by E M Lindsey
“I can’t let him win,” Noah said after Adrian’s hesitation. “I’ve been to hell and back and I’m not about to let some asshole like Charlie Barnes dictate my own life. He doesn’t have that right.”
“I’m at my sister’s place,” Adrian said by way of answer, and he heard Noah’s small sigh of relief. “Do you have a pen? I’d rather not text anything right now.”
“Of course. I’m r-ready whenever you are, and I’ll have Ryan drive me over.” Noah said, his voice a little on the desperate side.
Adrian rattled off the address and felt a profound sense of relief knowing that whatever happened after this, at least he’d get a private moment with Noah. Even if it ended up being their last. “I’m in the basement, so I’ll have the door unlocked and just come down. The door is through the kitchen, with a small hanging chalk board in the center of it.”
“I’ll be there. Please don’t leave,” Noah begged. Adrian bristled, but realized Noah had every right to doubt him.
“I won’t bail on you,” Adrian promised. “Just…hurry.”
They ended the call and he managed to limp over to the sofa before collapsing down on his back. He pressed his hands over his face, taking several deep, shaking breaths as he tried to keep himself calm. Normally when he was like this, going a few rounds with the bag helped soothe his nerves, but right now it wasn’t enough. Right now, all he wanted was Noah’s arms around him, was his soft mouth pressed to his, was the sound of his voice speaking quietly in his ear telling him it was going to be fine.
Three weeks. Three fucking weeks and his entire life had been rearranged by this man, and now he was expected to contemplate living without him.
13.
He wanted to pretend like he hadn’t spent the last twenty minutes listening to every creak and groan of the house above him, but that would have made him the worst liar. Adrian jumped at every tiny noise, ready to climb to his feet the moment Noah appeared, but time moved at a crawl and he was certain that disaster had occurred and somehow Noah had decided it wasn’t worth it after all.
And then the door creaked open. “Adrian? Are you down here?”
At the sound of his voice, knowing he was steps away, Adrian felt his entire body react. His heart raced, his hands began to sweat, even his dick swelled just a little at the anticipation that Noah was close enough to kiss, to touch, to make his again. He couldn’t let himself go there, but he did push himself up to sit, dislodging his dog who hopped to the floor with a small huff.
“I’m on the sofa.”
Noah made his way down, his steps careful when Adrian could finally see him, and he realized how dark it was. There was only the dim halogen light hanging above the makeshift ring, and it did little to help anyone navigate the space. Still, everything was so damn overwhelming, he couldn’t bring himself to do more than stare as Noah walked over.
“Ryan’s still upstairs, I hope that’s okay?” Noah asked quietly. He lowered himself a cushion away from Adrian and wrung his hands together between his spread knees.
“It’s totally fine. Anna and Wes are out dropping Maggie off with Wes’ mom, and they knew you were coming,” Adrian told him. “They’ll be back in a bit.”
Noah smiled just a little, and fuck, Adrian wanted to lean over and kiss him more than anything else in the world. After a beat of awkward silence, Noah let out a small sigh and shook his head. “I want to tell you that I can fix this, that I can make Charlie stop whatever he’s doing and make it right again, but I don’t know how. I’ve never been in this position before.” He looked up at Adrian and the pain was obvious on his face.
Adrian clenched his hands into fists. He felt a tug on some of the scars on his arm, the strange numbness that hadn’t gone away even after all this time. Part of him wished that scarring would have extended to his heart, protected him from having to feel any of this. “I don’t want you to ever resent me,” he answered honestly. “If you and I keep this up and you get fired…”
“I know,” Noah said through a breathy sigh, then made sure he was looking directly at Adrian when he said, “but I would never blame you. You didn’t do this, Adrian. This is a vindictive asshole who has never been able to take no for an answer. I don’t know what he thinks he’ll accomplish with all this? Does he think I’m going to swoon and jump into his arms simply because I’m not allowed to openly date you?”
“He probably just wants you to suffer,” Adrian told him softly.
Noah’s face fell a little and Adrian again wanted to pummel the asshole for putting that look on Noah’s face. How dare he? How fucking dare he? “I don’t want to let him win.”
Adrian dragged his lower lip between his teeth, then released it slowly and said, “I don’t know how to let you go, Noah. I don’t want to. I want to say that if I’d known the truth, I wouldn’t have taken the risk, but the moment I saw you…”
“Me too,” Noah said quietly. His hand twitched, then he seemed to throw caution to the wind as he reached over and pushed his fingers between Adrian’s. “I love my job, Adrian. I dedicated years to my education, and I worked harder than I ever thought I could after my accident, so I didn’t lose what I had. I’ve fought my boss every step of the way because he thinks people with disabilities shouldn’t be allowed in higher education, and I refused to let him convince me I didn’t belong. But the second I laid eyes on you, I knew you were different. I knew you were worth the risk.”
Adrian felt his throat tighten a little as he rubbed his thumb over the edge of Noah’s. “So, what do we do? I can’t lose my degree this close to being finished. I can open the shop without it, but I’ve worked really hard and I need to prove I’m capable.”
Noah squeezed his hand. “You don’t need a piece of paper to tell you that you’re capable of doing amazing things, Adrian. But I also know how you feel. Every step of my education gave me something important, something I carry with me every day, and I don’t want you to lose that, either. I can’t say I know what to do, but I can say I’m willing to do everything in my power to have both.”
“And if we can’t?” Adrian challenged, because there was no sense in pretending like it wasn’t a strong possibility they’d be forced to choose.
“Then we make that decision when we have no other options left. Okay?” Noah begged, tugging a little on his hand. “I want to give this some time. We can cool off, see each other less. I’ll take classes at the gym when you’re not there. No more texting or calling.”
“I don’t want to cut you out of my life, even if it’s only for a few months,” Adrian admitted. “It sounds like hell.”
“We’ll figure it out. We can use your sister and brother-in-law as go-betweens. I have Ryan to help me,” he said, and though hearing Ryan’s name still made Adrian bristle, he was starting to soften toward the ex who had made an unexpected effort to help them. “Sixteen weeks of spring semester. Then you walk, and you’re done, and we don’t have to hide.” Noah clenched his jaw, then said, “I don’t owe Charlie anything. He is not entitled to any piece of me, any control over me. I won’t let him take this.”
Adrian couldn’t stop himself then. He pulled and pulled until Noah was spread across his lap, until he had him pinned to the sofa and their mouths pushing and pulling in a desperate kiss. He nearly sobbed with relief, with knowing this wasn’t the last kiss—not yet. Maybe not ever. Noah was damn determined, and Adrian was willing to match that with his own resolve to keep this man and his future alive.
When Adrian finally broke away, leaving Noah dazed under him, he cupped his boyfriend’s cheek and rubbed a thumb over Noah’s puffy bottom lip. “I want you to stay, but it’s not a good idea. I’m really worked up right now and I don’t think tonight’s going to go easy on me.”
Noah closed his hand around Adrian’s wrist and held him firm, turning his face to nuzzle and kiss at his palm. “I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. But look, we can plan a get-away during break, okay? I’m not teaching any of the win
ter courses, and I don’t have to explain where I’m going, or why, or with whom, to anyone. We can find some vacation house somewhere and just take some time to be us.”
Adrian closed his eyes, leaning in, and he nosed along Noah’s soft cheek. “I would love that.” It would be tricky. His stress would make sleep difficult, his mood unpredictable, and he was forced to constantly be aware of whether or not a place was accessible. His life post-military meant he could never just hop in the car and go, just throw caution to the wind and explore without a care. But the look on Noah’s face, and the very idea of being able to be with him without prying eyes, meant everything.
“Let’s do it,” he murmured, then nuzzled their mouths together, smudging a kiss across Noah’s lips. “Let me find somewhere, you pick the dates, and we’ll make it work.”
Noah’s entire body relaxed a fraction and he brought both hands to Adrian’s waist, holding him tight. “Thank you. Thank you for taking a chance on me.”
Adrian looked at him, his eyes soft, his heart hurting but full of promise, and he couldn’t help but smile. “I really didn’t have a choice.”
***
Noah shifted in the passenger seat of Ryan’s car, a little uncomfortable still from the scene in the kitchen. Ryan was a shameless flirt, and Noah hadn’t expected anything less, but to walk in finding Anna giggling and Ryan feeling up Wes’ bicep in a way that was far more suggestive than innocent was a lot to take in.
Years ago—hell, even months ago—he might have been jealous. It was still a sore spot for him that he’d never been able to capture Ryan’s attention like that, not even when they were together. But with Adrian, all of that fell by the wayside. It wasn’t the flirting, it was the fact that Wes and Anna were married, and it was the fact that they were related to his boyfriend and Ryan was his ex.
“Okay, you two worked it out, why do you look like someone pissed in your cheerios?” Ryan demanded as he turned the corner toward Noah’s apartment.
Noah sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “For one,” he said, his voice tense now that he was no longer in Adrian’s presence, “I have no idea how the fuck I’m going to deal with Charlie. The guy had Adrian’s project tanked and I have no idea what other bullshit he’s going to come up with. I would not put it past the guy to try and blackmail me.”
Ryan’s jaw twitched. “Feel free to remind him that your very protective best friend works for the state attorney’s office and knows full well that blackmail is illegal.”
“And then he’ll feel free to remind me that I’m currently dating a student and will legally get fired for it,” Noah pointed out.
Ryan scoffed. “He has no proof. He’s trying to freak you out so you’ll give in and be a miserable fuck like him. But he doesn’t seem to understand you’re too fucking amazing to ever let a shithead like that drag you down.”
Noah felt a small wash of affection for his friend and managed a smile. “I appreciate it, but I also can’t take the risk. I know you’d do anything to help me, but you’re not exactly in the position to do that. And let’s face it, it is against policy to be dating a student.”
“It’s not like you knew,” Ryan pointed out. He bypassed Noah’s apartment and turned down a second street which meant he wasn’t heading to Noah’s. He was heading to his own place down the freeway, and Noah didn’t hate the idea. If Charlie had been staking out his apartment the other night, there was every chance he was watching him now.
“No, and that defense will work for the weeks that led up to finding out,” Noah told him with a shrug. “But we can’t get caught even speaking to each other in passing from now on.”
Ryan gave him a pained look. “I get it. And I’m not advocating for you to break the rules here, babe. It’s only a handful of weeks and then you’re done. You won’t have to worry about this shit again, and I know you can do that.”
“I know I can too. I just…I don’t trust Charlie. He’s underhanded and devious and I think he’s going to try to get everything out of this that he can.” He leaned his head against the window, his sighted eye staring out at the blur of city lights as the sun started to set. “I’m afraid.”
Ryan made a small noise but offered no assurances which Noah appreciated. Right now, there was no telling what Charlie would try next, and Noah couldn’t drop his guard.
Ryan led the way into his condo, up two flights of stairs and at the very back of the hall. It was far more luxurious than the house they’d shared together—a testament to how far he’d come from the law-school, stressed out student Noah had tried to navigate a relationship with. The place was warm, heated wood floors, leather furniture, stainless steel and marble kitchen.
The first time Noah had seen it, he’d been seething with jealousy. He’d been trying to make ends meet on a part-time professor’s salary living in a shitty studio and eating like a freshman in the dorms. But he’d made his choice—his parents had warned him about his choice in careers, told him there was no place to make money in the world of academics. He hadn’t cared—still didn’t, even if things weren’t going his way.
He brushed past Ryan who was emptying his pockets into the bowl on the little stand by the door, and he collapsed on the plush sofa. Massaging his temples, he tried to regain a little bit of his control, even if the idea of Charlie and everything the guy was doing had threatened to turn everything upside down.
He didn’t look up again until he heard Ryan clear his throat, and he realized his ex was standing on his blind side, holding out a bottle of beer. “You need this.”
Noah snatched it from him, grateful Ryan had thought to open it, and he took a long drink. “Yeah. I really fucking do. And probably about six more.”
Ryan laughed as he sat down on the opposite end of the sofa and kicked his now-bare feet up on the table. “I have plenty. Rhys was here last weekend from some trip to Portland and stocked me up on that hipster shit you like so much. There’s a case in the fridge and one in the pantry.”
“I knew I always liked your brother better than you,” Noah said, taking another pull from the bottle.
“Thank god he was straight or you’d have left me a lot earlier,” Ryan said with a wink. After a moment of silence, he said, “So what’s number two?”
Noah blinked at him, frowning. “What?”
“In the car when I asked why it looked like someone had pissed in your cheerios, you said firstly. Which implies there was a second reason why you looked like you were in mourning in spite of winning your boyfriend back.”
Noah sighed, pressing the side of the bottle to his temple. “It’s nothing.” Which was a lie, and Ryan saw right through it. He kicked out a leg and hit Noah’s thigh with the ball of his foot until Noah swore and shoved him away. “Just…could you maybe not flirt with Adrian’s family like that?”
Ryan’s eyebrows flew up into his hairline. “Are you jealous?”
“Jesus, no,” Noah spat, setting his beer down hard enough to make a little foam rise to the opening. “Trust me, I haven’t given two shits about what you do in your personal time in years. But fuck’s sake, they’re married and Adrian’s family, and things are unstable as it is. I don’t need Adrian to think my ex is some kind of homewrecker, okay?”
Ryan looked at him a long time, then burst into laughter, his head falling back. “Oh my god. Noah, I’m not…it was harmless flirting. I’ve known them for a damn long time and we just…have that sort of relationship. And for the record, they both came onto me first. I was sitting like a good boy with my hands in my lap like I was at fucking temple, Wes touched my abs.”
Noah choked on his own tongue a little. “He what?”
“He bet his wife that I had been keeping up with my ab-work, she bet against it, and he asked me if I could prove her wrong. Which duh, of course I can. So I lifted my shirt and he touched me. I might be an asshole—we both have come to terms with that, and I might not have done right by you with Max but…”
Noah winced at the sound of
the guy’s name, even if it had been a one-and-done thing. “Right.”
Ryan leaned in, grabbing for his hand. “I’ve grown up a lot since then, okay? Nothing will ever happen there that will hurt anyone. The three of us were worried about you and Adrian and we were just trying to ease the tension. I’m not interested in fucking with anyone’s life. I know first had how awful that feels—and it was my own damn fault. I would never do that to someone else.”
Noah immediately felt guilty and he turned his hand palm-up so they could link fingers. “I’m sorry. Shit, I keep punishing you for something I should be over.”
Ryan shook his head as he squeezed Noah’s hand. “You don’t ever have to get over that.”
“Yeah,” Noah said, “I do. You and I are definitely better off as friends, and it wasn’t a great way to figure that out, but you’ve been there for me when my own family couldn’t be bothered to get on a fucking plane while I was recovering from losing an eye. You’ve made amends and I need to stop assuming you’re going to fuck things up.”
“I appreciate it,” Ryan said, then grinned at him.
***
By midnight, Noah had finally exhausted himself enough he was fairly sure he could sleep. He’d turned down Ryan’s offer of an all-night comfort cuddle in favor of the guest room and was just slipping between the sheets when his phone went off.
For a brief, stunned minute, he thought maybe Adrian had changed his mind and wanted to talk to him. Then he picked it up and swiped the screen and his heart sank down into his gut.
Charlie: We should get coffee tomorrow.
Noah’s hands started to shake, and he dropped the phone face-down on the duvet, afraid to touch it. In spite of it being all in text, he could hear the command in Charlie’s words, the underlying threat of something else. It wasn’t a request. He could ignore him—it was midnight after all, and he couldn’t possibly be expected to answer every text.