by E M Lindsey
Noah hadn’t felt wanted like that in a long time. Maybe ever, if he really considered it. His relationship with Ryan had been comfortable and happy, and he hadn’t ever felt like they were lacking, but there hadn’t been anything like this. Maybe it was the fact that they were young grad students just trying to get by that robbed them of their ability to find that kind of passion, but he doubted it. The way Ryan had looked at the dog-walker when Noah walked in on them was more intense and sexual than he’d ever seen Ryan look at him.
Chances were, Noah just hadn’t experienced anyone who got him worked up that way. At least, not until Adrian had breezed into his life. Noah still didn’t know his last name, what classes he was teaching, what his life was like before the military, but he could still feel an intensity between them he couldn’t put words to, and he wasn’t willing to give up on.
They’d eventually made it to the bed, going another round of lazy hand-jobs with their sleepy lack of energy, and now Noah found himself full in more ways than one, curled up on his side with his eye fixed on Adrian’s profile. They were both shirtless and Noah was tracing absent lines around Adrian’s ink.
“Can I ask you something?” Noah said in the still quiet of their afterglow.
Adrian turned his head, the left corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile. “Go for it.”
“Is it weird we fucked in front of your dog?”
Adrian’s head fell back, his entire body shaking with laughter. He turned his head on the pillow and found Lemon fast asleep on her side right near the edge. “I don’t think she noticed.”
Noah grinned and shrugged, laying his cheek back down against Adrian’s chest. “Can I ask you something else?”
“You can ask me anything. Always.”
“What’s your last name?”
Adrian blinked, then covered his face with a laugh. “We never did give those, did we?”
Noah shrugged, grinning back at him. “I guess when you don’t meet in a traditional way, those things slip through the cracks. I understand if you want to wait a little, get to know me better…”
Adrian quieted him by rolling over and pressing a warm kiss to the side of his neck, just under his ear. “It’s Flores.” He rolled the R as the name danced off his tongue and Noah shivered. He’d always had a thing for accents and languages—maybe being a polyglot or maybe it was just his thing, but his face went warm. “Can I ask yours?”
Noah grinned and reached up with his hand, carefully touching the edge of Adrian’s five o’clock shadow, curving his finger around a patch of scar tissue where the hair wouldn’t grow. “It’s Avidan,” speaking it the way his parents did, though he’d never really been able to nail down a Hebrew accent enough to make his mother happy. Still, it brought a little bit of light into Adrian’s eyes.
“I’ve never heard that one before. Where’s it from?”
“Israel,” Noah said, his fingers drifting down to Adrian’s. They hooked together at the first knuckle, and Adrian’s thumb began to rub gently along his skin. “They moved here when my older brother was two.”
“First gen,” Adrian said. He pulled Noah’s hand to his lips and nipped gently at his fingertips. “Me too. My mom was pregnant with me and Anna when my dad got a job at NYU.”
“Where from?” Noah asked.
Adrian shrugged. “My mom was from Stockholm, but when she was twenty-five, her best friend got a job in Manila. She followed her and started working at the hospital there where she met my dad. He and his friends had been fucking around at the beach and he bashed his face on a rock. She sewed him up and he left her his number and she gave him a chance in spite of him being a clumsy dipshit.”
“Well thank God for that,” Noah said quietly, squeezing Adrian’s hand. “Means you’re here.”
Adrian chuckled again, the sound still soft and sweet. After a moment, he rolled over and pinned Noah down, kissing him in quick, firm pecks peppered across his lips. “So now we know that. You curious about anything else?”
“Well, everything,” Noah said. He reached up to push his hand through Adrian’s short hair. He loved the way it felt against the pads of his fingers, slightly coarse, thick, gorgeous. He rubbed a lock of it between his thumb and forefinger.
“Ask me anything,” Adrian said, his voice almost a whisper, like he was afraid to disturb the quiet between them.
Noah’s hand drifted down, curling around Adrian’s malformed ear. At that, Adrian winced a little and Noah pulled his hand back. “I’m sorry. Does that bother you?”
Licking his lips, Adrian tensed like he might pull away, then shook his head and dropped his forehead to Noah’s collarbone. “It’s not you.”
“Does it hurt? I don’t want to…”
“It’s not that,” Adrian interrupted. He took a breath, then looked up. “People tend to have a morbid fascination with the way I look now. And I get that the scars are part of me—you can’t see me without them, and frankly I don’t think I’d want anyone to pretend like they weren’t there. But sometimes it just becomes all about them.”
Noah bit his lip, feeling a little bit of shame coursing through him. He was curious, and he liked touching them, but only because they were part of this man he was falling for. But the last thing he wanted to do was make Adrian feel more self-conscious about them. “That’s not why I like touching your face, but I do get it. Right after my accident, when I got fitted with my eye, my friends kept asking me to take it out, kept pushing me to wear it less. They were kind of obsessed with what it looked like underneath. My ex…”
“The one who bought you the passes to Baum’s?” Adrian asked with a hint of something tense in his voice.
Noah almost smiled because he was pretty sure the tension was jealousy. “Yeah, Ryan. We’d been broken up for a while before the car accident, but he was there for me during the recovery. After my implant surgery, he kept trying to like—surprise me, I guess? Get the jump on me when I didn’t have it in. I think he thought there would be some grotesque hole in my face. Finally I just gave in and pulled the eye out and showed him and he was almost disappointed. It doesn’t look like anything, really,” Noah added. “The implant is kind of white, and round. You can’t see into my brain or anything like that.”
Adrian chuckled and shook his head. “I know that. I’ve seen guys missing literally half their faces, I know what’s reality and what’s expectation.”
“Right,” Noah said, blowing out a puff of air. He dragged a hand down his face with a short laugh. “This conversation got weird.”
“Not exactly the most romantic post-fucking pillow talk,” Adrian conceded, but he was smiling all the same, still hovered over Noah’s torso making him feel safe and wanted. “I like it, though. I like that I can be real with you and there’s no expectation. No pity.”
Noah smiled and reached his head up for a kiss. “Is there any chance you can stay tonight?”
Adrian’s sweet expression fell, and his gaze darted to the side. “I want to. Noah, you have no idea how badly I want to, but the last time I tried to sleep with someone else in the room, it didn’t go well. For me or them. It’s not never, okay? Just…I don’t think I’m ready yet.”
“We can work up to it,” Noah said, calling on his earlier promise that he would do everything in his power to understand. “As long as it’s okay that I ask from time to time. I will never, ever make you feel bad when the answer is no.”
“Even ten years from now, when I’m having a terrible night and have to sleep on the couch because I’m afraid I’ll hurt you?” Adrian asked quietly.
Noah had no idea what to do with the emotions that question conjured up in him. The idea Adrian was even abstractly considering ten years from now, that they still might have this. He dug his hands into Adrian’s hair and tugged him in for a long, slow kiss. “Yes,” he murmured against the other man’s lips. “Even twenty years from now. Maybe even a hundred.”
Adrian laughed. “Forward thinking, Mr. Kurzweil, but I don�
��t think I want to live that long.”
Noah’s grin stretched his face enough his cheeks ached with it. “I can’t even tell you how much I love that you just referenced him. I mean, I’m not a science guy at all, but I’ve had classes derailed for the entire hour and fifteen minutes debating the ethics and morality of singularity and how it relates to the Classical period’s strive to reach immortality through heroics. One student gave an impassioned speech about how modern tech inventions is the new hero’s journey. Didn’t do much for everyone’s percentage on their finals, but it was a good topic.”
Adrian laughed again, burying his face in Noah’s neck, kissing his warm skin there. “Are you busy tomorrow?”
Noah’s heart thudded against his ribs. “I can find some free time. What are you thinking?”
“That I have my niece on Fridays, and I’d like you to meet her,” Adrian said, meeting Noah’s gaze with all the seriousness in the world. “She’d really like you.”
Noah felt his throat go a little tight. “Yeah? Wes and Anna’s kid?”
“That’s her. Maggie,” Adrian said, then his mouth softened into the proud uncle grin that made Noah want to melt into the sheets. That man was already too much, and the sight of him spoiling a little toddler… god, Noah was in trouble. “We usually do movies and the park, sometimes ice cream or pizza.”
“Well,” Noah said slowly as Adrian finally rolled onto his side, staying tucked in close, “I can’t do dairy, but movies and park sounds great. As long as it’s not 3D.”
Adrian blinked, then flushed. “Shit. Right. I mean, she’s four so anything she wants to see is just going to be brightly lit Disney shit. No 3D. But I need to try and remember that.”
“It’s fine, really,” Noah said, giving him an easy smile. “I can do Disney shit.”
Adrian gave a firm nod. “Okay. Then I’ll pick you up around one.” He sighed, then peered at the clock and groaned as he pushed himself up to sit. “I should get going.”
Noah sat up with him, moving slowly to his dresser for a pair of clean sweats and a t-shirt. When he looked back over, Adrian had already put himself back in his workout clothes and was strapping his braces over his socks. He glanced up at Noah, smiling in that shy way that made Noah want to pin him back to the sheets and spend another hour making out like teenagers.
Instead he bent down for Adrian’s shoes and handed them over. “Will your sister and Wes be okay that I’m tagging along on this uncle-niece day?”
Adrian snorted, shaking his head as he pushed up to stand. Reaching out, he dragged Noah in close, cupping his face to kiss him before he answered. “They’re going to be thrilled. Anna basically threatened my life if I didn’t at least try to get to know you. She could tell I was into it before I even realized I was.”
“Thank god for her, then,” Noah said with a laugh.
Adrian gave him a small shove back, then grabbed his wallet and keys from the nightstand, then called Lemon to his side. “Mm, yeah, I am never-ever telling her you said that.” He winked and stared out the door with Noah close at his heels. “Talk soon?”
“Text me when you get home,” Noah said.
Adrian rolled his eyes but turned for a last kiss. “If you insist.” They lingered in just a chaste press of lips that felt so much more than a simple goodbye. When Noah shut the door, he pressed his forehead to it and listened to Adrian’s slow gait and the gentle clink of the dog leash until he couldn’t hear it any longer.
6.
Jolted awake by his phone, Noah wanted to fling it across the room. But somewhere in his sleeping brain he realized it had been going off. A lot. Trying to make his eye functional, he saw several emails, text, and missed call alerts on the screen. Before he could even attempt to read them, Sabrina’s name flashed up on the screen with another call.
“What the fuck, someone had better be dead,” Noah bit.
“God, I thought you might be. I’ve called six times,” she all-but yelled at him. “There’s an all-hands meeting for STEM and Humanities and you need to be there.”
Noah sat up, more awake than he had been. “What? What are you talking about?”
“There’s been a department purge and three people just got fired,” Sabrina gasped, sounding out of breath. “Esther gave me a heads up, but we’re having some stupid fucking coaching session for all the faculty.” There was a pause, then she said, “That’s not all, though. Trevor was one of the guys who was let go.”
Noah felt the blood drain from his face. He hadn’t been very close to Trevor, but he’d known him since he started, and he’d always liked the guy. “W-what the hell happened?”
“There was an anonymous tip about some of the faculty dating students,” Sabrina said quietly. “I guess they’ve been investigating for a while and they were able to confirm three people who were engaged in relationships with their students.”
“Holy shit,” Noah breathed out, dragging a hand down his face. “I mean, for f-fuh-fuck’s sake, these people are kids. What the…you know what, n-never mind. God, but Trevor, though?”
“I don’t know the details,” she confessed. He heard her cover the mouthpiece of her phone and order a coffee before she was back. “I’m sure he’ll get in touch with you at some point. I can’t see the guy going after some nineteen-year-old, but I don’t think the University is using age as a basis, you know?”
Noah knew. Of course he knew. He’d gone through his extensive training about why you can’t date students, about the cost, about the fact that you held power over their academics. He wasn’t ignorant, he’d had plenty of attractive people pass through his classes, but he’d never, ever been tempted to cross the line. Losing his job, losing his chance at tenure—having that kind of mark on his record—wasn’t ever going to be worth a quick fuck.
“What time is the meeting?”
“Eleven. It’s supposed to go until four, and they’re having it catered which probably means fake Mexican from that horrible place down the road.”
Noah grimaced, then the realization of it hit him and he groaned, dropping his head. “Fuck. That’s the worst timing ever. God, I can’t b-believe this is happening.”
“What are you talking about?” Sabrina demanded. “You’re literally never busy on Fridays.”
“Yeah, except I have a d-date today. I was supposed to go to the movies and the park with him and his niece. I was m-meeting family, it’s a big deal.” Then he realized Adrian may have to be there. “Is the School of Business called in?” he asked.
“Uh, no, I don’t think so, but I don’t have all the details. I’m really sorry, man. I know this is new, but I’m sure he’ll understand. Hell, he might be dragged into this mess too.”
Noah pinched the bridge of his nose, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, I should c-call him and check in, let him know I have to reschedule.”
“Alright, I’ll meet you there, okay? We’ll get through it. One day of bullshit listening to the suits talk to us like we’re twelve, then we can go back to our lives.”
Noah wanted to laugh, only the suits apparently had to do this because his colleagues were fucking morons. Honestly, he wanted to grab Trevor by the front of his shirt and shake reason into him. What the hell was he thinking? In a million years, Noah wouldn’t have pegged Trevor to take advantage of his students, and at the very least, take that kind of risk with his job. Now he was fucked, and it would be a miracle if he could find an institution anywhere that would take him.
Taking a breath, Noah got up to relive himself and splash water on his face before thumbing through his contacts. He’d texted with Adrian for a while the night before, then had gone to sleep early, excited for his date. Meeting the family was big—meeting one of the kids even more so because that implied trust—it implied something on a level of serious that Noah wasn’t going to take for granted.
He was certain Adrian would understand the circumstances. Even if he hadn’t been called in to this mess, he had sat through the same HR seminars Noah had
when he’d been hired. He’d get it.
It rang three times before Adrian picked up, sounding sleepy but calm. “Hey. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you yet.”
“I’m sorry. Shit, I woke you, didn’t I?” Noah asked.
“No, I was up, just being lazy. You okay? You sound a little tense.”
Noah shook his head as he pressed his hand to his forehead and spoke slow enough to control his stammer. “It’s…did you get the call? About the all-hands meeting?”
“All-hands meeting?” Adrian asked, a frown in his voice.
“There were apparently some instances of misconduct in a couple of the departments of ethical misconduct. Some of the professors were let go because of relationships with students.” It was the most he wanted to give away if Adrian hadn’t been informed. The last thing he needed was to get himself into trouble for sharing information without the go-ahead.
“Oh god,” Adrian said softly. “Were the students punished?”
“I would imagine there’s an investigation at least. I’m not entirely familiar with the process, but depending on the circumstances, I’d say yes. I know someone who was involved and I just…” Noah let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know why he’d make that choice, why put your entire future at risk like that?” He stopped himself before he got carried away. “Unfortunately, the entire Classics department and at least Astrophysics are being called in for an ethics seminar. Mandatory.”
“Oh,” Adrian said, and understanding dawned in his tone. “Today.”
“Yeah. Fuck. I’m so sorry, I wanted to meet up with you so badly, you have no idea.” His tone was begging Adrian to understand.
“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Adrian said. “We can reschedule. I have Maggie all the time, and I’m not going anywhere, okay? Just let me know if you need anything. Maybe we can grab dinner later.”
“I would like that,” Noah said. Relief hit him like a punch to the gut. He wasn’t sure why he was expecting anything less than that, but it felt especially good to hear it. “Text you when they let me out?”