost the regal edge it held before. She sounded tired, and more emotional than she wanted to show.

  Roen leant forward out of the shadows, rose out of his chair and over to Eloryn’s side before he knew why. Once there, he couldn’t find reason enough to voice. He spoke awkwardly. “Are you all right?”

  Eloryn nodded and smiled. Both looked false. “Where’s Mem?”

  Roen’s hand, half lifted toward Eloryn, dropped and balled into a fist. “Gone outside to see that savage.”

  “I don’t think he means harm, from what I understand happened to him,” Eloryn said, her eyes following the line of his arm to his hand. He unclenched it, self conscious in the memory of her fingers wrapping his. Her innocent gesture that he took advantage of.

  “Who’s to say he’s not also struck with vengeance, for his lifetime lost in the woods?” Roen turned and walked back to one of the two armchairs. Nerves jumping too hectically to sit again, he leant into the backrest from behind. One armchair meant for Alward, one for Eloryn, and nothing more. Even now he wore a shirt of Alward’s, taken from what would have been his room. Eloryn had given it to him with a trembling smile, and as much as wearing it was necessary it made him uncomfortable. He pulled at the neckline of it, unbuttoning the collar that now felt too tight.

  “Memory told me that when she healed me, I was bandaged in your shirt. I don’t think I would have lasted, without what you did for me. I wanted to thank you,” Eloryn said from across the room.

  Thanking me for evidence of what I couldn’t do. Bandages instead of behests, Roen thought, shaking his head. The image of Eloryn’s gold dress, torn to shreds and bloodstained, came to him as a further reminder. Roen could see her in the new, clean and whole olive dress she now wore, and how it made her eyes and hair luminous, even though he didn’t turn and look.

  A sudden realization almost made Roen buckle over. He dug his fingers into the dusty upholstery of the armchair. Who Eloryn was, who he was… even after everything that had happened, everything she knew about him, some madness in him still clung to hope. The pain of that hope shredded his insides as he saw clearly. If their plan worked, restoring the Maellan line and the Wizards’ Council to power, then he and Eloryn wouldn’t be allowed together any more than Loredanna and Thayl were.

  Roen covered a groan by clearing his throat again. “We don’t have to do this. You’re safe here, you could just… stay.”

  Eloryn moved to his side. “I know who I am is a burden to everyone around me. Understand, this is what I have to do to lift that. But my burden is not yours. You can be free of it at any time.”

  “I said I wouldn’t leave you and I won’t. Not until you’re safe,” Roen said through unopened teeth. He glared into the fabric of the armchair, but still felt her next to him like the warmth of sunlight on bare skin.

  “I don’t want you to feel responsible for me. You saw what became of the last man who did.”

  “It’s not just that.”

  “Would you still be here with me now, if I was never a princess?” Eloryn’s tone became cold.

  Roen’s voice came up short, breaking before a word could come out. He forced the words through. “I didn’t know you were a princess when I returned your bag that day.”

  Despite the words spoken being true, Roen cursed himself as a liar. He wouldn’t have been here, now, if he hadn’t seen that medallion, hadn’t known with one look. He wouldn’t have put himself at risk to hide them from the guards. And if that hadn’t ended badly, he simply would have used her, like he did other women, and then forgotten her. That was the reality of who he was; criminal, philanderer, sparkless seventh son of a seventh son. A man who had no place by her side.

  Eloryn only saw the lie, one that he’d been starting to believe himself. It’s time we were both reminded of the truth. There is no future here.

  “Thank you, for that also, that you returned me my belongings back then,” Eloryn said softly.

  Roen coughed a rasping laugh, and she took a step back when he looked up at her in anger. “Thanking me! That I stole the pack in the first place? You’re too naïve for your own good. You have no idea who I really am.”

  Eloryn’s lower lip trembled, and she stepped back again. “I’m… I need to get some sleep before we leave.”

  Roen dropped his head down onto the back of the armchair. After a few quiet moments, he noticed Eloryn hadn’t moved.

  “I don’t regret that you stole from me. There is not one action I’ve seen you take that hasn’t been of noble cause. That is who I know you are.” And she left.

  “Sweet dreams, El,” Roen muttered once she was long gone from the room. He straightened back up, and went to fetch the bottle of fortified wine he had seen in the pantry stores when searching for lighting.

  Memory threw an arm up over her head, trying to relieve the stuffy warmth of the feather quilting on top of her. The chill of the night air was even less comfortable and she pulled it into the bed again.

  She rolled her tongue around her teeth, counting them, and wiggled her toes. Her eyes, unwilling to close, traced dark shadows on the exposed rafters of the ceiling.

  She flung herself onto her side, knocking into Eloryn.

  “Please, Mem. You should try to sleep.”

  Memory breathed deeply through her nose and stretched flat on her back again in her half of a small bed. It lasted a few seconds before she turned on her side facing Eloryn, propped up on an elbow.

  “So, sisters huh?” Memory said through half her mouth. “It’s kind of weird, right? Really. Very seriously. Weird.”

  Eloryn muttered under the covers just out of Memory’s hearing.

  “Did you just swear? No way.” Memory poked Eloryn with her bare foot.

  “Mem, we only have a few hours left.” Eloryn tried to move out of Memory’s reach but there was nowhere to go. She turned onto her back and sighed pointedly.

  “Come on, you haven’t thought about it at all? I mean, we’re sisters, twins even. It’s got to at least be better than me being some kind of demon doppelganger. Well, maybe not by much,” said Memory. “I am already stealing your clothes.”

  “I don’t know yet what to think. I thought I knew my past. I never imagined having a sister. Now please will you sleep, or at the least let me do so?”

  “If I’m bothering you too much I could go share Roen’s bed instead.”

  Eloryn’s eyes snapped open and turned mechanically toward Memory. “His bed is smaller than this one.”

  Memory cradled her cheek in her hand, grinning at Eloryn. “But he’s cute, huh? Seems like the kind of thing sisters would talk about. Nice body too. I mean, Will is way more built, but I can’t say I was unhappy Roen lost his shirt for so long.”

  “I’m glad my almost being killed by a dragon had such a benefit for you.”

  “Ooh, she has got a sense of humor. Biting too. See, we are sisters after all.” Memory could almost hear Eloryn roll her eyes.

  “Mem, what is it you really want to talk about?”

  Pursing her lips, Memory rolled onto her back, her shoulder up against Eloryn’s.

  She still felt the remnants of the need to get home she used to feel so devastatingly, but knew now she was as much at home here as anywhere. Any family she had sought was now right here beside her. And her stolen soul? Could she just live without the parts of it that were gone? The way her insides burned themselves away, the way she kept doing things that felt so wrong... No, probably not. Something had to be done. But this?

  “I don’t know if I can do what I have to do tomorrow,” she said.

  “I believe you can,” Eloryn said with more confidence
than Memory could stand.

  “I don’t know if I want to,” she said with barely any sound at all.

  Eloryn didn’t respond, and Memory started to hope she hadn’t heard.

  “I know it’s going to be difficult. I would trade places with you if I could,” Eloryn finally whispered. “I don’t know why your magic works how it does, whether it was your time in the other world or your time in the Veil that caused it. I’m sorry that and the dragon’s boon mean so much of the plan relies on you. But if it helps, remember what Thayl has stolen from you.”

  “Yeah, about that…” Memory muttered. How could she tell Eloryn that it wasn’t just her memories that were gone, that were at stake, but her very soul?

  “He didn’t just steal your memories, your magic. He stole your whole life; your throne, your father, your mother, your sister, your world.” Eloryn found and squeezed Memory’s hand under the covers.

  “Yeah. All those things.” Memory pulled her hand out of Eloryn’s and rolled the covers back, stepping out of her side of the bed. “It’s just that I feel like I’ve been looking for my family for so long, maybe even before I lost my memory. I’m not sure I can risk losing that again so soon.”

  Memory spoke quickly to cover any reply Eloryn may have formed. “I’ll try and get some sleep, I promise. I just need some time.”

  Eloryn sat up in bed, looking in the moonlight like the Ghost-girl Memory first met. “Finding out you’re my sister didn’t change anything for me, because you already were in every way that mattered.”

  “Always with knowing the words.” Memory paused at the doorway. “Can I take some of Alward’s clothes, for Will? I want to give him something, you know, me not with the words and all.”

  Eloryn agreed. Memory tried to counteract the force of a shiver playing up her back and walked out. What she was going to do next would be harder than she first thought.

  “Thayl? Thayl!”

  The calling voice grew closer, and Thayl’s eyes drew into small slits, annoyed by the interruption.