Inquest

by Gladden, DelSheree

  Lance cracks under my barrage. “Libby, I…I know what I did was horrible. I hate myself for hurting you. I just didn’t know what to do!” he says, his deep voice cracking. “I snapped when the Inquisitor named you. I ran because I was afraid I’d do it again. Afterward, when the adrenaline finally wore off, I couldn’t believe what I’d done. I told my dad everything. I asked him what to do. I wanted to call you and apologize right away, but he wouldn’t let me. He said I had to stand up for what I believed in, what I have trained for, no matter what.

  “Howe threatened to kill Inquisitor Moore’s daughter if he helped you. You think he didn’t make the same threats to my dad? To me? My dad convinced me I had to be the most outspoken against you or Howe would come after me. He’s still afraid Lazaro will do something just because we were friends. My dad told me I could never have you again, but the biggest reason I turned everyone against you was to protect you. If they were scared of what you might do, they’d be too scared to try and hurt you. It was all I could do.”

  The feel of his hands moving around my waist makes my whole body constrict. I don’t want this. I don’t care about his excuses. I don’t believe him. I refuse to believe him. He was too convincing to ever let me believe it was all an act. I won’t let him tell me he was only doing it for me. He would have stayed with me if he wanted to protect me. But as his body leans up against mine I can feel my resolve weakening. Before that night, I never believed he would hurt me. I convinced myself that his watching and interfering with Angus was him still trying to protect me. Could I possibly have been right about all of it?

  “I don’t care anymore, Libby. My dad can keep me out of the Guardians all he wants, but I can’t do this to you anymore. I can’t keep pretending to hate you. I abandoned you and you got hurt again. I believe you that there must be some mistake in what happened to you. I was too blind to see it before now. I never want to see you hurt again,” he says. His cheek presses up against mine as his fingers caress my back. My own hands are still clamped down on the crutches, almost to the point of snapping them in half, but they are begging me to run them up and down his back.

  “Libby, please give me another chance. I love you. I always have.”

  I am too shocked to respond. My lack of immediate rebuff emboldens him. He moves so quickly, drawing his lips up against mine. My heart breaks, shatters. This is what I wanted from him that night. All I wanted in the whole world. But he didn’t give it to me. Instead he attacked me. Can I really ever forgive that? I don’t know, but I can’t decide right now.

  “Stop it, Lance,” I mumble under his lips. He doesn’t stop. His kiss becomes more forceful, begging me to melt under his passion like I used to. “Stop it! Stop it, Lance. Please.”

  “Please, Libby,” he begs in a rushed breath without stopping.

  The crutches clatter to the floor as I run my run hands up his chest. He shivers in delight until I shove him away. “Get away from me, Lance!”

  Shock coats his features. Whether it’s from my refusal or the force I used to push him away, I don’t know, but I don’t think he does either. “Libby…” he says. His voice is laced with the pain of rejection. I can see it in his eyes, in his slumped shoulders and rocked stance. “Libby, please don’t do this to me.”

  Anger rises like boiling mercury. I have every intention of slapping him as hard as I can, well as hard as I can without killing him, and screaming my hurt in his face until my throat explodes, but I momentarily forget about my leg. My step forward brings a whole different kind of pain. I cry out and slump to the ground, my crutches scattering. Lance has me in his arms a fraction of a second later. Pain tries to override everything else but I refuse to give in to it.

  “Put me down,” I growl through gritted teeth.

  “No. You’re hurt. I won’t let you get hurt again.”

  My hand reaches up to his face. There is no softness in my touch as I grab his chin, pulling so his eyes are scant inches from mine. The hope in his eyes makes me want to crush the strong, square jaw that makes girls drool over him. He actually thinks I’m going to kiss him. My fingers tighten reflexively, drawing a wince from him.

  “Put me down,” I demand. “I don’t need you to protect me anymore.”

  “Anymore? I’ve been protecting you this whole time! I watch your back every second I can. I’ve stopped Angus from attacking you more times than you know. Protecting you is one thing I never stopped doing.”

  Confirmation of my suspicions about Lance douses my anger like cold water. I can’t put the same venom into my voice as I did a few seconds ago. “Lance, it isn’t your job to keep me safe anymore. It’s Milo’s.”

  “Why?” he demands. “Why Milo instead of me? He’s nobody, some freak transplant from who knows where with barely one worthless talent to his name. There is something wrong with him, something very wrong. I don’t know what it is yet, but he’s hiding something. You can’t seriously want to be with that guy. Why him?”

  This time I do slap him. Prideful anger hardens his features. He sets me back on the ground stiffly and I cling to the fountain for support. “Don’t talk about Milo like that, Lance. You have no business making judgments about anyone else at this point.”

  “I’m better than him and you know it,” Lance argues.

  I scoff at his delusion. “You want to know why Milo and not you? Because Milo never would have abandoned me like you did. Your daddy scared you into turning on me. Howe threatened you? Well, he threatened me too! You think you’re so powerful because you’re training to be a Guardian, but if you really had any strength, you would have stood up to both of them. You wouldn’t have left me. I’m not going to take you back and wait around for your guilt and hormones to wear off so you can walk out on me again. I’m not stupid enough to fall for your promises a second time.”

  If I had my crutches I would walk away now, but since I can’t even bend down to get them without falling over, I have to settle for turning away. Lance just won’t let up. He grabs my shoulder and turns me back around. The intensely possessive glint in his eyes startles me. “I won’t walk away from you again, Libby. I was wrong to do it the first time, no excuses, no asking for forgiveness. I was weak, stupid, a coward, call me anything you want, but I promise you I will never leave you again.”

  I can feel the honesty in his claim, but apparently he doesn’t think that will be enough.

  Lance’s hand leaves my shoulder, presses against the Guardian emblem on the hilt of his dagger, then to his forehead and heart. I watch each step feeling like I am trapped in a Matrix-style slow motion scene. My whole body is trembling. The motions he just showed me, I know them very well. A Guardian Oath is binding, physically binding. The band of diktats on Lance’s wrist blaze scarlet, like they have just been raised, then fade back into the puckered white of scarred flesh. His body tightens as the oath imprints itself onto his being, but his eyes are aglow with defiant pleasure. Every ounce of my weight falls against the fountain, my one good leg threatening to buckle and drop me again.

  “What did you just do?” I whisper.

  “It was the only way I could make you believe me, Libby.”

  My head starts shaking back and forth. “No, no, no, no. Lance, what have you done?”

  “I did what I had to. I’ll never leave you. I couldn’t even if I wanted to now,” he says. He seems to find some kind of humor in that.

  Oh please, there has to be some way to reverse this. There has to be. I can’t walk around linked to Lance. Please, I beg, even though I know there is no hope. “I don’t want you, Lance.”

  “You will,” he says. “I know you will.” The back of his fingers trail down my cheek. My whole body shivers in fear of that statement coming true.

  Anger and confusion battle for control of me. Anger wins easily. I shove him away from me, and say, “Get away from me, Lance. Leave me alone, now.”

  Lance takes a step closer to me despite my demand. A voice from behind me stops him and causes his face t
o darken to an angry black.

  “She said she wants you to leave, Lance. I think you should respect her wishes,” Milo says.

  Gratitude bubbles in my chest, followed immediately by dread. How long has he been standing there? I didn’t think I could feel any worse than I did a moment ago, but I am horribly wrong. Only a long, deep breath keeps me from losing everything in my stomach. Please let him have just walked up. Please, please, please.

  “Are you going to try and make me leave, Milo?” Lance sneers. “What a laugh. You can’t do a thing to me.”

  “I think you’d be surprised by how much I can do to you if I really want to, Lance.” Milo stalks forward, facing Lance without a hint of concern or doubt.

  Lance takes it as a challenge. “Fine. You want to see what a Guardian can do? I’d be more than happy to show you.” His right hand clenches into a fist as his shoulder rotates into the beginning of a punch that I know will be backed with everything he has. Lance doesn’t do things halfway. I reach forward in the fraction of a second it takes Lance to move in an attempt to stop him. Milo’s own fist barrels past me. Blood blossoms on Lance’s face. He flies back into the wall and slides to the floor with a thud. He stares at Milo in complete and total shock. I’m pretty sure I have the same expression on my face. He never should have gotten to Lance so fast.

  “Who are you?” Lance asks, blood bubbling and bursting on his lips as he speaks.

  Milo’s grin is fierce and slightly terrifying. “Just some freak transplant,” he says.

  My heart drops. Lance said that before the Guardian Oath. Milo must have seen everything. Was he there before that, too? Did he see Lance kiss me? This is worse than my Inquest. At least at my Inquest I had the hope of dying. The fact that both of these two are intent on saving me means there’s no escape from the humiliation.

  Milo picks up my crutches and hands them back to me. I slip them into place completely numb. Milo presses his hand into the small of my back but turns toward the still bleeding Lance before guiding me away. “Oh, and Lance,” he pauses, glancing down at his fist, “I think you might be right about me hiding something. Have fun trying to find out what it is.”

  Chapter 26

  Found

  After Lance stomps away to go clean himself off, Milo’s hand drops from my back and he does a little stomping of his own. Right out of the school. I’m confused, repulsed, and scared, but I know I have to follow him. My limping half-run hurts horribly. I push the pain away and barrel through the doors. Milo is halfway to the football field. I call out to him, but he doesn’t turn around. When I cross onto the grass the rubber tip of my crutches sinks into the soft soil, yanking the crutch out from under me and sending me sprawling to the ground.

  The heated string of curses that flies out of my mouth is enough to stop Milo. He walks back to me slowly, but doesn’t help me up. Anger surrounds him like a storm cloud. Guardian or not, he could have passed for one given his build, stance, and murderous glare. I can’t help shrinking back into the grass just a little. He saw everything. There is no doubt in my mind that he saw the kiss. It’s a miracle he stopped at punching Lance in the face.

  “Milo, look, I know you’re mad,” I start.

  His face is impassive but he can’t fool me. “Don’t do that to me, Libby,” he demands. “Don’t sift through my emotions like game pieces you can twist and play with. You know I can’t block you. The least you can do is keep out of my head.”

  Something about what he’s saying hits me as wrong. It will have to wait, though. “You’re pissed at Lance. I get that, but…”

  Bitter laughter explodes from his chest. “Lance? Sure, I’d like to punch his pretty face a few more times, but…” He doesn’t finish because his jaw tightens too much to let any more words out.

  Realization hits me right in the gut. “You’re mad at me?”

  “What? You think I shouldn’t be?” he scoffs.

  “I…” I didn’t ask Lance to do any of what he did. It wasn’t my fault. But I can’t make myself argue with him. Not with the guilt swirling around inside of me.

  “What were you even doing with him, Libby? I get out of class to come find you and make sure you were able to take your pain medication, and you’re standing in the hall making out with your ex-boyfriend! Why the hell would I be mad about that?” His hands fly up then smack down on the top of his head.

  “I wasn’t making out with him!”

  Milo rolls his eyes. “Right, right, he kissed you. There’s a huge difference.”

  His sarcasm infuriates me. I yank my crutch out of the ground and get myself back to my feet on my own. “He did kiss me! Did it look like I was kissing him back? You should know that if I’m enjoying a kiss I do a little more than stand there with my hands at my side.”

  “Well, you certainly weren’t trying to get away from him,” Milo accuses.

  “I was in shock, for crying out loud! The last time I saw Lance, he was glaring at me and trying to incite riots against me. He caught me completely off guard!”

  Milo stalks a few feet away from me and hangs his head. “But you wanted him to say all that stuff, didn’t you.”

  “Yes, I did,” I admit, “but I wanted him to say it the night of my Inquest. Now…it doesn’t matter what he says now. It doesn’t change the past few months.”

  “You didn’t enjoy hearing him say he’s still in love with you and begging you to take him back? You can’t honestly tell me that didn’t affect you at all.”

  Managing anything even remotely romantic while tethered to crutches is impossible, so I have to make do with limping over to him and laying my head on his chest. “The only part of me that enjoyed that conversation was the vindictive part that has been begging me to punch him for leaving me in the first place.”

  “Do you want him back?” Milo asks quietly.

  I don’t even have to think about it.

  “Milo, I want you.” That much I’m not confused about. Everything Lance said, I believe it. He was a coward for not standing up for me, but he never abandoned me completely. I believe him, but I’m not sure what I will do with that knowledge yet. Forgiveness? Acceptance? What I do know is that I don’t want to lose Milo.

  “Libby,” Milo says quietly, “he’s right about me, you know. What Lance said is true. I’m nobody. Fewer talents than he even thinks and hunted by the Guardians. I can’t protect you like he can.”

  “He has to protect me whether he wants to or not, now,” I mutter, “but that’s not the point. Even if Lance was my only chance at survival, I still wouldn’t take him back as my boyfriend just because he said he was sorry. I’ll use him, for sure, but just his talents. I won’t walk away from you just because Lance has a better chance of protecting me.”

  The tension I was hoping would fade from his shoulders doesn’t happen. Milo looks up at me, but his face looks even more clouded than before. “What was Lance talking about when he said he’d been watching your back this entire time? He didn’t mean that literally, did he?”

  “Actually, he did,” I say, fearing this one little secret will send Milo into another fit of anger.

  “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I was afraid of what might happen if I told you.” Seeing the frustration in Milo’s eyes, I hurry on. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Milo. I was worried about how you would react, how Lance would react if you confronted him. I thought you two would get in a fight. I can’t stand the idea of you getting hurt.”

  “Libby, what if he had been spying on you instead of watching out for you? How do you know he’s telling you the truth?”

  “I think he already proved he was protecting me. Lance really has helped me out. Angus tried to attack me in gym and Lance stopped him. And I think Angus was going to try something at the dance, too, but Lance wouldn’t let him.” I take a deep breath. “I know Lance has made a lot of mistakes with me, but I do believe him on this. Lance has never once lied to me. All I can do is ask you to trust me on t
his.”

  Milo still seems angry and pretty far from taking my word about Lance, but apparently he has too many other questions to fight me about it at the moment. “What did you mean when you said Lance has to protect you now? What was that thing he did with his diktats?”

  My body goes cold. He saw, but he didn’t know what was happening. I forget sometimes that Lance knows a lot more about being a Guardian than most people because of his dad. Guardian Oaths aren’t discussed much outside the brotherhood. My eyes close as I mentally berate myself for my stupidity. If Milo never knew what Lance did, all the better for everyone involved. I had the chance to keep him out of it, and I blew it. Regardless of the fact that his phony Perception talent will do nothing to catch me trying to deceive him, I can’t lie to Milo. He is the one person I don’t have to pretend around.

  “Libby?” Milo asks, even bringing his hand to my cheek to entice me to answer him.

  I fall for the lure and open my eyes. “Have you ever heard of a Guardian Oath?”

  “No,” he says slowly. “Is that something you have to take before becoming a Guardian?”

  “No, anyone who’s been named into the Guardian class can make a Guardian Oath.” I take a deep breath. It would be so easy to give him some vague, meaningless answer. “It’s a promise to protect someone. I don’t really understand how it works, but somehow a person’s Speed and Strength are able to be dedicated to one person or group above anyone else.”

  “What do you mean dedicated?” Milo asks, his voice growing tight.

  “It’s irreversible. Most Guardians give their Oath when they’re inducted, promising to protect the people under their stewardship. It’s binding in every way. The Guardians have to act to protect the people they serve or they’ll regret it, painfully,” I explain.