by Seton, Cora
“Oh, really? Who? Someone in San Diego?”
I shook my head. “No, here, Mom.” She knew, of course, because my current infatuation was sitting in my room right then. I wasn’t this stuck-in-the-mid broken man that they thought I was. I had moved on from Jane.
“Yeah.” Mom didn’t say anything immediately, but I could see the wheels turning in her head.
“What?”
“Well, Charlie is a nice enough girl…”
“But…”
“She had some trouble, a while back.”
Did everyone in this town know about Charlie’s brushes with the law except me? I didn’t care about her past as much as everyone else seemed to.
“What did you hear?” I sighed, resigned to hear all the supposed facts all over again.
“Not much. The Morgans are quite tight-lipped about it. Even to me.” My mom, the town’s self-proclaimed family counselor. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t see her. I like the child, she’s very sweet, and she deserves happiness like anyone else. But seeing your history with Jane, I just want you to be careful. You have a history of emotionally troubled young ladies.”
“I feel like… I shouldn’t, because… Jane…”
Mom sighed hard. “You cannot live like this, Jesse. I know Jane meant a lot to you, but there was more going on that we knew. She had a drinking problem. She had a pill problem. None of that was your fault.”
I knew what happened with Jane wasn’t my fault, but I didn’t think that my heart knew it, because I still felt that sinking guilt inside my bones, like if it hadn’t been for me, Jane would still be here, still be alive. If I’d had the guts to take those pills from her the day we fought, maybe she might have still been alive.
Mom’s eyes felt like they were examining me. She didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then said, “If Charlie makes you happy… makes you whole again… I’d be happy for you.”
I was always careful. I’d cultivated a very tight and solid wall between me and everyone else. I’d kept that heart of mine guarded from the world. But somehow, Charlie had broken through it, and there she was, her sweet ass parked right there on my heart, the devilish smile daring me to chase her off.
Well, more the fool I was. I wasn’t about to chase her off. I was about to let her in the front door.
Chapter Thirteen
Charlene
‡
I’d called my mom and let her know I was staying next door. She was a little confused, but not upset, which was important to me. I didn’t want her to be upset with me. By the time I’d hung up, I was starting to panic again. Tomorrow morning, I was going to take money from my education and give it to a stranger so he wouldn’t hurt my family, so he wouldn’t hurt me. Every part of my being hated the idea. I wanted another solution, but I didn’t think there was one.
I wanted one night where I didn’t have to be afraid, where I could just be.
Jesse came back about twenty minutes later, and quietly, he shut the door behind him. “Sorry that took a bit.”
“Come here,” I whispered, forceful and authoritative, so unlike what I was feeling. He cocked his head to the side, a playful grin on his face, but he did as I said. He stepped over to me. “So, to continue our conversation earlier…”
“I wasn’t aware that was conversation.” He ran his hands over my arms.
“Only one person?”
He nodded. “You?”
“Never,” I said with a smile. “Doesn’t mean that I’m not… prepared.”
“Is that what we’re calling it?”
“I’ve done things,” I replied. “Just not… you know.”
“We don’t have to, you know,” he said.
I gave up any pretense of patience and unbuckled his jeans. “Did she ever blow you?”
His cheeks turned a delicious cherry, a clear answer to my question.
“How is that possible, Mr. Big Bad SEAL? You’ve never had a blow job?” I unzipped his jeans and let them fall. He helped me out by stripping off his shirt on his own, leaving him in his boxers.
“I just… it never seemed important.”
That was a strange statement, but when I looked into his eyes, I saw his honesty. He really didn’t see it as important, and I didn’t know if that was because he’d never really dated, or because he’d never had a blow job. I was really excited to at least be his first for this.
“Are you really a dude?” I asked him.
“Shut up,” Jesse glared at me, but there was a playful glint in his eyes. He wasn’t really mad. His hand smoothed over my cheek.
“Well, that needs to be rectified.” Real sex wasn’t something I’d ever done, but oral? Whole other ballgame. I slid off his boxers, and his length jutted out immediately, like it had been trapped inside his underwear. I took him in my hand, slowly stroking him, and watching him. His erection lengthened and a small groan left his mouth.
“Jesus, Charlie,” he groaned. He framed my face with his hands, and pressed soft, small kisses to my mouth. “Fuck, you’re so damn beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, and dropped to my knees. Him standing naked while I was still wearing his clothes was a whole other different kind of high. It made me feel powerful, in control. And he was gorgeous. Straight and so thick. I was glad I was already on my knees because the sight of him made me weak and wet. I wanted it. I needed that taste.
I stroked him, and when a small bead appeared on the tip, I tasted it, the salty drop melting over my tongue. Perfect. Delicious. My body tightened as I opened my mouth for him, and as my lips closed over him, he groaned my name. Yes, that was exactly what I wanted. More.
I took him deeper, letting the weight of his shaft slide over my tongue. I wondered if he could feel how much I wanted it, how much I enjoyed feeling his smooth organ against my tongue. I moved my hand along the base in tandem with my mouth.
He was urging me on with his hips, now thrusting gently in time with me. Growls of approval and the soft calls of my name sailed straight to my clit, which was swelling with arousal. His fingers grasped my head on either side, but he didn’t force me, just rested his hands there as I bobbed along his penis.
His breathing was rough—close to the loss of control rough—which was what I wanted. I wanted him to lose control, to let go. He was always so put together, and I wanted to obliterate that self-control. I took him deeper, working faster and harder.
“Charlie… please… Oh, god, Charlie…”
“Hush, and let me work,” I replied and went back onto his length.
“No, stop!” He pulled me off him, and all but tossed me on the bed. “Clothes off, now.”
I didn’t move, still stunned by how fast he’d moved.
“Clothes. Off.” His voice was a deep growl. “I really like that shirt, and I really don’t want to rip it.”
I collected myself, and tore the clothes off my body, dropping my own bra and panties quickly. He waited, his eyes full of barely leashed control. This Jesse was primal, on the verge of the whole whack-a-girl-on-the-head-and-drag-her-into-the-cave thing. My body surged with power that I’d managed to break his calm.
But when he came to me, his touch didn’t match that. It was gentle as he crawled up my now naked body. He kissed my breast, his mouth a whisper against my nipple. But even as light as it was, it was hotter than a brand, singeing my skin.
I loved the way he touched me, like I wasn’t too fragile. Like I wasn’t a troublemaker. Like he never wanted to forget the feel of me. His hand snaked between my legs and slipped inside me. “Damn. You did like that.”
“I love a good blow job,” I breathed. I was already having trouble breathing.
“I love the little sounds you make,” he said, his hands skillfully touching and caressing places I’d never let anyone touch before. He lifted me higher on the bed so he was no longer hanging off the end, and then his mouth was all over me, sucking and licking, and pressing, and stroking. I arched my back and let him go,
moaning and sighing and gasping with every touch. The man was good with his tongue. Like really fucking good, and I was groaning out an incredible climax within minutes.
Cool air hit me as Jesse moved away, and for a brief moment, I feared that he would stop, especially after I’d told him that I’d never had sex before. But I blinked and when I sat up on my elbows, he was already on his way back, a condom covering his hard cock.
I wanted to feel him. I wanted his skin on mine. I wanted the brush of his chest against my breasts. He lowered himself, and his mouth fused with mine as he notched his wide head against my core. My heart pounded with anticipation, even more so as he teased me, rocking slightly back and forth, but not filling me as deeply as I needed.
“You don’t need to be careful,” I whispered, wrapping my legs around his torso. “Tampons did the job a long time ago.”
“You’re so good at staying in the mood,” he said, the sarcasm thick in his voice.
“Fine. Shut up and fuck me,” I demanded. He chuckled, but didn’t move. I dug my nails into his back, and tilted my hips up. The slow slid of him against me was torture. “Please.”
“Well, since you asked so nicely,” he said. He rewarded my soft whimper with a careful push of his hips. He stretched me so deliciously. I held my breath, afraid he’d move away if I let it out. He pulled back, and pushed in harder.
“Yes…” I said, “Yes, yes, yes.”
His heart thundered against mine and that’s when I realized that both of us needed this. Maybe for different reasons, but we both needed this as much as the other. It was so frightening and real, and so amazing. We were feeding off each other’s feelings, enveloping ourselves in the intensity of it.
When he finally began to move, relief flooded me, only to be followed by torturous feelings of need. He watched me as he fucked me, as if testing my reactions, seeing what I wanted and what I liked. Silly man. Because I loved it all. Deeper. Faster. Harder. I wanted it all.
Dark pleasure curled around us, pushing me quickly toward another orgasm. I dug my heels into the bed, spreading my knees so he could get deeper in me. Within seconds, that pleasure burst into stars in my vision. He pounded faster, more, until his body stiffened, and he grunted between clenched teeth.
Was I in shock? I wasn’t sure. Was I supposed to feel this elastic after sex? I’d had orgasms before, ones that I’d done myself. I’d never let another boy go down there. It was too much temptation. And yet, there I was, lying beneath Jesse, in a post-coital tangle of limbs.
“I don’t remember sex being like that,” he said, his face against the crook of my neck.
“Me neither.”
He lifted his head. “Didn’t you say you’ve never had sex?”
“Yeah. That’s why I’ve never remembered sex like that.”
“Smart ass,” he chuckled, and stood up. He tossed the condom in the wastebasket by his desk, and came back to the bed. He snuggled against me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. I’d expected it to feel awkward. Weren’t first times supposed to feel awkward? But this? It felt perfect.
I closed my eyes, scenting sex in the air, and the subtle leftover cologne he wore. Or was that aftershave? I wasn’t sure. We’d crossed a line tonight, one I wasn’t sure we should have. But I didn’t want to think, not when tomorrow, everything would end. Tomorrow, my life in Sugar Falls would be over.
*
He sighed a deep purr over my body, holding me snug against him. I stared at the ceiling. I’d never laid naked with a guy before. Make out sessions, blow jobs, they were all with clothes on. I’d always kept the control in the situation so it wouldn’t become more.
I broke all the rules with Jesse. I’d had actual sex. Like penis entering vagina actual sex. I should have been panicking. I should have been scared, but with him, it just felt right. Each time I started to get up, he’d tighten his arm, holding me close. “Stay with me,” he’d plead. And I would, because he sounded so damn vulnerable.
“Think we were too loud?” I asked. I wasn’t sure he was still awake.
“Possibly. I’ll catch some shit from my brothers, probably.” he replied. I faced him, lying next to him. His eyes were still closed.
“Do you… is that…?” I trailed off. I wasn’t sure how to ask the question.
“Totally worth it.”
I smiled. I hadn’t realized just how much I’d needed to hear that. “I have to use the bathroom,” I whispered. It wasn’t a lie, but I was having trouble reconciling my impending decision to leave Sugar Falls with the sheer comfort of lying in Jesse’s arms.
“Hurry back,” he said, releasing me. I stood up and glanced around the room. We hadn’t even bothered turning out the lights earlier. I bent over and picked up the shirt he’d given me, and caught sight of myself in his dresser mirror. The thin line on my cheek was still very red and fresh. No more blood, but as I touched it gently with my fingertips, I wondered just how long that would last. The echo of the sting left a very fresh imprint on my memory.
Strong arms came around my body, and Jesse’s deep voice was reassuring against my ear. “Talk to me about this, Charlie.”
The scrape of jeans against my bare ass was a clue that he’d gotten up long before I noticed him. I pulled away, and put on his shirt. I needed clothes if I was going to talk.
“I’ve been paying him every week. Tonight, he wanted it all. And once I take that money out, Jesse, my life here is done.” That was what hurt the most. I’d built such a happy life here. I’d adjusted to being a normal person. So much so that I’d forgotten that I wasn’t a normal person.
“No one will hurt you here. I won’t let that happen,” he promised.
I felt cold as a result of leaving his embrace. God, his shirt smelled like him, all masculine and just that hint of something I couldn’t figure out. He was beautiful. “I can’t.” I loved how chiseled he was. So defined on every inch of his body. Gorgeous. I tied the drawstring on his sweatpants so they didn’t fall off me.
“Why?”
“Once I give him that money, Jesse, my secret will be out. My parents will want to know why I did it, and I’ll tell them. I’ll tell them that I broke their trust, and lied to them, again. And then they’ll want me out.”
“Surely not…”
“I’ve had my chances, Jesse. This was it.”
“So he just wins?”
“Yes.”
“No. It stops here.”
“You can’t save the world, Jesse.”
“No,” he agreed. “But I can save my little corner of it. And that corner includes you.”
“What if…” I trailed off, trying to gain even a little bit of confidence to speak. “What if something happens to you? Because of me?”
He grasped my hands tightly and pulled me close. “Trust me?”
“Yes,” I whispered. I hadn’t trusted anyone in so long, but he made it so easy. He was Jesse. Trustworthy probably should have been his middle name. I’d never felt so close to anyone so quickly.
Brent had taught me at a very young age to only trust what people can do for you, never the people themselves; that way lied heartbreak and betrayal. I’d clung to that lesson all my life, even after the Morgans had adopted me and made me their daughter. They had earned my trust, though, so I’d felt like a failure to Brent’s lessons. I’d gotten attached. I’d let myself build a life here.
Maybe that was why I’d sought him out. Why I’d continually tried to seek his approval, why I’d continued to help him in his cons, knowing the consequences if I’d been caught. A daughter needed her father, and while I loved Dad, and was so grateful that he and Mom had taken me in, I’d had a special bond with Brent. Maybe that was why this whole thing wasn’t sitting well with me.
I stared at the bed, thinking through everything. Brent wouldn’t skip town if he came to Sugar Falls. He’d been meeting me regularly. Plus, he wouldn’t have the money to do it. Not if he had borrowed money from someone like Smith. There were
only a few roads that left town. The bus and train station. That was it. That meant he was still in town, somewhere. But the necklace. Why would he send me his necklace?
“What do you want to do?”
“I need to go home.”
“I don’t think you should go out tonight. You were just attacked.”
“I’m fine.”
“Okay, maybe it’s less about you and more about me. I’m not ready to let you leave. I want to hold you, keep you safe. Let me have tonight, Chuckles. Please.”
I didn’t want to stay. Actually, that was a lie. I wanted nothing more than to stay. I had to leave town, though. Maybe I could stay a few hours, if only to create a memory I’d have to keep close forever. I nodded slowly.
“Good. So, let’s go back to bed.” Jesse smiled.
“I’m just… going to sit for a bit,” I said. My mind was running wild with ideas. I could find Brent, find out why he sent me that necklace. I could get him to get Smith off my back. And then, I would be safe, and so would my family. Or I could just run, and keep on running, and hope for the best.
Chapter Fourteen
Jesse
‡
The next morning, I found Charlie sitting on her front porch, changed into a light sweater and jeans, sipping a steaming mug. I sat down next to her. “Hey.”
She smiled. “Hey.”
“Did you go home?”
“I had clothes in my Jeep.”
“Really?”
“No, I took the window route so I wouldn’t wake anyone this morning.” She pointed up at the second floor. The window was cracked open. I wasn’t sure how she’d gotten up there. My roof was easy. There was a large oak tree right there to shimmy up.
“Merry Christmas Eve,” I told her.
Her smile faded. “Right. You too.”
“So, what do you have planned today?”
“Um…” She frowned. “I have to go to town.”
“You’re not still leaving, are you?”
“I have to,” she whispered. “I can’t let him hurt my family.”
“When?” I tried to mask my own disappointment. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.