Distraction (Club Destiny Book 8)

by Nicole Edwards

  “I said yes. Because I trust you, Dylan. And I thought you trusted me.”

  “I do.”

  “Bullshit. You trust me with sex, but that’s it. That’s all this is, right? Sex? No different than three years ago. I’m a distraction and you got what you wanted. So what the fuck are you sticking around for?”

  Sarah could tell she’d hit a sore spot with him.

  “You want to talk about Meghan?” he yelled. “Fine. Let’s talk about her. Let’s talk about how I spent the last eleven years of my life getting over the fact that she died in my fucking arms, Sarah. That’s what you want to hear, right? That I’m over it. That I’m not broken.”

  “Fuck you,” she hissed. That wasn’t at all what she’d wanted to hear.

  “But it’s what you want, right?” Dylan taunted her. “You want me to come crawling on my hands and knees, providing you the opportunity to fix me. Right, Sarah? It’s what you do best? You put everyone else before yourself so you can fix them?”

  What the hell was Dylan talking about? He was delusional was what he was.

  “Fuck you!” Sarah exclaimed, turning away from him and walking toward the kitchen. She tried to control her breathing. This conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere, so hashing it out was pointless.

  “You fix people,” he continued. “Ashleigh told me how she’d reached out to you and you wanted to help fix me. Is that why you’re with me? To make sure I don’t relapse? Did my sister talk you into this?”

  Sarah pivoted around to face him. “Are you serious? That was three fucking years ago, Dylan. And, yes, maybe the old Sarah had wanted to try and help you back then. That’s what friends do, right? They help each other. They listen. They talk.”

  “Then why didn’t you?”

  “Why didn’t I what?”

  “That night I came over … when we fucked… I didn’t hear you trying to stop me from leaving. You didn’t reach out.”

  “You’re pinning that on me?” The anger surged in her veins. “If I recall correctly, you called me that night. Not the other way around.”

  Dylan exhaled sharply. “You didn’t try to get in touch. Why is that, Sarah?”

  He knew damn well why she hadn’t. Because he’d fucked her and run. Not that she was going to mention that.

  “Tell me, Sarah. Why now? Why are you willing to be with me now? I’m no different than I was then.”

  Knowing she had to think before she spoke, Sarah turned and went into the kitchen.

  He was wrong about not being different. The man she’d known had been beyond help at the time. Her help, anyway. He’d needed professional help to deal with the depression. She hadn’t known about the alcoholism, but he’d needed professional help for that, too. Until he’d decided to come out of his decade-long coma, there hadn’t been a single person on the face of the earth who could’ve helped him. Which was a complete shame because she’d known the real Dylan at one point.

  Placing her hands on her hips, Sarah turned to face him and was stunned to see him standing with his palms planted against the wall, his head hanging between his arms, not moving.

  “Dylan?” Sarah couldn’t help but feel the pain radiating from him, although moments before he’d been all but ready to rip her a new one for simply wanting to talk to him.

  “I’m sorry, Sarah,” he whispered.

  “For what?” God, she really shouldn’t do this. She knew she shouldn’t. “For walking in here and going all caveman on me? Or for inviting me into your life in the first place? Or for having some off-the-wall notion that you need to try and protect me from you?”

  “All of the above.” Dylan turned to face her. Those dark brown eyes no longer held the heat she had seen in them earlier.

  She was still pissed, though there was a ribbon of concern twined in there, too. “I’m a grown woman. I can make my own decisions, but you don’t have to worry—I’m not interested in doing this anymore.” Like hell.

  Dylan’s head snapped toward her. “You’re lying.”

  He stood up tall, an imposing figure in her house.

  “You’re wrong about me wanting to fix you, Dylan. In fact, I grew tired of trying to fix everyone else a long damn time ago.” She gestured toward herself. “Why do you think I changed so much of myself? I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. It turned out that while I was so focused on helping everyone else, I forgot to think about myself. I don’t have that problem anymore.”

  There was chemistry between them, Sarah felt it, but aside from some incredibly good sex, Dylan hadn’t promised her anything. It was her own fault for getting in over her head with this man. These past few weeks had been the best of her life. She hadn’t remembered feeling so free, so completely uninhibited. She liked that feeling. In fact, she liked who she was when she was with Dylan.

  But she honestly didn’t think she was strong enough to compete with Meghan’s memory. She didn’t want to wonder every single day whether or not Dylan was hers or if he was going to fall back into the past, thinking of all that he’d missed out on. Would she wake one morning to find him gone from her life like everyone else? She couldn’t take that.

  She was all for trying new things. But getting her heart broken definitely wasn’t in the plan. Been there, done that. The T-shirt no longer fit.

  DYLAN HAD NO IDEA WHAT the fuck had come over him. He felt like a jackass, and that was probably exactly how he should feel. First of all, they’d just spent the last few hours together in the most intimate way possible. The woman had rocked his fucking world.

  But the first time she tried to talk to him, he’d freaked the fuck out.

  It was almost as though he was intentionally trying to push her, trying to hurt her so she could feel some of what he was feeling.

  “Look, I really should go,” he finally said, though he didn’t need to. Sarah should’ve kicked him out on his ass long ago, told him to go to hell, because she certainly didn’t deserve the shit he was dishing out.

  Truth was, he was scared.

  No, that wasn’t the right word. He was fucking terrified.

  He knew what he felt for Sarah was love. But knowing and accepting, at least for him, were two different things. As much as he wanted to commit to her, he didn’t know how. He’d spent so many years living in the past, holding himself back, not allowing any happiness to seep into his life… It had turned him into a coward.

  Turning to go, he didn’t look at her, but he stopped in his tracks the second she spoke.

  “Dylan, wait.” Her voice was but a whisper in the silence of her living room. “Don’t go.”

  He didn’t want to go, but he needed to. He was prepared to take those few steps to reach the door, but then Sarah’s small hand touched his arm, and Dylan fought the emotion that surged in his chest.

  “Look at me,” she said firmly. “That’s what you always tell me, right? When we make love. You want me to look at you.”

  He did. He wanted that connection, to know that she saw him and only him. He had needed that connection with her. Reluctantly, Dylan turned to face her.

  She was staring up at him, her eyes sad. He hated that he’d been the one to put that look on her face. It tore him up inside to know that he couldn’t give her what she needed.

  “Sarah…” He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say to her, but he knew he needed to say something.

  Staring back at him was a woman so sweet, and so damn beautiful, sometimes it hurt to look at her. Just like he remembered her from high school. He would never compare her to Meghan because that wasn’t fair to either woman, but he would admit that never in his life had another woman touched him as deeply as Sarah. She saw through him, to the heart of him, and if anyone had the ability to fix him, he wanted it to be her.

  Only he wasn’t broken in the way that she thought. In the past few weeks, Sarah had changed him. She’d healed a part of him he’d believed would be a painful ache for the rest of his life. The emptiness inside him was gone when he was with h
er. He wanted that in his life. He wanted her in his life.

  And he didn’t want her to merely be a distraction.

  No.

  She wasn’t.

  Sarah was so much more than that. She was…

  Everything.

  Sarah moved closer and Dylan fought the urge to move backward, to put more space between them, because she lured him in with the innocence he saw in those navy blue eyes, though he knew the strong, capable woman who lurked beneath them. The beautiful woman who’d lived through as much pain, if not more, than he had, and she’d come out the other side even stronger. She was a survivor.

  “I’m sorry for bringing up Meghan. My timing sucked and I—”

  “You shouldn’t be apologizing to me. You weren’t wrong, Sarah. I was. And I owe you an apology. Despite what you think, I do trust you. And even though I acted like a complete and total jackass, I’m not willing to give up on us,” he told her, glancing down at his hands, then back up at her. “Not now. Not ever.”

  “Me, neither.”

  A hot ball of emotion clogged his throat.

  One thing he’d learned about Sarah these past few weeks was that she didn’t do something half-ass. If she gave a little, she gave all, and he fucking admired that about her.

  “You’re stronger than I am,” he whispered.

  “That’s what you think,” she replied quickly. “Do you know why I spent so much time and energy changing my entire life? I mean, seriously, Dylan. I quit a perfectly good job so I could try and find myself. And I did it all so I could make it through another day and another after that. I didn’t like who I’d become. And yes, I spent so much time blaming Paul for killing himself… I hated him with a passion because he left me alone. Does that sound strong to you?”

  “Yes. Actually it does. You know how to get through it.”

  Her broken laugh startled him. “I wish that were true.”

  Shit.

  Dylan glanced at the floor, not wanting to say the wrong thing. They did need to talk, and more importantly, he needed to open up, to tell her how he truly felt. For weeks, they’d gotten by, distracting one another, but it wasn’t enough. He needed to know that this was going somewhere. And maybe that made him needy, but he couldn’t change the fact.

  “Would you like a cup of coffee?” she asked, mentally pulling him up short.

  When he looked at her, a small smile tipped her lips.

  Had he heard her right? “Coffee?”

  “Yes.”

  “We’re not gonna talk?”

  “We will,” she clarified. “But right now, we need a distraction.”

  “Sarah…”

  “No, Dylan. Hear me out.”

  Dylan nodded, encouraging her to continue.

  “Living in the moment is good and fine,” she began. “For some people. But for you and me, our past isn’t something we can let go of. And maybe that’ll never be the case, but if we take a few minutes to ground ourselves, pull ourselves out of that past that haunts us, we can try to move forward again.”

  Dylan understood what she was saying.

  “We are who we are and we have to accept that. It might take us a few more tries than other people, but we can get to the same place. But we don’t have to rush it, either.”

  “So we’re gonna distract ourselves with coffee?” he asked, still stunned.

  “It worked, didn’t it?”

  His brows furrowed. “What worked?”

  Sarah took a step closer. “It no longer feels tight right here,” she said, placing her hand on his chest over his heart.

  She was right, it didn’t. The panic he’d been consumed by had faded and the only thing left was…

  Dylan cupped her face in his hands. “Sarah…”

  Her eyes widened and his heart rate picked up.

  “I…” Dylan had to say it. He had to get it out there. “I love you.”

  Her face softened and her eyes searched his face as though she didn’t believe the words he’d said. A tear slid down her cheek, and that sense of panic set in again, threatening to strangle him. Before he could pull his hands away from her face, Sarah’s fingers curled around his wrists, holding him in place.

  “I love you, too.”

  The weight that had been resting on his chest lifted, and for a minute, Dylan thought his legs might buckle beneath him. The last thing he’d expected was for her to love him back.

  “Stop thinking,” she said hurriedly.

  Dylan nodded, smiling down at her as he wiped the tear away with his thumb.

  “Coffee?” she asked and he couldn’t help but laugh.

  “I don’t want coffee, Sarah.” He wanted her.

  All of her.

  chapter TWENTY-NINE

  “IF YOU DON’T WANT COFFEE, what do you want?” Sarah asked, still holding Dylan’s wrists as he cupped her face.

  Her heart was pounding a million miles a second from the three little words that had come out of Dylan’s mouth. She still couldn’t believe he’d said them.

  “You. I want all of you. Now and forever.”

  She tried not to focus on the forever part. Admittedly, it wasn’t so easy. But that was her eternal hope winning out.

  “Show me your bedroom, Sarah.”

  Smiling, Sarah choked back the emotion that was overwhelming her. Once again, she was going to allow this man to distract her. She didn’t mind it this time because she knew what was coming.

  Sarah led him down the hall to her bedroom, but Dylan didn’t stop there. He turned toward the bathroom and he tugged on her arm until she followed. Several minutes later, they were naked and in the shower, the warm water sluicing over her skin as Dylan soaped her up.

  “This is not very spontaneous, Mr. Thomas,” she teased.

  His eyes softened as he looked at her. “Priorities, baby.”

  Honestly, she thought he would’ve made love to her right there, but he was clearly on a mission. It didn’t take long before they were both cleaned and dried.

  “Eep!” Sarah squealed when Dylan lifted her into his arms and carried her back to the bedroom, gently lowering her to the bed.

  He came down over her, his eyes locked with hers. There was so much emotion in his eyes, she was tempted to look away, scared that she was getting caught up in the moment. She wanted this to be real. She didn’t want to find out that Dylan’s proclamation had been based on the emotional upheaval that the day had caused.

  “God, Sarah.” He brushed his lips against hers. “I love you.”

  She reached between them and fisted his cock, stroking him slowly while he kissed her. His mouth was so gentle she wanted to cry. He was making love to her, and she could feel every ounce of the emotion behind his kiss.

  This wasn’t a distraction. This was the real thing.

  “Wrap your legs around me.”

  Sarah did as instructed, releasing him from her grip.

  “Do I need a condom, Sarah?”

  She shook her head. “I can’t have children.”

  His eyes stayed locked on hers.

  “I had a hysterectomy years ago.” It had been medically necessary, but at the time, she hadn’t cared, because she’d long ago given up on having children of her own when Paul died.

  “Let me love you.”

  Sarah nodded.

  Dylan pushed in deep. She was wet and ready, her body desperate to feel his.

  They made love for what felt like hours but was probably only minutes. Never once did they look away from one another. Sarah could feel Dylan in her soul. This man she’d loved for so long. She wondered if their paths had crossed all those years ago—back when they were naïve teenagers—for a reason. Perhaps a higher power had known how their lives would turn out, the loss they would suffer.

  And somehow they would find themselves again in each other’s arms.

  It was a happy thought, one Sarah wanted to hold on to forever.

  “I love you,” Dylan whispered, his hand caressing her cheek. �
�I’m not good at this, but you probably already know that.”

  Sarah smiled. “I’m not, either.”

  He rocked into her again and again, her body humming with every thrust until she was nothing more than a bundle of overstimulated nerves.

  “Let me love you forever, Sarah. Since the day you let me into your house three years ago, I’ve known who owned my heart. But I wasn’t looking for you to fix me, so I had to fix myself. For you. I wanted to be worthy of you.”

  Sarah couldn’t stop the tears streaming down her face. “Dylan…”

  “Marry me, Sarah.”

  Her heart slammed against her ribs, then stopped beating completely. She had to remember to breathe. Not an easy task when he kissed her so sweetly.

  “Marry me,” he repeated when he pulled his mouth from hers. “Say yes, please.”

  “Yes. Definitely yes.”

  ASKING A WOMAN TO MARRY you while having sex probably wasn’t the best way to go, but Dylan hadn’t wanted to wait any longer. He had royally fucked up, and he didn’t want to risk losing Sarah forever. She had forgiven him, but that didn’t matter.

  Now, as he lay in the dark, holding her against him, he thought about Meghan. He smiled to himself, wondering if this was her handiwork. If he had to guess, Meghan had put Sarah in his path. She’d always been trying to take care of him, and even in the afterlife, she was reaching out to him.

  Oddly enough, he wasn’t sad when he thought of her now. He was thankful for the time he’d had with her.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  Dylan turned his head, brushing his lips across Sarah’s forehead. “Meghan.”

  “Yeah?”

  “She always liked you,” he told her.

  “Me?”

  “Yeah. Back in high school. When you and I were dating, Meghan and I were just friends. She thought you were good for me because you were so sassy and smart.”

  “I had to be in order to keep you from steamrolling right over me.”

  “She actually got mad at me when I told her that I had to break up with you.”

  “But you were going off to college,” Sarah said. “It only made sense.”

  Dylan tried to see her face in the dark.