by Chloe Walsh
The sound of footsteps approaching stirred me from my daydream. I swung around and was faced with my worst fucking nightmare. "Derek," Mike said, nodding his head in my direction as he moved to stand beside me at Cam's graveside. I watched as he placed a bunch of flowers on her grave next to my ones. Roses. What an idiot. Cam's favorites were lilies.
Showed what he knew...
"Have you been here long?" he asked as he straightened his spine and wrapped his coat around himself. Clenching my jaw I shoved my hands into my jean pockets. He'd some fucking nerve. I'd give him that. "Derek?" he repeated.
"Don't talk to me," I ground out as I concentrated really hard on not tackling the creep. "Don't ever speak to me, you got it?"
"I didn't mean any harm," Mike muttered stepping away slightly. Wise move. "But you're soaking wet and shaking, man," he added.
I looked down at myself and realized he was right. I was drenched. When had it started to rain? I hadn't noticed. I also hadn't worn a coat. All I was wearing was a black t-shirt and jeans. In October.
"I don't remember," I mumbled more to myself than to him. Come to think of it, I couldn't remember how I came here. Fuck, I was confused.
"Do you want a ride home?" he asked as he placed a hand on my shoulder. That was the wrong fucking thing to do.
"Don't touch me," I growled as I swung around and caught him by the back of the neck. Kicking him in the back of his knees, I pushed him to the ground and forced his face into the earth.
"You fucking did this," I roared as I forced his face into the wet mud. "You took her from me and you couldn't keep her safe." Pushing him forward I released his head and backed away from her grave. "I hope your conscience chokes you."
****
I kept walking until the graveyard was out of sight and my heartbeat returned to its normal rhythm. The rain hammered down on me but I trudged on. I walked for hours through the rain. I didn't have a clue where I was or where I was going. I didn't care and it didn't help. I couldn't walk away from my memories. I could shake her off. Not one single building looked familiar to me, so I guessed I was lost. Good. I wanted to lose myself.
I hated him.
I fucking hated him.
How could Mike walk up to me and talk like nothing had happened, like we were friends? It was his fault.
He'd ripped my heart out of my chest.
He'd taken my whole world away from me and then he'd let her die...
****
Lee
"Are you sure this is what you want?" I asked Kyle as we pulled up in front of the huge wrought iron gated entrance. My fingertips hovered over my name on the paperwork on my lap that I'd–rather reluctantly–signed this morning. A home. A fresh start for the three of us…
"This is a big decision, Kyle," I told him. "It's your money and it's not like I'm bringing anything to the table. I want you to be sure about this."
"Am I sure?" he scoffed, as he keyed the password into the small handset on the wall. "Of course I'm fucking sure." I could tell he was excited because he was more restless than usual. His knee was bobbing at a furious pace as he tapped his fingers against it while we waited for the gates to open. "I have no doubts when it comes to you, Lee."
"Okay," I whispered in relief. It felt good to hear him say that. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to put my name on the house just because we're engaged."
I just didn't want Kyle to feel like he had to give me half of his house–or feel like I wanted his money. I also didn't want to kill his buzz by telling him that I'd live in a tent just as long as it was with him. I'd follow him anywhere…except back to Thirteenth Street.
I didn't know what kind of strings he'd pulled to get the keys so quickly, nor did I want to know. Sometimes the less I knew about Kyle the better. He'd been up since the crack of dawn and had been on the phone for half of the day arranging for our things to be moved from the hotel and ordering furniture. We had left everything in the house in Thirteenth Street and when Kyle had asked me if I wanted him to get anything of my possessions from my room I'd told him no and fought the urge to vomit.
This was our fresh start and I didn't want it tainted with death and miscarriage and heartbreak. I needed to let go and stop trying to dig into the past. Kyle was right. Cam's journal–even if it had been there–was private. I would have never even contemplated breaking her trust and reading it when she was alive….so, what gave me the right to do so now? Nothing. I had no right to violate her privacy…I was going to let it go. I had to. We all needed to start anew.
The gates opened inwards, revealing a narrow wooded driveway. My breath caught in my throat as I took in our surroundings. Everything was …green and orange. Huge evergreen fir trees were lined like soldiers on either side of the lane, orange leaves that had fallen from the deciduous trees covered the lane ahead of us, as the car ascended the hilly drive. The car crunched to a stop on the gravel in front of the property and my heart stopped in my chest. The house–if you could even call a property of that enormity a house–was breathtaking. It was wooden, warm and welcoming with huge glass windows gleaming in the watery October sunshine. There was a balcony, a deck and…everything. This house had everything.
Kyle turned in his seat. His blue eyes locked on mine with such an intensity I squirmed in the passenger seat. "Our house. This is ours. And believe me, princess," he purred. "You've brought more to my table than you think." Unfastening his seatbelt, he leaned towards me and cupped my cheek. "And here's a little heads up." His mouth grazed my ear before moving to within an inch of my lips. "I plan on tasting what you've brought to my table." His lips touched mine. "In every room in this house."
"Kyle," I whispered against his lips as I pulled him towards me.
"Patience, baby," Kyle chuckled before pulling away and climbing out of the car. "All good things come to those who wait."
Opening my door, he helped me out before getting Hope from the back seat where she was sleeping soundly. She stirred slightly before snuggling into her father's chest. I didn't know why but I always found it incredibly sexy to see a man take care of his children. The loving way Kyle held Hope, the gentle way he stroked the back of her tiny head, made my insides clench up.
Kyle unlocked the front door and I felt like a kid being shown around Disney World. I wriggled in excitement with each step I took further into the house. "Go on, princess. Go investigate."
The smell of fresh paint hung in the air as I wandered through the house. There were six rooms on the main level and every room had warm wooden flooring with the exception of the kitchen and a tiled bathroom. It reminded me of a cabin. The biggest, most luxurious cabin I'd ever stepped foot inside. The floor to ceiling windows…the view of the mountains. Wow. Just…wow.
The kitchen was enormous and completely fitted with dozens of cupboards, a center island with stools and a separate area with a dining table and chairs. It had every appliance a person could possibly wish for and the light coming from the huge bay windows was incredible. The lounge was even bigger with a real open fireplace. A downstairs bathroom and separate laundry room were situated in the hallway, closest to the kitchen and there was an office equipped with more technology than I'd ever seen, in the last room in the hallway.
There was a fully furnished nursery, painted in a soft pink, with about a hundred stuffed animals lined on shelves. "She has a bedroom upstairs, too," Kyle said from behind me as I stood in the doorway of the nursery. "I thought it might be easier for you during the daytime…until you're better." His thoughtfulness caused my heart to swell. He knew me too well. Stairs crippled me. Since the shooting my muscles were like noodles. I had a lot of work ahead of me to build back some muscle strength, especially in my stomach and back. Lying in a bed for twelve weeks had caused havoc on my body. I was improving every day, but I was nowhere near my old form. The fact that I was shot eight weeks after giving birth, when my body was still healing, made my recovery ten times more complicated. Adding my ectopic pregnancy and su
rgery last Christmas to the list made the fact that I was breathing, walking and talking a pretty huge miracle.
God works in mysterious ways…
I turned around and smiled at his eager face. "I still can't believe you bought this place. How many levels are there?" I asked as my eyes roamed over everything. I'd expected the house to be empty and unfurnished. I'd obviously underestimated my fiancé. Every wall was painted. Every room was filled with furniture. It was a home waiting for us to live in.
"Four," he said proudly. My jaw dropped open which made him laugh. "There's an apartment in the basement for Derek." Kyle grinned and closed my mouth with his finger. "It's so fucking cool, Lee," he grinned. "If he doesn't decide to move in I'm calling dibs."
"You need a man cave, do you?" I joked, but it was a weak attempt. My heart sank when I thought of Derek alone in that house with his ghosts. I'd hoped he would change his mind. I still hoped he would. Kyle and I both knew why he refused to move out of that place. He wanted to be close to Cam.
So did I, but I preferred to do that at the cemetery where I could pretend the things that had happened to her hadn't. There was no way I could sit and drink coffee every morning in the kitchen where I watched the life seep from her body.
If Kyle had his way he would drag Derek out of there and lock him in the basement, and for once he had my full support. Derek needed to get out of that place. That house was toxic and his home was with us.
"Let's have a look upstairs," Kyle said tactfully changing the subject. This was a bittersweet moment and I knew he felt it, too. Our lives had changed so drastically in the past eighteen months. What had started as four of us living together in Kyle's house in Thirteenth Street, had grown to five with the arrival our daughter. Now for the first time in our relationship we were on our own, having buried one friend and living in a constant fear of losing the other to his grief.
Tucking Hope into the crook of one of his arms, Kyle wrapped the other around my shoulder and led me towards the staircase. "The bedrooms are on the first floor and there's a converted attic on the top floor with a couple more rooms. I've left those empty. I figured we could use them for storage until we decide what to do with them."
The staircase had about thirty steps and when I reached the top I was out of breath. I was breathless because I was faced with more doors than I could think up rooms for.
"There are five bedrooms up here," Kyle said as we walked down the hall. "All fitted with their own bathroom, though I'm not sure how that will work for us when Hope starts walking. Toddlers like toilet water…"
Five bedrooms... I was going to have my work cut out for me. I would never complain of boredom again.
"This is my favorite room in the house," he murmured as he opened the last door on the right. When I looked inside I was in complete agreement with him. "Master bedroom…" he announced in a husky tone, letting his words trail off and curl around me, igniting my imagination, lighting a fire in my belly. "Do you like it?"
"Do I like it?" I whispered shaking my head. There wasn't anything not to like. The walls of our new bedroom were painted a soft green. The walnut timber-framed sleigh bed was the size of a boat–and I wasn't joking. You could easily fit five fully grown men on it with their arms spread out and still have plenty of room. The wall opposite the door was made entirely of glass with a door opening onto a balcony. The closets, bedside tables, the dressing table…every piece of furniture in the room was made of thick walnut with an intricately carved finishing.
"I tried to imagine what you'd like…You can change anything you don't like, princess. Colors or furniture…"
I held my hand up to make him stop talking. "Kyle, stop talking. It's perfect." Kicking off my sneakers, I threaded my toes through the thick white luxurious carpet. "Oh god. I think I'm in love." The whole house was beautiful. So homely. I shook my head and turned to face him. "How did you do this? I mean…thank you so much, but how in god's name did you organize everything so quickly?"
He snorted as he rocked Hope in his arms. "When you want something badly enough you move heaven and hell to get it." He shrugged his shoulders. "I want you happy. I need you safe. There's not much I wouldn't do when it comes to you."
"You make me happy," I whispered grinning from ear to ear. Stretching up on my tip-toes, I planted a kiss on his lips. "You make me feel safe. Every day."
Kyle smiled fondly. His eyes gleamed with mischief as his lips tipped up in a smirk, revealing that edible dimple. "You make me hard. Every day."
I gasped when I noticed the built-in bookshelf in the corner of the room. I darted over to it with my mouth hanging open. "Oh my god," I breathed as I stood in front of shelf after shelf full of books. "I'm definitely in love."
Kyle chuckled from behind me. "I thought you'd like that little addition best."
"You were so right," I murmured as I trailed my finger down the spine of one of the many books.
"You should have seen the look on the old lady's face in the store," he mused as he pulled out a book and showed me the cover of a half-naked man. "I looked like a fucking douchebag walking up to the counter and asking for girly porn with a pink stroller and a polka dot bag on my shoulder."
I covered my mouth to stifle a laugh as I looked up at his bemused expression. "You didn't."
Kyle raised his brow and smirked. "How the fuck was I supposed to know they're called contemporary romance…"
My cheeks reddened and I felt oddly defensive. "Because that's what they're called, Kyle…"
"Sure they are," he snorted as he rocked Hope gently in his arms. "Keep lying to yourself, princess, but I know the truth. It's porn." He grinned and winked down at me. "Plain ole girl porn. I just can't understand why you girls don't put pictures on the pages…" His voice trailed off as he frowned in what looked like confusion. "Just seems like a hell of a lot of work to have an org…"
"It's not porn, Kyle," I snapped, annoyed and a little turned on. "It's literature."
"Oh yeah," he snickered in a mimicking tone. "He seared me with his manly touch…" Kyle pressed the back of his hand to his forehead as he made the worst attempt at imitating a woman I'd ever heard. "Oh dear, my nipples hardened from the sight of his huge cock. His rippling abs caused my womanhood to flutter and clench…" he snorted again. "Literature. Good one, baby."
"That's rich coming from the man who cried like a baby when we watched The Notebook." His smirk faded and my smile widened. "I have to say, I was more than surprised with how in touch you are with your sensitive side, Kyle."
"Thought you were asleep," he muttered.
"That's pretty pathetic, baby," I teased. "I thought you were going to need some valium when the old lady died."
"You're heartless," he said deadpan. "That was a great fucking movie."
"And these are great books," I countered. "So, if you plan to make fun of me in the future just remember that I'll have something up my sleeve."
"Something up your sleeve," he said in a sarcastic tone of voice. "Could it be the vibrator to go with your book boyfriend? I know paper is made from trees, baby, but I'm pretty sure you prefer my wood."
"You are a douchebag," I mumbled red-faced. "I can't believe you actually said that out loud."
"Are we having our first fight in our new home?" he asked with a smile "Over porn of all things."
"Yeah," I laughed. "I guess we are." Shrugging my shoulders, I nudged him softly as I walked past in the direction the bathroom. "Start as we mean to go on and all that..."
****
We headed downstairs to test Hope out in her new nursery. "I'll put her down," Kyle said quietly as he slipped past me. I nodded happily as I wandered back to the lounge. The cream leather U-shaped couch was beautiful as were the matching armchairs that sat either side of the fireplace. A lone silver photo frame on top of the ledge of the fireplace caught my attention and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to hold in a sob when I realized why.
"That girl is something else," Kyle chuckled
as he strolled into the lounge not a minute later. "Nothing fazes her. She didn't even stir when I put her in the crib."
I couldn't answer him. I was in shock. "Where did you find this?" I whispered as I stared in disbelief at the photograph of the two little girls. One of the girl's was blonde and beautiful. Dressed immaculately in a white sundress, she had her arm wrapped around the other girl's shoulders and was smiling broadly for the camera. The other girl was younger and smaller with dark messy curls and nervous eyes. She was dressed in a worn pair of jeans that swamped her little frame and a dirty gray t-shirt. The smaller girl was tucked under the blonde girl's arm and my heart broke in two as the memory of that day flooded me.
"It was in her room," I heard Kyle say from behind me. "Stuck to her vanity mirror. Ted gave it to me when he was packing up her things. She left a lot of stuff in her room when she moved in with Mike." I watched as Kyle picked up the frame and gazed down at it. "Lee, if it's too much I can put it away…"
"No," I whispered as I took the frame from his hands and returned it to the ledge. "She needs to be remembered. We should never forget why we're here together."
"Come here," he said in gruff tone as he cupped my neck and pulled my face to his chest. "No one's gonna forget her, baby." I felt his lips brush my hair. "Heroes are never forgotten."
****
Kyle
There were no words to express how relieved I was to finally have Lee moved out of the city and into this place. Maybe my heart would stop trying to jump into my throat now that I knew she was protected and miles away from trouble. She was safe now. They both were…But I should have known that photo would fuck with her head. We'd been having a good day–enjoying our first day in our new home–until she looked at the photo over the fireplace and the light in her eyes faded. I hadn't gotten one word out of her during dinner and I was worried. She'd cooked in silence while I fed Hope and settled her down for the night...