by Chloe Walsh
Kyle gaped at me in feigned horror. "Should I be worried?"
"No…" I blushed. "I always thought it must be uncomfortable for you to have something that big hanging around the place."
"Jesus Christ," he muttered. "You're getting weirder by the minute."
"This is me," I teased. "Warts and all…"
Kyle's phone decided to choose this moment to ring and I immediately jumped. "Relax," he said softly as he fished it out of his pocket and frowned at the screen before glancing briefly at me.
Holding his phone to his ear, he maneuvered himself off the couch and held his fingers up to me before walking out of the room. "Hey, you okay?" I heard him say before he closed the door, obviously not wanting me to hear.
I sat on the couch feeling unnecessarily wounded by his evasive behavior.
It shouldn't bother me that he had to take a call.
It didn't bother me that he had to take call.
What bothered me was the fact that he was hiding something.
It was obvious and it was going to drive me insane...Climbing to my feet, I slipped out of the lounge and followed the sound of his voice until I was standing outside the door of his office. Pressing my ear to the door, I listened intently as Kyle's voice filled my ears.
"She's doing much better…yeah, it's all set….no, and it won't. Trust me on that….I haven't had a chance to speak to her about it yet….how are you feeling....Tracy, if you're sore..."
My blood turned to ice at the sound of her name coming from his mouth. Turning on my heel, I dashed towards the stairs, not stopping until I was inside my bedroom with my heart hammering in my chest and my pulse drumming in my ears. "Traitor," I whispered into thin air as I stripped off my clothes and climbed into bed. "Goddamn turncoat."
Reaching into my night stand, I carefully avoided touching Cam's gold locket–I still couldn’t wear it–as I retrieved my phone from the drawer and powered it up. When I looked at the wallpaper on my screen I felt like screaming in agony. It was a picture of Cam holding Hope. I'd taken it the day before she died. She'd wanted a picture of her and Hope together, but she forgot her phone in her car. I'd forwarded her all three pictures I'd taken to her phone, and I thanked god that I had the good sense to save them on mine. "I miss you," I whispered as the tears trickled down so much. "I miss you so much." I closed my eyes for a few moments and breathed slowly and deeply in a bid to get a handle on my grief before I had a meltdown.
When I felt a little more in-control of my emotions, I began to scroll through the various folders in my photos in an aimless attempt to distract myself from Kyle and his phone call. I scrolled through at least a dozen in my Bluetooth folder until my eyes landed on one that stumped me. What the heck…
Sitting up, I folded my legs beneath my self and studied the picture. "Good lord," I gasped as I stared at the picture of Cam in a tender embrace with…Derek?
They were lying in bed and one of Cam's hands was cupping Derek's cheek as she used the other to hold the phone. She was tucked under his arm, and he had his face turned into her cheek. His eyes were closed, his lips turned up in a smile of pure contentment. Her blonde hair was pillowing his chest and his hand was resting on her breastbone.
Why was this on my phone? I checked the date it was sent, June twenty-seventh, and then I looked at the photo again. I felt like squirming it was such an intense, intimate picture. Did she send me this on purpose?
Scrolling through my contacts list, I clicked Derek's number and held my phone shakily to my ear.
"Hello," he said in a lifeless tone of voice.
"Hey, Der," I whispered nervously. I didn't expect him to pick up, and now he had, I wasn't sure what to say…I could hardly ask him about the photo…could I?
There was a pause and then his voice filled my ear. "Lee," he said in a soft tone. "You okay?"
"No," I admitted. "Are you?"
"No," he whispered. Neither of us spoke for a long time, but the sound of his breathing was, in a strange way, comforting to me.
"Bad day?" I asked eventually when the silence became too much.
"Bad life." He laughed once, but it was a humorless sound. "You?"
"Same," I agreed as I rubbed my palm against my forehead. "I miss you."
"Yeah," he said in gruff tone. "Miss you too, ice."
"Will you come home, Der?" I pleaded as the tears I thought I'd stemmed pooled in my eyes. "I can't stand the thought of you being all alone in that house…please, please come home…"
"Lee," he said in a heavy tone. "It's not that…I can't just…" His voice broke off and I heard him inhaling deeply. "I'm not ready to let her go," he confessed, his voice ravaged with grief and pain.
"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I wish I could come visit you, but it's that house…"
"I'll come see you soon, I promise," he said in gentle tone. "You don't need to be here…you're too…this house is cursed…it's tainted."
"It burns," I choked out as my tears scalded my cheeks. "Oh god, it cuts so deep…"
"Right through the heart," he added shakily and I knew he was crying, too.
****
Kyle
I should have turned my phone off. If I had I would still be enjoying the goddamn movie night with Lee, instead of spending the last hour trying to coax her mom into calming the fuck down. She was a nervous wreck and fully convinced that Jimmy was coming for her. He wasn't coming for her, but telling her that over and over again had depleted my limited source of patience. I was at breaking point and damn glad the conversation was over.
"Sorry again for calling you so late, Kyle," Tracy said in a much calmer tone of voice than earlier. "I hope I haven't ruined your evening."
"No, not at all," I mumbled. "Call anytime." Ending the call, I made sure I switched my phone off before heading back to the lounge with a heavy heart.
When I saw the couch was devoid of Lee I wasn't surprised. I'd bailed on her and wasn't expecting her to sit and wait for me. Climbing the stairs, I checked on Hope before heading down the hallway to our room. When I opened the door of our room and saw her with her knees tucked against her chest, I was filled with panic. She was crying. She was crying so hard she didn't even notice I was in the room. She didn't even flinch when I climbed into bed next to her.
Jesus...
"I'm sorry," Lee sobbed as she held her phone to her ear and clenched her eyes shut. "I wish I could come visit you, but it's that house…" Her voice broke off as a fit of crying enveloped her. "It burns…oh god, it cuts so deep…"
Who the fuck was upsetting her?
One name to my mind–Jimmy–and I reacted instantly. Moving quickly, I reached over and snatched the phone out of her hand. "Who the fuck is this?" I snarled, chest heaving.
"Calm down, asshole."
Derek's familiar voice filled my ear and I sagged in relief for a moment before worry replaced my fury. "Why is she crying?" I asked in a confused tone. I heard him sniffle loudly and I shook my head as my eyes flickered from Lee's face to the fist I was forming on my lap. "Derek, are you crying, too?" What the hell was going on? Had I missed something…?
"Go comfort your woman," he choked out. "She needs you." With that he ended the call and I was left clueless. Clueless and staring at Lee's phone like a dumbass.
Twisting my body around to look at Lee, I asked, "What's wrong? Did he…was he drunk or something?"
"No," she sniffed as she threw herself back on the bed and curled into a tiny ball.
"Lee," I coaxed as I shook her shoulder gently. "Baby, what's wrong?"
"Everything," she whispered.
"Tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it." Pulling on her shoulder, I pushed her gently onto her back and brushed her hair off her face. She closed her eyes in an obvious attempt at blocking me out. I sighed heavily. "Lee, I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong. Talk to me, princess."
"I heard you talking to her," she hissed, eyes still closed, her whole body tense. "I don't want you to talk to her, Kyle."
"Lee…" I let my voice trail off as I tried to think up something to say that wouldn’t result in a battle. Lee had issues with her mom and I got that. I understood her reasons for wanting to keep Tracy at arm's length. But I also understood why Tracy had left Lee as a baby. Why she ran away and left her three month old daughter in the hands of an abusive fucking bully.
I wasn't happy about it and by no means did I agree with her actions, but I'd heard her side of the story. The man had made her life a living hell. Lee's dad had broken more than just bones in her mom's body…he'd crushed her spirt and ruined her life. She lost more than her baby daughter the day she escaped Louisiana. She lost her identity, her friends and everything she'd ever known. Tracy Gibbons had spent the last nineteen years locked away in a cottage, with only her flowers and potpourri for company, while living in a constant state of terror, fearing that at any moment that bastard would show up and drag her back to Montgomery…
God, I felt so fucking sorry for the woman. I couldn’t turn my back on her, no matter how mad it made Lee. I owed the woman. I owed her everything I had. During the darkest hours of my life, Lee's mother had stepped in and saved my girl and I'd made her a promise to protect her from her husband. I didn’t make promises easily and this was one I wasn’t prepared to break. Lee was going to have to deal with it. She needed to see that she was putting a lifetime of blame on the wrong parent. She needed to hate her father. Her mother was as much as a victim to Jimmy Bennett's abuse as she was.
"I don't wanna fight with you about this, princess," I said quietly. "But I won't back down either. She saved your life. We owe her."
"You never back down," she mumbled as she turned onto her side. "That's the problem."
****
Chapter 12
Letters from a jail bird
Derek
I lived in a world that made no sense. Colors and light. People and places. All of it meant nothing to me anymore. The world was a cruel and torturous place. I wanted out.
"Derek, will you do this for me?" Kyle asked me and I wanted to puke. It was easy for him. He hadn't lost what I had. He didn't sleep with his regrets. He slept in a warm bed with his woman in his arms. He didn't live with his ghosts because his world was still breathing.
My life was a warped and cruel fucking existence and I was sick to death of pretending, of carrying on. I didn't see the point and I didn't want to. It meant nothing to me. Clothes, food, work, breathing, it all meant nothing. I hadn't realized the only thing that had ever meant anything to me was dead. I hadn't fucking realized and I hadn't told her. Jesus.
"I don't know, Kyle," I told him as I held the phone to my ear. "Seems kinda pointless." I could hear him growl and knew he was close to losing that infamous temper of his. It actually made me smile.
"That's bullshit," he growled before adding in a much softer tone, "It's good to talk about your feelings."
Ha. "You're something else," I chuckled. "Telling me it's good to talk about feelings. When have you ever talked about your feelings, asshole?"
"Whatever, douchebag," he retorted and I could tell he was smiling. "Just think about it, okay? Lee said that Dr. Roberts really helped her when she was in hospital. I figured she might be good for you too. For all of us."
"Kyle, are you suggesting we take couples counselling? Because I gotta tell you, dude, I don't think we're there yet." I used sarcasm as a self-preservation tactic for when shit got too heavy. Like now for example…
"Yeah," Kyle snapped. "Well, if you don't get a handle on this I might just divorce your ugly ass. Think about Dr. Roberts. I'll text you her phone number. Make an appointment."
"Does your fiancée know about us?"
"Ha fucking ha, dude. I gotta go. I'm heading over to see Kelsie. I'll come by after."
"Whatever." Hanging up, I tossed my phone on the bed and resumed my numbness. If Kyle would just fuck off and leave me to rot I would be dead by now. I didn't know whether to thank him or resent him.
****
Lee
"I'll only be an hour. Two at the very most," Kyle muttered as I watched him make the worst tie knot I'd ever seen. If I could have helped him I would, but fancy suits weren't something I'd ever come into contact with before him. Kyle looked beautiful in everything he wore, but when he wore tailored black pants, a crisp white shirt and vest I struggled to keep my concentration.
"We'll be fine here," I said in a thick tone of voice. I knew where Kyle was going and it wasn't downstairs to work. He was going to our attorney's office to see if there was any new development with the case. He did this every week and every week I either refused to go or pretended not to know where he was going. Ignorance was bliss. She was locked up and we were safe. For now. I didn't want to hear about her latest request for Kyle to visit her, or how her treatment was going. I knew she was writing to him. He tried to hide the letters from me, but I wasn't blind and I had never expected her to go away easily. A mental health facility hadn't stopped her from pursuing him. I just prayed that a jail cell could…
Last month we'd found out that Rachel's trial had been pushed forward to April. It was due to the hype and speculation surrounding the case. That was the only positive thing about having our lives ripped apart by the media. At least she would be locked away much quicker than we'd anticipated.
I'd spent the first month after waking up from my coma being questioned and giving evidence. During some of that time I'd felt like I was being groomed, but mostly I'd just felt like I was being judged. Everyone wanted to know why Rachel did it and since she wasn't telling anyone the bucket had fallen at my feet. No one ever seemed to be satisfied with my answer, probably because I knew why she did it as much as they did.
"Come on, Miss Bennett," I'd been asked by several exasperated officials. "There has to be something. Some incident or altercation you're forgetting that could have provoked Ms. Grayson. It makes no sense." That was about the only thing they'd said that I agreed with. It made no sense. None of it.
Kyle, who had demanded to be with me when I was being questioned, had lost his cool on more than one occasion. I think it upset him more than me. He got truly distressed whenever anybody suggested I did something to provoke Rachel. Whenever an officer or a suit had insinuated such a thing Kyle had reminded me of wild animal being backed into a corner and getting ready to fight. All snarls and growls.
I tried to put on a brave face for him, but I was terrified. The prosecution team had warned me that I would be portrayed as the other woman. I'd been forewarned that I would hear a lot of ugly things about myself. According to Kyle's lawyer, Kelsie Mayfield, Rachel's lawyers were leaning heavily on the defense that I was a home wrecker who had broken up a two year relationship between a couple who had intended to marry. I'd taken her fiancé and future away from her and in a temporary moment of madness she'd snapped. I felt physically sick every time I thought about how I would have to stand in a courtroom in a few short months and tell the world what I didn't want to remember. I would be judged and ridiculed and have to face that woman again. The thought of seeing her face again caused my blood pressure to rise and my body to break out in a cold sweat…
Content with his haphazard tie knot, Kyle dropped his hands to rest on his hips and frowned at me. "Maybe you should come with me?"
"Kyle, we will be fine here. I promise," I said with a forced smile as I bounced Hope on my lap. I'd been shocked to the core when he agreed to let me stay on my own today. Things had been frosty between us since Wednesday night and I wished to god that we could just agree to disagree on my mother. No. Actually, I wished he would agree with me for once in our lives… "What trouble could we possibly get into?" I added in my lame attempt at making a joke. I wasn’t feeling it though, and neither was he by the look of apprehension on his face.
"That's what I'm worried about," he grumbled. Walking over to me, he lifted Hope off my lap. "You're in charge, baby girl," he crooned as he lifted her over his head and made airplane noises. Hope grinn
ed madly, splaying her little hands and legs out in excitement. Bringing her back down to rest on his chest, he kissed her cheek before casting a smirking glance at me. "Daddy's counting on you to keep mommy in hand." I just rolled my eyes at him. I wasn't good with quick retorts. Usually I either made no sense or just made a fool of myself. "Stay inside, princess," he said in a stern voice as he sat Hope in her bouncer. "Do not, for one minute, go outside those gates until I'm back. Are we clear?"
"Crystal," I muttered as I looked away, purposely avoiding eye contact with him. I hated when he spoke to me like this. Whenever Kyle talked down to me I tried to remember what Derek had told me. "His intentions are good. It's his execution he needs to work on." Kyle was paranoid that someone was going to run off with me. And all I wanted to tell him was before him no one had wanted me so the likelihood of being kidnapped was slim.
Kyle saw me through some strange dysmorphic lens. I was no Scarlett O Hara. I had severe scarring on pretty much every slither of my skin from my thighs to my breasts. Front and back. I'd lost a lot of weight when I was in hospital, and weighed less now than when we'd first met, but my skin felt loose. That's a weird explanation for it, but that's how it felt. I hadn't toned up since I gave birth. I just kind of wobbled…
"Do you remember how to work the alarm system?" he asked as he slid his laptop into his messenger bag, frowning when several pieces of paper–and another letter–fell out and scattered around our bedroom floor. "You remember the access codes?" he asked as he bent to pick up the papers.
"Yes," I nodded eagerly and a little flushed. Truth was I didn’t remember a word of what Kyle had said to me yesterday when he stood me in front of the complicated array of buttons and touchscreens in our hallway, and he had proceeded to ramble on for fifteen minutes about this switch and that code. Hope had managed to stick her foot in her mouth around the same time and my attention had been on how cute she looked as she rolled around on the play mat, battling her chubby little leg into submission.