by Jayne Blue
Instead of stabbing me, he slit the zip tie that bound my feet.
“Stand up.”
I did what he said and tried to find my balance.
“Move it.”
He dragged me up the stairs. We were in some old bungalow. Fitzie’s house?
I didn’t know. But what I did know was that pictures of Olivia – Olivia smiling, Olivia walking, Olivia talking to Maddox in a restaurant – surrounded us.
Then I saw one of Olivia in her bed, after, now. The way she was today.
The photos papered the walls and it was horrifying. I couldn’t decipher everything that was happening, but it was clear that Olivia didn’t know she was being photographed.
They were all photos from far away. Fitzie had stalked her, for a long time.
“Come on.”
Fitzie dragged me out of the house, to his car, which was idling in front. We were in the middle of nowhere. There were no houses. It looked like a rundown place on an acre or two. My hopes that I could alert neighbors were dashed when I saw there were none.
Was there a way out for me? I didn’t see it.
“You’re going to get me out of here, see. Maddox won’t shoot me if you’re right here.”
Maddox, had he been the one who called?
I heard the roar of bikes. I could hear them before I could see them. And they were coming from two directions.
Fitzie heard them too and threw me in the backseat of his car.
“I need the pictures. I need them,” he said. He seemed to be conflicted between getting out of here fast and the things in that awful little house.
If I could impede his progress in some way, maybe I could buy time.
“Go on, get what you need, Maddox won’t let you keep those if he finds them.”
I was trying to be on his side. And I was trying to buy time.
“Right, right.”
Fitzie went inside and left me in the car. I looked for keys, but my hands were still bound. Maybe there was something in this car to get myself free of at least my hand bindings. I had no idea how long Fitzie would spend gathering his crazy collection of photos.
But it was too late. I could see bikes coming up the drive. Four of them. I hoped to God it was Maddox and The Saints.
I shimmied over the back seat into the front and managed to drag myself out of the car.
The headlights made it impossible to see who rode the bikes. Fitzie came out of the house. He was in the same predicament as me, blinded by the headlights.
“Okay, you fucking maggot! We’re here.”
I didn’t recognize the voice that came from the bikes. Then the sound of a second wave of engines came from the direction of the tree line. Vehicles were weaving through the woods that bordered the property. Four more bikes, I counted, were barreling toward the house but they were way further off. I had no idea which way to run, if I did run.
“Come on, we’re going for a ride.”
Fitzie dragged me toward the row of bikes that had reached the house first. We got closer and I realized they were Hawks. Fitzie was dragging me straight to The Hawks.
The Hawks were his escape plan and I was the insurance.
“No.”
I knew this was it. If The Hawks took me, I could forget about mercy, I could forget about safety. I wasn’t going to get on any of those bikes with Fitzie or The Hawks. So I used every bit of strength I had and tugged my arm free.
And then I ran. I ran harder than I’d ever run in my life. And I could run hard. I was betting on that second wave of bikers. I was hoping for a miracle from The Saints.
It was hard to get my top speed with my hands tied but I knew I was faster than Fitzie.
“Fuck!” he said.
The second set of bikes approached, and I was awash in their headlights. I stopped my sprint and turned to look back. Fitzie had stopped chasing me and was getting on a Hawk’s bike. At that same moment I felt myself whisked up in midair.
It wasn’t the first time.
Maddox had me again.
I was in that familiar spot, cradled in the front of him as Maddox and his crew bore down on The Hawks.
“You okay?” Maddox yelled over the roar of the engines. He brought his bike to a stop and his brothers did the same.
“Yes. He shot Olivia. He was the one,” I said, and Maddox nodded his head. I didn’t know if he’d already put that together or not. I also didn’t want to think about what that meant for what happened with Jonesy C.
The Hawks had turned around, with Fitzie on the back of one of their bikes, and were racing away.
“Do we go after them?” Kade asked.
“They’ve got Fitzie. We’re fucked,” another Saint with a patch that read ‘Benz’.
“No, we go after them now, we got no choice but fight, it’s open war,” Axle, another Saint chimed in.
Maddox looked off to the horizon as The Hawks got farther and farther away.
“Fitzie is going to have to pay,” Maddox said. “But I’ve got what I need.”
He squeezed me tight.
“Come on, let’s get to the club. Bear needs to know what went down and she needs Josie,” Kade said.
“I’m okay,” I said it but I knew I probably looked far from it, after the blow Fitzie had delivered to my face.
“Shit, you’re bleeding.”
The ties had sliced into the flesh of my wrists. Kade had come over with a pocketknife. I put out my hands and he slit the twist tie. The blood flowed faster.
Maddox held me closer.
“Hold on, I got you.”
The engines roared, and I buried my face in Maddox’s chest. It was warm, solid, and safe.
I quietly cried as we drove to The Dark Saints. I was alive. And I had Maddox.
I had thought I was dead. I had thought all was lost.
And Maddox was here.
I remembered Harlow’s words.
“Maddox would take a bullet for you.”
I knew it was true.
25
Maddox – Six Months Later
“He’s hanging it over the club like a fucking ax. We strike hard. That’s the only way. We go in there and take him the fuck out.”
E.Z. had been making the same case every single time in Church since Fitzie had defected to The Hawks.
“We’ve been over this and voted,” Bear said.
The two of them were fighting more and more. E.Z. had more than just a few members on his side, and more with every vote. And I was holding to my promise to Bear. I was voting no – no war.
Two wars were brewing, one against The Hawks and another right here at the table within The Saints.
I hadn’t missed a session of Church since we’d rescued Tracy from Fitzie. I knew part of the reason we were closer to war was me. My single-minded focus on pinning Olivia’s shooting on The Hawks had made a bad situation worse.
I couldn’t change that. But I could bring Sarge’s counsel to the table. And I would hold fast to my promise to Bear to keep Sarge out of this.
Thanks to Tracy, I’d become more open to listening to what Sarge wanted to say about this life. I heeded Sarge’s warning because he knew the path we were on.
“There’s a reason Bear and E.Z. don’t have many brothers in the club that came up when they did,” Sarge had said to me. Saints from their generation had paid the highest price in the last club war.
I’d been sharing the workings, the debates, the incursions of The Devil’s Hawks with him after each meeting. He shared with me the history, perspectives, and warnings of what had happened and what could happen again with one wrong word.
“Bear and E.Z. and a handful of others are the only ones in that generation. When I was Prez, we lost so many of them. It was more than I could take after it was over.”
I hadn’t really talked to Dad about why he’d left the head chair at the table when he did. It was so long ago. I’d been a kid. I was learning now.
“I’ll hold the line as lon
g as I can.”
I promised Sarge that much. I would be against full out war, as long as I could. Or at least as long as Bear said so.
Everyone expected me to lead the charge against The Hawks. I had been so ready for blood after Olivia. But things were different now. I knew my rage, my need for vengeance had set me and the club down the wrong path. I wasn’t going to be responsible for that again.
Fitzie had gotten away; there was nothing I could do to change that.
And The Hawks kept getting bolder. How and when to stop that was the ongoing debate at Church.
We voted again, and the margin was smaller. The Saints were fighting over this every week but if we did something to strike back at The Hawks it would be with one mind, one fist.
We voted again, and the peace remained for another day. Until the next time The Hawks fucked with us. It was never-ending.
Church was over for the day and Bear put a hand on my shoulder as I filed out.
“Maddox, hang back?” Bear asked me.
“Yep.”
“I’m glad you’re back with us, truly back.”
Sarge had been right about that too: I needed the club and I was better in than out.
“Yeah, me too.”
“This vote is getting closer. It’s one thing for them to try to operate in Port Az. It’s another for them to give sanctuary to Fitzie. You’ve got the most reason to go after him, to want a full-on assault against The Hawks. I want to tell you, you’re doing the right thing for the club. I see that.”
“Sarge and I both know what war will bring. And I’ve got just as much reason to keep a war from happening.”
“Yeah, your own little nurse in training.”
“Ha, Josie inspired her to go for it.”
“My Old Lady never leaves well enough alone. That’s for damn sure.”
“And you love her for it.”
Bear snorted at that. Being back was good. Axle, Kade, Benz, the whole crew hadn’t blinked when I needed them. That’s what I’d forgotten in my self-imposed exile. That my family wasn’t just Sarge and Olivia: it was the club, and now it was Tracy.
I had a beer with my brothers after Church, and then I hit the road for home. Tracy was in class and I wanted to be back at The Castle by the time she was done.
She’d driven herself. At least I’d convinced her to give up public transportation for a while. At least she wasn’t walking to bus stops and waiting there. It was something.
I was still paranoid about her being out without me. It was an ongoing argument. Maybe it always would be.
The house, as usual these days, smelled like fresh paint. Tracy would be happy to see today’s progress in her ongoing rehab of this relic.
I walked through the house and out the back. I came here now, o the water, to think, instead of up to the third floor to fester.
It was progress.
There was a stone path, a bench, and a simple marker in the backyard.
One of Olivia’s binders had a sketch of how she’d planned to bring a flowerbed back to life along the west side of the house. It was overgrown and brown when Tracy started. It was colorful and green today. Tracy said weeding was all the therapy she needed.
Tracy was all the therapy I needed.
That and time here, with Olivia.
Olivia was laid to rest in this part of the garden. She was our Sunflower in the sunflowers.
She’d slipped away quickly, quietly, and peacefully three months ago now. Sarge’d sobbed, I’d sobbed, but then something unlocked in both of us. Almost in the house itself, too.
We’d been living in a place between light and dark. It wasn’t equal. The dark had a way of winning. It had encased the house. It had frozen our lives along with Olivia’s.
After Olivia left us, the darkness receded. She seemed to be shining down on the house now, instead of holding us all in sorrow, in sleep.
I read the marker: Olivia Maddox, Beloved Daughter, Beautiful Sister. Tracy had made this place for her. She’d followed Olivia’s sketches and brought them to life.
“You better get in here and help!” I heard Sarge bellowing from the dining room. He hadn’t had dinner in his room in months. Now the three of us ate together, at least once a day, and it had done Sarge a world of good.
It had done me a world of good.
“I’m coming!”
Bella was in the kitchen with Sarge. She’d become more Sarge’s dog than mine and he’d even gotten strong enough to take small walks with her.
“Tracy has the slow cooker going and all we have to do is set the damn table. I don’t want to be here when she gets home from class if we don’t have that done.” Sarge had lost about thirty-pounds thanks to Tracy’s food and exercise plan.
He was breathing easier.
I still saw him linger as he passed Olivia’s room. I didn’t expect that would ever change. She was his baby girl, and now she was with my Mom. Sarge’s eyes reflected loss and so did mine. There wasn’t anything either of us could do to change that. But most days, these days, were good.
“Neither do I, old man. Neither do I.”
The two of us put out the three plates. We were a strange little family, Sarge, Tracy, and me. But we were a family now, even if it wasn’t official.
I worried every single day that the club that Sarge had started would cause Tracy more pain and bring her danger. But she wouldn’t leave me. It was its own miracle.
“It wasn’t a club war that killed your sister, it was basic human frailty,” she reminded me when I tried to push her out of my life.
She’d made the choice to stay with me, no matter what I was, or who I was. We didn’t talk about Jonesy C.
And I made a deal to try to keep a war at bay, even though I still seethed with rage at Fitzie. And The Hawks.
My instinct was still to go after them and exact blood.
But I couldn’t let that darkness ruin the light that Olivia and now Tracy fought for every day.
26
Tracy
I’d come to this house because of a wedding I couldn’t pay for and ultimately didn’t want.
Today I’d be gladly a part of a wedding I wanted with all my heart and soul.
We’d chosen Christmas Eve for our wedding day.
I had a short window between exams and my next semester of nursing school and Christmas week was it.
It was the first time I had decorated The Castle for the holidays. We put a huge tree in the foyer, a smaller one in one of the front parlors, and another in the back courtyard.
“Is there no limit to the number of trees you’re willing to kill?” Sarge teased me but I knew he loved it too.
The holiday touches also served as decorations for my wedding day, with plenty of lights and sparkle. Maddox didn’t care what day we did it, as long as we did it soon. That’s what he’d told me.
The same man who’d tried to push me away wanted to get married the day he proposed. It only took six weeks to pull this wedding together. Six short, easy weeks. The contrast with what had been on the horizon for me was so stark.
I thought back to all the extras my Mother had thought were needed for me to marry Ted Perry.
I’d sold things, including a designer wedding dress, and my car. I’d worked here and given all my salary to them.
They’d made a good profit on their house. And slowly my parent’s debt for the wedding I didn’t have was gone. This wedding was all mine, mine and Maddox’s. And Sarge and Bella, and well, Olivia.
I’d made sacrifices to help my parents and finally that was done. I could start this day, this new life, with a clean slate.
My Mother – for good or ill – was onto something else now.
She’d stayed away from planning this event. In fact, at first she threatened not to show.
I was marrying a Dark Saint, which really meant I was gaining two families. The Maddox family and The Dark Saint family. I would not be moving into the Governor’s mansion. Instead, I was already
living in a house with more history, and love, than I’d ever dreamed. It was a love I knew I’d helped nurture and now it had bloomed.
Funny how it worked with my Mom though. The Castle was epic, historical and, in its own way, had a big part of Port Azreal’s history. It had been a long way around, but she was seeing The Castle as an actual castle these days. I mostly just smiled and kept to my budget while she speculated on how it was a crime that The Castle wasn’t on a historic registry.
When Maddox asked me to marry him, I couldn’t say yes fast enough. I hadn’t thought marriage was something bikers really did. But I’d seen Josie and Bear. Plus Maddox said Sarge and Maddox’s Mom had a beautiful love story.
I thought we had the same thing. A love story – a messy one – but a love story just the same.
I knew without a doubt that The Castle would be the place for our wedding.
This was the gathering place for the Old Ladies back in the day. It was where the kids could play, safely, while their Dad’s road for The Saints.
I wanted it that way again. There weren’t many kids to play here, yet. But my Christmas wish was that Harlow, or Jen, or maybe Maya or Gina would change that very soon. I was just getting to know the women who, like me, had given their hearts to a Dark Saint.
The beach, the yard, the gardens – there were so many places that had been dormant. And now it was all coming back to riotous life. Olivia’s notes still guided me. And I grew more confident of what I wanted, so I added touches of my own.
My most important focus was nursing school. It was the life I needed outside of this house, the career I’d dreamed of and set aside. It was within my grasp.
I was finishing what I’d started. I was going forward so I could help Sarge, the club, and hopefully get hired full time at the Port Az Hospital E.R. someday.
I had stopped myself short before. Ted didn’t want me to have a career. Maddox knew I couldn’t be happy without one.
Josie had helped me make it reality. I was lucky to have her in my life.
This wedding was so different to the last one I’d planned, right down to the clothes on my back.
I’d gone to the second-hand store in town, Bohemian Wraps City, and the sweet owner, Lyric, had guided me to the perfect dress. It was satin, simple, and cost me fifty dollars.