Husband Sit (Husband #1)

by Louise Cusack

  “Double bullshit.” No way was I smarter than Finn. He had serious money. I was hopeless with finances.

  He shrugged. “She thinks the idea is a goer. Can you at least listen to her?”

  I frowned.

  “For Fritha’s sake?”

  Bastard. “You are one manipulative son-of-a-bitch.”

  “Takes one…”

  My towel chose that moment to slide off—understandable considering my angry march back to the room. It pooled at my feet, and Finn’s gaze slid down to my bikini top, and then lower.

  He swallowed and, still staring at my bikini bottom, said, “I’ll bet you taste salty.”

  Cunnilingus.

  I felt breathless heat sweep up over me and I licked my lips. “There were good reasons I didn’t want you to do that.”

  “You were curious,” he reminded me, and took a deliberate step closer, his gaze sliding back up to my breasts.

  His towel was wrapped low around his hips and I could see a bulge at the front. Before I could think of a reply, he slipped one hand around my waist and pulled me in, sliding the other hand up into my hair, at the nape of my neck. It was damp there and his fingers were warm and restless.

  I looked up into his eyes. “I don’t know—”

  “I do,” he said firmly. “I need something to go on. You’re driving me crazy. I just have to kiss you,” as if the decision had been his all along.

  I closed my eyes, and instantly felt his warm lips on mine. They were salty and hot and quickly went from soft to demanding as his hand slid down to my ass, pulling me tighter against him.

  He tasted like the ocean, and when his tongue slid across mine, I tingled from the inside out. My hands pushed up from his chest past his shoulders into his hair as I tilted my head, wanting more, crushing my breasts against him and feeling my nipples ache from the pressure. I was so hot for him I felt dizzy, as if I was drunk. We kissed forever and I think I got light-headed, because when he eventually pulled away I was so wobbly he had to hold my shoulders.

  “Fuck,” he said softly, his eyelids heavy and his breaths coming fast. “It’s so hard to stop.”

  I nodded, quite incapable of speech.

  “But that was good.” He nodded. “I needed that. Of course I want more, but…” He tucked a strand of fallen hair behind my ear. “…I can wait.”

  “For what?”

  “For you to beg me for sex.” He sounded quite serious.

  “And if I don’t?”

  “Then I’ll spend the rest of my life fantasizing about what we didn’t do.”

  Was that sexy? Maybe in an obsessive kind of way.

  He let me go and took a step backwards. “So tell me, am I really that story for you: the one that got away? Or are we going to do this and you’re just making me wait?”

  I was so languorous and overheated, I couldn’t think. “I don’t know.”

  He took a deep breath and nodded, as if that’s what he’d expected. “Sieu’s waiting.” He waved absently toward the door behind him. “I’ll get changed and meet you at the restaurant.”

  “Fine.” I nodded, but it was an uncoordinated effort, and I was worried that I was wavering where I stood.

  He frowned. “Are you okay?”

  “Fine.” I was anything but, however I needed him to get the hell out of my room before I puddled on the floor.

  “Okay.” He nodded, but he was still frowning. “See you there.”

  He let himself out and I went to the door and put the chain on it. Then I picked up my phone, shut myself in the bathroom, sat on the closed toilet seat and looked at my favorites list: Fritha, Missy Lou and Ange.

  I had to call someone. I was like an alcoholic about to take a drink. Ten more seconds and I would have been on that bed naked with my legs open. Fritha would tell me to do it as foreplay to a proposal of marriage. Missy Lou would tell me to pack my bags and leave the hotel. I could tell neither of them that I’d blabbed to Finn about the teahouse and needed to stay to see that through—Missy Lou wouldn’t care, and Fritha would freak out.

  That only left Ange. I had no idea what she’d say, but I was desperate for clarity.

  I rang her number and clutched the phone to my ear.

  Ten long rings later, she answered. “J?”

  “I’m about to make what could be the worst mistake of my life, Ange. I need you to talk me out of it.”

  There was a pause, then she said, “Don’t do it, Jill.”

  I frowned at the bathroom mirror. Was she joking? I pressed the phone tighter to my ear. “This is serious.”

  “So is everyone else’s life, but I don’t call you when I have relationship problems.” She sounded nothing like her usual self, and I wondered then who she’d been speaking to. I hadn’t said anything about my ‘problem’ being a relationship issue. So Fritha or Missy Lou must have been in her ear.

  Instead of grilling her about that I said, “I hadn’t realized you were suffering from relationship problems.”

  Another silence. “Unlike you, I don’t blurt things over the phone when I haven’t heard from someone for two months.”

  Had it been that long? I tracked back in my mind to when I’d started husband sitting and had gone quiet on the friend radar.

  “I’m sorry, Ange,” I said, feeling genuine remorse. “I’ve had…stuff. I didn’t want to burden you with it. Until now,” I added hastily, because I had planned to dump on her. “You’re always so happy. I didn’t want to bring you down.”

  “Well I can’t get any lower than I am now, so what is it?”

  I was seriously frowning at that point. I’d never heard her speak like this. “What did Danny do?” I so much wanted to be there to hug her and pat her pretty black hair.

  Another pause, so long I was starting to wonder if she’d hung up and I hadn’t realized.

  Finally, “He had a vasectomy. I found out last week.”

  “Oh Ange…” I was so stunned I slumped back against the toilet cistern. Of the four of us, Angel was the one who’d wanted kids the most. In fact, every month since they’d been married I’d expected a call with the happy news that she was pregnant. I knew Danny had asked her to wait while he established his career in Sydney, but to go behind her back and eliminate any possibility that they could conceive together…Why would he?

  It was the worst sort of betrayal I could think of for Ange. Certainly more terrible than an affair would have been.

  “Honey, I’m so sorry. Can I come and see you?”

  “No.” She was quick back with that answer. “He doesn’t realize I know. I’m still…working things out.”

  I wanted to say, But you’ll leave him? Only, that was too insensitive, even for me. Instead, I said, “Good plan. I’m a crap actress. But I want to see you, Ange. Soon.”

  “Okay.” Her voice was small now, and so unlike the girl who would burst into song at the slightest provocation. “What’s your relationship problem?”

  “Inconsequential compared with—”

  “Tell me anyway. It might cheer me up.”

  I half-smiled at that. At least she had some sense of humor left. “I met this guy and we’re hot for each other and I…” Just say it. “I’m really in love with him, but there’s a solid reason I can’t get into a relationship with him right now.” Please don’t ask me why. “I’m in deep, Ange. I’ve never felt this way about a guy before.” Just talking about the corner I was trapped in fed the sensation of dread expanding across my chest, but I fought that back.

  “Is this pre-sex hype?” She was all business now—the relationship consultant.

  “No. We’ve had sex once, and it was awesome, let me tell you. But if I go there again, I’ll want to get into a relationship with him, and… I can’t do that.”

  I held my breath and she was quiet for a while, as though she was thinking. I let her. Lord only knew, I’d tried to work this out every way from Christmas and still came up with nothing beyond wanting Finn. Badly. And being ninet
y-nine percent sure it would never work out. I was hoping Ange could provide a new perspective.

  At last she said, “I think you’re underestimating your ability to close-off emotionally. Even if this is full-on love, I’m confident you could still walk away if you need to. You’re strong Jill. I think you should have sex with him now, and tell yourself it’s just physical. That will eliminate the novelty factor that makes men so alluring. After a couple of sessions, the rosy glasses will fade and you’ll be able to decide if he’s a good fit for you in other ways.”

  I could have said something about ‘fit’ then, but I didn’t. I was too busy wondering if it was possible to quench this insatiable thirst for his body, and not drown in it. He knew I was still husband sitting, so if he was prepared to put his jealousy aside and accept me as-is, maybe I could meet him halfway? Then if the novelty wore off, I could bail.

  It might work.

  “Thanks Ange. You’ve given me something to think about.” I felt humbled that in the middle of her own dramas, she’d be there for me. “I was scared if I started having sex with him I’d fall so much in love I wouldn’t be able to find my way out.”

  “I know,” she said quietly. “You’ve always been afraid of being overwhelmed. But there are times when you just have to let life take you with it.”

  “Like a tsunami?”

  “No.” I could almost see her smile. “Like rapids. Or a roller coaster ride.”

  I did like roller coasters, even though I gritted my teeth so hard they hurt afterwards. “Will you be there for me if this all ends badly?” I asked, not caring how needy I sounded.

  “Of course I will be. And I know you’re there for me too, Jinx. I just…need time to sort out how I feel about this first.”

  “I understand.” Despite my phone a friend penchant, there were times when I wanted to sort out my feelings alone. “Do you still love him?” I had to ask.

  “Yes I do.” No hesitation there. “I just feel like I don’t know him anymore. And…you know, that makes you wonder what else you don’t know about.”

  “I know.” Was she wondering about infidelity? He’d always had a flirting nature, but we’d all put that down to his boyish charm. “Let me know when you want a visit. I’m just up the road in Newcastle with…Finn. His name is Finn. But I can leave anytime.”

  “I will. And Jill…don’t wait for good things. Don’t put them off. They might never…” She caught her breath on what sounded suspiciously like a sob.

  I wanted to hate Danny then, but I just didn’t know what was going on, any more than I could guess what the dynamic was between Missy Lou and Marcus—despite all the drunken sleepovers I’d had there. It probably wasn’t my business anyway, so I decided to concentrate on my own mess.

  “I’m going to fuck Finn,” I said, and I meant it. Ange’s sadness had touched something deep in me, some carpe diem button that made me suddenly want to dive into life at the deep end. I’d met Finn at the wrong time for both of us, but he was in front of me now. I had to act on that, even if it did turn out to be messy down the track. I’d live. Or, at least Ange seemed to think I would. And let’s face it, they probably knew me better than I knew myself. I’d been friends with these women for more than half my life.

  “Good girl,” Ange said, which unnerved me slightly, because it was exactly what Missy Lou had said when I’d told her I wasn’t going to fuck Finn. “No doubt the sex is scorching right now, but if you’re thinking about the long haul, you want more than that. You want a man who’ll be a good friend. Someone thoughtful, protective. A good father to your children.”

  I felt a lump rise in my throat, knowing I’d already identified all those traits in Finn. I just didn’t know if we would last. “Thanks Ange.” I couldn’t say any more, and luckily for me she ended the call there. I was so blessed with my girlfriends. Well, when they weren’t telling me off or blabbing my life story to a stranger. At least Ange hadn’t done anything unforgivable lately.

  In any case, I had a resolution: I was going to fuck Finn, and frankly, the sooner the better.

  CHAPTER TWELVE: Jumping Off The Cliff

  I got my ass into the shower, rinsed my bikini and hung it over the taps, then I scrubbed myself and gave my hair a quick wash. My genitals got a double-wash, because I was hoping to have Finn’s face down there sometime soon.

  Within ten minutes of hanging up from Ange, I was letting myself out of the room in a blue sundress and no panties, with my wet hair pulled back into a ponytail. I had put mascara on this time, because I was damned if I was going to be shown up by a twenty-something hipster.

  When I arrived at their table and Finn stood to pull out my chair, I couldn’t help leaning forward to kiss his cheek, then taking another second to whisper in his ear, “I am going to fuck you today.” I pulled back to meet his shocked expression, which morphed between an unsure frown into wide-eyed realization when I nodded.

  I sat and turned to Sieu who was watching us both closely. “I’d love to hear what you’ve found out.”

  Finn sat beside me and we faced Sieu, who began with details like the population of Belandera, the age demographic, the number of residents with disposable income etc. A waitress arrived with a coffee for me that Finn had ordered to be delivered when I sat down. Skinny cappuccino with a shot of vanilla, just how I like it. The checklist in my mind ticked Thoughtful as Sieu rattled off information about existing coffee shops and who their clientele were.

  Then she started outlining ideas for bussing in Sydney and Brisbane groups for day visits, like Country Woman’s Association groups, craft groups, book clubs, cat lovers—any group who might predominately drink tea or read a lot of books. There was also a plan to add details of the teashop to an online hipster highway that was developing: cool places for twenty-somethings to call into when they were on road-trips.

  She’d done mock ups of a couple of design ideas for the actual shop and a matching website, which would have roaming animated cats, interactive bookcases, and lots of info on teas. One design option had colorful Indian fabrics in all tones of green swathed across the ceiling, and pale pink walls with big circular pink and blue mandalas on each one. I knew that would appeal to Fritha’s hippy heart. Then there was a Bohemian option where the bookcases fought for wall-space with hundreds of framed pictures against a burnt orange background with lots of cushions everywhere and masses of weird and wonderful teapots.

  As Sieu flicked through the design concepts she’d come up with, I tried to pay close attention, but Finn’s hand slid onto my thigh and my concentration plummeted to zero. All I could think about then was having that hand on my pussy. The design would be Fritha’s decision anyway, so why should I care about that?

  When Sieu stopped to draw breath, I cut into her machine-gun delivery. “So it’s viable?”

  She didn’t seem offended by my conversational shortcut. “Viable plus,” she said, and put her iPad down. “With a merchandising option to sell branded packets of tea, coffee and drinking implements, you could triple your investment in a year—given the right management and business plan, of course. Subsequent years should produce higher incomes.”

  “So it won’t lose money?”

  Sieu glanced at Finn for a second, as if she couldn’t believe I was so dumb. Then she looked back to me and shook her head. “Highly unlikely from what Finn has told me of the manager you’ve got lined up.”

  “How much would I need to invest?”

  “A hundred thousand to get it going.”

  Ten extra weeks of husband sitting. I could do that!

  I wanted to squeal with excitement—not the least because Finn’s hand was drifting. I could barely believe my bestie’s dream could become a reality. “Fritha will be ecstatic.”

  Finn looked like he wanted to smile but I’d dropped a bombshell on him five minutes ago. I couldn’t blame him for being stunned. All he could manage was, “I’m glad it will work.” He squeezed my thigh and then his hand slid over, so the back
of his fingers brushed my pussy which gave happy little clutches of excitement. My breasts ached in response, and I was sure my nipples were hard enough to burst through the thin fabric of my sundress.

  We were getting overheated too soon, and when I glanced back at Sieu, she was discretely looking at the menu.

  “Breakfast?” I said to Finn, deliberately giving him the We’ve got company eyes.

  “Sieu’s already eaten.” He turned to face her, his expression completely bland. “Haven’t you Sieu?”

  She put down her menu, and kept her expression as deadpan as his. “Sure. Ages ago.” Then she stood, slipped her iPad into her leather satchel and reached across the table. “Nice to meet you, Jill.”

  I shook her hand. “Likewise,” and tried to smile, but one of Finn’s fingers was stroking my clit and I was losing control of my breathing.

  “Finn,” she said, with an edge to her voice. Then she left.

  And I couldn’t help saying, “I didn’t mean we’d be doing it here.”

  “I don’t want to eat.” His finger delved deeper and I closed my eyes. “Well, I do want to eat,” he amended. “But you’re the buffet. Can we go upstairs?”

  I pulled in a shuddering breath as his hand retracted. “Now, Jill. Before you change your mind.”

  I opened my eyes as he stood. Then he was towering over me, all golden and intense in a white polo shirt and white trousers.

  “Okay.”

  He took my hand and helped me up. When the waitress approached, he murmured to her, “I think it’s sunstroke. We’ll order room service instead.”

  I probably looked flushed and a bit dazed. I was certainly dizzy as I leant on Finn’s arm. A pulse was throbbing in my ears and I was having difficulty focusing on anything but him as he walked me back to the elevator and then inside. Thankfully, there were already people in it, so Finn couldn’t do anything other than convey his intentions through his molten gaze.

  When we were inside his room—I’m not sure why it wasn’t mine—he closed the door with me against it and kissed me hard, as if he was angry that it had taken this long. When in reality he’d only kissed me an hour before. I had trouble thinking, I was so full of the taste of him—coffee and a minty overtone that could have been toothpaste—and the feel of his hard body pressed against mine.