by Tonya Kappes
Granny gasped in horror, only there was a twinkle in her eye of joy that shone brighter than a flashlight, encouraging Charlotte Rae to continue her horrid tale.
“Needless to say, it spread all over the gossip circles and here I am today.” She patted the files behind her on the desk. “Working up new contracts.”
“Why didn’t you send them to Emma Lee?” Granny asked. I was a bit relieved to see she was getting her wits about her.
“I’m not going to turn down business.” Charlotte cackled. “I have to make a quota here in order to get my big bonus.”
“The Grim Reaper must be busy because Emma Lee’s got ’em lined up four dead bodies deep waiting to be buried,” Granny lied. “There’s gonna be a lot of good eating coming up that’s for sure.”
Although Granny was flapping her jaws way too much, my mouth did water at the thought of the repass. That was one great thing I loved about our small Southern Kentucky town, funerals were just as big a social gathering as a wedding. And all the locals put their differences aside to come together, bringing food and giving respect to the deceased. The repass was the meal after the funeral service. And Granny always brought homemade apple or cherry pie. Mmm, mmm, I could taste her buttery crust as if I was eating a piece.
“Is that right, Emma Lee? Business is good?” Charlotte asked, bringing me out of my food dream. There was an element of surprise on her face. “Too bad you aren’t in the running for Jade Lee Peel. I’m sure we’ll get a lot of press.”
“You are talking out of turn.” Granny was about to spill her guts about Jade being laid out at Eternal Slumber.
“Now, Granny.” It was time. I put the envelope in front of Charlotte. “Granny is exaggerating.” I pointed to the envelope. “Here is the paperwork for you to sign over Eternal Slumber to me. It isn’t right that you haven’t signed these yet. You are working here and I’m down in Sleepy Hollow. Sign the papers.”
Charlotte Rae took it and carefully lifted the envelope flap. Gingerly she took the papers out and unfolded them, taking a glance at them.
“I’ll look them over later.” She folded them back up and stuck them back in the envelope.
“Later? How much later?” I demanded to know. “There is nothing in there but you giving up your half of the funeral home. You said you were done and it needs to be final.”
“Calm down, Emma Lee.” Charlotte patted her palms down to the ground. “I’m going to sign them, but I want to show Granny around before it gets busy in here.”
In my head, I jumped up and grabbed Charlotte by her long hair, flung her to the ground—breaking one of her nails of course—and forced her to sign the papers. In reality, I swallowed my pride, got up, grabbed the envelope off her desk and followed her and Granny out of the office.
“Here is where we host the receptions.” Charlotte took us into a room filled with round tables and chairs. There was a serving buffet at the front of the room. The room was painted a pale yellow with dark brown crown molding and chair rail. The carpet was maroon with subtle yellow flecks that matched the walls. Pictures on the wall were paintings of retired Keeneland horses that probably cost more than I’ll ever make throughout my entire life.
“For the funerals or the weddings?” Granny was getting caught up in the pageantry of the big funeral home center.
“We do not have repasses here at Hardgrove’s.” Charlotte gestured around the room with her hands like she was one of those models on The Price Is Right. “We have a catered chef who prepares fruit trays, cheese plates and small dessert options, along with tea or coffee. We call the get-together a celebration of life. Weddings are a celebration. Babies are a celebration. Parties are celebrations, and funerals are celebrations of life.”
“Why do you need a chef for that?” I questioned, trying to find anything to make Charlotte look bad. “Seems to me that is a lot of wasted money when the women in the community like to cook.”
Charlotte ignored me and continued telling Granny about how they also use it for wedding receptions along with any other celebration they could think of.
“We have a lot of baby showers.” Charlotte squeezed her shoulders up to her ears in delight. “I just love those.”
“Baby showers?” Granny drew back. All five foot four inches of her small frame froze. “Charlotte Rae, didn’t we raise you better than that?”
Granny’s insecurities were showing. It was true. Charlotte and I were raised in the family living area of the funeral home right alongside Granny. Granny, Momma and Daddy ran the funeral home while Charlotte and I tried to lead a normal life, only sleeping in a bed in the next room over from a dead body was far from normal. Jade Lee Peel had been good at reminding everyone of just how not normal it was.
Charlotte up and left after I got the “Funeral Trauma” because everyone in town started switching their preneed funeral arrangements to Burns Funeral when they thought I was going nuts.
I had regained a few of the lost clients after Charlotte left me to take this big undertaker job at Hardgrove’s. And a few new clients, like Jade.
“Oh, Granny, you raised me fine. Times have changed and so does business.” Charlotte pish-poshed Granny. She continued to show us around the large building, going on and on about how they have had retirement parties, birthdays and christenings.
“Christenings?” Granny snickered. “You mean to tell me I could go over here to see my dead relative and walk over yonder to see my great-grandbaby get christened all in one day?”
Charlotte ignored Granny and continued on with the grand tour.
“I really would like to you sign these papers.” I held the envelope out in front of Charlotte when we walked down the hall to get a look at one of the viewing rooms.
Charlotte skipped around me, not giving any acknowledgment to the papers I practically shoved in her face.
“Shh.” Granny batted my hand away and followed right behind Charlotte.
I sucked in a deep breath and tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear, ran my hand down my white T-shirt before I gave in, once again, and followed them to the next room.
The next room looked more like a banquet hall than a viewing room. Large round tables dotting the entire room had crisp baby-blue tablecloths over them and had at least ten chairs around each of them. White taffeta material was stretched and tied around the backs of each chair with a big stiff bow on the back.
“There you are!” A woman jumped out from behind a large stereo speaker from across the room. And then lickety-split, she was snapping her fingers and pointing at Charlotte Rae. “My Candy doesn’t deserve a fine wedding reception where the flowers smell like those of a funeral!” She put her hands on her hips and turned to me. Her dirty blond hair was clipped short and her black roots were creeping out from her skull. “Can you smell that?” she asked me with a demanding tone. “Death. That is what I smell. And I told my Candy I wasn’t going to have a dead body next to my princess as she cut that cake I paid an arm and a leg for. Do you hear me?” she rambled on, not giving Charlotte a chance to even speak.
“I understand.” Charlotte Rae tried to calm the woman down.
“No you don’t or this would not be happening.” The woman gave Charlotte a stern look. “This is an outrage and you better fix it or another one of them rooms will be filled out there!”
“I will take care of it, Melinda.” A crimson color crept up the back of Charlotte’s neck. In true Charlotte Rae Southern charm, she gave Melinda a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, and said, “I promise, your Candy will have the wedding of her dreams.”
“Her dreams?” Melinda let out a big fit of laughter with a cough. “Hell, she ruined her dreams when she laid down with the Denise boy. But it ain’t no skin off my nose, because I told her I wasn’t gonna raise no more youngin’s. Not even my grandbabies.”
Granny’s eyes darted between Charlotte and Melinda. A delightful grin spread over her face. Charlotte had her hands full and Melinda was giving her a run for
her money.
“Momma! You stop talking about us.” The shrill voice echoed through the room. A woman who must’ve been Princess Candy stood in the doorway with a scrawny-looking boy. Candy’s black hair was permed to death. She grabbed the boy’s hand and bustled over to us, practically dragging him like a rag doll. “She ain’t never been happy for me. She’s the one who insisted on all this!”
Candy dropped the boy’s hand and stuck her nose up in the air. She took a few quick sniffs. The boy must have been the Denise boy. Poor guy. I felt sorry for him. He didn’t look older than eighteen. He was shorter than the princess and he was in desperate need of a haircut, his curls unfurled all over the top of his head.
“You smell that?” Princess Candy smacked the Denise boy with the backside of her hand before she planted her hands on her hips, causing her baggy shirt to become taut, exposing the outline of what looked to be a pregnant belly. “Death!”
A groan escaped from Charlotte’s lips.
“I told you that this place smelled like dead people. Are you trying to piss me off?” Candy came nose to nose with Melinda.
Melinda’s arms flew up in the air. “See, I told you!” She pointed to Charlotte and then faced the Denise boy. “Boy, she’s gonna rip your heart right out of you, fry it up and eat it on a biscuit and swallow it down with a big swig of iced tea if you don’t run.”
“Fix this!” Candy grabbed the boy’s hand and flung him toward the door, dragging him all the way out. “Or someone will take the fall for this!”
“Fix what?” Gina Marie Hardgrove, owner of Hardgrove’s Legacy Centers, walked into the event room carrying a tray of glasses filled with sweet tea and finger sandwiches, dodging the lovebirds. “Oh my!” Gina placed the tray on the table before she gave Granny a hug. “Zula, it’s been so long.” She held Granny out at arm’s length, getting a good look at her. I couldn’t stop looking at that big, baseball-sized diamond on her finger. “You haven’t changed a bit. And this one.” Gina let go of Granny and patted Charlotte on the back. “She is such an asset to Hardgrove’s. I really am sorry we stole her from you.” She gave me a wink.
In the South, a wink speaks volumes and Gina Marie’s was more of a dig than a compliment. Memories of Gina Marie flooded over me. As a kid we would see the Hardgroves at different funeral conventions and all us kids would hang out together. Then there was mortuary school. Gina Marie was there with me and Charlotte. That damn ring of hers was why I got a C-minus in the class. I spent most of my days dreaming of having one.
“Now I can go and visit our other centers knowing I’m leaving here with our Lexington center in good hands.” Gina Marie nodded over to Charlotte, who had gingerly taken Melinda aside and was talking to her in the corner of the room.
“I guess we better go.” Granny tugged on my arm.
“When you get a moment, can you please have Charlotte sign the papers?” I handed them to Gina Marie.
“She still hasn’t signed these?” Her face turned white and a scowl swept over her features. “She did sign a noncompete with us, so I’m going to have to take this up with her.”
Charlotte left Melinda in the corner and joined us, jerking the envelope from Gina Marie’s hand. “It has nothing to do with a noncompete,” she assured Gina Marie before turning toward me and Granny and gesturing for us to get the heck out of there.
A small stab hit my heart as Charlotte Rae quickly recovered from the embarrassing scene with a warm smile. Something I was never able to compete with.
“It was so good of you to come by. Emma Lee, I’ll get these back to you soon.” She waved the envelope in the air. “I must get back to work. Unlike Eternal Slumber, we are always busy with a life event. Yoo-hoo, Arley!” Charlotte raced over to one of the gardeners in the front of the funeral home. “You need to put the ducklings in the fountain!”
There was no reason to fuss with her because she wasn’t going to listen and Granny had already started off toward the car. I recognized Arley Burgin, Hardgrove’s grave digger and evidently lawn boy, standing in the fountain with bright yellow gloves clear up to his elbow and a scrub brush in one of his hands. I didn’t know Arley all that well, but he was on the men’s softball team that was sponsored by Eternal Slumber. He had mentioned he wasn’t a fan of Gina Marie, which tickled me pink and by the look on his face, he wasn’t a big fan of Charlotte either.
“Oh my stars.” Granny got into the passenger side of the hearse and buckled up. “That was a sight for sore eyes.”
I started the engine and pretended to adjust the rearview mirror when I was really looking back at Charlotte. It was good Southern manners to stand outside and wave by as someone pulled off in their car, but bad luck to watch them completely drive off. When we were almost out of sight, Charlotte stomped her feet and hurried back into Hardgrove’s.
“I’m a little disappointed in how she reacted to that nasty woman.” Granny sat poised with her hands in her lap. “She should’ve told her that there were a few funerals being held and the flowers would be removed way before the wedding.” Granny lifted her hand and nervously tapped her finger on the door handle. “Who on earth ever heard of opening a place like that?”
“Really?” I gripped the wheel, turning down the road that took us right back home to Sleepy Hollow where we belonged. “The fact that she hasn’t signed the paperwork should be what you can’t believe. I mean, she’s working illegally for Gina Marie. And she still has claim to my sideboard.”
“Pish-posh.” Granny brushed me off. “She’s not happy there. I can see it in her eyes. It’s just a matter of time before she comes back to Eternal Slumber. Mark my words, that is why she hasn’t signed those papers. And don’t you worry.” Granny patted my arm. “My preneed arrangements are at Eternal Slumber. Cremated? Who ever heard of such?”
Chapter 20
“And to top it all off”—I sucked down a gulp of Diet Coke to wet my whistle—“she still refused to sign the papers.”
“I’m sorry, Emma.” Jack put his hand across the table at the Inn’s restaurant. He had been waiting for me when Granny and I pulled up. “Do you think she does want to come back?”
“I don’t see why. We don’t have all that high-and-mighty stuff she bragged about.” I took another long sip through the straw before I got to the bottom of the glass and slurped what liquid was left between the ice. “Forget about her. I’ll figure something out. Did you find out anything about Jade’s case?”
“I didn’t find a cell phone or tape recorder anywhere in the Inn.” Jack Henry and I were sitting at table three in the restaurant. “I looked everywhere, then I got the call from Girl’s Best Friend that my girlfriend was going nuts.” His brows furrowed.
“I was just trying to save Artie from more heartache.” I shrugged and scooped a spoonful of Granny’s delicious brown beans out of the bowl before gobbling them down. I slathered some butter on a piece of Granny’s fried corn bread and crumbled it up into the bowl.
“Emma Lee Raines!” Jade made me jump when she appeared next to me. “You have got to stop putting that junk into your body.”
“I’ll eat what I want.” I stirred my spoon around the bowl, letting the corn bread soak up the bean juices.
“Emma.” Jack Henry put his hands across the table and placed one on each of mine. “You are talking out loud again.”
“She’s driving me crazy about my food.” I sucked in a deep breath.
“Hi, Emma and Jack.” Tina Tuttle stood next to me, almost in Jade’s ghost.
Jack and I nodded at her.
“Would you like to sit down?” Jack Henry asked Tina, and gestured to the empty seat.
“I’m sure you are busy.” I couldn’t believe he just asked her to sit down. It was the only time we’d had together in the last twenty-four hours.
Of course she jumped at the offer and planted her butt in the chair, making me uncomfortable. She was as model perfect as Jade.
“I’d forgotten how pretty Sleepy Hollow is.
” She had a perfect seat facing the window that overlooked the mountainous area of our charming town.
“Where do you live again?” Jack asked. He eased back in his chair.
“I live in Canada now.” She held her finger in the air to get Hettie’s attention. “That’s why I don’t get back a lot.”
“I didn’t know you were working today,” I said to Hettie. When Granny seated us and brought our order out, I figured she was manning the Inn on her own.
“I don’t have a choice.” Hettie glared at Tina. “After your friend canceled on me, I lost a full day of clients.”
“She didn’t pay beforehand?” I asked. Jade was beginning to leave a pattern at the shops around town. “Not that it’s any of my business.”
“No.” Hettie shook her head. “I came over here to ask her about it, but her assistant wouldn’t let me see her.”
“What time was that?” Jack asked Hettie.
“Around seven-thirty, right?” Hettie looked at Tina. Tina shrugged. Hettie huffed, “I had transformed the entire studio into what she wanted and had all the food ready. It cost me a pretty penny, so I came over to get at least the food bill paid for.”
All three of us watched as Jack Henry took out his notebook and wrote down what Hettie was telling us.
“Do you ever stop?” Tina laughed.
“Not during a murder investigation.” He looked up at her.
“Good.” Tina tapped the table with her fingernail. “Don’t stop until you find out who killed my best friend. Which reminds me”—she leaned in and whispered—“did you check out Jade’s assistant, Keisha?”
“She’s on the list and while I was here I was hoping to ask her a few questions. Hettie, can I ask you a few questions?” He stood up when Hettie agreed. “Ladies, it’s time I get back on the clock. If you’ll excuse me.” He walked over and kissed me on the top of my head.