The Bucket List

by Skyla Carter

  "What hurts?"

  "My head... please," she begged.

  She still hadn't opened her eyes and it looked like talking was making her feel worse. His frown grew as he realised there was a lot more going on than he'd realised. Those painkillers would have killed a mere headache in seconds.

  "I can't give you any more. Those pills are dangerous."

  She let out a frustrated little breath as her tears increased. He noticed how she was clutching the bed covers as if her life depended on it, how she looked completely pale.

  "I'm calling a doctor," Nate said as he reached in his pocket for his phone.

  "No!"

  The little outburst cost her dearly, he noticed. She bundled up into a fetal position and put her hands on her temples, all the while wincing.

  "You're in terrible pain. I need to do something."

  "Just a few more painkillers... and some sleeping pills... I'll be all right when I get up."

  "Rachael..."

  "Please," she pleaded weakly. "I can't take the pain."

  He sat there for another moment, deliberating. What the hell was he supposed to do?

  "Please. I swear I'll explain when I get up," she pleaded.

  With a heavy sigh, he reached for the bag he had placed on the bedside table and found the pills. She was still whimpering, still writhing in pain. He had to do it, he couldn't see another way. Getting a glass of water, he found a bottle of sleeping pills in his bag and popped one out as well as a couple of painkillers. She took them gratefully from him then settled back on the pillow.

  "Rae," he whispered. "Tell me what’s going on. Have you had these headaches long?"

  "A while," she answered as the sleeping pill started working.

  "Have you seen a doctor about it?"

  "Yes."

  "What did he say?"

  "I've got a tumor..."

  Chapter Six

  When Rae opened her eyes she felt like death warmed over.

  "Fuck!" she swore to herself.

  Why the hell was this happening to her? Was she being punished for the fast life she had led? Had she caused too much heartache to too many people? Was she too much of a selfish, cold hearted bitch to deserve to live? It was ironic really, how she had watched the disease claim both her step dad and mother and now she was suffering the same fate.

  "How are you feeling?"

  She turned her head to see the rainbow haired warrior sitting in a chair next to the bed. He had a sketchpad in his lap and headphones around his neck.

  "I could be better," she smiled sadly as she sat up.

  "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

  "Not really."

  Nate nodded his head and put the pad down.

  "I ordered some food," he said. "I thought maybe you'd want to get something down you before you go back to your room."

  "I'm not really hungry," she said.

  "You should eat something. It'll help you keep your strength up."

  "I'll catch a bite later with Corey."

  "He called, by the way. He must have tried about a hundred times before I decided to answer it. I hope you don't mind."

  "What did you tell him?" she asked in a panic.

  "Relax. I just told him you were sleeping and he came up with his own conclusions," Nate assured her, watching her face intently the whole time. "So what is he? Your boyfriend?"

  Rae laughed at that.

  "No. He's just my best friend. We met when I was one and he was three when my mum moved down the road from their family and we've been inseparable since," she explained.

  "Is that why you won't tell him?"

  Rae looked away from the searching gaze.

  "I told you I don't want to talk about it."

  "If you pass out like this often, I'm guessing he'll find out anyway."

  "Look, I'll tell him when I'm ready," she snapped. "It's none of your business anyway."

  "You're right, it's none of my business. But I think you really need to tell him. When you go through the treatment, you're going to need someone there for you."

  She grunted in amusement. Treatment? He was a fucking joker, wasn't he?

  "What was that for?"

  "Nothing," she lied as she got off the bed. "You're right. I'll tell him soon. Just don't say a word until I do, okay?"

  "Sure."

  As she stretched, she caught a glimpse of the sketch he had been doing. It was her, but she could hardly recognise herself. The woman in the sketch looked like she was just sleeping, she could almost feel the glow radiating from that woman's face as if she'd just enjoyed a lovely morning tumble. She looked like she didn't have a care in the world.

  "I hope you don't mind. I sketch when I'm anxious or just thinking. It helps me relax," Nate said.

  "It's beautiful," she said truthfully.

  "I had a lot of that to work with," he smiled.

  Rae looked at him as if she was seeing him for the first time. He was gorgeous, sure, she'd noticed that straight away, but now she realised he had so many dimensions. Everyone knew he was very creative but she'd never seen it firsthand. She'd never wanted to, actually.

  "You're really good. How come you're slaving away for Vince when you could be making loads of money doing this?" she asked.

  "My art is my thing. Maybe one day, when my body can't take being abused as much, I'll quit fighting and pursue that. For now I just use it to keep me sane."

  "What were you thinking about, when you did the sketch? You said you use it to help you relax."

  "My mum," he answered quietly.

  "You were thinking of your mum while you sketched that hot goddess? Kinky, but whatever rocks your boat, man!" she chuckled.

  "No," Nate laughed, then sobered up when he looked at the sketch again. "My mum died when I was nine. She had brain cancer."

  The smile left her face as well as reality came once again to bite her in the butt.

  "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to bring it all up for you again."

  "It's always there with me," he said. "Time makes the pain better but it never leaves you."

  "I know. That's why I was leaving it till the very last minute to tell Corey. I want to give him as many good memories as I can."

  "You say that as if it's already beaten you," Nate said.

  "It's not that," she lied. "It's just that I lost my mum a year and a half ago to it. She fought it for three years and still lost so I don't really see much hope for me."

  "What are the doctors saying?"

  She turned away from him so his observant eyes wouldn't catch the lie.

  "They say I have a good chance," she said. "In a few weeks they'll know what course of action to take and book me in."

  "I'm sorry. I know you said you didn't want to talk about it," Nate said as he stood up to stand behind her. "And I know if you did want to talk about it, it wouldn't be with me. We're hardly friends. We've never even been introduced."

  "My bad," she smiled, turning to face him again. "You seem like a good guy and after what you did for me today, I'd like to think that we can be friends. Rachael Taylor. Well, Rachael Taylor Callaway."

  "No shit!" Nate chuckled. "You came from the Crusher’s? That explains a lot."

  "What's that supposed to mean?" she frowned.

  "Nothing. It's just that people have seen you having meals with him this weekend and there's been a lot of speculation," he explained.

  "Ewww!"

  "I know. That's what I said," Nate laughed. "Irving's daughter? Wow. Now I have to make sure I don't mess with you."

  "You couldn't have messed with me even if Irving wasn't my dad!" she chuckled. "I've brought down bigger and stronger men."

  "I can believe that," Nate answered. "So how come no one knows about this, anyway?"

  "Long story. To cut it short, when I found out I was dying I decided to get to know him better," she answered as she picked up her bag from the table.

  "Don't say that."

  "Wh
at?"

  "That you're dying. You haven't even started the battle yet."

  "I know," she sighed.

  She could see she had to watch everything she said around this man.

  "I'm going now, but I'll see you at the show later," she said. "Thanks for what you did for me, Nate. I hope I can repay you somehow."

  "You don't need to do that," he said as he walked with her to the door. "If you need to talk, just come and find me, okay?"

  "Sure," she smiled.

  As she made her way to the room she was sharing with Corey and John, she thought how easy Nate had been to talk to. She never really talked to anyone other than Corey and John, maybe that was her problem. She never saw other people as people, just potential bed partners. So maybe Nate was what she needed. She could get to know him then maybe they'd form some sort of connection. He was weird, John and Corey always said that about him, but maybe weird was what she needed. She'd never get bored then and she wouldn't need to find another person to sleep with, at least not for the few weeks that she had to carry out her plans. As for the sex, she had her toys to tide her over until a suitable time had passed for her to sleep with him.

  And how the hell would she know when a suitable time had passed? She'd have to ask John how these things worked. She didn't have a single clue.

  "What do you want to watch?"

  "I don't know what half this stuff is," Corey said as he went through the dvds that Rae had brought with her. "I don't even think they've been released yet. Mirrors? You know that one?"

  "No," John replied as he grabbed them beers from the mini fridge. "How the hell does she get them, anyway?"

  "She sleeps with the right people!" Corey said as he finally picked one that looked good.

  "She's been acting a bit different. Have you noticed that?" John asked.

  "Yeah. I think it's this list of hers. It's changed her a lot, she lives like she's dying tomorrow," Corey answered.

  "I wonder why she won't show it to us," John mused.

  "Probably because it's got shit crazy things on it," Corey said dryly. "If I'd known she was going to Columbia, to the jungles no less, I'd have put my foot down."

  "Me, too," John agreed as the movie Corey had picked started. "Maybe we should ask her to tone it down a bit."

  "I don't think it will be necessary. Not anytime soon, anyway. With her trying to date and fall in love, that could take a while."

  "You don't think she'll do it," John stated, looking at his friend.

  "Come on, John. You've known her a long time, you know as much as I do that most people bore her to tears. She couldn't last a day in a relationship."

  "Are you saying she's never even had a proper relationship?" John asked incredulously.

  "Once, a long time ago, she tried the dating thing," he answered. "She was only sixteen at the time."

  "What happened?"

  "We tried it for a few weeks and decided we were better off as friends."

  "We?"

  "Oh. Didn't I tell you? I hold the record for being not only her longest relationship but her only one," Corey chuckled.

  "No, you never mentioned that to me."

  Corey chuckled.

  "I should have. Funny story that was."

  "Are you going to explain?"

  "We were young and foolish. She had it in her head that she was in love with this jerk and I had to do something to make her see sense."

  "So you asked her out?"

  "It's complicated. Bottom line is I persuaded her I was the best person she could lose her virginity to and we took it from there."

  "So what you're saying is you ruined the whole dating thing for her? No wonder she's so messed up. You are the wrong person to show anyone anything about relationships."

  "Actually, she ruined it for me. I caught her with the same bastard she'd tried to sleep with first about two weeks in the relationship."

  John laughed.

  "It's not funny, bro. She broke my heart."

  "I find that very hard to believe," John put in.

  "Okay, so when I found her I'd just come from doing the hot girl who'd just moved into the neighborhood, but she didn't know that."

  "Are you sure?"

  "It doesn't matter, anyway. We were both so relieved we didn't have to pretend we were happy. We had one last fuck and that was it."

  "You two actually...?"

  "Every spare minute we could get. Even when we shouldn't have. She's very creative," Corey chuckled.

  "So how did you go from being lovers back to just friends?"

  "We're too alike to ever work out. Imagine going to your favourite bar and your girl is there. Then going to your favourite strip club and she's there. And imagine her shouting her lungs out right next to you at every game, every monster truck rally. It wouldn't work. We realised that and just moved on."

  "Most people actually think having things in common is a good thing."

  "Not when you're trying to get laid by someone else it isn't!" Corey argued. "Besides, we've got a deal. Once she hits thirty we'll both be ready to settle down. She'll pop out a few of my kids to fill up our home and we'll live happily ever after."

  "That easy, is it?"

  "Actually, yeah."

  "So what happens when she does fall in love and she wants someone else's babies?"

  "Dude, that will never happen."

  "How can you be so sure?"

  "I just am."

  Rae walked in at that moment, cutting their conversation.

  "Hey people," she said happily as she sat down between them on the couch. "Did you miss me?"

  "Like a hole in the head," John answered, earning himself a little punch. "So why the big grin on your face?"

  "I think I found him," Rae answered.

  "Him?" Corey questioned.

  "The man I'm going to fall in love with."

  Chapter Seven

  "You can't just command yourself to fall in love, you know," John said as they walked into the arena for the show that night.

  "I know, but I like him and I think he's interesting. That's a start, isn't it?"

  "I like a lot of interesting women. It doesn't mean I'm in love with them," John argued.

  Both Corey and Rae looked back at him incredulously.

  "You fall in love with every woman you meet!" Corey exclaimed.

  "You're supposed to be backing me up, Corey."

  "I would if I actually believed anything would come out of this. The day Rae falls in love, I'll eat my shoe!"

  "Well, get your shoe ready, you little prick, coz here comes loverboy right now," Rae smiled.

  Sure enough, Nate was heading in their direction down the hall. Corey just let out a disgusted grunt.

  "What the hell is your problem?" Rae asked.

  "Remember that song, the one that says 'once a whore, you're nothing more, I'm sorry that will never change'?" Corey sneered. "People don't pick girls like you for serious relationships."

  Rae stopped in her tracks and let out a gasp at her friend's hurtful words. Everyone called her a whore, and she was. But Corey had never uttered those words to her before. He, of all people, should have understood why she did what she did.

  "Corey!" John exclaimed.

  "Hey," Nate said when he was close enough, giving Rae a little smile and cutting into the conversation.

  "Hey, Nate," she answered, a little frown marring her face.

  "I'm just heading down to Catering. Wanna hang out?" he asked, obviously feeling the tension between the three of them. And of course, he couldn't have missed the dark scowl on Steele's face.

  "Sure," she said, not even looking back at Corey as she took the arm Nate offered and walked away with him.

  Both John and Steele watched them walk away.

  "That won't last," Corey said again.

  "I don't know. You know how she is when she sets her mind on something," John said. "She spent the whole morning with him and didn't even sleep with him. I'd say that's pretty s
erious for Rae."

  "I'll give it to the end of the week. She'd have slept with him and thrown him away by then."

  "What the hell is your problem?" John snapped. "Are you jealous?"

  "Don't be ridiculous!" Corey frowned as he turned away and started walking in the opposite direction.

  "So what was that all about?" Nate asked when he grabbed a couple of bottles of water from catering.

  "Nothing. Corey was just being a dick," she replied as Nate led them to some set cases to sit on.

  She hadn't really felt like having all those prying eyes on her in catering so Nate had suggested this or his locker room. She figured she had more of a chance of controlling her natural urges sitting on the large steel cases where people were walking about.

  "Anything to do with me?" Nate questioned.

  "Why would you think that?"

  The last thing she wanted to do was explain that she'd picked him as her Mr. Right.

  "Maybe the fact that Corey was looking at me like a bug he wanted to step on," Nate chuckled. "Is he upset that you spent the morning with me? I could tell him nothing happened if you want."

  "Trust me, I think he'd rather hear that something did happen," Rae muttered.

  "I don't get it," Nate frowned.

  "I don't either," Rae said. "I'd have thought he, of all people, would stand by me."

  "What do you mean?"

  Rae sighed and looked away from him.

  "I'm not a nice person, a number of people can testify to that," she explained. "But since my mum died I've been trying to be different. Corey thinks it's all a joke, that people can't change."

  "I think they can. They can go from being sweet, nice woman to total bitches, so I think it works the other way round as well," he muttered bitterly.

  Rae looked into his eyes and noticed the pain in them. Why hadn't she seen it before? He might as well have been wearing a sign but she'd missed it. As always she'd been too self absorbed.

  "Wanna talk about it?" she asked.

  "No."

  The way he said it left no room for argument. She'd never been one to pry in other people's affairs, anyway. The only person she knew all about was Corey and for 25 years she'd been happy to keep it like that. Now she had to learn about this man. If he didn't want to talk about whatever was making him hurt like that she had to find something else to talk about.