The Procrastination Equation

by Piers Steel

  You should start getting these colonoscopies pretty regularly after the age of fifty, if not earlier, but a surprising number of people put it off, including oncologists. Even my father-in-law, who ran a large health sciences center and should have known better, unduly delayed his. It does sound unpleasant, but the downside of delaying a colonoscopy is potential death from colorectal cancer, the second most deadly form of cancer, right behind lung cancer. But unlike lung cancer, colorectal cancer is very treatable and preventable if you catch it early. It comes in stages, from 0 to 4, the survival rate plummeting with each successive stage. The number one reason for failing to get screened is procrastination. Putting off a recommended colonoscopy because of fear, discomfort, or embarrassment is a widespread problem even among the most capable. Katie Couric, while she was co-anchor of the Today show, lost her husband to it. My father lost his second wife. By the time she finally went to see her doctor, a colonoscopy wasn’t needed because you could already feel the cancer through the wall of her stomach. After seeing her vibrancy slowly fade away in my father’s care over her last year, I can confidently say that this is as serious and tragic as it gets. However, the story of colonoscopies is not unusual for medicine. For many diseases, infections, growths, and general ailments, early detection and treatment is always better, and yet people consistently delay. Given this lead up, I'm sure you won’t be surprised to learn that procrastinators tend to be among the least healthy of people.

  To rub salt into the wound, not only are procrastinators less likely to pursue treatments but they are more likely to indulge in the very behaviors that create the need for treatments in the first place. Procrastinators are health risks because their impulsive nature makes them susceptible to vices, attracting them to short-term pleasures despite their long-term pains. On the other hand, they are less predisposed to virtues—that is, short-term pains with long-term rewards. For example, do you floss? Though you know you should and often plan to, if you are a procrastinator, you very likely don’t.22 Exploring the effects of this oversight, I asked my dentist about the worst case he had seen. He recalled one patient with more tartar than tooth, tartar so thick that it formed a solid wall, obscuring the teeth. He offered to show me a picture; I wisely declined. Here are a few other misbehaviors that affect procrastinators' health.

  If you are a major procrastinator, you likely have some cigarettes on you. At least, they are tobacco-based rather than cannabis (but you probably have had those too at some point). And what goes better with a cigarette than a drink, one that has a little alcoholic bite to it? Better not have too many—you don’t want to pass out while smoking, because you haven’t checked your smoke detector or changed its batteries in quite a while. And that wasn’t a salad you had for dinner, not with all those calories. Well, if you got it at a drive-through, what do you expect? This brings up your driving. Have you noticed that most people are scared when you are behind the wheel? Don’t get angry with me, though you do tend to get angry quite a bit. Don’t you?23

  In short, smoking, excessive alcohol use, drug abuse, recklessness, overeating, risky driving, and fighting, not to mention promiscuous sex, are all activities that procrastinators tend to do a little more of rather than a little less. They all tap into procrastinators' impulsiveness, making gratification the one thing they don’t delay. If you currently partake in even half of these vices, you are not exactly a poster child for a healthy lifestyle. Odds are, your choices will catch up with you.

  RELIGIOUS PROCRASTINATION

  Despite being born in the fourth century, St. Augustine is interesting enough to this day that a musician, specifically Sting, has written a song about him. Prior to his conversion, St. Augustine was a follower of what was then the world’s most popular religion, Manichaeism, and he knew the pleasures of the flesh way better than you would expect of any saint. Though Manichaeism was against procreational sex—which partly explains why it died out—it found recreational sex more forgivable, an option that St. Augustine and his multiple mistresses indulged in enthusiastically.24 Their libidinous lifestyle more than explains how St. Augustine became the patron saint of beer or, at least, of brewers; it became his defining temptation. After converting to Christianity in a.d. 386, he had trouble turning his back on a woman’s embrace, his most famous quote being, “Please lord, make me chaste, just not today!” He kept putting off celibacy, feeling utterly defeated by his procrastination.5c Then one day, in his garden in Milan, he heard God directing him through a child’s voice to “take up and read.” He grabbed the Bible, which opened to this precise passage from St. Paul’s Epistle to the Romans “ . . . not in orgies and drunkenness, not in promiscuity and licentiousness, not in rivalry and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh.” With such a direct message, he redoubled his efforts for a holier life.

  St. Augustine’s plight is a common one.5d The world’s great religions are tough on procrastination, universally viewing it as a detour from the path of salvation and enlightenment.25 Their disapproval makes sense, because putting off good acts in order to sin will put you in spiritual jeopardy. Here are some samples that show how.

  Hinduism, to start with, is defined by the Mahabharata, especially a section called the Bhagavad Gita, a religious text preached by the god-figure Krishna.26 In it Krishna declares, “Undisciplined, vulgar, stubborn, wicked, malicious, lazy, depressed, and procrastinating; such an agent is called a Taamasika agent,” unworthy of rebirth. In Islam, postponement of good deeds is primarily what the Arabic word for procrastination, taswif, refers to.27 Similarly, The Pillars of Islam, the foundational book on Islamic law, has much to say on procrastination, none of it good.28 The same is true of Buddhism, despite its often being taken to be the world’s undemanding and unobtrusive feel-good religion. From the Pali Canon, the earliest written Buddhist scriptures dating from about the first century B.C. until today, the message has been consistent and clear.29 As the American-born lama, Surya Das, says: “We have to stop procrastinating, pretending that we have forever to do what we want to do and be what we long to be.”30 But the religion in which procrastination appears to be the biggest problem, judging from the number of times it is mentioned, is Christianity. Sermons aplenty preach against procrastination, mainly because the faith emphasizes repentance.5e People may lead a sinful, selfish life, but can seek forgiveness on their deathbed and still be redeemed, cramming for the finals so to speak.

  Procrastination is a universal theme in all these religions because we cannot predict when we will die; thus, the best time to repent, to act morally, to commit ourselves to doing good is now. A parable from The Mahabharata, Hinduism’s epic narrative, demonstrates this reasoning. The hero, Yudhisthira, promises to donate some money to a beggar tomorrow. His younger brother Bhima hears of this and runs out to ring the court’s victory bells. “Why,” asked Yudhisthira, “did you ring the bells?” Bhima replies, “To have made such as promise, you must have victory over life. Otherwise, who knows what tomorrow will bring?” Similarly, Sayyiduna Ali Murtadha, the fourth Caliph of Islam, wrote, “Everyone who is taken by death asks for more time, while everyone who still has time makes excuses for procrastination.” If our clock suddenly stops, our souls may be damned if we put off good deeds, meditative practice, and requests for forgiveness.

  The universal holy war, then, isn’t against forces of darkness but against forces of nature, our own human nature. Religions are all battling procrastination among their believers and converts because whatever promised lands or promised rewards they offer will most likely be granted in the distant future. Inevitably, everlasting salvation is being deeply discounted against a backdrop of sins that provide pleasures immediately. The world may be spiritually divided by how we view God or the good, but when it comes to damnation, procrastination leaves no doubt that all religions have a lot in common.

  THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

  If procrastinators tend to be less wealthy and healthy than t
he doers among us, it is likely that they are going to be less happy too. And they are. This is partly on account of the stress of procrastination, which frequently gives rise to guilt. It is not unusual for procrastinators to suffer more for putting off the work than they would have suffered by actually doing the work itself. Consequently, when they finally tackle the task, they are often relieved, admitting, “This isn’t as bad as I thought.” Rita Emmett, in her Procrastinator’s Handbook, considers this a law, which she codifies under her own name, as Emmett’s Law: “The dread of doing a task uses up more time and energy than doing the task itself.”

  The online procrastination discussion boards often serve as confessionals of delay-induced torment. Here are half a dozen examples culled from two online forums, Procrastinators Anony-mous and Procrastination Support:

  •I've been very successful in many ways and managed to accomplish a lot in my life. But the process is miserable—I procrastinate, feel terribly guilty, get depressed, do work marathons, promise to change, and then start procrastinating again. I'm now at a point professionally where I've procrastinated so much on so many things that the work has really piled on and I'm fearful and unclear about how to dig myself out of the hole I'm in.

  • The semester started two weeks ago and so far it has gone well. I was doing every assignment early and had so much free time but since then I have reverted to my old self. I fear for the worst and I have about two months until mid-term when my marks are due. I know I'm not as bad a student as shown in my report cards but I can’t seem to get my work schedule in gear.

  • Whenever I told people I was a horrible procrastinator, they would usually laugh, and then say they were too. But they seemed fine; their lives weren’t on the brink of destruction because of their procrastination, like mine was. Can any of you please help me out?

  • I really just want to DO WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO DO IT! Whether I intrinsically want to or not, like NORMAL PEOPLE do. It hurts me so much that I cannot simply do that.

  • And I'm so ashamed of even needing to resort to something like this. What kind of person am I that I have such a lack of self-control? I have fought and fought and fought over the years . . . I feel like it’s a dying battle.

  • This habit isn’t funny, but I've always pretended it was. Really, though, it’s pretty tragic. It takes me months to respond to e-mails, costing me personally, socially, and financially . . . the only thing I really ever finish is dessert.

  Unfortunately for these procrastinators, guilt and poor performance won’t be the entire story. When it comes to gratification, procrastinators stress immediacy. Like the spoiled rich girl Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, they don’t care how, they want it now. Immediate gratification often comes at the cost of larger, later rewards, so consequently, procrastination is like running up a charge on your emotional credit card. You don’t have to pay it now, but when the bill is finally due there will be compound interest. We fritter away the days with the small pleasures of television and computer games, of Internet surfing and Sudoku puzzles and end up with nothing to show for it. This is a recipe for regret.

  In the short term, we regret what we do, but in the long term, we regret what we don’t get done. Inaction causes us the greater suffering. Not to have done, not to have tried, to have put it off—this is part of the human condition, so we all suffer from it to some degree. You almost certainly have or will have regrets in at least one of these three life areas: Success, Self-Development, and Intimacy.31 Looking back on our lives, it is common to feel that we should have gone for that degree or tried harder in class, that we should have mustered up the courage and risked rejection for that date, or made time for that phone call to Mom. We are haunted by the ghosts of our own lost possible selves—what we might have been: could've, should've, but didn’t.32

  I am no exception to procrastination’s rule of regret. My brother Toby suffered from sarcoidosis, the same debilitating disorder that took the life of comedian Bernie Mac. When my family had to make the decision to take Toby off his ventilator and wait with him until he took his last breath, I was crushed with knowing what a fool I had been with my time. I regret putting off trips to see his plays. I regret not making it to the hospital sooner to see him. I regret the littlest things, like not taking more time to watch a bad movie on TV with him while eating take-out. He was the smartest, funniest person I have ever known and I took it all for granted. In keeping with life’s synchronicity, soon after my brother’s funeral I found a poem in the newspaper written by Mary Jean Iron. I clipped it to remind myself of my carelessness. It is still there, in my desk drawer, waiting for this moment:

  Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.

  Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.

  Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.

  Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so.

  One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow,

  Or stretch myself taut or raise my hands to the sky

  And want more than all the world, your return.

  Put down this book and get going. Don’t hesitate: call your mother, start writing that essay, ask out that special person you have had your eye on. Now is the moment you have been waiting for.

  LOOKING FORWARD

  Have you really put this book down? I didn’t think so, but don’t worry. I know it is not that simple. Interventions are still coming—you will hit them when you reach chapter seven. Right now, I want to continue focusing on the price of procrastination. In the next chapter, we look at the economic cost of procrastination to society. When we calculate the final figure, it will probably be larger than even your most outlandish guess.

  Chapter Six

  The Economic Cost of Procrastination

  HOW BUSINESSES AND NATIONS LOSE

  Momentary passions and immediate interests have a more active and imperious control over human conduct than general or remote considerations of policy, utility or justice.

  ALEXANDER HAMILTON

  When exploring procrastination, no other country provides as many good examples as the United States. Almost two-thirds of all procrastination research is done with American citizens, and no wonder, given what it costs them. Here’s how to calculate it. First, how many workers are there in a country? For the United States, the figure is over 130 million, but we will round down for ease of calculation. Second, what is the annual average wage for those workers? Estimates can reach over $50,000, but we will be conservative and go with the lower figure of $40,000. Finally, how many hours do people work each year? The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development provides that figure: Americans clock in 1,703 hours, or slightly more than 212 eight-hour workdays, each year.1 Finally, we have to determine how many hours each day people procrastinate. Two companies, America Online and Salary.Com, partnered together to survey the work habits of more than ten thousand people; the result was over two hours of procrastination in every eight-hour day, not including lunch and scheduled breaks. Once again, we will round the estimate for ease of calculation, this time downward to an even two hours.2

  Keep in mind as we calculate the final figure that I've used conservative estimates at every step. We have 130 million people who spend about two hours out of every eight at work procrastinating, or 414 hours per year. Each hour is worth at least $23.49 (i.e., $40,000 divided by 1,703 hours), though if their employers are making a profit, they are worth more than that. At a minimum, then, procrastination is costing organizations about $9,724 per employee each year ($23.49 times 414).3 Multiply that by the total number of employees in the United States, and you get $1,264,1200,000,000. In other words, a conservative estimate of the cost of procrastination for just one country in just one year is over a trillion dollars. This number may seem surprisingly large, but not if you are an economist. Gary Becker, who won the Nobel Prize for economics, concludes, “
Indeed, in a modern economy, human capital [the work people do] is by far the most important form of capital in creating wealth and growth.”4 With a quarter of each person’s work day spent dithering, procrastination is going to be costly.

  Still, if this trillion-dollar figure makes you balk, fine. Revise any part of these calculations downward to what you think is reasonable. Cut the number of procrastination hours in half, pay everyone minimum wage, but pretty much anything times 130 million is still going to be a hefty sum. Myself, I think the true costs of procrastination are far more than a trillion dollars. Procrastination during the business day is only part of the picture.5 Our ability to save money or make timely political decisions is also affected by procrastination, and the costs there should be over a trillion dollars too. And here is how it is happening.

  TIME IS MONEY

  The more we procrastinate at work, the more it costs us. Unfortunately, it’s not just entry level workers who procrastinate but their managers and CEOs as well. Consider the Young Presidents' Organization, a club of corporate heads under forty-five who run companies worth more than ten million in revenue. In a survey of 950 of its members, the most troublesome problem reported was “facing up to a task which was, for various reasons, personally distasteful.”6 As my own research program shows, organizational teams, work groups, and task forces procrastinate.7 The graph on the next page charts the average work pace of business groups over the course of their projects (the solid line) along with a hypothetical steady work pace (the dashed line). In both form and content, it parallels the graph from chapter 2 that featured student procrastination. As can be seen, both students and business groups demonstrate the same shape of curve, whereby people start off slow and then pick up the pace.6a