I thought about it. ‘It’d be tricky. My mum would ask a lot of awkward questions. Wouldn’t yours? ’Specially now?’
Zoe just sighed. ‘I’m trying to keep right out of her way.’
She stood up and started putting out all the equipment for another ritual. ‘I’m so glad I’ve got this place,’ she said, as I watched, not helping. Candles in position. Incense. Blood-smeared skull. Knife. Bowl of graveyard dirt. ‘It’s somewhere to hide. Somewhere for me. And you, of course.’
‘You need to watch out, though,’ I said. ‘Kerry’s not happy. She’s told Luke about this place. If we keep pushing her away, I reckon she’ll cause trouble for us.’
Zoe made a face. ‘I really don’t care about Kerry. Let her do her worst.’
Zoe pulled out the rolled-up piece of paper where she’d written the words for our rituals and started to chant. I joined in to make her feel better. She rolled up her sleeve and I could see how many fresh scars and scabs there were. I wondered how often Zoe used the knife on herself and whether it was always part of a ritual. This time, before she pushed the knife back into her arm, I moved a candle closer so the soft yellow light played over her skin. There weren’t just cuts. Red marks too, that would turn into deep bruises. I took hold of her wrist and ran my hand up her arm. And I looked her in the eye. ‘Your mum?’
Her lip trembled. There were black shapes all around her, circling her like birds of prey.
I swallowed. ‘Tell someone,’ I said.
Zoe shook her head. Her eyes spilled into huge tears and she started to sob.
20
Halloween
It was October 31st. All Zoe talked about for days was the party. Every spare inch of wall in the flat was painted in black or purple, with designs of graves and vampires and skeletons. Some of the kids who hung around Dead Bouquet promised they were coming. Zoe had put the address on the little notice board in the shop and wrote: ‘All goths welcome.’ Jodie said she would come along with some mates before they went on to the pub and maybe afterwards too. I’d asked Luke in the end, but he was working that night. Kerry said she wasn’t coming either, because her church told them it was wrong to celebrate pagan festivals like Halloween. I asked her a couple of times, just to make it sound as if I’d truly like her to come, but she wouldn’t change her mind.
‘Good,’ Zoe said. ‘Suit yourself.’
I persuaded Zoe not to go on any more shopping trips on her own. I couldn’t be sure she wouldn’t end up in the back of another cop car. So we went to a supermarket together – making sure it was one that would definitely not have CCTV photos of Zoe up on their walls. We used my birthday money and bought a load of party food and soft drinks, because neither of us could get away with looking eighteen. Jodie promised to get some booze and we told the Dead Bouquet people to bring some if they could. ‘Otherwise we might as well have cake and jelly,’ Zoe said. ‘We don’t want to look like little cutesy kiddies.’
We made our way back to the flat, around noon, planning to eat some of the food straightaway because we were both starving. ‘Ouch,’ I grumbled, in the lift, putting the carrier bags down and inspecting my hands. ‘Why do they make those bags so they saw through your fingers when you’re carrying them?’
And then we got to the door. We dropped the bags down and stood still. The little keyhole was blocked up and there was a metal bar nailed across the whole front door. Zoe thumped a fist on the door and swore. ‘I don’t believe this.’
I looked at her. ‘What are we going to do?’
‘We have to get in, somehow,’ Zoe said, twisting at the padlock. ‘A whole bunch of people will be here for the party in a few hours. I can’t turn them all away. It’d be mortifying.’
‘But how on earth will we get through all that?’
We heard some footsteps making their way up the stairs and turned, half-expecting to see the police or some council rents man. In fact, it was Dave. ‘Ah,’ he said, with his stupid grin. ‘You’ve seen it. You’re locked out, girls.’
‘Thanks for that,’ I said, nodding toward the padlock. ‘We couldn’t tell.’ I could have kicked him.
‘How did you know?’ Zoe said. ‘Did you see them doing it? Couldn’t you have stopped them?’
‘I’ve got a mate in the council works department,’ Dave said. ‘They had a tip-off that someone was squatting in here and they were sent round to make it secure. Nothing I could do about it, gorgeous.’
I swallowed, to stop myself telling Dave how disgusting I thought he was. But Zoe took a step towards him. ‘Dave,’ she said, in pleading sort of a tone. ‘We’re supposed to be having a party tonight. And anyway, all my stuff’s in there – clothes and everything.’
‘Have they cleared it out?’ I asked.
Dave shook his head. ‘Usually they would, but there’s no point – the flats are being bulldozed in a few weeks’ time. They were sure anyone in there was squatting and not meant to be there, so all they had to do was lock it up. No need to worry about any stuff in there – that’s the squatters’ problem. Oh – and there mightn’t be any power. Or water. They’ll probably have switched them off.’
Zoe sighed. Then she smiled at him. ‘I bet you could get in. And get things back up and running, like you did before.’
Dave laughed and shook his head.
‘Please,’ Zoe said.
Dave took a step closer to her. ‘Why would it be worth my time?’
Zoe put her head on one side and blinked at him. ‘I’d be really grateful.’
I dug her in the back.
Dave went down to his own place and a few minutes later he was back with a bag of tools. ‘You girls will get me into trouble,’ he said, with a leery smile. While he crowbarred the metal bar on the door, Zoe pulled me aside.
‘There’s only one person who’s spiteful enough to grass us up to the council,’ she said. ‘This is Kerry’s work, I bet you.’
‘You can’t be sure,’ I said. ‘It could be someone else in the flats who’s seen us going in and out.’
Zoe spread out her hands. ‘Like who? This whole top floor is empty. And there are only a handful of other flats in the whole block that still have people in them. And we don’t do any harm. We’re not noisy or anything. No one here cares about us. There’s only one person who’s bothered. Because she’s jealous.’
I closed my eyes. ‘But you can’t be certain.’
‘Yes, I can. This is too much, Anna. I’m going to get her back.’
With a deep cracking sound, Dave pulled the metal bar off the door and then used another tool like a big flat screwdriver to force it open. ‘There you go,’ he said, pushing it wide, splinters of wood falling onto the floor. ‘Door’s not safe now, though. Don’t leave anything valuable in here.’ He winked at Zoe and gave her a nudge. ‘I’ll expect a thank-you sometime soon.’ Zoe gave him another fake smile and I forced myself to do one too.
We were lucky – the power and water were still connected, for now. We spent the afternoon preparing food and Zoe made a brilliant Halloween soundtrack. She came out with me when I went home to get changed.
‘I don’t want to leave the flat unlocked, but Mum’s pestering me on the phone,’ she grumbled. ‘I won’t stay long. Just make sure you’re back at the flat by seven. People should start arriving by then.’
For some reason, I felt anxious. When Mum tried to give me my favourite cheese on toast, I couldn’t face it.
‘Please – try to eat something,’ Mum asked. She put a hand on my shoulder. ‘I’m not stupid, Anna. I was fifteen once, and it doesn’t even feel all that long ago. If you’re going to a party I expect there’ll be drink. I’d like to tell you not to touch it, but I know what I was like when I was your age, so there’s no point in saying that. But you could at least try to be safe.’
‘You’re wrong,’ I said. ‘Well – I’m not saying I�
��ve never had alcohol. But I just don’t really like it.’
‘Good.’ Mum looked me up and down. ‘But you’re so thin these days, too. It feels like you hardly touch your food. It’s starting to frighten me, along with all the sleep problems.’
She was right, of course. Food was something I only picked at, these days. I knew my clothes were looser. ‘There’s nothing to worry about,’ I promised her. ‘And I need to go. I said I’d meet Zoe at seven. Don’t stay up.’
At the door of the flat, Zoe looked so beautiful, all in black with a spiderweb top that she’d made herself, based on the one in the shop, and black ribbons plaited through her hair. But she was as white as the moon and a coldness came off her, as if I was standing next to an open freezer.
‘Everything all right?’ I asked. ‘Your mum OK?’
I noticed she was trembling. I gave her a hug. ‘Hey. What is it?’
‘Nothing. Nothing at all. I just... the whole day’s been going wrong. I wanted this party to be so good. But...’ I could still feel her shaking.
‘What’s happened?’ I pulled back and looked into her face. ‘Tell me.’
She shook her head. ‘The flat getting locked up. Bloody Kerry. My mother, trying to get in my way.’
‘Forget all that,’ I urged her. ‘We’re here. You look stunning. The flat is perfect. We can put all that out of our heads for tonight and worry about it tomorrow. Let’s just make this the best party ever.’
The door was pushed open and there were a handful of the goths who Zoe knew from Dead Bouquet, Jodie and some of her friends. Jodie clattered a bag full of bottles onto the kitchen bench. ‘Don’t tell anyone,’ she said.
‘Ta,’ Zoe said. ‘I won’t.’ She was faking a brightness and a lightness that only I knew was a lie.
Jodie unscrewed the top off a bottle and poured dark red wine into flimsy paper cups. ‘I’m not stopping,’ she said. ‘I’m meeting Dave in the pub in a few minutes.’
Zoe raised a cup at me. ‘Happy Halloween, sinister sister.’
I laughed, took a sip and winced. The stuff was awful. ‘Happy Halloween, ghoul-friend.’
It was all going really well. People brought drink with them, we rigged up the music though some stolen speakers and everyone was dancing. I noticed, though, that Zoe kept glancing at her watch. At around eight-thirty, she said: ‘Hold the fort. Keep being the perfect hostess, or should that be ghost-ess, ha ha. I’ve just got something I need to do.’
‘What?’
‘Don’t ask. Just keep the party going. I won’t be very long.’ Zoe wrapped her long coat around herself and scuttled out of the door towards the lift. I watched from the doorway as she pressed the button a few times and then, losing patience, started hurrying down the stairs.
The lift door opened and a few more people came out. I pointed them towards the flat, then stepped in and pressed the button for the ground floor.
Outside, I could see Zoe striding along the street. I followed, keeping as many paces behind as I safely could without losing sight of her. She went into The Cut. I lingered for a minute or two at the entrance where a street light flickered, threatening to go off. Then I crept after her into the muddy lane.
It was black as a grave, with the usual smells of mud and dog. I could hear voices. One of them was Zoe and the other one was Kerry. I stood still and listened.
‘Tell the truth,’ Zoe was saying. ‘You grassed us up. Admit it.’
Kerry made some kind of a whimpering noise and I couldn’t quite make out her words.
‘Know what, Kerry? I’m in a whole load of trouble already. So much trouble that I don’t care what I do next. Hurting you would be the best thing I’ve done all day, if you want to know.’
Kerry let out a loud sob. Zoe hissed at her. ‘Make a great big row like that again and I’ll make you really, really sorry.’
I was shivering hard. Part of me felt like turning and running back to the party. No – if I’m honest, I felt like running back home. I took a couple of silent steps forward. I could see the dark shape of Zoe, with her back to me, shadowy shapes circling around her. And there, next to her, kneeling on the damp ground, was Kerry, wearing a light-coloured padded jacket, crying and cowering. In the darkness, it took me a minute to understand why. But then I saw it. Zoe was holding a knife to Kerry’s neck.
I was about to shout out at them but then I froze. If Zoe got a shock, she might hurt Kerry badly, even by accident. I stayed still, barely even breathing, my head and body light, as if none of it was real.
‘Thing is,’ Zoe was saying. ‘That flat was all I had. It was the safest place I could be. You know nothing about my life.’
Kerry let out another loud, wordless sob.
‘Maybe it was breaking the law to stay in that flat. But I wasn’t doing anyone any harm. And I was away from my mother. Remember those bruises you kept bleating on about? My mum did that. She does it whenever she needs to take her moods out on me. So sometimes I stayed in an empty flat that no one else wanted and no one got hurt. Especially not me.’
‘S-s-sorry,’ Kerry whimpered.
‘You make out you’re this sweet innocent kid who goes to church and wouldn’t harm a fly. But you’re full of spite. You wanted to see me in trouble, didn’t you?’
Kerry moaned and shook her head.
‘Yeah, you did. Just like when you tried to get me in trouble at home. Bet you thought you could have Anna to yourself, but that would never happen. She hates you just as much as I do. She’ll never be your friend, not really. She only puts up with you ’cause she’s too nice to tell you what she really thinks.’
I couldn’t stand it any longer. ‘Zoe,’ I said. Just quietly. She turned her head towards me, but kept the knife pointing at Kerry. The dark, shapeless figures shimmered and I tried not to look at them, to fix my gaze on Zoe. Kerry’s eyes were huge and swollen. ‘Come on,’ I said. I held out my hands to her. ‘Leave Kerry alone.’
Zoe didn’t move. Her hand trembled. ‘Go away, Anna. I don’t want you being part of this.’ The shapes were flanking her, either side. I wasn’t sure I could get near her – get past them.
‘You – you’re missing the party,’ I said, still with my hands stretched out to her. ‘It’s going really well. Come back.’
‘Kerry needs to learn what it feels like to be frightened,’ said Zoe. ‘She needs to know how I feel at home. And why causing trouble for other people is wrong. Just as wrong as anything I’ve ever done. I might pinch the odd thing from a big fat supermarket chain and I might stay somewhere without paying the rent. But I don’t hurt anyone else.’
‘You’re hurting Kerry, right now,’ I said. I could sense my own blood pulsing through my body, so hard and fast it felt like I might explode. ‘You’ve told her what you think. She’s not worth ruining your life for. Leave her alone.’
I took a few more steps towards her, still with my hands held out, feeling the sickening cold of the shadows enveloping her. ‘Come back and – and – let’s celebrate properly.’
Zoe locked eyes with me for a moment. Then she turned back to Kerry and lowered the knife. ‘Another time,’ she said. ‘Watch your back. I won’t forget.’ And she tucked the knife into her coat and walked towards me. The blacknesses fluttered over Kerry, who was still huddled on the ground.
Zoe and I walked slowly back to the flats without saying a word. I glanced behind from time to time, but we weren’t followed. I steered her into the lift, gently rubbing her arms to try to warm her up. We shuddered up to the top storey and stepped out to a blast of music and noise. Zoe wiped at her eyes and made straight for the kitchen, where she picked up a bottle of wine and tipped it up into her mouth.
‘Don’t,’ I said. ‘That won’t help.’ I pushed a plate at her. ‘Have something to eat.’
‘You have something to eat, Anna-rexic,’ she spat at me.
I took a step back. ‘Look,’ I said, pointing towards the next room. ‘This is a great party. This is your party and all these people are here because of you. Let’s not fight.’
For a few seconds, Zoe looked around, anywhere but at me, her lips tight and her arms wrapped around herself. Then she breathed out. ‘Sorry,’ she whispered. ‘Sorry.’
Someone tapped Zoe on the shoulder. It was a boy who I’d seen hanging around Dead Bouquet. I think he was a bit younger than Zoe, but he definitely had a crush on her. She turned and smiled at him, her teeth a little darkened by the wine. ‘Hey,’ she said, and grabbed him by the hand. ‘Come and dance with me.’
I stood in the kitchen doorway and watched as Zoe led him into the middle of the floor and started to dance. A dark angel, surrounded by sadness and shadows and cold. Then I turned away and left to go home. My life was about to implode.
21
The Misper
It was the early hours of the morning – 1st of November – when Mum and I were woken up by a loud hammering at the door. I stayed at the top of the stairs as Mum ran down to answer it, wrapping her dressing gown around her. I heard a man’s voice announce it was the police and after a short conversation with them, Mum called me down.
The police officers were standing in our little hallway, rain on their jackets and caps. ‘Anna, one of your friends has gone missing,’ Mum said. ‘The police want to ask you something.’
‘Zoe?’ I said, shivering in my pyjamas, my skin starting to prickle.
‘Kerry Jones,’ one of the officers said.
‘Kerry?’ I didn’t expect that.
‘Kerry left home to meet some friends at around half-past eight last night,’ the officer said. ‘But she never came home. We’re sure she’s fine, but need to find out where she went. Any ideas?’
Dumbly, I shook my head.
I sat in the bedroom most of the day watching out of the window, but I kept myself out of sight behind the curtain. My texts to Zoe had no answer. I kept hoping to see Kerry strolling back up the road like nothing had happened. But she didn’t. There’d been at least one police car outside her house all day, sometimes other cars too. Police officers and people who looked like police, but without a uniform, in and out of the gate. Usually it was Kerry’s dad who was opening and closing their front door, but just once it was Luke. I thought about giving him a quick wave, but I realised that actually, I didn’t want him to see me. I’m not sure why. Also, the police were taking things out of Kerry’s house, in bags. I took deep breaths to try to slow my thumping heart.
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