Husband Sit (Husband #1)

by Louise Cusack

  She’d dressed for the occasion in a stunning red and gold sari that set her hundreds of gold bangles off beautifully. Her long dark hair tumbled down her back and her elegant gold earrings made her throat look impossibly long.

  “You look amazing,” I said, and pulled her inside. “Where’s Donny?”

  “Away for the weekend,” she said, and gazed at me meaningfully.

  Oh shit. “With…work?”

  She shook her head. “This is it, Jinx,” she said softly. “He’s definitely cheating on me. He told me it was a weekend with his cousins, fishing. So I rang them.”

  “Good for you!” I clasped her arms, wanting to hug her but knowing she needed to get this out.

  “They’re all staying home to watch cricket. And they haven’t heard from him in weeks.”

  “Bastard.”

  She nodded. “But I’m glad I know. It’s better than wondering. It feels…less hopeless.” She blinked, clearly on the edge of tears.

  I couldn’t wait any longer then and I pulled her into a hug. She clung to me, whispering against my ear, “I’m so scared, J. What will I do?”

  “I don’t know.” I stroked her hair. “But we’ll figure it out together.” I wished futilely then that I had my own home, so I could take her to it. We could hide out together and make plans. Then she wouldn’t have to go back to her house and face the cheating bastard when he got home. But I didn’t have a house. So I pulled back from the hug and said, “We could move in on Fritha. Drive her nuts.”

  That made Ange smile, albeit a trembling one. Then I thought of the perfect distraction. I grabbed her hand. “But wait, there’s more. Both Doug and Finn are out on the back terrace, and Doug thinks Finn is with Fritha.”

  Ange’s eyes went wide. “Finn…your Finn…from Newcastle?”

  God how I loved hearing her say he was mine. If only the situation was different and he could be. “The same. And he knows exactly who Doug is. Plus, he looks jealous.”

  Ange’s eyes lit up in a quick-switch to matchmaker mode. “Which one do you want?”

  I glanced back through the house to make sure we weren’t being overheard, then I lowered my voice anyway. “I’m completely desperate to fuck Finn behind Louella’s hedge, but he’s got a baby on the way, so that’s out of the question, right?”

  “So you say. I’m not so sure.”

  “I gave him right of reply—”

  “But did you listen?” she said, as if she was my mother. “I know you, J. You’re pig-headed.”

  “Pot kettle!”

  We frowned at each other for a couple of seconds, at an impasse, so it was possibly a relief when Missy Lou came up behind us tisking.

  “What is it with you and holding guests at the door? Angela.” She wrapped Ange in what looked like a heartfelt hug. I hadn’t seen her do that for a while. Then she pulled back and looked out to the front patio. “Daniel?”

  “Fishing,” I cut in, and smiled. “She’s a single girl tonight.”

  Louella frowned and I could read her like a book. She desperately wanted to say Oh dear, an odd number at dinner, but she managed to hold that in. “Come and see the others.” She took Ange’s arm and led her away, saying over her shoulder to me, “And I want an explanation for what Fritha’s babbling on about, you financing her business. How did you afford that?”

  Fuck.

  Why did I not think that through more carefully?

  Luckily for me, Louella was intent on being a good hostess as she led us through the house and out onto the glittering terrace where Ange slipped her hand into mine and I squeezed it. She had her chin up, but I could see what the smile was costing her. Then Fritha pounced on her for a stick-insect hug, Doug was stuttering about how beautiful she looked, and Marcus was putting a cold Chardy in her hand—Ange’s favorite—and I felt my shoulders relax. If I could shut down Fritha and keep Louella distracted, it was going to be okay.

  I didn’t notice straightaway that Finn was hanging back. Of course. He’d never met Ange. I walked over and it seemed the most normal thing in the world to take his arm and lead him back to her, but he slipped his hand into mine and when I wanted to let it go, he wouldn’t. I swallowed down discomfort and said, “Angela, this is Finn. Fritha’s friend.” I tried to shake free, but it was only when Ange put her hand out to shake his that I could pry him off.

  She smiled her gorgeous, open smile. “I’ve heard so many wonderful things about you, Finn, I feel as if I know you already. You’ve made our girl very happy.”

  He glanced at me in surprise, and I would have kicked her under the table if we’d been sitting at one.

  “I hope to continue that,” he said sincerely, and shook her hand a few times more before he let it go. “I believe I owe you thanks for a certain phone call.”

  Ange dimpled and gave me her I like him smile of approval.

  Just to complicate matters, Doug, who was hanging around Ange, said, “So you and Fritha are a couple,” shooting me an I told you so glance.

  I gave Ange a death-stare but there was nothing I could do to stop Finn turning to Doug, “Actually, it’s Jill and I who’ve been an item for a month now. I came with Fritha because she and I are doing business.”

  Doug’s mouth fell open and he looked from one to the other of us in puzzlement.

  I looked around for a drink.

  Missy Lou came to the rescue with another Pimm’s. “I didn’t know that, Finn,” she said. “I’ve put you in a bedroom with Fritha.” She was glancing between Finn and myself, and I had a moment of wondering if I could pretend it was Finn who’d financed the shop. That way I wouldn’t have to explain where I got the money.

  While I was downing my drink, Finn came over all smooth and said, “I’m sorry for the confusion, Louella. But I’m definitely sleeping with Jill.”

  I tried not to choke on my Pimm’s, and couldn’t bring myself to look at Doug.

  Unfortunately, there was no getting away from his soft reproach. “Nice of you to rub my nose in your new relationship, Jinx. That’s not exactly the closure I was looking for.” He glared at Finn for good measure and strode off to the bar, presumably to get drunk.

  Louella didn’t do tension, so she excused herself with a lame, “I’ll see to the appetizers.”

  Ange touched Finn’s arm. “I’m glad I met you. You pair are clearly crazy for each other, but I’m worried about Doug. If you’ll excuse me?”

  I wanted to keep her there, or go with her, but Finn grabbed my hand and pulled me around to face him. When we were alone he said, “I’m sorry about that. It was impossibly rude. But you can’t imagine how insanely jealous it’s making me, seeing you here, presumably with Doug.”

  I couldn’t let him think that. “I’m not with Doug. Our hosts are matchmaking, so you did the right thing. They have to understand I’m not getting back with him.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I could hear soft conversations behind me, but looking up into Finn’s beautiful tortured eyes, it suddenly felt as if the rest of the world was very far away.

  He shook his head. “You told me you never wanted to see him again, but you were standing close to him, and he winked at you. I swear I’ve never been violent, but I seriously could have punched his lights out.”

  “Wow.” I couldn’t help smiling.

  “It’s not funny. I thought I’d burst an artery. I’ve got it bad.”

  I nodded. “You do.”

  His frown deepened. “And you don’t?”

  I swallowed, wondering if I was going to lie to him when he was laying his heart out on a platter in front of me. But no. I couldn’t pick up the knife.

  “I’ve got it bad,” I admitted. “See that hedge?” I pointed behind him and he turned to squint into the gloom.

  “Yes.”

  “Since the moment you walked in the door, I’ve wanted to take you behind it.”

  He turned back slowly and that sexy smile I loved so much broke through. “You wicked girl.”
>
  “Missy Lou wouldn’t approve of grass stains on her golden gown but I’m willing to risk it.”

  His gaze darkened and he lowered his voice to an intimate rumble. “Or we could wait until tonight. If Louella doesn’t put us in a room together I’m kidnapping you to a hotel.”

  “Feisty.”

  “Desperate,” he corrected straight-faced.

  “So maybe we shouldn’t stay here. If I’m noisy—”

  “You will be. Trust me.” The way he was looking at me made me melty and hot-shivery at the same time. His fingertips brushed mine and I felt the tingle of it right down to my toes. If this was foreplay, I wasn’t going to last ten minutes before I jumped him, let alone the hours Missy Lou would want us to socialize.

  Unfortunately, we couldn’t excuse ourselves without everyone else knowing what we were doing. And thinking ahead, I could well imagine that the last thing Doug would want to hear was me howling from the other side of the house, but I kept that concern to myself. I definitely didn’t want Finn getting any more jealous than he already was. I’d never have picked him as a ‘punch your lights out’ kind of guy, but I’d never expected wanting to pull another girl’s hair out before I heard about Lizzie and the baby.

  And that thought woke me up from my sexual daze into reality. I stood back and shook my head. “What am I thinking?” I looked away, predictably for alcohol.

  Finn grabbed both my hands. “What are you thinking?”

  “Lizzie. Baby. All the good reasons I walked away from you in the first place.”

  Fuck. Get your head together Jill. You had good reasons to bail. Nothing’s changed.

  He nodded. “I want to talk about that.”

  “You’ve had right of reply.” I tried to pull away as Fritha materialized at my side. Not exactly the person I wanted to rescue me.

  “Is she being a fuckwit?” Her tiara was sideways and sliding out of her tumbled-down hair.

  “Pot kettle,” I snapped at her. “And what were you thinking, bringing Finn?”

  Infuriating creature that she was, she only smiled blithely. “I was thinking about you having great sex. Isn’t that on your bucket list?”

  “Lower your voice.” I glanced to the bar where Doug was tossing back something in a shot glass.

  Finn pulled me closer. “Are you worried about what your boyfriend will think?”

  I should have said Yes, but instead I glared up into his face. “He’s Louella’s guest and Marcus’s friend. If he walks out, she’ll never forgive me.”

  That appeared to remind Finn of his status as a guest and he loosened his hold. “I’m sorry. Maybe I should leave.”

  I opened my mouth to say Great plan but Fritha said, “If you do, I’ll tell Angel and Missy Lou how you two met. I’m sure they’d appreciate knowing how you’ve been earning a living.”

  My mouth fell open and I blinked at her several times before I said, “If it wasn’t for that, you wouldn’t have a shop. Jesus! Where is your loyalty?”

  She leant in close and lowered her voice, “Don’t lay that shit on me,” with such an un-Fritha-like sneer, I couldn’t help flinching. “You’ve had two decent men that you’ve completely thrown away—”

  “With good reason,” I hissed, rallying.

  But she shook her head savagely, loosening the last of her curls to slide down her back. “I’m sick of you blaming other men for your father’s mistakes. Hate him. Sure. He was a prick. But stop pushing keepers away. There aren’t that many of them out there,” she added bitterly.

  Missy Lou slid in between us and said sweetly to Fritha, “Making a scene already?”

  Finn shook his head. “It’s my fault, Louella—”

  But Missy Lou’s smile only hardened. “Two women fighting over you is hardly your fault, Finn.” She turned to face Fritha. “Finn’s made it clear who he’s chosen, and who is only his friend. I think it’s time we left the two lovebirds alone, don’t you?”

  Fritha gave me a glare for good measure, and let herself be led away, saying, “It was her fault,” to which Missy Lou only tisked.

  In their wake, there was silence until Finn said, “So I take it you didn’t tell Angela or Louella about husband sitting.”

  “No.” I couldn’t look at him.

  “Because you’re ashamed of it?”

  “Yes.”

  He touched my arm and I didn’t pull away. “That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you about Lizzie’s baby,” he said softy. “I was ashamed. I mean, I know I did the right thing for her, for them…”

  He sounded so conflicted I had to look up at him, and I couldn’t help aching for the anguish in his eyes.

  “I want them to be happy. But I knew it would sound bad. It would look bad. When I told you.”

  “You told Katinka straight away,” I waited until he met my eyes. “Was that to punish her?”

  He shook his head. “I was just sick of lies, and I knew things were over between us. Part of me was hoping it would make her leave me, so I wouldn’t have to be the one to break us up. Does that make me a coward?”

  “Maybe.” But in his defense, he’d invested so much of his life in Katinka, it would have been hard to admit it was all a mistake. At least with Doug I hadn’t felt duped, just bored.

  “Jill.” He took my hands and I looked up into his suddenly serious eyes. “There’s something I need to say to you. Something I want you to know.”

  I was frightened of what he was about to say but I knew I couldn’t stop him, so I nodded, wishing I was already drunk.

  “You are the love of my life.”

  I wanted to shake my head then, to make him stop, but some part of me needed to honor his declaration. So I swallowed down misgivings and said, “I can see that.” It was shining in his beautiful eyes.

  “If you throw me out and I never see you again, I want you to know I’ll never stop thinking about you, never stop regretting that I fucked this up before we even met. Do you understand?”

  I nodded, and the sting behind my eyes told me he wouldn’t be the only one nursing regret.

  “There’s a child in my future. I’ll be its uncle,” he met my gaze unflinchingly. “If I’d had nothing to do with its conception, I’d still be its uncle.”

  I nodded again. That made sense. I’d always planned to be Aunty Jill to Ange’s kids.

  “I can’t change that,” he said softly. “I can’t change the past, no matter how much I love you.”

  “Nor can I,” I whispered, wishing I’d met him before Sieu had asked him to impregnate her partner. I could have said, Don’t do it. Or maybe we would have had our own children by then, and I would have been okay with it. Although I still couldn’t get past the fear that Lizzie would break up with Sieu and want Finn to be a proper daddy to their child, or children if they had more together. How could I stand in the way of that?

  “Is Lizzie…” I shook my head, determined not to tell him I was worried he’d leave me for Lizzie, because of course he’d say that he never would. Still, I had to know, “Is Lizzie gay or bi?”

  “Bi,” he said and nodded. “She’s had boyfriends before.”

  I nodded back. Then I shrugged helplessly because there was nothing I could do. Nothing.

  “Jill?” He squeezed my hands. “I just want the chance to love you for more than half an hour at a time. And I’m not talking about sex,” he hurried to add. “Well, not only sex. I’m talking about love, about swimming together and reading books and arguing about cricket, and even drinking Fritha’s god-awful banshee tea.”

  I tried to smile, to pretend that it wasn’t all over for me. “There’s such a thing as banshee tea?”

  He shook his head in what looked like disgust. “It’s pink.”

  “Of course.” I glanced over at Frith and saw her take a drink out of Doug’s hand and waggle a finger in front of his nose. Marcus and Ange were on the edge of the terrace in an animated discussion about something and Missy Lou was absent, probably in the kitchen. />
  I looked back at Finn and saw him frowning at me earnestly. “Jill?”

  “Finn?” I said, because I knew what he was asking.

  “I want you to trust me.”

  Okay, a hard thing.

  His frown deepened. “Can you start to?” he asked. “Just enough to date me?”

  Much as I loved him, the whole thing was pointless so I shook my head. I needed to be honest and put him out of his misery. “It won’t work. I always think the worst of you.” Both Fritha and Ange had noticed that. “I don’t know how to change that. It’s like I expect you to let me down, and I’m just waiting for it to happen.”

  “That’s not good.” He squeezed my hands again. “But honesty is.”

  “Even if it hurts?”

  He tried to smile, but I could see it was hard. “I’ve got broad shoulders. I’m not scared of some threshold pain if it gets us where we want to be.”

  Now who was the coward?

  I was terrified of loving Finn completely and then losing him, so terrified that I couldn’t even contemplate looking at that sort of pain, let alone willingly putting myself in the proximity of it. A sudden upwelling of admiration for him swept over me, and I felt my lips trembling. I so much wanted to say I love you and that’s all that matters but it wasn’t true. It wasn’t practical.

  Luckily, before I could contemplate anything stupid, I heard Missy Lou clearing her throat a distance away.

  “I have an announcement!” I turned to look at her and had to admit I felt relieved. I was going around in circles with Finn—I love you, I want you, I don’t trust you—with no clear path to resolution. Like Doug, I wanted closure on ending our relationship, but damned Finn kept giving me reasons to want us to work it out.

  I let go his hands and watched with growing alarm as Marcus made a beeline to Missy Lou’s side near the bar. Ange stood a few paces away with a hand on her chest, looking suddenly stricken, as if she was expecting Louella to reveal she was pregnant. But that couldn’t be happening. Could it?

  I took a step away from Finn, toward Ange, at the same moment as Fritha linked arms with Doug and pulled him out of the garden and onto the terrace to face the ‘happy’ couple.