by E M Lindsey
“I can’t wait. See you later.” Adrian hung up first, and Noah flopped back onto his bed, covering his face with his hands.
The day was officially a shit-show, but he was hoping by the end of the night, things would get a little better.
***
“And the students in that department are being dragged into an ethics seminar?” Anna asked with a frown on her face. “That’s weird.”
“Is it?” Adrian asked. He handed Maggie the Barbie he’d been ‘babysitting’ for the last five minutes as she set up the Barbie house with her new furniture. Lemon seemed to sense his frustration because she lifted her head and draped it over his thigh. Adrian felt something in his chest unknot and he dug his fingers into her coat.
“It doesn’t make sense that it’s mandatory. Unless he was involved somehow.”
Adrian bit his lip and let his fingers drag over Lemon’s floppy ears. “Well, he said one of his friends was involved, so maybe because of that? I don’t know, but I trust him that he’s telling the truth. Why would he lie about something like that? It’ll be all over campus by Monday.”
“Yeah,” she agreed, and sounded a little less suspicious. “That’s true. It’s just weird, but then again, it’s been a long damn time since I was a student. Things have probably changed.”
“Thanks,” he said dryly.
Anna looked a little chagrinned a she reached to squeeze his wrist. “You know I’m not taking a dig at your age, babe. I’m fucking proud of you for doing this. You’ve been working your ass off and I know it feels weird to be in some place with a bunch of kids you’re nearly old enough to have fathered, but it takes a lot of strength to do something brand new.”
He was a little irritated at her words. He appreciated that she believed in him, but she had the worst habit of talking to him like he was her daughter’s age. Anna had been the one taking the most care of him when he’d gotten out of hospital, and although she was already married to Wes and familiar with life after deployment and injury, she mothered him long after he needed it. She meant well, but he was exhausted with well-meaning infantilizing.
“Anyway, he and I are getting dinner this evening to make up for it, and I told him he can hang with me and Mags next week.”
“Imma show him my Barbies,” Maggie said, looking up with a grin. “Tiyo, will he like Barbies wiff me?”
“I think he’ll love playing Barbies with you, kaanakin,” he said and reached for her. He gave her smacking kisses until she giggled and he let her go. He looked up at his sister who was smiling softly at him and he tried not to sigh. “What?”
“Just…you’re happy, and it’s been a while. You’re willing to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and I wasn’t sure I was ever going to see that. Even before the explosion you were…” She hesitated.
“An asshole?” he offered.
Maggie gave him a scandalized look. “Tiyo!”
“Paumanhin, kaanakin,” he said, offering her an apology. He laughed when she shrugged and went back to playing. “Look, I know I’ve never been the easiest guy to get along with, and I know it’s worse now.”
“It’s not,” Anna started, but he held up his hand.
“It is, and I don’t want to beat around the bush here, okay? I am who I am, and I don’t need you to walk on egg shells with me. I like this guy and I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I can safely say I’ve never felt like this before and I’m willing to risk a lot to see where it goes. And for fuck’s sake please don’t cry.”
“I can’t help it,” she said with a sniff, then leaned forward and punched him in his arm. “And stop fucking cussing in front of my kid!”
He grinned at her, feeling like he might have just triumphed a little.
7.
It was almost five in the afternoon by the time Noah finally texted. Though he was trying to keep control of his anxiety over it—and trying not to give into his sister’s second guessing—he had been starting to wonder if Noah would get in touch with him at all.
Instead of replying, Adrian picked up his phone and hit Noah’s name, pressing the phone a little too tightly to his working ear. “Hey,” Noah said, sounding exhausted but happy to hear from him. “How was your afternoon?”
“Probably less productive than yours,” Adrian said, unable to hold back his grin. “Was it rough?”
“It made me feel like I was seventeen-year-old flipping burgers and having to watch a sexual harassment at work video for five fucking hours—and they served the worst lunch, most of which I couldn’t eat because everything was covered in cheese.” Noah sighed quietly. “I really hope your day was better than mine.”
“I played barbies with my niece and had to deal with my sister getting all emotional over the fact that I like someone,” he said, feeling utterly unafraid to be open with this man.
There was a little awe in Noah’s voice when he replied, “Is that right? That’s…sweet.”
“It’s something. Mostly annoying, but also pretty great. So, you’re starving? Can I take you out?” He gnawed on his lip as Noah silently contemplated his answer. “Or, I can bring something over since you’re clearly exhausted?”
“Actually, I’d love to get out if you don’t mind,” Noah told him. “I know you said loud restaurants are a little rough for you so if it’s too much…”
“I know a couple places that aren’t far,” Adrian said, more than willing to compromise if it helped bring a better end to Noah’s bad day. “They’re usually quiet, good food, some of the few places I can eat in peace. We could take the trike if your head is up for it, maybe cruise a little after? I always find that clears me out when things have gone to shit.” He knew he was rambling, but Noah had a way of getting him all twisted up and as much as he should have hated it, he didn’t.
Noah laughed softly. “Fine, but I’m also going to eat a fucking pop tart while I’m waiting, and you are not allowed to judge me.”
Adrian laughed, the sound booming from his chest as he grabbed his collapsible cane to store in his compartment. His legs weren’t half bad today, but he wanted to be able to give this to Noah without taking any risks. “No judgement here, especially since the other day I was in a rush with a pile of shit to finish and I ended up eating a can of Maggie’s cold spaghettios. Like out of the can.”
“So we can agree not to judge each other’s poor choices,” Noah said.
“Deal.” Adrian glanced back at his coffee table, at all the homework he had due, and the proposal which had a deadline just around the corner, and yet he felt no guilt leaving home and letting himself have this. Maybe it couldn’t be all the time, but it could be some of the time, and he could live with that. “I’ll be there in five.”
“Sounds good.”
The line went dead, and Adrian stowed his phone and cane in his travel compartment before revving the engine and taking off. It was less than five minutes before he pulled up to Noah’s building and grinned when he saw the man waiting for him at the curb. He was licking the last bit of blueberry filling off his fingers and swiped his palms on his jeans before walking over.
He looked delicious as ever, his hair a little wild from his long day, his arms bare, shirt stretched over his fit chest. His jeans filled out in all the right places, and his smile showed the faint dimples in both cheeks.
“God, you are a sight for sore eyes,” Noah said, then grimaced. “Well…eye.”
Adrian rolled his own and gave the seat behind him a pat. “Climb on up. I’ll take it slow, but you can grab the helmet back there if you want it.”
Noah clearly did, jamming the thing on his head, and Adrian twisted in the seat to help secure it. He understood his fear—Noah had confessed his apprehension and deep desire to protect his remaining sight, even though he’d dedicated himself to learning to cope should he ever lose it. Adrian had never been like that, had never planned for the what ifs, even now. In the future, he’d probably lose complete mobility in his legs. He wouldn’t end hi
s life on two feet—his doctors had made that perfectly clear. But he was making the most of his walking time while he had it and he hadn’t felt compelled to live an abstract, future life that hadn’t happened yet.
Still, he respected Noah for his dedication, wanted to cup his hands around the other man and protect him from anything else in the world that could hurt him. And he knew it was fast and he knew it could blow up in his face far too easily. Yet, he recalled Wes telling him once about Anna, “When you know, you know, man. There’s no two ways about it.”
He’d always thought the guy was full of shit, just making him feel bad for how he never really connected with people. Now he understood. Adrian was no stranger to hook ups, to dates, to fucking, but with Noah, it was an entirely different universe.
“Hang on,” he told him, then started the engine. Noah’s arms closed around him tight, his body pressed in a hard line behind his. It would take all of his concentration to keep his focus on dinner and relaxation rather than finding a secluded spot off the side of the road to fuck on the trike’s seat. But he could do it. For Noah, and because he knew this was so much more, he could do it.
***
The sandwich shop fifteen minutes from campus was as empty as it ever was. Most of their clientele were to-go orders, which meant Adrian could always get a table, and wouldn’t have to try and focus over the din of chatter and obnoxious mood music most restaurants pumped through loud speakers, which meant he wouldn’t have to struggle with his deaf ear and spend half his time guessing what the person was trying to say.
Noah was a little shaky as he stepped off the trike, but that was common for someone who hadn’t ridden before. When Adrian was sure it was just a little adrenaline and not a vertigo attack, he linked their hands together and they made their way inside. He took a moment to appreciate how quickly Noah adjusted his own stride to match, how he didn’t make a public acknowledgement that he was doing something for Adrian.
It just…was. And it was really fucking nice.
He waved at Sheri, his usual server, and then dragged Noah to his favorite booth with the window overlooking the street. He didn’t like people, but he did enjoy watching them. They were near downtown, near the art district, and it was a good place to sit and see the weirdness of the world pass by without anyone asking him to be part of it.
“I like the atmosphere,” Noah remarked as they sat.
Adrian pulled two of the laminated menus from the holder by the wall and handed it over. “Me too. A lot of places are so chaotic, my anxiety can’t handle it, even when I have Lemon with me. But they know me here. They don’t bother me, they keep the music down, no one tries to make small talk.”
“Except the pain in the ass nerd sitting across from you,” Noah said with a wink.
Adrian shook his head with a half-grin. “We haven’t gotten far enough for any asses to feel pain. Yet. Though I’m looking forward to it.”
“Wow. Dirty,” Noah said, then grinned. “I like it. Now let’s order so I can actually focus and feel like a person.”
Adrian had his usual and didn’t bother looking at the menu, but he offered Noah a couple pointers, and within ten minutes they both had sandwiches and soup sitting in front of them.
“God, ambrosia,” Noah said, groaning around a mouthful of avocado, chicken, and vegan mayo. “If I wasn’t making out with this sandwich right now, I’d be making out with your face.”
Adrian chuckled and took a few bites of his soup. “It’s good, then?”
“I mean, right now hunger is my sole driving force and I think almost anything would be good. But yes. Honestly, I needed this more than I could say.”
“Then I’m glad I could help.” Adrian took a bite of his own food, then asked, “So really, how bad was it?”
“It was just long,” Noah said. “We had to listen to some weirdo with a skinny ponytail talk about how his own experience with learning things the hard way has made him an expert in his field. Which basically means he used to be a teacher who fucked some of his students and paid for it. Now he fancies himself a protector-of-morality public speaker or some shit.” He rolled his eyes and took another bite, talking through a half-full mouth. “It was just a refresher about how student-teacher relationships can ruin lives, even if both parties are consenting adults. The balance of power dynamic has no way to protect a student, blah blah, like we haven’t heard it a thousand times.” Noah’s face fell a little and he stirred his spoon in his soup without taking a bite. “I still don’t understand how Trevor got wrapped up in that mess, though. I didn’t expect that. I don’t know the circumstances, so I don’t want to judge or anything, but his life is fucked.”
“And he was expelled?”
Noah blinked up at him. “What? God, no. Trevor was a professor. He taught History of Ancient Rome, and Latin up through the four hundreds where they tackle the Vulgate. He wasn’t planning on being here long, either. He had his sights set somewhere in the Boston Theological Institute group, but now…”
Adrian was startled to hear that. The way Noah had spoken, he assumed the guy had been a friend, friend, not a professor he was probably vying to get a letter of recommendation from. Or maybe he was a professor turned friend since he was pretty sure the Classics department was small, and he assumed they all ended up knowing each other pretty well. Hell, he didn’t even know what year Noah was in. Though he didn’t think now was the time to grill him on it.
“So, what happens? Did they tell you?”
Noah sighed. “Well, the three people they fired will probably end up in public education unless they can find a way to spin it. They didn’t give us the circumstances, obviously, so it’s hard to tell. I think maybe mitigating circumstances—like if they weren’t dating one of their students, just a student. Or maybe a grad student? That might help them if they’re looking for work.”
“What about the students?” Adrian asked softly.
Noah shrugged. “They didn’t go into that much either, but Sabrina—my best friend—she thinks if they can prove they were coerced or taken advantage of, they’ll be able to stay. Otherwise they’ll be forced to take failing marks on their classes and transfer to another institution.” Noah rubbed at his temple. “It just doesn’t seem worth it, you know? It’s hard to see how putting yourself—your future—in that kind of jeopardy is worth whatever kind of lay they were getting.”
Adrian couldn’t help but agree, even if he was considering what he’d said to his sister. What if it were him and Noah in that position? Would he be willing to risk it? He needed that degree to start up his own shop—needed to prove he could do this on his own, to finish something and make a life for himself. “I guess if they were in love,” Adrian said softly.
“Most of these people are infants. Barely nineteen, maybe twenty. They don’t know shit about love and if they think some forty-year-old professor getting his midlife crisis kicks with someone who still remembers prom like it was yesterday—because it almost was—then they’re clearly not ready to be in love.”
Adrian couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay, that’s fair. I mean, I know the struggle of being an older student. I joined the Marines when I was really young, and I didn’t get the chance right away to do all that college shit at the age most people did. It’s hard not to look around and think, ‘you people don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.’ But I guess it feels a little strange to think of someone’s life getting totally derailed just because they made a bad choice.”
“Dubious consent,” Noah said with a shrug. “If the person has power over you, can you really consent? It’s…complicated, I guess. The adult world masquerades as something that actually knows what the fuck it’s doing so kids in high school aren’t shit-scared of graduation day. Then they slowly ease into the idea that no matter how old we get, we still don’t know up from down.”
Adrian grinned and though it was awkward with his brace, managed to play a little footsie with Noah under the table. “I think that’s
enough deep shit for the day, huh? Why don’t we go for a ride?”
***
Noah couldn’t get enough of being on the trike with Adrian in front of him. He hadn’t expected to feel so safe out in the open like that, but with his arms secured around Adrian’s waist, it felt like he could fly off and land in one piece. Normally, taking a risk would have sent him over the edge. He tried to get back some of his confidence after the accident, but every time he moved outside of his usual routine, he felt that little bit of panic crawling up his spine. What if it happens again? What if I get hurt? What if I lose my other eye?
The therapist he’d seen after the accident told him it was normal. She said overcompensating was just part of the process, and eventually it would get easier. She hadn’t been wrong, but Noah had started to wonder if he’d ever let himself step outside of his comfort zone. As they whipped up a tall hill heading for the edge of town, Noah smiled at the thought of how proud she might be.
This was more than just risk taking with his body, it was risk taking with his entire life. Adrian had the capacity to throw it all out of balance, and for the first time in years, Noah wasn’t afraid of where that might lead, or what it might change.
When the trike rolled to a stop at the top of the hill, Adrian killed the engine and offered a hand to help Noah down. He was less shaky than he’d been at the sandwich shop, and he was able to stand on his own as Adrian swung his leg over the side. He didn’t get off the trike, though, and he didn’t let go of Noah. Instead, he spread his legs into a V and tugged Noah between them.
With gentle, pressing hands, Adrian turned Noah, exposing him to the view beyond. It wasn’t that easy to see. Even with his glasses, it was late, and the sun was setting in the distance. The darkness made everything blur, the city lights melding together, and there was the utter and complete absence of anything on one side which always startled him whenever he was given a massive panoramic view. But it didn’t feel overwhelming then. With Adrian behind him, his chin resting just over Noah’s shoulder, he just felt content.