Hard Rock Improv

by Ava Lore

  “Sorry,” I said. “I’m just on edge.”

  “I don’t think you have to be sorry about that,” he replied. There was something off in his voice, something sad and lonely, and I looked up at him. He was still frowning into the distance, his customary amused expression gone.

  Which one is the real Manny? I wondered absently. Does he worry beneath his smile, or does he smile to chase away the worry?

  I couldn’t ask, so we kept walking as I cast about for some way to break the ice.

  The silence between us wasn’t awkward, per se, but it wasn’t as comfortable as it had been. My probing into Manny’s past had seen to that yesterday, and the specter of my nosy jackassery still floated just at the edge of consciousness.

  I cleared my throat. “Penny for your thoughts?” I said.

  Manny glanced down at me and smiled, though it was different from his normal smile. This smile was...distant. “Inflation means my thoughts are now worth ten dollars,” he told me.

  Despite myself I snorted, and his smile deepened. I gave him a mock scowl. “That’s outrageous,” I said. “Inflation hasn’t been that bad.”

  He shrugged. “I also have really good thoughts,” he said. “Premium quality. I’m charging what the market will bear.”

  I huffed and looked away. “I probably need a sandwich more than your thoughts,” I told him.

  “Probably true,” he sighed. Then he squeezed my hand. “I've been thinking about what to do.”

  Ah. Yes. What to do. I stole another peek at him. The sun was starting to slip up the sky, and his stunning profile made my breath catch as I studied him. “Any ideas yet?” I asked.

  He nodded. “I’ve been thinking that perhaps it's time to send you home.”

  I blinked and my toes caught something in the sand. For a second I stumbled, and only Manny's hand in mine kept me from taking a spill. I righted myself after a second, my heart pounding. “I’m sorry...but what?” I said.

  “I’m thinking it might be best if you went home, Rose.”

  My stomach sank. “You...you don't want me here?”

  He glanced at me. “What? No! That's not it at all, and you know it. You don’t need to play that kind of game, you know I’d rather have you here than send you away.” He sounded as though I’d insulted him.

  “Actually I don’t,” I said. “I...we’re just...there's nothing formal about us right now.”

  “And why would there need to be something formal between us?” he asked. “Can’t you tell that I like to spend time with you?”

  I flushed. “Okay,” I conceded, “when you put it like that, I guess my question does seem a little silly.”

  He flashed me a tiny grin. “More than a little. I just think that maybe you should head home for your own safety.”

  Involuntarily my eyes flickered back behind us, where our very own personal guard strode in our footsteps. “Am I not safe here?” I asked quietly. “There's security now. And I know better than to wander off on my own...”

  To my surprise, Manny raked a hand through his hair as though agitated. “I know,” he said, sounding pained, “but I’d feel better if you were safe in LA instead of here.”

  “How would I be safer in LA?” I wanted to know. “There are guys with, like, tasers and stuff protecting me here. In LA I’d be back in my car on the street. I think I’m safer here with you. And Rebecca, and Kent, and Sonya.”

  He shrugged, giving me a frustrated look. “Well you obviously aren’t,” he said, “considering I failed to keep you safe yesterday. I don’t know what I’d do if that happened again.”

  My eyebrows shot up and I stopped walking. The sand beneath my bare feet was cold and gritty and I shivered inside the borrowed sweatshirt I’d thrown on over my tank top and yoga pants. “Wait, what?” I said. “You think that you were responsible for what happened yesterday?”

  He stopped as well and turned to look down at me. “Of course I do!” he said. “I should have warned you. You couldn’t have known how persistent my family can be. They were always on me and after me in LA, right up until I signed with the band and managed to get some distance from them. They’d follow me around, especially Yago, telling me he was looking out for me for my own good, all sorts of crap like that...”

  He ran his hand through his hair again, leaving it beautifully mussed. I wanted to reach up and fix it for him, but I kept one hand firmly in his grasp and the other stuffed into my sweatshirt pocket.

  “Manny,” I said, “I’m safer here with you than in LA. What do you think they might do if I was apart from you?”

  He scowled. “Probably nothing,” he said. “They stay here in Hawaii for the most part now. I think they’d leave you alone.” His lips quirked humorlessly. "And, of course, they’d have to find you first.”

  “That’s definitely a benefit of living out of my car that I hadn’t previously thought of,” I said, my voice dry.

  His smile turned genuine. “See? Sometimes there’s a silver lining on your cloud, and sometimes there’s just a bit of cloud on your silver lining.”

  I rolled my eyes at him and started walking again. “Look,” I said, “the point is, I want to stay with you. I...I like being with you. I think we’re...” I cast about for the right words to say. “I think we might be on to something.”

  I hope. Oh god, please don't tell me I just made a huge fool of myself...

  His hand in mine tightened. “And that’s why I want you to be safe. I’m angry with myself for not protecting you yesterday.”

  I wasn’t sure what I had wanted to hear him say in reply—maybe a declaration of love, or a proposal—but that wasn’t it. I shoved the disappointment away, angry with myself for going too fast. I mean, I didn’t love him. Obviously. So of course I was angry with myself for wanting too much, too soon. That was it.

  I cleared my throat and tried to concentrate on the conversation we were having. “You couldn’t have known that was going to happen.”

  “Not specifically, but I could have kept an eye on you. I knew they knew I was here, I knew they knew your face...I should have guessed they’d try to get at me by using you if they could.”

  A shudder ran through his body at those words, and I frowned over at him. I knew I had to tread carefully. “Have they...have they done something like that before?”

  Golden eyes flickered to mine, and we watched each other for a long moment as I held my breath and Manny seemed to take measure of me. Then he looked away.

  “This is all on Wikipedia,” he said. “Not the details, but the general outline. How do you not know this?”

  “I usually don’t Google people I know,” I said.

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “You should start.” He took a deep breath. “So. When I was seventeen I met this girl named Aimee and got involved with her.” He pursed his lips. “This was after the reality show, but before I met Kent and Carter. Probably...three or four years before the band formed? Something like that. Anyway, Aimee was an after-show hook-up. Back then I was trying to experiment with the rock star lifestyle or whatever you want to call it, so whenever I wasn’t playing drums or studying to get my high school diploma I was trying out the ‘sleeping with groupies’ portion of the program.”

  Pressing my lips together, I stifled the sudden surge of jealousy. Stupid. That was a long time ago.

  He sighed. “Like I said, I’m pretty bad at casual sex. I prefer sex with someone who means something to me.”

  My heart did a double back flip and then somersaulted forwards again. Manny didn’t seem to notice. He was still staring off into the distance as though peering into the past.

  He continued. “But back then I was young, dumb, and hung, and so whenever I would sleep with someone I’d get attached to them.” He flashed a grin at me. “Got it all backwards. But anyway, I fell for Aimee pretty hard, and she was thrilled she got a rock star boyfriend. She loved to wait for me backstage when I would play with other bands.
Back then I’d be the substitute drummer for a night or two since drummers are notoriously unreliable.”

  I gasped, trying to inject a little levity into something that was obviously difficult for him to put into words. “What?” I said. “No way. You’re the most reliable, dependable, punctual person I’ve ever met.”

  He snickered. “Okay , smartass. I get it. I haven’t been particularly reliable during this shoot. But can you blame me? I have you to distract me.”

  I waved my other hand, trying to brush away his compliments. “Continue.”

  He was quiet for a moment, and I saw a muscle leap in his jaw as he contemplated how to tell the story. “So anyway, there I was, the dashing drummer, and there she was, ready and willing to give me whatever I wanted. But even then she would get pouty if I didn’t...take care of her.”

  A frown crept across my face. “Take care?”

  “Bought her presents.”

  “Oh.”

  He shrugged. “As you can imagine that did not go down well with my uncle, and one night I came back to the shitty little house my uncle was renting, parked my car, and walked inside to an ambush.”

  An ambush. Licking my lips, I struggled to dredge my voice up from the depths. “Ambush?” I said aloud.

  A bitter laugh escaped him. “An intervention. They had a counselor there and everything. He was bought and paid for, and Yago and my uncle ganged up on me and wore me down pretty quick, convincing me that I was suffering from exhaustion. So I said I’d try some counseling. But that wasn’t what they had in mind.”

  He paused to suck air through his teeth. “Instead of getting me a counselor, or letting me use the one they already had sitting there, they bundled me up and packed me off to the funny farm.”

  I bit my lip. This had been mentioned before, but I hadn’t known it had been done under such duress. Manny was a little eccentric, but he wasn’t mentally ill.

  I turned to face him fully and had to let my feet skip and prance as I struggled to keep up. “And?” I said quietly.

  He wouldn’t even look at me. “It was the worst experience of my life,” he said. “You can’t imagine how shitty it is to be totally sane but surrounded by people who are completely insane...and yet every one of them also thinks he’s the sane one.

  “God, those guys were messed up. There were people in there who thought the CIA was watching them, and others who said they’d been abducted by aliens. There was one guy who would lay down on the floor and encourage others to jump on his back. And there was this other guy who masturbated constantly. So much. Just pulling his pud all day long, until I never wanted to think about masturbation ever again. They had to put these big fluffy mitts on him so that he wouldn’t wear his dick down to a mass of blisters.”

  My stomach did a little twist at the very idea, and I had to swallow the swift rise of bile in my throat. “That sounds awful...” I said.

  Manny quirked a smile. “Well, the masturbating guy was kind of funny with his fluffy mittens. They duct-taped the mitts to his clothes so he couldn’t take them off but he could still do a couple of other things besides beating the meat...”

  For a second he seemed lost in thought, but then he shook his head. “Anyway. By the time I got out of there I was willing to break up with Aimee and give my uncle and cousins whatever check they wanted, as long as they promised to never send me back there.” A hollow laugh escaped him. “Of course, when I did get back, Aimee was already shacking up with my cousin Lalo. Lalo had money, I had...nothing.”

  My heart ached in my chest, though I had no idea what I could say to make Manny feel better. Finally I just settled for: “Manny, that sucks. I’m sorry.”

  He squeezed my hand again. “It’s no big deal, Rosa,” he said. “Everything is pretty groovy now. I’ve got a career, thousands of screaming fans, a new family with the band...and I have you.”

  His words made me glow from the inside out. “Yes,” I said. “You do have me.”

  I lifted my face to the soft breeze coming up the beach. The sun was much higher now, and the sky was exploding in a beautiful riot of color. Some distance down the beach—how far I couldn’t tell—there was a group of people sitting together. Late night partiers, or early-morning health nuts, most likely.

  My gaze again went to the houses and fences lining the beach front, but with Manny’s hand in mine—and a personal bodyguard only fifty feet away—I felt much better about things. I was unlikely to be attacked, or ambushed, or assaulted. It was okay. I could relax.

  I turned and looked at Manny. He was staring down the beach at the gaggle of people with a grin on his face. “Hobos,” he said. “Probably smoking pot. I wonder if they have any of the good stuff.”

  I rolled my eyes and shook my head in exasperation. “You are hopeless,” I said.

  He smirked at me. “I’m not hopeless. I hope,” he said. He squinted back down the beach. “For instance, I hope they have some dank nugs and are in the mood to share.”

  “You’re so wicked,” I told him.

  “You haven’t been complaining.”

  I couldn’t argue with that, so I fell silent as we continued through the cold sand. An unexpected wave washed over our feet and I jumped, looking down.

  “Tide’s turning,” Manny said quietly.

  I looked out to the ocean. Yes, the tide was turning. Now that I knew everything that had happened to Manny, now that I was in the sights of the same terrible people, it was time to convince him to strike back. Reclaim his money and his freedom. He wouldn’t have to live in fear.

  He’d seen me as a white knight that evening when we’d run into each other in the bathroom—why couldn’t I be his white knight? My heart beat faster.

  “I can help you,” I said.

  Manny looked over at me and blinked. “Help me with what?” he asked.

  “Help you with your family. I can help you reclaim your medical rights. I mean, I’m a lawyer. I’m not licensed to practice in Hawaii and this is a bit out of my depth, but I have lots of contacts. I don’t know if I can get them to talk to me, but I’ll try.” My voice grew more and more excited as my mind began racing, picking up steam as I started to put together the bits and pieces we’d need to have lined up. “I bet I could even find someone to do it pro bono!”

  He stared down at me. “Pro bono?”

  “For free,” I clarified.

  But he shook his head. “I know what pro bono means,” he said. “Why would you think I’d need someone to do it for free?”

  I blinked. “I...I don’t know,” I said. “I just thought...you know, that it’d be nice if you didn’t have to pay for it. Yesterday you were telling me how you and Sonya still like to get points on your credit card, and no one likes paying lawyers. Believe me, I know. It’s like getting blood from a stone with some of my clients.” I laughed, but Manny didn’t laugh with me.

  He was still staring at me. His steps had slowed, and there was something...wrong. Remembering that he’d shut down yesterday morning when I had suggested the same thing, I squeezed his hand. “It’s okay,” I said. “We’d figure something out so you wouldn’t have to face them in court, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “That’s not what I’m worried about,” he said.

  I felt a frown cross my face. “Then what’s wrong?”

  He stopped and stood in the sand, his brows drawing down over his golden eyes. “Why do you care so much?” he demanded.

  I opened my mouth, then shut it again. “Because...because I like you?” I hazarded.

  “You don’t seem so sure of that.”

  Now it was my turn for my frown to deepen. “Well, I am sure I like you,” I told him. “You’re...” I waved a hand, but I was never good at expressing myself at the best of times. “Look, I just want to help you. I’m good at what I do. Did. I just want to help you. I don’t know if you don’t know where to start, or what, but I can help you with that. Why does that upset you?”

  A muscle leapt in
his jaw. “Why do you want to help me?”

  “Doesn’t it bother you? That they do that?”

  “Of course it does, but why do you want to help me?”

  I was thoroughly, completely confused. Why wouldn’t I want to help you? I thought. That was the real question. He’d been nothing but kind and generous and sweet and...and a wonderful lover, and I cared about what happened to him. Even if we parted ways after this trip, I didn’t want him to be a victim any longer.

  I didn’t want to be a victim.

  “Because...” I tried to put my thoughts into words. “I just...I can’t imagine not being able to do what I want. It’s like you’ve never had control of your life, so you don’t plan or anything. And that’s fine, I love that about you, but at some point you’re going to wish you’d already wrapped this up. The longer it goes on, the harder it gets. I just want you to be able to move on with your life.”

  Except Manny dropped my hand and took a step back. Shocked, I didn’t protest. I had no idea what was going on.

  He crossed his arms. “Oh, I see,” he said. “You want me to fit into your plan, don’t you?”

  I blinked. “Well...I don’t know. You’ve kind of happened to me. And I like it.” I gave him a half smile. “For you, I’d adjust the Plan.”

  I’d meant that as a joke, but Manny didn’t laugh. “Or perhaps you’re trying to adjust me.”

  I frowned. “I don’t understand.”

  One dark eyebrow arched. “I do. I remember what you told me about the plan. You want a financially stable guy. Or a rich guy. Like I would be, if it weren’t for my family. Well I’m sorry I’m not the guy you planned for.”

  His words were like a slap across the face. “What?” I gasped. My tongue felt too big for my mouth, and words didn’t come easily. “What the...how the fuck did you come to that conclusion?” I finally managed to say. Inside I was fuming, my stomach suddenly eaten alive by flames. He might as well have called me a gold-digger!

  But his jaw was set. “Probably because you slept with a guy you didn’t even like because he was suitable husband material? If I’m not suitable now, you’re going to make me suitable?”