by Chloe Walsh
Kyle seemed to forget that I was the one who held that girl in my arms as her life, and the life of their baby, bled out of her last Christmas. I was the one with her in the ambulance after she was shot. I was the one who watched the paramedics work franticly to bring her back to life when her heart stopped beating–three fucking times–on the ride to the hospital. I had lost the love of my life and Kyle was pushing his away…
"Tortured," I hissed. "Because some spineless woman decided to give birth to a baby and play house with an alcoholic bully." I laughed dryly before pointing a finger at her in a seemingly causal gesture. "And THEN, to add insult to injury, one day that woman decides she doesn't want to be a punching bag and says to herself 'hmm, better leave the baby with him, maybe he won't look for me if he can knock her around instead.'"
"That's enough, douchebag," Kyle snarled when Tracy burst into tears. "No one is saying what Tracy did was right, but have a heart, Derek. Some fucking compassion. She saved Lee's life."
"CAM saved Lee's life," I roared as I shoved my chair back and stood up. "I happen to have compassion, Kyle. And it's not for her." I leaned his fists on the table and glowered at him. "You," I spat. "Need to pick a fucking team. And you." I pointed at Tracy, who was out of her chair and backing away from the table. "Need to crawl back under the rock you came from."
Kyle waited until Tracy had bolted from the restaurant before speaking to me. "You," he said calmly as he lifted his, now wide awake and terrified, baby from her seat and cuddled her to his chest. "Are lucky my daughter is here." I felt like a piece of shit as I watched Kyle trying to calm Hope down. I'd scared her…He stroked Hope's face and tried to soothe her. "Shh, baby," he murmured. "Daddy's here. It's alright. I'm here, baby girl."
My shoulders sagged as I sighed heavily. "I'm sorry for raising my voice, but I'm not sorry for what I said. She needed to hear that."
"Go home and sober up, Derek," Kyle said wearily as he pushed back his chair and stood. "Before I say something you need to hear."
"I don't understand you, Kyle," I said sadly. "Look at that baby." I pointed at Hope and shuddered. "Lee was like that once and instead of having a father like you, she had him." Grabbing the bottle of wine that was on the table, I turned around and walked away from the table. "Think about that, dude."
****
Kyle
Jesus, my intervention went down about as smoothly as a ton of bricks.
I was setting a record for the number of times I could screw up in a week. Last week, Lee ran away to the cemetery to avoid me. This week I'd pissed her off so much she locked herself away in the bathroom. At least I was consistent in my assholeness.
"Lee," I said for the hundredth fucking time. "Open up, baby."
I listened and waited. Nothing.
"Lee, open the door. You don't have to talk to me. I know I fucked up. You don’t even have to look at me…just let me see you're okay." I wasn't sure how long she'd been in there. I'd waited for over an hour in the restaurant with Hope and Tracy before Derek came back. Yeah, my mind was still reeling over what he'd said. Jesus, his words had hit me hard.
He had a point, but so had I…
I'd put Hope to bed an hour ago and had been sitting on this fucking bed, staring at the bathroom door since. I wasn't in the mood to be attacked with flying objects, but I was worried sick. I needed to fix this. "Open the goddamn door, Lee," I growled, anxiety tearing at my gut. "You have two fucking seconds to open this door or I'm kicking it in."
Losing my patience, I got up and stormed over to the door. Slamming my hand down on the handle, I felt like the world's biggest tool when it opened inwards.
I was sure I felt my heart crack when I saw her curled up in a ball on the floor of the shower. Rushing over I swung the shower door open. Steam hit me square in the face. Jesus, she was going to burn her skin off. I moved to turn off the shower. "Don't," she cried.
"What are you doing?" I whispered as I crouched down in front of her. Her skin was flushed. Her face was scrunched up.
"I'm in pain," she whispered as she clutched herself.
"Down there?" I asked as I knelt in front of her and brushed her hair out of her eyes. She nodded as she bit her lip and winced.
I knew it. I fucking knew she wasn't ready to have sex. Jesus Christ, I needed to start listening to the head on my shoulders and stop listening to the head on my shaft. "Come here, baby," I whispered as I leaned into the shower to pick her up.
"No, no," she cried, pushing my hands away. "The heat helps. Please let me be. It stops the burning."
"Lee, I think you have a kidney infection," I told her, remembering the list of signs the doctor had told us to look out for. "I'm gonna call the doctor, okay?"
"There's no point," she mumbled. "It's normal."
"What?" I shook my head and stood before pulling my phone out of my pocket. "Don't be stupid, of course there's a point. There's a very big point, baby. You've had a kidney transplant. You have pain and you need to get it checked out. This is not normal."
I must have said the wrong thing because her whole face caved and she burst into tears. "Yeah," she squeezed out before clenching her eyes shut. "Okay, thanks."
*****
I was right. Lee had a nasty urinary tract infection and the muscles in her back were in spasm. Dr. Bromwick gave her a shot for the back pain, prescribed some antibiotics for the infection and a prophylaxis to prevent any future reoccurrences.
He'd been more than helpful, coming straight to the hotel when I called. I was grateful as hell because I hadn't been sure how I was going to get her out of the room and into the car if I had to take her to the hospital. I had to coax her out of the shower with a heating pad just so I could get her dressed before he came. "Thanks for coming so quickly, doc," I said as I opened the door for him.
"No problem," he mumbled with red cheeks. "Glad to help. Call anytime, Mr. Carter."
Locking the door of our suite, I checked on Hope before going to our room. "Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" I said in a weary tone. I was fucking weary. I was sick to death of not being told shit. The argument I was sure we would have about her mom had been put on the back burner. She hadn't brought it up yet. I guessed she realized how fucking serious this was. "Lee, I need to know these things. How long has this been going on?"
"A few days," she muttered as she climbed into bed achingly slowly. I shrugged off my clothes and slid in next to her. She curled into a ball on her side and I slid in behind her. "I didn't want to worry you," she whispered. "You have enough problems…"
"Princess," I groaned as I rubbed her back in slow steady circles. Her skin was damp and I wasn't sure if it was from the shower or the pain. If I could take this pain from her I would. It fucking killed me to watch her hurting. "You're not a problem for me, goddammit. A problem for me is when you're sick and don't tell me and we end up like tonight or worse…"
"I'm sorry," she whispered as she pressed herself against my touch. I rubbed her a little harder and she moaned in relief. At least I was doing something right. "He said it was normal. I googled it…I'm sorry."
"You googled it?" I asked in disgust. I brushed her long curls to one side and started rubbing her shoulders. "You self-diagnosed yourself on google? What the hell. You could have had a relapse, Lee. Or septicemia or any number of things. Baby, you can't google your goddamn health…" My words trailed off as her words registered in my head. I sat up and looked down at her. "Hold up, who the fuck told you it was normal?"
She slowly rolled onto her back and looked up at me with tear-filled eyes. "Him," she sobbed. Tears slid down her cheeks, landing on the pillow under her head. "Dr. Bromwick. I called him the other day to get an appointment. He said it was menstrual cramps. That's why I freaked out on you when we were…"
"What?" I shook my head as I tried to contemplate what the fuck I was hearing. "What?"
"He was horrible," she whispered. Her lip wobbled as she spoke. "I knew something was wrong, but he said…he con
vinced me it was nothing. I felt so stupid for even calling. He made me feel so stupid, Kyle. I knew it wasn't my period…"
"You're not stupid," I snarled as I climbed out of bed and grabbed my pants. "He's stupid. He's a dead man walking."
"Kyle," Lee said in an anxious tone as she struggled to sit up. "Where are you going?"
"To find him," I hissed as I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my keys off the bedside table. "Let's see how he likes it when he's pissing blood. I'm gonna give that piece of shit a period of his own."
"Don't you dare," she warned as she scrambled out of bed and hobbled over to me. I couldn't look at her face. I wanted to break something. I was going to break something. Him. "Do not make this worse. You can't just hit a doctor, Kyle," she begged as she wrapped her hands around my wrists. "There are rules about that kind of thing."
"Where were the fucking rules when he refused to see you?" I roared as I pulled my hands away from hers quickly. Too quickly.
Shit.
She flinched and backed away from me. My anger turned inwards. Guilt swamped me. "I'm sorry," I whispered as I reached out slowly and stroked her arm, giving her a chance to relax. "It's okay, baby."
Her nervous eyes studied me for a moment before she stepped forward slowly. I wrapped her up in my arms while I mentally kicked the shit out of myself for being so stupid. I would never hurt her. Jesus, it cut me when she looked so afraid of me. My anger evaporated as shame and fucking guilt took its place. "Please calm down, Kyle," she whispered. "Breathe. Count to ten."
"I'm not five, baby," I mumbled. "Just…just go lie down. I'll sort this out."
"I don't want you to go," she begged as she gripped the sides of my pants with her fists. "Please don't go. I'm sorry for not telling you, okay?"
"He's not getting away with this, Lee," I whispered, my anger re-filling to the point I felt I would burst if I didn't get it out. "He could have killed you. That's neglect. I am not paying those goddamn doctors a fortune to talk shit to you." I shook my head in pure rage. "No one is going to dismiss you like that and get away with it."
"He probably didn't check my file," she said, obviously trying to comfort me. "He may not have known about my kidneys, Kyle."
"He's a goddamn nephrologist," I spat as I desperately tried to rein in my temper. "You were hardly calling him for a friendly chat. It's his job to check your file, Lee. He is paid to know about your kidneys."
"Are you going to leave me, Kyle?" she asked in a soft tone.
"Leave you?" I shook my head and gaped at her. "No. Jesus, Lee, what the hell are you talking about?"
Stepping back from me, she looked into my eyes. "People mess up all the time, Kyle," she told me before climbing onto the bed and crawling over to her side. "I'm hurt over what you did tonight, too, you know, but you don't see me running out looking for a fight." She curled into a ball on her side before whispering, "You don't always have to use your fists to prove a point…"
"Lee," I sighed as I climbed into bed and curled my body around hers. "I'm sorry, okay? For ambushing you with Tracy…for fucking up...I won't do it again."
"Please don't," was all she said and I wasn't sure if I'd gotten off lightly or if I was in deeper shit than I'd originally thought.
****
Chapter 8
Baby brothers
Lee
I was having a bad day. Every inch of my body ached as I made my way down to the lobby with Hope in my arms. My limbs felt like noodles and my mind was stuck in the past. I hadn't touched the prescription of sleeping pills I'd been prescribed, but last night I'd woken up from a nightmare in such a panic that I'd staggered into the shower at 5am and scrubbed my skin raw. It hadn't helped. I still felt dirty. I could still feel her blood on my hands. All over my body…
The elevator pinged as the doors slid open. I was glad I'd tucked a muslin cloth over my shoulder. Hope was a bad traveler when it came to elevators. Stepping out of the elevator, I stood to one side as I cleaned us up as best I could. Thankfully she hadn't ate lunch yet and I had my hair tied back. Otherwise this would have been a code red puke-fest.
Kyle would probably kill me if he knew I was wandering around the hotel, but I had to get out of that room. I needed to integrate myself back into society again and he needed to let me. I planned on doing this by having lunch in the hotel restaurant. We had been doing really well, but things were tense between us now. I was mad at him for forcing my mother on me–although, to be fair, he did seem to have dropped it. He was mad at me for not telling him I was sick. I'd suffered for my omission. Kyle had been methodical in having me test my urine every morning since. He had also re-enforced his sex ban. He hadn't actually told me that, since we weren't really speaking, but I guessed sex was off the menu when he started wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt to bed. Although, apparently it was absolutely fine for him to have sex with himself. He hadn't even blushed when I walked in on him jerking off in the shower this morning. I'd almost died of embarrassment while Kyle had just grinned and carried on. To be honest, I could have sworn he enjoyed my eyes on him. But he really didn't have to bother wrapping himself up at night. The only thing I was tempted to get on top of right now was my bed, and the only thing I was getting under was my duvet.
I was so exhausted from lack of sleep. My nightmares were plaguing me lately and even though Kyle was mad at me he still held me when I woke at night and comforted me until I fell back to sleep. Being in love helped when we drove each other crazy and trusting him helped even more. There was a structure to our relationship that hadn't been there in the beginning. A security. But sometimes it was hard to find a steady medium when we'd lived the past couple of years in a state of constant drama. I was working on not running when things upset me. And Kyle was working on not losing his temper with me when I pissed him off. I thought we were doing a good job until my mother had jostled her way between us. Now all I wanted to do was run and all Kyle wanted to do was shout.
Stupid damn woman…
"Miss Bennett."
I groaned internally when I saw Kyle's henchman approach me with a frustrated look on his face. "You're not supposed to be down here," Marcus stated as he stood in front of me with his hands on his hips. He–like most others–towered above me, which made me wonder how tall my daughter would grow to be with Kyle's giant genes in her. She was a long baby–had weighed eight pounds when she was born. I had a feeling I was going to be the shortest member of our little family. Maybe if we got a dog…"Mr. Carter said…"
"I know, I know," I mumbled as I cradled Hope to my chest. I couldn't rest her on my hips because my scars were feeling tender. I felt like a child being told off by a grownup which was absurd considering I was holding my own child in my arms. "I just felt like stretching my legs and grabbing a bite to eat."
I hated explaining myself to every tom, dick and harry he had watch me. I found it especially embarrassing since I'd worked alongside the majority of the staff in this place when I first moved to The Hill. I was totally paranoid that they believed what was written in the papers about me. I hoped they didn't believe it, but I wasn't a fool either. I'd made it to the top of the gossip pile when I fell pregnant with the boss's babies, but we'd kept the details within our small circle of friends. Now they could read all about it. It felt like light-years ago. It was a simpler time. Hurtful, but less complicated. I never knew where I stood with Kyle back then, but I had Cam back then...
"Mr. Carter gave you implicit instructions not to come down here, Lee," Marcus said in an embarrassed tone. I was glad he felt embarrassed. This was ridiculous. At least he called me Lee today. I was getting tired of this Miss Bennett trick. I wasn't posh. I was simple. I was one of them. I wished they would remember that. "You would be doing me a huge favor if you went back to your room."
"Where is Kyle?" I asked as I shifted around, trying to keep my grizzly baby content. I guessed she didn't like her mommy being interrogated either. Sometimes I felt like I was the one who had committed a crime inst
ead of being the victim of one. "Is he here?"
"Who knows," Marcus grumbled and I didn't miss the 'as usual' he added under his breath. "Linda isn't here either which leaves me in charge. And no offence, Lee, but I value my job a little more than you value your appetite."
"Leave her alone, Marcus. She needs to come out of that room sooner or later," I heard a male voice say from behind me and I wanted to run back into the elevator and hide. I'd been avoiding him with months. I didn't have anything to say to him and there really wasn't anything I wanted to hear from his mouth either, unless it was an apology to Derek.
"Well, you can explain this to the boss," Marcus grunted as Kyle's half-brother, Mike, came to stand beside me.
"I will," Mike said in a firm tone. Marcus glanced at me in annoyance before storming off.
"How have you been?" Mike asked, turning to face me. I wished I was quick tongued like Kyle so that I could toss out a sharp retort, but sadly when it came to uncomfortable situations, nine out of ten times, I became a mute. "Lee…"
"Fine," I managed to squeeze out. My face was burning, but I wasn't blushing, I was anxious. I didn't want Kyle to find me talking to him. He would freak out and I'd put him through enough last year. I hadn't seen it at the time, probably due to the pregnancy hormones, but I'd been a bitch. I had a lot of time to think when I was lying in that hospital bed. I'd thought through all of our behaviors and I'd come to terms with the fact that I'd pushed Kyle's buttons on purpose. Cam had been right when she said I was being deliberately cruel to Kyle. I had been. I was actually pretty mortified about my behavior and anytime I saw Mike my shame intensified.
Mike had been to every doctor appointment when it should have been Kyle. He was such an amazing dad and I felt sick with guilt over the way I'd forced him out. I felt even worse when I thought back to the night when Cam had tried to force me into the bathroom. "I was there too, Cam. Every fucking night. I never left," Kyle had said. I hadn't thought about it much at the time, but I thought about it now. I thought about it every time he held his daughter and every time he smiled at me...