by Vivian Wood
Marguerite’s brows lower and she looks angry. But she has learned that you don't mess with Manon, not unless you are spoiling for a fight, anyway.
She drops the remaining pamphlet on top of my bag and walks away, looking quietly furious. Her two friends follow her, leaving me with Manon. Manon just rolls her eyes at her friends, shaking her head.
“What a bunch of bitches,” she mutters.
That's the moment when Basil walks into the class, clapping his hands together. “Okay, okay! Places everyone!”
We all hurry to the bar and line up just as we have practiced a hundred thousand times in our lives. I can't stop myself from spending the first couple minutes of class peaking at Marguerite and her friends. I catch them looking back at me speculatively a few times. But the class soon grows more rigorous, requiring complete focus. I guess for once I am glad about that.
Forty five minutes later, covered in sweat, I finish my last pirouette. Basil is already looking at his phone, distracted.
“Very good,” he calls. “That’s enough for right now. Go home and grab some rest and refuel your bodies. Lots of water, etcetera…”
With that, Basil is already out of the door.
I am already stretching out as part of a post dance class cool off when Manon approaches me. She jerks her head outside, indicating that she wants to speak with me but not in hearing range of everyone else.
I press my lips into a firm line and follow her out of the studio, trying to work up exactly what I going to say.
Should I just lie and deny everything? Should I tell her a little about my situation?
Manon leads me down the hall until we are clear of other dancers. Then she leans against the wall and crosses her arms, looking at me. “What is going on, Kaia?”
I pursed my lips and shrugged. “I don't know. What is going on with you?”
She shakes her head again. “No, no. My friends found your ‘what do I do if I'm pregnant’ pamphlets. So what's the deal? Are you expecting?”
I look down and my mouth twist. “Is it crazy that I would even think about telling you anything? God, I miss Ella.”
Her lips twitch. “I won't tell anyone, you know. But I have to know, is it Calum’s?”
My mouth screws up. I look at her, taking her measure. I can’t think of a way to answer her question that couldn’t come back to bite me in the ass later. So I just favor her with a long look instead.
She rolls her eyes. “Come on. Be serious. You two are definitely full on dating. Maybe even living together. So it makes total sense that I would ask if it's his baby.”
I swallow. I'm definitely not prepared for her to know all that. “I’m not sure what you think you know…”
Manon narrows her gaze on my face. “What I know is that if Calum finds out that you are pregnant and still dancing, he's going to be angry, to say the least. If you are pregnant, you have to take care of yourself. Dancing at a professional level is freaking hard and it's stressful for anybody, even someone that's not with child. So I'll ask you again… Are you pregnant with Calum’s child?”
I start tearing up so I look down at my feet, my arms wrapping around myself.
“Yes,” I mumble softly. “It is Calum's. But I don't know if I'm going to keep it. I mean… I just haven't thought it through all the way yet.”
She draws in a breath and lets it out as a sigh. “How long have you known? Since earlier in the week when we talked about the possibility of your being pregnant?”
I shrug a shoulder. “Not long. A couple days.”
“Do you need anything from me?”
I look up at her, surprised. “From you?”
She nods.
“Yeah. I told you, I am trying to get in good with Calum's brother Lucas. And one way I can definitely do that is being nice to his brother’s girlfriend. Right?”
I give her a sour look. “I guess that is one way, yes. But I don't need anything from you. In fact, I'm not even sure why I put it out here in the first place. Talking to you is probably only going to encourage your dancer friends to start rumors.”
“Well, they're not exactly rumors, are they?”
I make an exasperated sound and turn away to head down the hall back to the dance studio. But Manon quickly grabs my arm and hugs me back to face her again. “Wait, wait. I'm sorry. That wasn't helpful.”
I pry her fingers off my arm and shoot her a tiny glare. “Definitely not.”
“I’m just saying, if you want to talk… you know, I'm here. I may not be Ella but I am a person that that you can talk to without worrying about it getting back to the whole dance company. I may not be of perfect person, but I know how to be discreet when it's called for.”
I sigh, shaking my head. “I’m not ready to talk to anybody about anything. I'm just… I just need a little more time to process everything. I mean, I would be theoretically giving up my whole career if I were to carry Calum's child. And I haven't even gotten started on the fact that he specifically doesn't want this baby. Or any baby, as far as I know.”
Manon looks at me with a frown. “That's gotta be hard.”
“Yeah, well.” I shrug my shoulders helplessly. “It is what it is. Anyway…” I look down the hallway toward the dance studio. “I should get going. I need to refuel and maybe take a nap. But… thanks.”
She nod. “Of course. I'm around if you need me.”
Giving her a pasted-on smile, I head back toward the studio.
27
In the early afternoon, I go for a run. It's hot and I am sweating profusely, but I have a lot of things on my mind. Namely, what I should do about the impasse I currently find myself in.
My bullet wound is healing nicely, but every time I lift my arms in an acrobatic ballet move, it's aggravated a little more. I put off my return to the ballet company by three weeks now. At some point, the role of choreographer needs to be filled.
Essentially, I'm running out of time.
Which brings me to the other fork in the road. Obviously I could just decide to leave the company. My position there was only temporary. But in doing so, I would probably be expected to return to my own company. It would only make sense.
But my company is running so well right now without me. I got the latest stock numbers this morning and I can't find a single fault with the way that Lucas is running the company in my stead. He seems to actually be enjoying the work too.
The only question is what will I do if I leave the company permanently and leave the ballet behind the same time? It's unfathomable to me.
When I finish my run and head back up to the penthouse, I find Kaia in the kitchen, looking a little green. I raise my brow and check my smartwatch.
“Is everything okay? Rehearsal is going to start any minute now…”
She nods and pushes a bowl of cereal away. “Yeah. I'm not feeling well, so I just called in sick.”
I frown and walk to the fridge, giving her some side eye. I open it and grab a bottle of cold water, twisting the cap off and then closing the door. I turn and look her up and down.
Aside from looking a little ill, she looks as healthy as I've ever seen her. Her body has filled out very slightly since I noticed her thinness. Her face is a little flushed but it is a becoming look for her.
I take a long sip of the water and purse my lips.
“Dancers don't get days off. The last time that you called out of work was the morning that I was shot. Other than that, have you ever missed a day?”
Her face flushes and she looks down. She shakes her head. “No. But I did go to the company doctor, Dr. Partridge. He gave me the okay to stay home and hydrate myself. I'm sure that with a little bit of rest, I will feel fine.”
Something about the way that she says it is not quite right. Like she is fibbing or something, for some reason that is unclear.
I suck in a deep breath and lean against the kitchen counter. Casting my gaze over her body again, I frown.
“Should I just accept your excuse?
Is that what a boyfriend would do?”
She glances up at me and smirks a little bit. “Yes. That would be nice.”
I nod and take another sip of the water. I push myself off the counter and turned toward the hallway, thinking of how good the shower is going to feel against my skin. But Kaia calls out to me.
“Can we talk?”
I freeze mid-step. The way that she says it, I don't think that anybody could hear that phrase and not be at best deeply worried.
I turn around slowly, my brows lowering over my eyes. “About what?”
Her lips thin. “I saw my dad yesterday.”
I arch a brow. “After what happened at the bagel shop? Jesus. You should told me. I would've gone with you.”
She sighs. “It's fine, Calum. I think I made a decision. No, actually I know I made a decision. I cut my dad off. I removed him from my life, forever.”
She lifts her chin after she says that, like I'm going to respond negatively to that news. I walk towards her slowly, touching her arm and drawing her close to my body. I stare down into her sweet little heart-shaped face. She looks up at me with her eyes filled with such anguish.
“Kaia,” I say softly. “That's great. I think you've made the best decision that you possibly could. I still wish you would've called me to be there to back you up. But you have to know that I am fully supportive of any decision that gets your father out of your life forever.”
Her lips thin and she takes a deep breath. “My dad didn't say anything specifically about this, but I think it's likely that he will go to a newspaper about our relationship. I think that the opportunity to hurt me again and get money for the story will be too much of a temptation for him to resist.”
My heart beat thuds against my ribs. I set my water aside and pull her into my arms, cradling her against my chest. “Oh, beauty…”
She puts her arms around my waist and buries her head against my chest.
“Is that why you're home sick?” I asked.
Kaia shakes her head. “No. I am trying to rest and rehydrate. But it doesn't help that my days as a ballerina are probably numbered.”
She sighs heavily and then pulls back a little bit to look up at me. “That means that you probably will be implicated too. When the board of directors of the New York Ballet finds out…”
I slide my fingers through a lock of her honey-colored hair and then cup her cheek. “Let me worry about that. Okay? I will deal with whatever comes my way. After all, I did decide to engage in a sexual relationship with one of their ballerinas. I'm not exactly innocent.”
She looks a little perplexed. “You are not freaking out about this. I thought you would hit the ceiling. Any news about my father usually sends you through the roof.”
My lips twitch. “Yes, well. I am currently at a crossroads myself. I think that my shoulder is healing well, but not as well as it would with complete rest. I think that my time with the ballet company is drawing to a close anyway, so this would only be hastening the inevitable.”
Smart girl that she is, Kaia immediately asks the question that has weighed so heavily on my mind.
“What would you do you instead? Would you go back to your company?”
I shake my head a little. “I don't think so. Lucas has done such a great job running everything over there. It wouldn't even make sense for me to take it back from him. I think I should start drawing up the legal paperwork to make his CEO position permanent.”
Her brows rise a little with surprise. “Oh? Then what would you do?”
I look down for a moment. “I’m kind of at a loss. With no dancing. With no business. I would just be a free agent. I could start a business from scratch. I could donate my time to another worthy cause… I just don't know.”
“Well, that sounds amazing. Lucky you.”
I look up at her, a bit surprised. “Yeah? You think so?”
She gives me a little hug and then lets me go, but holds onto one of my hands. She leads me into the living room, tugging me onto the couch. Then she looks at me with great seriousness.
“Calum, you have worked very hard in your life and gained a great deal of success. Maybe it's time that you start a new venture. Again, I think that you would be lucky to find a new hobby. And whatever cause you end up investing your time into would really benefit from having you around. I mean, that much is obvious.”
I breathe out a huge sigh of relief, sitting back and lacing her fingers with my own. I squeeze her hand. “I hadn't really thought of it that way. When you put it like that…”
“Well, I'm glad that we talked about it. It's good to know that we are involving each other in our considerations for what the next phase of our life could be like.”
I turned my head towards her, scrunching up one side of my face. “It’s going to be really busy. You know? The beginning of starting a business is absolutely bananas. I mean, it took me a solid three years of twelve hour days to get my current company off the ground. You would have to know that going into it.”
She narrows her gaze on my face. “Going into it? You mean considering the relationship that we already have?”
I shrug. “Yeah. I'm just saying, before you encourage me too much, you should know what you are getting into. Long hours, frantic workdays, I would probably be around way less that I am now.”
Her mouth turns down just a bit at the corners. “Oh. Well…” She sucks in a breath and shrugs. “I guess we are not exactly going to be globe-trotting and taking vacations for a while, huh?”
I smirk at her. “We could take a month long vacation before I start brainstorming ideas for a business.”
She glances away. It's clear that my words have brought something up to the surface for her, that she has something on her mind.
“What? Am I being insensitive somehow?”
She shrugs a single shoulder but doesn't turn her gaze back to me. “No, not really.”
I heave an exaggerated sigh. “Please don't make me play twenty questions with you. Is this about the ballet company? You may be persona non grata at New York Ballet company for a while. That is, if your father does what we're expecting him to do and goes to the newspaper. But you are connected. You're with me, to begin with…”
She swivels her head back to me very slowly, her lips pressed into a thin line.
“Calum, what if I told you that I wanted to start a family?”
I blink, taken back by her question.
“I would tell you that you have picked the wrong boyfriend,” I say, only partially joking. “I mean, I think I've made my position pretty clear. I just don't see how there's room in my life for kids. Enough said.”
She looks down at her lap and pulls her hand from my grasp.
“Would it really be too much to ask? Do you think that your life would open up and make room?”
I heave a heavy sigh. “Listen, you are nineteen. That's way too young to be thinking about kids. And I am a selfish jackass at the best of times.”
She gives me a sharp look. “I’m serious right now, Calum. I'm not joking around.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine. I just think that I don't have any interest. And maybe, maybe if you do, that is something we can address in ten years’ time. Assuming that we are still alive, still together, and the world has not ended. Okay?”
A bitter expression passes over Kaia's face. But even as she is staring down at her lap, she nods. “I understand.”
“Good. I'm tired of talking about babies. Let's put a moratorium on that subject for about nine and a half years. Until then, I think that we can talk about this until we're blue in the face and not come to a consensus.”
She nods, pursing her lips. “Sure.”
I frown a little at her. A minute of silence passes before I feel the need to prompt her.
“Are you okay? I mean I know that your ballet career is up in the air at the moment. But I'm telling you right now, it will all work out perfectly fine. You can apply to London or Paris or wherever the hell y
ou want and almost certainly be accepted at any company that you set your sights on. You know that, right?
Kaia smiles at me so wistfully, her hand touching my knee. “I know that. I mean, it won't be quite the same because I know that they will only accept me because I come partnered with you and you bring a serious bankroll…”
I roll my eyes. “That's not true. You're talented. I saw it. Any casting director worth their salt will see it. Just because you date a billionaire doesn’t mean shit. Any ballet company should consider that to be an extra bonus, not a main feature.”
She nods absently. “Sure. Let's just see how it all shakes out.”
She rises from the couch, heading off toward the back hallway. I watch her go, an uncertain frown on my face. I feel like there is a puzzle piece I'm missing somehow, although what it is I just don't know.
I sit back on the couch with a sigh and turn my mind back to the question of what I want to do with my life next.
28
The next morning, I am on my way out the door to meet Ella when I encounter Calum. He is wearing his running clothes and is just coming in from working out. I flush and can't quite meet his gaze.
I have this secret that's growing in my belly and every second I don't handle it gets bigger and bigger. At this point, I'm honestly not sure what I'm going to do about it.
He’s breathing hard still when he comes into the kitchen. “Hey.”
That's all he has to say, apparently.
I nod and lift a tan leather Birkin bag onto my shoulder, straightening my dark blue minidress. “Hey.”
He narrows his eyes at me, his expression growing a little concerned. “I feel like I said something last night that made things tense between us. The marriage stuff made you look kind of queasy. Should we… I don’t know, talk about it?”
I shrug a shoulder. “There isn’t anything that I really want to talk about at this moment, so…” I trail off.
“So? I feel like we should definitely have the talk about marriage. If I’m saying that I’m casually ring shopping and you’re saying that you don’t want to be completely taken by surprise during an engagement…”