Bone and Blood
Page 25
‘So you think moving to Berlin is a mistake?’
‘No, no, no. Me being clumsy… I think it’s a good idea. I trust you to find out what you want.’
‘O.K. Dad, thanks and good night.’
Hug a bit cursory in the impatience to open the letter. Not fat enough for money, so what?
“Aisling” on the envelope in Brigitte’s shaky handwriting but inside a different handwriting.
Sylvester, 2005
Dear Aisling,
A last letter to you from the hands of Monika and in the handwriting of Monika as mine is no longer legible. I hope it makes you smile to learn we have become friends. You should smile because you helped. When we could not talk about Katharina, we could talk about you, but that was later. We both treasured the life you brought with you into those difficult days.
Monika and I cried and fought together many times before it hit me. I could cry and fight with her and she would come back. She became a friend to me like Mary, like Anna, like Irma and Adelheid. Did I tell you that Irma died too before Christmas? All dead, and now me too. I learnt in these last months how Monika helped Katharina prepare for death. She did not tell me but she showed me because she did it for me too. I could never have helped Katharina to die peacefully. I understood too late how my jealousy and anger made her last days harder. Monika helped me to forgive myself. Forgiving yourself is hardest of all but it helps.
Monika is no saint. We said harsh things to each other on those days she came bearing cake. There were days when I refused to open the door. She told me she carried on with it because she promised Katharina she would. Monika has a strong will and she can help you. The last time we visited Katharina’s grave together, we had a meal at a small Italian restaurant called Aroma near the cemetery. I like to think you will one day go there with her and eat the pizza you love so much. Accept her help if you can.
All my best wishes for your future.
Yours,
Signed ‘Biddy’ in her own shaky handwriting.
Acknowledgements
This book would never have emerged without the inspiration of the survivors of Ravensbrück and the many pathways leading to and from that inspiration. Along the way I had sustenance and encouragement from key people. I acknowledge with gratitude the suggestions, tips, corrections and help with research they have given me. The final product has also benefitted from professional expertise in editing and design and finally the publication by Matador. The specific contribution of the following, at crucial points, has fuelled my enthusiasm and overcome my doubts:
Schorse Rennert my life partner for more than words can convey; Heike Thiele, friend, photographer and designer; Pam Wright, friend and website designer; Cressida Downing, editor. I am grateful to my friends Sabine Antony, Iris Lyle, Carmel Roulston and Nora Hughes for their engagement in the process; and appreciate the family support I have experienced throughout.
Acknowlegement to Memory and Memorials
While all characters and personal details in the novel , Bone and Blood, are fiction, I have been inspired by the following factual accounts which have kept memories alive:
Ravensbrück: Everyday Life in a Women’s Concentration Camp 1939-1945: Jack G. Morrison pub. Markus Wiener Princeton ISBN 1-55876-218-3
God Remained Outside: Geneviève de Gaulle Anthonioz pub.Souvenir Press ISBN 0-285-63530-1
Journal de Ravensbrück: Nelly Gorce, pub. Actes Sud ISBN 9-782742704866
The Past is Myself: Chrisabel Bielenberg, pub. Corgi ISBN 0-552-99065-5
Tag der Angst und der Hoffnung: Delia Müller und Madlen Lepschies pub. Stiftung Brandenburgische Gedenkstätten/ Mahn-und Gedenkstätt Ravensbrück ISBN 3-910159-49-4
Die Klempnerkolonne in Ravensbrück: Charlotte Müller pub. Dietz Verlag Berlin ISBN 3-320-00808-0
A Woman in Berlin: Anonymous pub. Virago Press ISBN 978-1-84408-112-7
Through the eyes of Survivors: A Guide to Ravensbrück Memorial Museum pub. Lagergemeinschaft Ravensbrück /Freundeskreis e.V (BRD) ISBN 3-89657-467-1