The Bucket List

by Skyla Carter

"I didn't really know her; I mean, one week isn't nearly enough to know everything about a person. Someone's bucket list... that would be the best way to sum someone up, wouldn't it? All the things they really want to do but wouldn't normally get the chance? It's like reading their hearts," he continued. "She never wanted anyone to read this, I guess because she never wanted anyone to know what she had in her heart. I shouldn't read it... "

  He looked up at his brother as he said it, looking for the strength to stop himself.

  "Maybe you should," Matt said instead. "Read it... laugh... cry, whatever. Then put it back in her bag and move on. Maybe you'll find something in there that will make you see her differently."

  "Or something that will make it harder for me to let her go... "

  "Either way, it would be closure. You'll know what makes her who she is; you'll love it or hate it, then be strong enough to let her go. You knew she belonged to Steele from the beginning. Remember when I called you after I'd found out, when you were getting ready for your date? You said you didn't want to keep your heart out of the bedroom because she was special. You wanted to love her, to show her what it could be like. And you have. Who knows, maybe it was you who pushed her and Corey together. Face it, bro... She needs him more than she needs you right now. Let her go."

  He looked down at the pieces of paper again, the only thing he had that would bring him closer to Rae... and maybe give him the strength to move on.

  Then slowly he unfolded it.

  1)Climb the highest mountain, conquer it. Mum dying wasn't a punishment. She's happy now, with Greg. When I stand at the top I have to let her go. I may stand alone, but I will not be lonely. I have my whole life ahead of me... and Corey.

  2)Bungee jump from a plane. See what it means to be really free, like a bird. Spread my wings.

  3)Get rid of Corey's awful orange shirt... Let him know it is NOT okay to shop while drunk, and even worse to ask my opinion about it while I'm equally intoxicated. I think he only wears it because of the way I ecstatically ran my hands over it and screamed how much I loved it.

  4)Give to charity. I've been very selfish even though I have been blessed financially. Better yet, start my own, maybe name it 'The Rebecca Taylor Cancer Research Centre' or something like that. Mum would love it. Better to keep track of it myself. Might swindle a few thousand dollars out for Corey to get that going!

  He let out a little smile. Somehow he had expected the list to be fully of wild, crazy things like fly to the moon and get nailed in space, some shit like that; but it was really like Rae's little journal on her road to becoming a better person. No wonder she'd kept it secret.

  5)Learn to say please. And thank you. And all the other shit crazy things like that. Basically, learn to be nice. It's been great being a bitch and all but it's earned me no friends. Maybe Corey will start being nicer, too, so I won't have to suffer with it by myself.

  6)Try and make some friends. It will be hard, I know, I don't really need anyone else besides Corey... but mum had millions of friends. I should really try to be more like her.

  "I'm going to leave you to it, Nate," Matt said as he grabbed his keys. "Call me later. I can take the bag to her when you're ready, if you want."

  He smiled up at his brother.

  "I might take it to her myself," he said. "I won't be seeing her much after this, I don't think. I'll just find out if she's happy with Corey... then I'll let her go."

  He looked down at the list again. Of course she'd be happy. She might not have realised as she'd wrote the list, but Corey's name was all over it. It told him everything he needed to know.

  As he continued to read, he prayed to a God he didn't believe in to spare the life of this young woman who was so desperately trying to be happy.

  "I won't be long," Corey said as he dropped a kiss on her lips. "I'm gagging for a smoke and we need to eat. The hundred margaritas you had last night don't count as food. Then when I come back, you and I will talk."

  It had occurred to him as he'd got himself dressed that he hadn't really said those three words yet. He planned on fixing that.

  "I'm giving you ten minutes," she said as she lazily rolled over to face him, "then your birthday treat will be ready. We can talk after you've unwrapped it... "

  She licked her lips as she said this, giving him a pretty good idea what his treat was. Swallowing hard, he followed her hand as it cupped her breast.

  "Five minutes," he said hoarsely before his stomach reminded him that he hadn't eaten properly for the whole past week.

  He grabbed his key card and wallet before kissing her again. He'd never get tired of that, he thought, as he left the room and headed to the little shop in the lobby.

  Everything seemed brighter that morning. He saw Peyton and Kelly heading to the restaurant and even their sour faces didn't dampen his mood. He even wished them a "good morning," as he walked past them and found that he actually meant it this time. And for the first time ever, he asked the man serving behind the counter of the little shop how he was doing and actually listened to the answer.

  "New baby? Congratulations, man," he said as he shook the man's hand. "Boy or girl?"

  "Girl," he answered with a proud smile on his face as he took a picture out of his wallet. "Just last night."

  A lump caught in his throat as he briefly remembered what Rae had told him. She would never carry his children in her womb. But it would be okay... once they beat the cancer, they could adopt as many kids as they wanted.

  "Do you have any kids?" the man asked.

  "No. My girlfriend... she's got cancer. There's a chance the treatment will make her infertile," he answered, his voice tinged with a bit of sadness.

  He had no idea why he was opening up to a stranger but for the first time since she told him, he found he could actually talk about it.

  "I'm sorry, man. What's her name?"

  "Rachael. Rae for short."

  "Then I will name my girl Rachael. If you don't mind," the man said.

  Shocked and touched at the same time, he looked at the man.

  "You'd do that for me? You don't even know me."

  "Rachael is a pretty name," the man shrugged with a smile. "When your girlfriend gets better, you can come and visit her namesake anytime."

  A big smile forming on his lips, he shook the man's hand. He had said 'when' she got better, not 'if'.

  "Thank you. I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me," he said sincerely.

  He asked the man for his number because he meant to take him up on his offer. When all was said and done, when the tumor was gone, he would take Rae to see this man's beautiful girl. When he looked down at the piece of paper, he noticed, ironically, that the man's name was Irving. And now Irving would name his child Rachael. He felt a chill run through him as he thought it was a bad omen... new life for old and all that, but he quickly put it out of his mind. He couldn't concentrate on any negatives.

  "Is that a smile? I haven't seen one of those in a while. Watch yourself, Steele, your face might crack!"

  He twirled around, his smile getting bigger as he took Alyssa into a warm hug.

  "Hey, beautiful," he said when he finally released her. "I didn't realise you were here."

  "Yeah, I sort of figured," Mandy chuckled. "You didn't really notice anyone last night except Rae."

  He chuckled as he paid his new friend for his cigarettes and stuffed them in his pocket.

  "You're a good guy," he told him before taking Mandy's little hand in his and giving him a respectful nod as he walked out of the shop.

  "You're unnaturally friendly today," Mandy teased.

  "It must be something I ate," he laughed as he walked with her to the restaurant.

  "I'm going to get some food for Rae. Wanna grab a quick coffee while we wait for it?" he asked.

  "Sure."

  They found a table far away from the other fighters and a waiter came to serve them straight away. He ordered a big breakfast for both him and Rae bec
ause he didn't think they'd want to worry about food again that day. Even though they room service, he didn't want anyone disturbing them at all, not with the day he had planned.

  "So... how you doin'?" he asked when their coffee arrived.

  "All right, I guess. John's in my room, passed out," Mandy answered as she stirred her coffee.

  John. For some reason, even hearing his name didn't bother him this morning. He felt invigorated, like he was above everything else; like nothing could touch him. He couldn't ever remember feeling this alive and because of this, for the first time that week, he felt a tinge of hope. Surely the Big Guy up there wouldn't take Rae away from him now, not when they'd found this amazing thing they had.

  "Got wasted, did he? Figured he would. He'd had at least two drinks before we'd even sat down," he said. "So did you guys talk?"

  "Not really. Well, he said some things... he's really hurting, Corey and for some reason he thinks I can help him."

  He covered her hand with his on the table and gave it a gentle squeeze. He knew John was hurting. Even though he was still mad at the guy for even thinking of going that far with Rae; even though he really believed that the guy was crazy about Rae, he knew John wasn't taking this any better than him.

  "You can help him," he smiled sadly. "He needs you. I know how hurt you still feel, trust me. But all this shit just made me realise how short life really is. The guy cares about you and he really regrets what he did. Is it going to take another tragedy to make you see that and realise how much time you're wasting? Don't be afraid to show him how you feel. It might be what both of you need to get you through this."

  Alyssa smiled up into his eyes at that.

  "I take it this means you've finally got your head screwed on right? Told you, didn't I, that you're in love with her?"

  "It's more than love, Mandy. It's like I've been dead inside all this time and didn't even realise it. Last night... everything just fell into place. And this might sound cheesy, but she completes me. I've found my perfect someone and I didn't even realise I was looking. I'm never going to let her go now."

  He could see in her eyes when he said that that she thought of the cancer. He knew it wouldn't be up to him if he had to let her go or not, but damn it if he wouldn't die trying. He'd always known he couldn't live without Rae but last night, he had realised that if she died on him, he would die with her.

  "I'll be here for you, too, you know," she said softly.

  "Thanks, but I'll be fine," he smiled broadly. "Rae and I are going to kick the tumor in the butt then we'll live happily ever after; just like in the movies. Just wait and see."

  He saw the look in her eyes just as the waiter brought his bag of food but he didn't dwell on it. He wasn't in denial; he just wasn't going to let anyone bring him down, not now, not today.

  "I'll see you later, then, babes. When you kick John out, tell him to go somewhere. If that little punk knocks on our door before I call him, I might just kill him for it," he said as he got up and placed a kiss on her cheek.

  "I'll see you before I head out, I've got a present for you."

  "You didn't need to do that, Mandy."

  "You only turn twenty eight once. Besides, with everything going on, I wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you," she smiled up at him.

  "You're a good friend," he said sincerely as he gave her another little kiss. "I'm a lucky guy, having you in my life. But if you'll excuse me, there's someone upstairs just gagging for a bit of me! Later, sweetheart."

  Corey's phone rang as he walked through the lobby to the elevator.

  "Hey, Tammy. What's up?" he answered with a little frown.

  Rae's assistant never really called him unless there was an emergency and she couldn't get in touch with Rae.

  "Hi, Randall. Are you with Rachael? I've been trying to get in touch with her since yesterday."

  "We're in Orlando for Flair's party," he said as he pressed the button to call the elevator down. "Why? What's happened?"

  "Oh, I don't know. I'm just a bit puzzled by some things," she answered. "Her lawyers came to see me yesterday. Apparently, she's going to leave me the whole business in her will and I have to sign some things so they can get things moving. I just got worried, I mean, I know lots of people do their wills and everything but Rae isn't exactly someone who worries about things like that. Is she all right?"

  "Um... I'll let her tell you that herself," he replied as the doors opened. "I'll be with her in a few minutes if you want to call back."

  "What's going on, Randall?"

  "Tammy... It's not my place to say. Just call back, yeah?" he said a bit sadly.

  He supposed it was only to be expected. When one faced something like this, they had to make plans like that... just in case. But it still shot him in the heart. He didn't want Rae thinking like she wasn't going to make it because she would. They said third time was a charm; no way would the cancer take someone else close to him, would it?

  "Apparently, she wants it done quickly so she can sign whatever she needs to sign before she leaves the country. She isn't doing some other crazy thing on her silly bucket list, is she?" Tammy asked. "Where's she going this time? Iraq? I wish that woman would just tell me what goes on in that head of hers so I can schedule her appointments correctly... "

  "Wait. What do you mean she's leaving the country?" he asked, the frown on his face growing.

  "Yeah. The lawyers said she needs it finalized by the end of the coming week so she can fly out then. Didn't you know?"

  Obviously not. Why would Rae make plans like this without even telling him? Something about it wasn't right. Maybe, like Tammy said, she was doing something on her bucket list. She'd certainly feel like she had to do all of it now, understandably. But maybe not.

  "No," he answered as he got out of the elevator. "I'm going to have to get her to call you back, Tammy. Rae and I need to have a long talk first."

  He hung up just as he got to the door. He had no doubt Rae would have a perfectly good explanation why she was planning on going away without even telling him anything about it. Especially since she was supposed to be undergoing treatment.

  ***

  When he opened the door, Rae had her iPod hooked up to some speakers with the volume high as she danced, naked of course, to slow sexy song. Her eyes were closed and she had the biggest smile he'd seen on her face in a long time. He'd put that on her face. She was smiling because of him.

  For a moment he forgot about Tammy's phone call as he watched her. How could he be so incredibly lucky and unlucky at the same time? She didn't seem to realise she wasn't alone; she was so lost in her own little world. He put the bags of food down and perched himself on the table by the door so he could savor the moment a bit longer.

  She twirled around and did a particularly sexy wiggle of her pert butt that had him biting down on his bottom lip. His eyes roamed her body, from her heels up her long, slender legs, past her gorgeous butt and tiny waist to the tips of her dishevelled golden tresses. How had he looked at her naked all his life and not realised how he felt? How could he have been so blind and wasted so much time? He loved her. With every breath in his body, he loved her. He felt it in the pit of his stomach; it consumed him, burned through every ounce of his being.

  She twirled around again and stopped when she saw him and he saw her smile widen even more. He held her eyes for a minute, still biting his bottom lip before he did a slow, deliberate inspection of her body. With every inch of skin that his eyes glazed over, the need in his groin intensified and she knew it. His eyes travelled back to her eyes and the heat in them almost knocked him over. He was sure the heat in his was even stronger.

  "Come here," he whispered.

  She did as she was told, walking slowly towards him until she stood between his legs. He hissed at the contact as he put one hand on her butt to pull her closer while his other hand gently trailed the side of her face before cupping her chin.

  "I'm in love with you, Rachael Taylor," he
said hoarsely. "So in love with you."

  Her smile lost some of its shine at his words and something fleeting passed her eyes.

  "Really? Aren't you just saying in coz... you know?" she asked a bit sadly.

  "No. I hate the fact that it's taken all this shit to make me see it, but I mean it, baby," he assured her. "You've been with me all my life that I've never had to learn to breathe without you. It's only now that I've realised that I couldn't breathe without you, Rae. You're my air, my life. I love you. I really do."

  Tears fell down her cheeks as her smile grew again.

  "I love you, too," she said. "I don't think I ever stopped."

  "Really?"

  "Yeah. I've been remembering it this past week, remembering how I thought I could never feel for anyone what I felt for you. It took me so long to put it all behind me."

  "And me. But I never really could. I know now that's why I couldn't let you be with Nate," he said. "I mean, I preferred your meaningless lays because there was no chance of you falling in love with any of the bastards. Then Nate came along... I couldn't let you be with him because deep down I knew you were meant to be with me. You've always been mine, Rae. And I've always been yours."

  He held her closer as he said this, burying his face in her hair and closing his eyes as he kicked himself again for wasting so much time.

  "I need you to promise me something."

  He almost didn't hear her because she said it so softly. He pulled away from her slightly to look into her eyes and he knew straight away what she was going to say.

  "No," he said a bit roughly before she could voice her request.

  "Corey. I'm dying," she said softly again. "I need to know that you'll be all right, that you'll move on."

  "No," he repeated. "Don't say that. Not now."

  She held his gaze for a minute before slowly nodding her head. He'd been granted a temporary reprieve. And he wasn't about to waste it.

  He brought his lips down to hers to ignite the already smouldering heat in his body and a second later her fingers were expertly undoing the buttons of his shirt.

  Then she'd proceeded to make him forget every single thought in his head by just one little move of her delectable body. She did it so well that the minor interruptions they had throughout the day weren't even been enough to make him remember anything, not even Tammy.