by Chloe Walsh
The steady flow of blood coming from the back of her head, staining her golden hair, pooling on the kitchen floor...
"Kyle, stop," I screamed as I forced the images of that night to the back of my mind and focused on the present. Kyle didn't even twist his head in my direction.
"I hate you," he snarled as he punched his father again and again. "I fucking hate you."
Dammit...
Coming around behind him, I jumped and grabbed onto his shoulders before hoisting myself onto his back. "Let go, baby," I whispered into his ear as I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. "Please stop, Kyle," I begged. "You're scaring me."
Kyle's body shuddered, his whole frame sagged, and he dropped his hands to his sides for the briefest of moments before moving them to rest on my thighs. "I'm sorry, princess," he whispered, bowing his head. "Lee, I'm so fucking sorry."
"Shh," I coaxed as I tried to calm him down. "It's okay."
"It is not okay," Anna shouted as she helped her husband to his feet. His face was swollen, his nose was bleeding heavily. "You need help, Kyle," she snapped. "You need anger management treatment. You could have killed him. Your own father." She shook her head and pointed a manicured fingernail at us. "I have a good mind to have you arrested for this, Kyle Carter."
Wiggling down Kyle's back, I stepped up to his side and took his blood encrusted hand in mine. "Don't you dare speak to him like that," I growled. My words caused Anna to blanch. "Don't even think about threatening him," I snarled. "You two are disgraceful and if you even think about calling the police on him, I will have your husband arrested for drugging my friend."
Anna's eyes darted towards our car at the same time as Kyle's head snapped up. He gazed at me with a look of pure astonishment. His eyes…oh god, the pain in his eyes just about broke my heart.
This had been about more than just David insulting me and drugging Derek. Kyle's outburst had been stimulated from twenty-three years of neglect and abuse, and coming here was his trigger. Others might not understand–and obviously Anna didn't–but when a human being has been consistently wronged, from infancy through to adulthood, the pain, anger and resentment that builds inside eventually comes to the boil. I understood exactly how he felt.
"Stay out of this, Lee," Anna warned, but her voice wavered slightly. "This isn't your concern. This is a family matter."
"He is my concern," I spat. "He is my family." Turning to face Kyle, I reached up and cupped his face before whispering, "Walk away from the pain. Leave it all here, okay?" He nodded slowly, his eyes locked on mine.
Tugging on his hand, I led him back to the car, ignoring every red-flag warning my brain was tossing at me.
He's dangerous.
He's just like your father.
He's going to destroy you…
I blocked it all out and concentrated on my heart, and my heart was screaming for him.
My heart trusted him.
That was enough for me.
"I wanna go home," Derek mumbled from the back seat of the car as Kyle tore off, speeding like a lunatic. "Take me home…Thirteenth Street."
"No way, Derek," I said in a stern tone of voice. "You're coming home with us, isn’t he, Kyle?" I stared at the side of Kyle's face, willing him to back me up. "Isn't he, Kyle?"
Kyle didn’t answer me.
He didn’t even glance in my direction.
Dread filled my gut when I realized the direction we were going.
"Kyle, you can't," I begged. "You can't take him back to Thirteenth Street."
****
Lee
"What am I going to do, Linda?" I whispered.
We were in the kitchen of our house and I was close to climbing up the walls with worry. Kyle was in his office–where he had been with the past six hours. He hadn’t come out once and I wasn’t sure what to do with him. When we left his father's house this morning, Kyle had driven Derek back to Thirteenth Street–against my wishes–in complete silence. When we got home he went straight into his office, locked the door, and hadn’t come out since.
Linda had stayed with me all day and I was grateful. Kyle was in catatonic mode…
Was it me? Had I done something? Was he mad?
Should I have done what Anna said and kept out of their business?
Oh god, not knowing what was going on with him was killing me. I felt like I was about to burst with panic…I paced the floor with Hope in my arms. "He won't answer the door to me…" My voice broke and I brushed away a tear from my cheek as I bobbed around with Hope in my arms. Hope was fussing and I knew it was because she could sense my fear. "He won't talk to me."
Linda stood slowly and made her way to the kitchen door. "Go and settle Hope down, Lee," she mumbled. "That child's exhausted. I'll deal with her father."
****
Kyle
I couldn’t face her.
How the fuck could I look her in the eye again?
I was no better than her father.
I promised that girl a life free from pain and violence and I'd let her down.
My behavior…Jesus, Anna was right. I needed to see someone.
I didn’t regret hitting David and I never would. I regretted losing control around Lee. I always knew I had a temper, but in all my life, I'd never felt as out of control as I had this morning. I knew Lee was worried about me, and that made the disgust that was pooling in my stomach grow. I didn’t deserve her worry. I didn’t deserve her, period. And Derek…I'd let him down, too. I should have brought him home with us. I shouldn’t have left him in that state…in that house.
"Please stop, Kyle. You're scaring me…"
My whole body shuddered and I dropped my head in my hands, my elbows resting on my desk.
How the hell could I make this up to her?
If Lee hadn’t stopped me, how far would I have gone?
I wasn’t sure and that terrified me…
The loud rapping noise on my office door stirred me from my self-wallowing. "Kyle Anthony Carter, you better open this door now, boy," I heard Linda say in a stern tone of voice. "Or so help me, I will knock it down."
I had no doubt that Linda would do exactly what she threatened. Pulling myself up, I walked over and unlocked the door and took a deep steadying breath before opening the door inwards. "Good boy," Linda said with a smirk, patting me on the arm, as she marched into my office. "Thought I was gonna have to get a chainsaw."
"I screwed up today, Linda," I mumbled. "I messed up so bad…"
"Tell me something new," she chuckled before coughing loudly. "Never would've classed you as a coward, Kyle."
"I'm not a coward," I growled as I closed the door and sagged against it. Letting my head fall back, I exhaled heavily. "I'm a fucking liability and she's been through enough."
"Yes, you are, Kyle," Linda agreed, her voice wheezy.
My head snapped up and I narrowed my eyes at the woman who had spent the past eleven years of her life bailing me out of trouble. "Yes, I'm a liability, or yes, I'm a coward?"
"Yes on the former and the jury's still out on the latter," Linda countered as she leaned against my desk, eyes locked on mine. "Verdict depends on you getting your sorrowful butt out of this room." She shook her head and shuffled towards me. "Lee filled me in on what happened with David…and there's only one thing I'm having a hard time getting my head around..."
"Oh yeah, and what's that?" I asked in a weary tone.
"I'm confused as to why you're hiding from a woman who is so deeply in love with you that she has spent the best part of the day worrying about you, fretting over you, and to be quite frank, crying her damn eyes out because you've pushed her away."
"I'm ashamed of myself," I admitted quietly. I was ashamed of myself. I was fucking disgusted with myself. "I've spent months pushing her about her mother…not listening to her pleas or point of view…" My voice trailed off and I clenched my eyes shut as remorse filled me. "Lee…she stood up for me today, Linda…the girl is afraid of
her own shadow and she defended me…even when I was wrong." All the times I'd pushed Lee about her mom, bullied her…Jesus, I'd never put myself in her shoes.
Until now.
I opened my eyes and stared at Linda. "How the hell am I going to make this up to her? Why the hell is she still with me?"
"Kyle," Linda chuckled as he stepped closer to me and stroked my arm. "She's with you because she loves you, and you're going to make it up to her by holding her in your arms. That's all that poor girl wants. She just wants you. It's that simple, kiddo."
"You make it sound so easy," I muttered.
"It's as easy or as hard as you make it," she replied as she pushed me aside and opened the door. "Now, go and be with your family. I'm tired and I'd like to get some sleep before your next drama. I'm getting too old for this."
"Linda, wait," I said as I grabbed her arm. Another type of fear was building inside of me and looking at Linda's withered face intensified it. "What's wrong with you?" I reached out and touched her cheek. "Are you sick, Linda?"
"I am fine, Kyle," she said with a smile–a fake as fuck smile. "Stop worrying about me, will you?" she chuckled softly. "I told you before, you're gonna give yourself wrinkles."
"Are you lying to me?" I whispered as I stared down at her pale face, her sunken eyes. She was. I knew she was. She could deny it as much as she wanted. Something was very wrong and I felt like an asshole that she was in my house, fixing my goddamn mess, when she looked so exhausted…
"Have I ever lied to you?" she demanded as she rested her hands on her hips.
"No, but…" My voice broke off as Linda grabbed my arms and hugged me tightly.
"Then stop doubting me," she said in husky tone. "I love you, Kyle Carter, and I'm damn proud of the man you've become."
I held her in my arms and fought down the feeling of dread that was filling me. "I love you too."
****
Lee was curled in a ball on our bed. I stood in the doorway, drinking her in. She was still here. I'd lost control and she was still here. For me…
"Princess," I choked out.
Her head snapped up and she sat straight up, eyes unblinking, as she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands and stared at me. The light coming from the hallway behind me illuminated her tear stained face.
"Lee…" I shrugged my shoulders and dropped my hands to my sides. I stepped closer. "I'm so sorry, baby…" I didn’t get a chance to say anything else because Lee scrambled off the bed hurled herself into my arms.
"Are you okay?" she cried as she kissed my neck. Grabbing my face with her hands, she kissed me hard. "Oh, Kyle. I was so worried…I love you. I love you so much."
"I love you too," I whispered against her mouth as I hoisted her into my arms and carried her back to bed. "And I'm so fucking sorry for scaring you," I mumbled between kisses as I lowered her down on the bed and stretched out over her. "And for your forcing your mom on you…"
"I forgive you," she gasped as she kissed me hungrily. "I understand." Her tears soaked my face, her fingers threaded through my hair, and her hands pulled my neck closer to her. "Just…let it all go, Kyle. All the pain with your dad. Let it all out...I'm on your side," she vowed as she kissed my lips, my neck, my cheeks… "I'm always on your side and don’t you ever forget it."
God, I was drowning in her love…
"The things you do to me," I mumbled against her neck. "The things you make me feel…" I pulled back to look at her. "It feels like someone is ramming in a red hot poker into my heart and all I feel is the burn." I brushed the tears away from her cheek with my thumb. "The fucked up thing is I want more. I want the pain, Lee. I want it all. This pull...it's addictive. I wasn't wrong when I said you'd ruin me," I admitted. "Thank you, Lee…for sticking it out with me. For loving me."
"I'll be sticking it out with you for the rest of my life," she vowed, looking up at me with those beautiful gray eyes. "And I want you to know that I'm so proud of you, Kyle. I am so proud of every single part of you. I couldn't love you more if I tried."
"Jesus, Lee," I choked out. "There's nothing on this fucking planet that shakes me up like you do, baby."
"Please don’t push me away again," she whispered. "Ever. I mean it, Kyle."
"I won't," I vowed as I stroked her nose with mine. "My little Tails."
****
My phone vibrated on the bedside table next to my head. I gently rolled Lee off my chest and onto her back before reaching for my phone. "Yeah," I mumbled as I rubbed my eyes with my free hand, then glanced at the alarm clock. 04.25.
"Kyle…" Derek slurred. I could barely make out his voice because the line was so fuzzy. "I'm lo…Ky…help…"
"Der?" I whispered sitting up quickly. "Where the hell are you, man? I can barely hear you."
"Gone...Kyle. She's…aw shit," I caught him say before the line went dead.
Goddammit.
Kissing Lee on the forehead, I slipped out of bed and carried my jeans and shirt into the hallway to dress. Opening Hope's door I peeked inside. The pink glowworm shaped nightlight Cam had bought her illuminated her room. Content that Hope was safe, I rushed down the stairs and grabbed my keys.
****
Lee
The sound a car engine roaring to life woke me from my sleep. Reaching for the lamp on my bedside table, I flicked it on and looked around. Oh god…
Kyle was gone.
Dressing quickly, I rushed down the hall to check on Hope. She was sleeping soundly and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. She was my first thought most mornings and even though I could see she was fine I still had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something was very wrong. I could feel it.
Creeping down the stairs, I turned on each light switch I passed in the process.
"Kyle?" I called out when I made it downstairs to the kitchen. Uh, I closed my eyes when I switched the light on and kept them closed for a few seconds before slowly opening them. I knew nothing would be there, but sometimes my eyes played tricks on me and I saw things that weren't there.
Especially when it came to kitchens…
****
Kyle
I found him in Cam's bedroom.
It was trashed and his fist was in an even worse condition. "I'm sorry," Derek slurred from where he was huddled on the floor in a pool of blood and vomit. "I couldn't stop the…blood."
"Come on, dude," I said as I bent down and hoisted him up. Regret filled me. I should have taken care of him this morning…but I'd left him on his own. I was a piss-poor excuse for a friend. "Let's get you cleaned up."
I half-carried half-dragged him across the hall to the bathroom. Helping him out of his shirt, I sat him on the toilet seat and turned on the shower. "I'm dying, Kyle," he sobbed as he wrapped his arms around himself.
Jesus, his whole body was shaking violently and I thought I would fucking collapse from the sight. I'd only seen Derek cry three times in my life. The night Cam died, the day she was buried, and the day I found him on the side of the road…
"The pain is killing me," he told me as he pulled at his hair. "I can't breathe. It's going to kill me. I'm going under."
"I'm gonna fix this," I told him as I took his shoes and socks off for him. "I'm gonna get you better, I promise."
Hoisting him up, I got his jeans off and held him under the shower until the blood and vomit washed off his body. "I'm sorry you have to do this for me," he mumbled as he bent his head in shame.
"I delivered a baby, dude," I told him. "This is a piece of cake."
"Ah shit," he sobbed. "The girls…"
"The girls are fine," I assured him as I stretched over and grabbed a towel off the rail. "They're missing you though."
"I'm no good for them."
"You are our family," I growled as I helped him out and draped the towel around his shoulders. "It's time you came home to your family."
Derek's shoulders sagged as he sighed. "Yeah."
****
Lee was sitting at the table wh
en we walked into the kitchen. Her eyes fell on Derek and she was moving before I had a chance to open my mouth to explain.
"You're home," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him. I watched as he shuddered and held my fiancé tightly. He ducked his face into her neck as she stroked his hair and whispered into his ear. He was nodding and with each nod he squeezed her tighter.
If this was any other guy I would be pretty fucking pissed. But this was Derek. He loved my girl like a sister and she loved him with the fierceness of a lioness to her cub.
She was comforting her brother.
He had come home.
****
Chapter 18
Keep your eyes on the road, baby.
Lee
"Can I ask you a question, Kyle?" I asked as I sat on a garden swing, watching Kyle as he pushed Hope on the baby swing-set in the back yard. It was the first week of January and the weather was bitter cold, but we were all wrapped up and Hope looked adorable in the pink snowsuit Kyle had bought her when he took us on a day trip to Aspen last weekend.
It had been over a month since the David incident and the change in Kyle's behavior had been quite drastic. He spent all his time at home with us and I wasn't sure if he was doing this because he was upset over the way he had reacted with his dad or because he wasn’t busy with work. I guessed it was the former, but I wasn’t complaining. I wanted him at home with us, especially when he was being so attentive. He hadn’t brought up the topic of my mother– not once–and we were getting along really well. And now, courtesy of my fast-track fiancé, I was the proud holder of a learner's driving permit.