Below the Belt

by E M Lindsey

  “Spill,” Anna told him.

  Adrian worked his jaw, pulled Lemon a little higher up on his lap, then said, “Noah is a fucking professor. Did you know that?”

  She blinked and Wes frowned.

  “Uh,” Wes said, “yeah? I mean, it was on his paperwork he filed at the gym. Why? Is that a problem for you?”

  Adrian curled his hands into fists. “Well, it’s against the University bylaws for one, which means he could get fired and I could get expelled.”

  “Fuck,” Wes breathed out.

  “Yeah but,” Anna said slowly, twirling her straw around in her iced tea, “he’s not your professor. He’s not even in the same department.”

  “That doesn’t matter,” Adrian said miserably, then launched into the drama at the university over the past few weeks. He gave every detail, until his jaw hurt, and he never wanted to say another word again. His hands were shaking a little and he felt anxiety rising. His PTSD would be at a hair-trigger after all this, and it made him nervous. “We’re going to talk later,” he finished up. “I don’t know where or how but…” He trailed off and Lemon turned her head to lick the side of his hand.

  “Our place,” Anna said firmly. When Adrian gave her a look, she shook her head. “No, I’m serious. Have him take an uber or something and Wes and I will take Maggie out to visit her bubbie. Wes’ mom has been bugging us to have dinner with her anyway, so it’s a good excuse. That way you two can talk it out and if some asshole is pulling a stakeout around Noah’s building, he won’t catch him leaving or you going in.”

  Adrian swallowed thickly, then nodded. “I’ll send him the address, tell him to come right from work.” He pulled out his phone but couldn’t make his fingers move. He let out a small groan and dropped his forehead to the table for a moment, turned slightly so he could still see Maggie who was bouncing on the light-up floor. “I liked him. Fuck, I thought this was going so well. I don’t know who I pissed off up there, but I’m starting to take all this a little personally.”

  Anna laughed quietly and reached over to pet his short hair. “Look, you’re not losing anything, Adrian. And you have to let Noah make that call after you graduate. If he’s willing to take the risk…”

  “He’d resent me. If anything happened, he’d resent me.” Lifting up, he groaned and shook his head. “Fuck, I need to beat the shit out of something.”

  “Come over right after your meeting and you can use my basement,” Wes told him. “I’ll take Lemon over there now, and you can work yourself exhausted and stay down there in the guest room. If it’s a rough night—which we both know it will be—you can be as loud as you need and it won’t wake up Maggie.”

  There were a lot of times Adrian was grateful that Wes understood what it was like after the military, after all that pain and trauma, and this was no exception. Wes had already had the downstairs, soundproof room built by the time he started dating Anna, and he still used it from time to time. A lot less than Adrian would need it, probably, but if anything, it just proved that someday Adrian wouldn’t feel like this as often as he did now.

  “Thanks,” he finally muttered.

  Shortly after, the food arrived and though he didn’t have an appetite, he got a drink and nibbled on the crusts Maggie didn’t want. Soon enough it was time for him to go, and even though Noah said Charlie had left the proposal panel, he didn’t feel entirely confident that he was safe.

  “It’ll be fine,” Anna said, kissing his cheek as she walked him to his trike. “Just take a breath, get this part over with, then come over and work yourself tired. Okay?”

  He leaned in and kissed her cheek, profoundly grateful for her as both a person and as a twin sister. “I love you.”

  “I know, dipshit,” she said, and punched his arm.

  The normalcy of it made a world of difference. He shoved her back, then stowed his crutches and got on the bike.

  ***

  Adrian loved being right most of the time. But not always. Not right then.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Flores, but I’m afraid we’re already going in another direction. I regret we weren’t able to hear your proposal as it does seem a worthy cause, but there were a lot of those today.” The woman speaking was someone Adrian didn’t know, but the tone in her voice said that he didn’t need to. Charlie had done his work there.

  Adrian’s jaw clenched as he nodded, and he wished to god he could put his fist through something right there. “I appreciate the consideration.”

  “Do you want to take your model with you?” she asked.

  He let out a bitter laugh as he waved one crutch. “Unfortunately, I’m not able to get it down with me and carry these. So…feel free to just trash it. It’s not worth anything to me anyway.” Turning on his heel, he knew he’d give anything right then to make a swift exit, but his legs wouldn’t allow it. It felt like the universe was making a spectacle of him, mocking him now at every turn, reminding him that he’d survived the blast, but it would make living through it a painful reminder that he hadn’t ever really escaped.

  He was shaking by the time he made it to the trike, and he had just enough energy for one thing.

  Adrian: I need to cancel tonight. I’m not sure when I can see you again, but now isn’t a great time. I’m sorry, but this really isn’t going to work out for either of us. I’ll contact you when I can.

  It ripped him to shreds to hit send, but he had no choice. The avalanche had begun, and there was no telling what kind of devastation would be left after Charlie was done.

  12.

  Noah stared at his phone, then at the door to his office which felt like the only barrier between him and the void which had become his life. He could count back the hours to where things had been good—damn near perfect—and he couldn’t begin to describe the pain now blooming in his chest.

  Not only had Charlie done this simply because he was too much of a weak coward to accept that someone didn’t want him, but he’d done it so perfectly, Adrian was giving up without even trying. Noah wanted to cry but forced himself to keep the tears at bay. Instead, he picked up his office phone and dialed a number he probably shouldn’t have.

  “Well, well, well,” Ryan’s voice sounded on the other end.

  Noah opened his mouth and tried to speak, but his voice was at a harsh whisper. He could feel his tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth, his stammer threatening to silence even the shortest words. “I,” he started. “I nuh-n-nuh…”

  “Noah?” Ryan’s voice was flooded with worry. “Where are you?”

  “M-my… office,” he managed.

  “I’ll be there in fifteen. Do not fucking leave.” The line went dead, and Noah let the phone fall back into its cradle. The sound was painful as he sat back, letting his head fall against the top of his seat.

  Somehow, he’d managed to get through his classes that day, though his lectures had been tough when his mouth didn’t want to obey his brain’s commands. But it was the promise of seeing Adrian, of finding a way to make it work that had kept him going.

  Now…

  Now he didn’t have that. He had a text telling him Adrian was out and wasn’t going to give him a chance. His throat went hot and tight, and he breathed through it. He wanted to stand up and punch something, and he also wanted to curl up under his desk and cry himself to sleep. It would solve nothing, and the last thing he wanted was Charlie to find him like this, but he had no idea how to control these feelings.

  By the time Ryan had betrayed him, things had gone so stale it had been more of a dull ache of resignation than any real devastation. He’d been hurt, yes, but not enough that he wasn’t willing to be friends the moment Ryan suggested it. With Adrian, it was so much more. And maybe it was because it was new, but he didn’t think that was the case. In truth, he was falling in love harder than he ever had, and it had been ripped from his fingers before he even had a chance to tell the other man how he felt.

  Time seemed to reach a crawling pace and it felt like an eter
nity before he heard footsteps in the hall. Ryan entered, looking as dapper as he ever did in half his work suit and perfectly combed hair. Ryan was the sort of man built for standing in front of a jury and making impassioned speeches to guarantee convictions. He’d been working for the state attorney’s office since he passed the bar and had steadily worked his way up over the years.

  He looked every part a man who belonged in that world and nowhere near someone like Noah whose life was falling apart. And yet, here he was, and Noah had to appreciate that regardless of their past, he could still trust this man.

  Ryan took one look at his face and closed the door, locked it, then twisted the blinds shut. “Who am I murdering?”

  Noah licked his lips, then said, “Adrian is a st-student.”

  Ryan blinked at him, then let out a quiet, “Shit,” before crossing the room, grabbing the chair, and plunking it down directly next to Noah’s and grabbed his hand. The touch immediately calmed him, and he felt his tongue start to unstick.

  After a beat, Noah rubbed a hand down his face, breathed out, then said, “Charlie found out.”

  “Double shit.”

  Noah couldn’t help his laugh after that one. “Yep. Quadruple shit, even. I d-don’t know how he found out, but he cornered Adrian during his p-proposal meeting today and dropped the bomb. Adrian showed up here freaking out—naturally, of course. He thought I was a student. We were both so f-f-fucking stupid.”

  “Well,” Ryan said slowly, his voice placating, “I am curious how the fuck you two have been inside each other and had no idea what your professions are, but I also know you can be a secretive dipshit, so it doesn’t entirely surprise me.”

  “Thanks,” Noah muttered dryly.

  Ryan shook his head and reached for Noah’s hand, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze. “What did he say?”

  “He said he c-can’t risk dating me if it means losing his degree and me l-losing my job. I thought…” His voice broke and he cleared his throat. “I told him we c-could just hold off until he graduated and then…suh-see where we were at. He seemed like he was okay with it. I thought he was willing to accept a c-compromise, but he texted me a little while ago and ended it.” Noah gestured to his phone and didn’t stop Ryan when the other man reached for it and flicked the screen on.

  Noah wasn’t sure what it said about him as a person that Ryan still knew his password to get in. He watched as Ryan read through the most recent text, then sighed and looked up at him.

  “Something happened.”

  “I just told you,” Noah began, but Ryan shook his head and held up his hand.

  “No, I mean between the time he left here and sent you this message. Something happened. Trust me, Noah, he didn’t walk away from you willingly. I kicked my own ass for years after we split up because I made a fucking terrible mistake and didn’t realize what I was losing until I lost it.”

  “Ryan,” Noah said softly, the confession hitting him right in the chest. He didn’t love Ryan again, couldn’t, but it still affected him all the same.

  “I got over it and got one of the best friendships I could ever hope to have. I wouldn’t trade that for the world,” Ryan told him, stroking his thumb over Noah’s knuckles. “But listen to me when I tell you that Adrian didn’t send this lightly. Something else happened and you should find out what.”

  Noah licked his lips, then said, “He p-probably won’t answer my calls.”

  “Well, he might answer mine,” Ryan said, then pulled out his own phone. When Noah hesitated, Ryan waggled it at him. “The worst he can do is not pick up. And the best is, he will, and you’ll get a chance to see if there’s something to salvage. Only an idiot would let you go, Noah, and you need to know now if the guy is worth waiting for.”

  Noah knew his ex was right, and it was the promise of a maybe alone that had him reaching for the device to dial.

  ***

  Adrian swiped his hand across his brow, his entire body aching, knuckles bruised and stinging from going at the bag without gloves, with every ounce of his pain and frustration. He’d gone to Wes and Anna’s, only to find them gone which was a blessing in disguise. At first, he had craved human interaction, but he quickly realized the silence was exactly what he needed. He wouldn’t have known what to say anyway, how to tell them that something that important—not only to him, but to other disabled students on campus—had been ripped from him simply because a guy had a rejection grudge.

  Adrian briefly entertained the thought of tracking down Dr. Barnes and offering him a trade—never see Noah again in exchange for having his proposal heard. But it was a momentary, mad idea which only would have ended with Adrian putting his fist straight into the man’s gut, over and over until he begged for mercy. Adrian didn’t take this lightly, and it was by sheer will alone that he put his focus into beating the shit out of equipment than actual, human flesh.

  The work-out had helped, though he would have preferred to go a few rounds with Cole or even Wes. Having a living opponent who could make him work for it was always better than a steady bag. But it was something at least. He limped over to the shelf to grab his water when he noticed his phone screen light up.

  He prickled, momentarily terrified it might be Noah, and only afraid because he wasn’t sure what he’d do. The only thing in the world he wanted right then was to hear his voice, to listen to his soothing tones assure him that it was going to be alright, that they’d somehow find a way to make it all work. It was also the last thing he wanted because if Dr. Barnes had already gone this far, there was no telling what he was forcing Noah to endure, and Adrian couldn’t be responsible for anything more happening. His conscience couldn’t take it.

  Luckily, it wasn’t Noah. It was an unknown number—probably someone from the gym and Adrian realized he wouldn’t mind another student if Wes was trying to set him up with someone. He quickly swiped the screen to answer the call. “This is Adrian Flores.”

  There was a beat of silence, and Adrian swore in that moment he recognized the puff of air. He was confirmed correct when Noah’s voice spoke quietly on the other end. “Please d-don’t hang up.”

  Adrian licked his lips. “You can’t do this, you can’t call me. What if Dr. Barnes finds a way to…”

  “I’m on Ryan’s phone,” Noah said swiftly.

  The sound of Noah’s ex-boyfriend’s name on his lips, knowing that Ryan was giving Noah comfort over this, sent his head into an irrational jealous spin. His hand clenched at his side, the other on his phone, and he swore he felt the glass casing start to give. “Oh. Well I’m glad you two were able to reconnect and…”

  “Don’t,” Noah snapped, and though it irritated Adrian, he knew he had no right to say something like that. “I called him after your text because I was thrown for a loop. When you left here, you said you were willing to try, and that was the only thing that got me through the day. Then I get this text and I…” His voice broke and Adrian hated himself so much for putting Noah through this. “Ryan convinced me to c-call you, said that there had to be m-more. Something from b-beyond this afternoon when you saw Charlie. So, will you tell me, p-please? I deserve to at least understand why you’re giving me up so easily.”

  Adrian turned toward the wall, pressing his forehead against the cool brick hard enough it bit into his skin. He needed the pain to keep focused, to keep steady because with Noah, it was too easy to let go and put himself into the caring hands of the other man. He turned and sank to the ground, letting out a whoosh of air when Lemon immediately laid across his lap. Her presence gave him the courage to find his words. “I,” he started, then took a breath. “My proposal was rejected.”

  “Shit,” Noah breathed out. “Shit, I’m so sorry. Was Charlie there?”

  “No,” Adrian said, and was unable to help his humorless laugh and scratched his blunt nails along the side of her head. “No, but he sure as hell left his calling card. I was stopped by some woman before I could even get into the meeting room and she told me th
ey decided to go in a different direction.” He pressed his forehead to the back of his hand and let his body shudder with his fury and anguish. “The answers weren’t supposed to come in until mid-January, so they didn’t have a direction. But I know why it happened.”

  “I’m going to k-kill him. I’m going to rip his fuh-fucking throat out and use skull as a goddamn c-cuh-candy dish,” Noah said, his voice strange as he spoke through clenched teeth.

  In spite of himself, and probably because Noah couldn’t see him right then, he smiled. He couldn’t help it. Noah was a spitfire—he was brave and intelligent and so strong, and Adrian wanted nothing more than to keep him close. “You won’t kill him because it means jail and no more teaching your nerdy Greek shit.”

  Noah was silent a moment, then said, “Might be worth it if it means you won’t get fucked over.”

  Adrian shook his head closing his eyes tight. “It wouldn’t be. Trust me, you can’t throw your life away over something so short—something without a guarantee.” Saying the words gutted him, his heart twisting into a knot because it was the last thing he ever thought he’d be saying to this man, but he knew he couldn’t live with Noah’s future being ruined over this. Over him. He sure as shit wasn’t worth it. He curled one arm around Lemon and pulled her close, feeling only slightly soothed when her tongue darted out and licked along the inside of his arm.

  “Can I see you?” Noah asked. “An hour, that’s it, and if we c-can’t figure it out, if you really want to break up, I swear I’ll never call you again.”

  Adrian felt his eyes get hot at the idea of never speaking to Noah again, and considering the depths of his feelings, no matter how new they were, he owed them that chance. Maybe there was a miracle solution. “I…” He leaned forward and buried herself in Lemon’s fur.