Long Live Dead Reckless

by Safari Spell

  His large eyes were the last to change – they contracted and swirled from a fierce animal gold to a deep green. Human eyes. Kind eyes. Once he was fully human, his other hand reached out to help ease me back on level land. I backpedaled away from him, almost unable to keep my legs under me. We held our breaths in anticipation to what the other would say. He was the first, in broken breaths.

  “I’m sorry…so sorry…please, I wasn’t going to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

  I only half-heard him. I was still in shock. It was a lot to process, and I might have been experiencing an asthma attack. Good thing I didn’t actually have asthma. He spread his hands out like he was surrendering.

  “I know that was scary, but I’m just human now. Look.”

  I covered my eyes.

  “Um, you’re just naked!”

  “Oh.”

  He blurred behind a tree, rustling the leaves and bushes at the foot of it before clearing his throat and peeping his head out.

  “I forgot that happens. I don’t evo often,” he offered, shrugging sheepishly.

  We both studied the ground for a few seconds. Maybe it was shadowy and dark, but it was the first time I’d ever seen a real naked man, and it happened to be Sage’s friend. Once his lower half was safely hidden, I was able to look at him easier.

  “Why did you chase me?” I asked, still breathless.

  “I was trying to catch you. You’re actually kind of fast for a human,” he shrugged, chuckling.

  “I was only that fast because a werewolf was chasing me!”

  His brow furrowed as he looked down. The words were so quiet I barely heard them.

  “I know, I know. I’m sorry. But I lost my head. Sage…is…”

  “Tell me,” I demanded, wrapping myself in a hug.

  Tom sighed and straightened behind the tree, his fingers clenching the bark and relaxing. His face was in leafy shadows, but I could sense the pain on it.

  “Listen, Ash and Mika are coming and it’s probably best if you aren’t around for that. I don’t know what’s happening, but I’ll call you when we know.”

  I cringed. I wanted to cry, ask a million questions, charge back into the house and save Sage, but…I didn’t do any of those things. I just gave a slow nod and stumbled away through the dark woods. I had no trouble finding my way. The infected letters on my wrist were still angry glares of embers, tiny needles of light, shooting out and shimmering like the delicate death of spider webs in the sun.

  27

  Sage woke up two hours after I left.

  He called me the next morning. The conversation was short and he sounded weak, but he insisted we get together as soon as possible. I almost turned him down. I was tired of the drama, the uncertainty, and the impending doom. I was emotionally spent, but when Sage asks for something, you do it. Nobody does polite the way he can, and that works some serious voodoo on a girl’s heart.

  He found us a nice sunny spot by the picnic grounds at Barrett Animal Park – “us” as in me and him and Tom. It was a weird third wheel situation, but I was the one who felt like the third wheel because I didn’t want to be there. The park wasn’t much, but I loved going out there from time to time and sprawling out on a blanket under the trees. It was quiet out there, and safe. The day was nice and the leaves had begun to change into a beautiful shade of orange. Sage brought a basket filled with snacks for me. Tom laid the blanket and waited for me to sit down first. We were all quiet while he unpacked the basket. I had worn a dress for some odd reason. It was a new one, and I wanted to be cute. Plus, boots and tights.

  I knew we would have to face what happened, but I barely had time to recover from one crazy thing before the next crazy thing happened, and I was worn out. Still, I was trying my best to look comfortable. Sage sat across from me, one hand resting on his leg. I imagined reaching out to take it, but I couldn’t. There was something between us, and I didn’t mean Tom. I was only glad Ash wasn’t there to rally feeding me to the wolves in their habitat. I didn’t think he’d have to try that hard anymore. Maybe even Sage would want to be rid of me at this point.

  “I wanted to say sorry for the other night,” Tom started, his voice cracking.

  It was surprising, but it showed that he was nervous, and that helped. I straightened my back, trying to appear alert and confident. Last time I saw him, he was naked and scolding and I was bordering tears. Oh, and I’d screamed at him. Very mature memory all around.

  “You really don’t have to. It’s ok.”

  Tom shook his head.

  “Yeah, I do. I’m not that person. I’m really, really sorry. Mostly because you had to see me naked.”

  I exhaled the breath I’d been holding and dared look him in the eye. It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be. We both laughed.

  “I forgive you. If you want to be friends, though, I’d suggest maybe not chasing me through the woods as pretty much the scariest thing I’ve ever seen?”

  He smiled nervously.

  “I think that’s a reasonable request. Again, sorry.”

  His eyes went wide as he stared at the ground. I did the same. I think Sage was smiling. Maybe even chuckling. My stomach growled. And I mean loud. It was embarrassing, but it seemed to help. Sage and Tom looked at each other and grinned.

  “Better watch out,” Sage replied, cocking a brow.

  “Ok, ok, I promise! No need to unleash the beast,” Tom cried, his hands in the air.

  I laughed so hard my cheeks hurt. Sage handed me a sandwich from the basket and it took me forever to unwrap it because I was still tickled by Tom’s wit. They joked a little back and forth while I started eating. One bite of sandwich in my mouth seemed too big to chew, but luckily I didn’t have to talk. Sage and Tom were talking about the unfortunate naked side effects of the evo. Once the conversation died down and the sandwich was taming my stomach, I felt ready to know the harder things.

  “I’m just glad you’re ok,” I said to Sage.

  Sage tilted his head a little and gave a shy smile.

  “He’s good at scaring everyone. And he doesn’t even have to evo to do it,” Tom grinned, slapping his on the shoulder.

  I shifted to sit on my knees, smoothing my skirt over them to bide my time while I found my courage.

  “Can I ask what happened? I was scared that you were…um, dead.”

  Tom and Sage looked at each other. Tom dropped his head and clasped his wrists around his knees while he waited on Sage to respond. Sage rested back on his palms.

  “But first, how’s your dad?” he asked, totally avoiding everything. It would have pissed me off had I not been all too happy to report my dad’s condition.

  “They’re releasing him next week, actually. I can’t believe you could do that. Thank you.”

  He nodded.

  “Good to hear.”

  I looked at him for a moment, trying to decide why he was avoiding my questions. He’s the one who asked me out here to clear everything up. I gathered my hands in my lap and rubbed them together to keep warm.

  “Why did it happen, Sage?” I asked again, shrugging as I looked down. I was worried he would avoid the question again and I wouldn’t have the courage to bring it up.

  “Because I sang for you.”

  I frowned, confused.

  “But I’ve heard you sing before. Why was it different this time?”

  He shifted a little.

  “At the show, my voice didn’t affect you because everyone else was absorbing it. This time, I was trying to remove your seal and it was a risk –”

  “A stupid risk,” Tom added.

  Sage cut his eyes at him.

  “But I had to try. Maybe it almost killed me and it was dangerous for you, but it’s what I do.”

  I gasped.

  “Dangerous for me?”

  I placed my palms on the ground and cocked a brow waiting on his answer. I believed he cared about me. Possibly loved me. It made
me furious that the very thing he once swore to me was a lie. I was sure there had been at least once he’d said he’d never hurt me. Yes, absolutely positive.

  “Talor, it was the only option.”

  “It wasn’t an option,” Tom replied.

  I thrust myself up on my feet. I’d heard enough. If I continued trusting these idiots, I was going to end up dead. Both of them had tried to hurt me in some way or another – and on the same night, too! If I was stupid enough to hang around and let them try again, I deserved my grisly fate. I stood over them, glaring.

  “Who are you, Sage? I mean, really? You think you can just bring me out here with a picnic and distract from the fact that you both tried to kill me on the same night? And somehow you think that I’d just forgive you?”

  My hands were shaking from the adrenaline. Tom lifted his gaze just enough to peep out over his elbow. Sage stayed in his relaxed position, his eyes on mine. It was like I didn’t know him at all, and it hurt. I expected more. He’d always been so good at more. He swallowed and parted his lips, but nothing came out. I clenched my fists, finding that focusing on my nails digging into my palms kept me from screaming at him. I just wanted to get away. For good this time. For good. I began to march off, my knees higher with every step. I’m sure I looked ridiculous, but I was a fool. I heard Sage get up.

  “I’m going to say it one more time because both of you need to hear it. He is coming. And Talor? When he does, he will take you to a world where you have no power, no friends, and no freedom. Once you’re gone, you’re gone, understand? Maybe no one agrees with what I did, but I was not about to be the only person in the world who has the power to try and not do it because it might offend someone.”

  “Offend someone? You could’ve killed me,” I cried, whirling around.

  “Not without it killing me, too.”

  “It doesn’t change the fact that you were willing to kill me.”

  “I tried to save you.”

  I touched my hand to my heart to steady it. I knew deep down that Sage was right. I couldn’t really blame him. I knew I would have agreed to it if he’d asked. I didn’t know why I was angry. I breathed a little of it out, but I made myself keep moving forward. As expected, Sage caught up with me. He took hold of my elbow and I stopped. I held my head high and stared straight ahead. He pushed his hair back past his hairline.

  “It was selfish to do what I did. I’m ashamed because I know better, but I didn’t do better. But God, Talor, don’t forget that I’m human, too. Maybe not entirely, but I am, and I mess up like the rest of you.”

  “But I trusted you, and you fed from me, didn’t you? You made me drink your blood. That was gross, Sage.”

  “What?” Tom cried from his spot by the blanket.

  Sage held up a hand to quiet him.

  “I have to explain. I did that because –”

  “Because you wanted to and I couldn’t stop you.”

  He put his hands on his hips and looked down.

  “Is that really what you think?” he asked, frowning. There was a hint of anger in his voice, which was astounding because it was Sage.

  “Yes.”

  “That I did what I did because I was hungry? That it was about pleasure or power and not about risking my life?”

  “Well, since you never informed me of your stupid plan in the first place, what am I supposed to do, just guess?”

  “What do you think I’m doing? Don’t you know me by now?”

  I shrugged, scoffed, and groaned all at once. Even I was impressed with myself.

  “I guess not. I barely know you at all.”

  Sage straightened his hands in his pockets and opened his neck to the sky. He closed his eyes and stood there for a minute before opening them again. There were those gentle hazel eyes again; being the most beautiful, calming thing I would ever see.

  “You do know me, just as I know you. But I’ll tell you everything, Talor. Things I’m ashamed of. Things I still mourn. Things still unforgiven. I’ll tell you so you can know that you know me.”

  I glanced back to the blanket. Tom had disappeared. I never heard him leave. Sage and I were alone.

  “Go on then,” I said.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what I wanted to do. I was scared to do it. I think I felt like if I never said anything, maybe I would chicken out. I could always just not try. But…I don’t want to lose you and I didn’t know what else to do.”

  He paused and shrugged. I knew I’d forgive him, but I wasn’t ready to say the words yet. So I looked down and let him continue.

  “I should’ve left town after I met you. Maybe that would’ve been best for everyone, but I’m not sorry.”

  I felt my throat close with emotions too strong to swallow. I finally pushed past it. I had to say things. I couldn’t always cry.

  “Ever since my mom died, all I’ve wanted is to be happy. To not always be afraid, or fighting, or sad. But ever since she died, I’ve felt like I was six years old again in that wave pool, drowning silently. There were people everywhere, all around me, but I would still be drowning. All I really want is to breathe just once. I really thought I had that with you.

  “Part of me wishes that…I could have been off the day you came in. That we never would’ve met. But seeing you, it was the first time in months that I didn’t go to sleep crying. I didn’t feel like the world was an ocean where everyone could walk on water but me. I forgot that I was sad for a little while. But knowing everything I know now, I can’t understand why we care about each other when we know what’s going to happen. More than that, I can’t figure out how to stop.”

  Sage touched a hand to his forehead and dropped it.

  “I don’t know how to stop, either. I only know how I feel, and that doesn’t go away.”

  “Don’t say it. You can’t. We can’t.”

  “It’s too late.”

  I shook my head.

  “You should have just left like Ash said instead of trying to fix everything. You should have just saved yourself. I don’t need you to save me. I’ll be fine.”

  “No, that’s just pride talking.”

  He was right. I was proud. I was proud of surviving my mother’s death and my father’s insanity. I was proud of holding my head high when people whispered around me, proud of getting my father out of the house when he set it on fire. I was proud of standing on my own two feet when most of my friends still lived under the blanket of their parent’s protection and money. I was too proud for love. It required surrender and sacrifice. I’d already given up too much, and I didn’t want anything to do with that. I shrugged his hand away and released the blanket from around me. It fell limp to the cold earth.

  “Sage, what are we doing? Why don’t you get out of here before it’s too late?”

  His voice was soft, his lips against my ear.

  “There are more reasons for me to stay than go now. I have things to tell you.”

  I didn’t care what he had to say. I could only feel his skin on mine, his body close. When he wrapped his arms around me, I just wanted to stay there and ignore the truth that we couldn’t be together. But it’s all we wanted. I shut my eyes as he kissed my temple.

  “Keep your secrets if you want, Sage. Just don’t kiss me anymore.”

  He slid a finger down my neck.

  “But I love you, so I have to.”

  With that, he took my lips. It was the only ownership Sage ever believed in – the kiss.

  28

  Good kisses are like good coffee – they stimulate and heat from the inside, making you forget everything but the feel against your lips and the taste on your tongue. So it was no surprise that after a rather passionate rejection of my break-up, we ended up at the Perk-U-Later Coffee Shop in downtown Cypress a few hours later. Everyone in the place was either consumed with writing a novel or snuggling on couches listening to the soothing café music courtesy of Tom.

  He had
taken a seat at the front of the coffee shop, chair pulled back to the far wall and guitar in hand. He had a sadness hanging about him since earlier; it was as though every motion was a struggle. I would have called him depressed if he had been human.

  “Is he ok?” I asked.

  Sage glanced at him and back at me.

  “Yeah, he’s ok.”

  “He just seems sad.”

  “We’ve all lost someone important along the way. Tom does this to deal. It gives him an outlet and earns some money for us to travel.”

  My heart twinged in my chest. It wasn’t so long ago that I was the one strumming a guitar in local coffee shops. But I never played because I was sad. I played because Mom and Dad were always there, always pretending to be impressed strangers talking me up to customers. Even when there were no customers, I still played and they still talked me up. Those days felt like a different life.

  After we got our drinks, Sage found us a cozy corner table with high backs. A small candle in the center of the table waved hello as we sat. Sage took me under his arm so I could burrow into him. The kind-hearted Tom strummed a few chords on the guitar and no one noticed. He wasn’t the siren. He was just another nameless musician in a coffee shop, and that’s the way he wanted it.

  “You know, I’ve always wondered why you ended up here in the middle of nowhere,” I said, taking a sip.

  Sage looked down at me from the corner of his eye. He shrugged lightly.

  “It’s easy to blend in. Lots of bands and bars. It doesn’t seem strange that a new band would pop up overnight, and Mika and Tom are so good at circulating that people forget we’re strangers. They feel like they’ve known us forever. Makes it easy.”

  It made sense, and he was right. I had only known them a few months and I forgot that until he reminded me. Tom’s sorrowful tune elicited kind donations into his guitar case. It was a good song – even if he was singing in Spanish and I couldn’t understand the words.