by Amy Brent
“I’m meant stay down.”
“What happened?” I whispered, pressing a hand to my forehead.
“You passed out from an electrolyte imbalance.”
“What?” I’d always been hypermetabolic, but I’d never passed out before.
“You weren’t taking good enough care of yourself.”
I frowned deeply, looking up at him for a moment. “I haven’t changed anything.”
He nodded silently and stared down at the floor. The disappointed look on his face killed me. It was like someone was reaching into my chest and pulling my heart out.
“Daddy?” I reached out and gently touched his hand.
He pulled his hand away and shook his head. “Don’t call me that.”
My heart was beating faster now and despite his warnings I tried to sit up, but he just pushed me back down. “What did I say?”
Panic was rising in my chest and a soft sob left my lips as I held my hand out, fingers curling around his wrist. “What did I do? What happened? Why don’t you love me?” I choked.
The words were tumbling out in a mindless mess. I knew that they probably weren’t true. James had been there for me my entire life and I honestly didn’t believe for a second that he’d stopped loving me, but that didn’t make the prospect any less scary in my drug hazed mind. I clung to his shirt, the tears already spilling over my cheeks. He closed his eyes and pressed a hand to my back, holding me close.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I love you with every piece of me, Aria.”
“Y-You keep saying my name.” He hadn’t used my name since we started this relationship. I cupped his cheeks and stared at him with tears in my eyes. “Why?”
“I’m upset with you.”
Another sob left my lips and I shook my head. “Why?” I was asking that a lot.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“What?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” His voice was farm more firm now and when he gripped my shoulders I slumped forward, the words sinking in.
“Pregnant?”
“You didn’t know?”
I shook my head slowly, my eyes wet and wide. “No…”
“You must have had some signs!”
He was right. I’d missed my period and I’d been sick every morning for months, but that hadn’t been enough to make me admit what I knew I was true. I didn’t want to accept it. The idea of being pregnant in college was horrific enough, but then there was the fear of having to tell James.
“I’m sorry…”
He cupped my cheek gently and made me look up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was scared.” The answer was simple, but honest. I was afraid to tell him the truth.
He shook his head back and forth. “I’m so…I don’t know what to do about this, Aria.”
I put my hands in my lap and fell silent. I wanted him to love me through this. I honestly thought he would. I didn’t see our relationship ending like this, but here we were. Tears were still rolling down my cheeks and I dropped my head into the pillow, pulling the blanket over my head.
We sat in that silence for hours. Every time I’d wake up, I would roll over and see him sitting the chair he’d been in since I’d first woken up. He didn’t say anything to me. He’d just stare at the TV screen, mindlessly watching whatever was on.
At night, he would be asked to leave, but he came back every morning. I was supposed to stay at the hospital for the next three days, and I did. They replaced everything I had lost and on the third day, a doctor came in to tell me the things I needed to do in order to keep my baby healthy. James was there for all of it. I watched him listen nodding knowingly as he passed the information to James, clearly worried that I wasn’t taking it in. James was taking in every word he said, and I suppose that should have comforted me, but it didn’t make up for the silence.
On the third day, I signed myself out of the hospital. I was old enough to leave without James’ consent and I took full advantage of it. I was still feeling a little rough around the edges, but I managed to get a cab back to the dorms.
I’d left my keys at the house and I could only pray that Luna was there. When I knocked on the door she answered almost immediately, wearing nothing more than a bathrobe. I leaned against her, pressing my face into the soft, pink terry cloth. She gasped and wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight and putting a hand on the back of my head.
“Aria?”
“Hey,” I murmured, my voice weaker than I expected. I probably should have still been at the hospital, but I couldn’t stand another day of silence and disappointed stars.
“I thought you were with James?”
Luna didn’t really know my relationship with James. Well, she knew we were dating, but she had no idea that he was also my step-father. My relationship with Luna had been rocky for the first few months (that was entirely my fault), so she didn’t know much about my personal life. All she knew was that I went with James on the weekend.
“We had a fight…”
She frowned and helped me to my raised bed, nudging me onto it before pulling the blankets over me. “Are you alright?”
“I’m okay.” I just needed sleep.
She hesitated but nodded and got me a glass of water before returning to her desk, glancing over her shoulder every now and then to make sure I was okay. I turned my back to her, forehead pressed against the cool stone wall so I could doze off. I was exhausted and sad. I just didn’t want to be awake anymore.
I wasn’t sure if James would be worried about me. Maybe it would be better if I just disappeared from his life. Maybe I was doing him a favor.
Chapter Ten
James’ persistent calls and texts proved my theory wrong. My phone constantly buzzed and rang as the man I loved more than anything tried to get a hold of me. Deep down, I knew I should have returned his calls. It wasn’t fair of me to keep him in the dark and it was borderline cruel, but I didn’t know how to handle what was happening. My emotions were running wild and I wanted to be able to take a moment and collect myself.
I didn’t intend to stay away forever. I couldn’t do that. At some point I was going to have to face him and face what he wanted from me, but now wasn’t that time. I curled up on my bed, the sheets pulled over my head. My eyes were puffy from crying and they hurt, but I’d expected that. I’d even expected the pounding headache that was starting to form just behind my left eye.
I rubbed my belly gently, my face hot and raw from the tears. When a knock came at my door, I didn’t come out from under the blankets. I didn’t say anything, I just curled up tighter and pressed myself against the wall.
The door creaked open as someone came through the door. Heavy footsteps crossed my bedroom and I felt the bed sink as someone sat beside me. Fingers gripped the blanket I was hiding under and pulled it back.
I closed my eyes against the sun, covering my face as I felt a familiar hand rest on my arm. It was far too large and strong to be Sara’s. I peeked through my fingers and the tears started all over again.
“James?”
He offered a sad little smile and stroked my hair back. “There you are, baby girl.”
My heart fluttered when he called me that and I forced myself to sit up, wiping my face and sniffling a little, blinking away the tears. “W-Why are you here?”
“Because I was worried about you.”
I looked away, fighting the urge to move closer to him. “How did you know where to find me?”
“Luna called me. She was very worried about you.”
“Is she the one who let you in when you knocked?”
He nodded and glanced over his shoulder. “She left, though. She wanted to give us some alone time.”
I nodded and swallowed. “Are you here to tell me to go away?”
“Go away?”
I grunted and closed my eyes. “I know you don’t want me around anymore. You can just say it.”
He sighed a
nd leaned down, wrapping his strong arms around me and scooping me up, pulling me close and rubbing my back. “You’re so damn smart, but then you say shit like that.”
“Huh?”
“Why in the world wouldn’t I want you around?”
I frowned and looked up at him and then away, my eyes darting to an empty space on the wall. “Because I’m pregnant.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” he murmured, stroking my hair.
“What?” My voice was breathless.
“I wasn’t mad because you were pregnant. I was made because you didn’t tell me and I got scared. I was afraid that I hurt you or our child. I was mad that you put yourself at risk and didn’t go and see a doctor when you started seeing the signs.”
I swallowed a little. “Are you still mad?” I asked, dreading the answer he was going to give me.
“No. I’m worried and I want you to be alright, but I’m not mad.”
I nodded slowly and looked up at him. “You still want to be with me?”
He chuckled softly and kissed the top of my head. “I think I want to be with you even more if that’s possible.” He stroked his thumb across my cheek.
The ache in my chest finally dissipated and I looked at him with wide eyes. I’d spent so much time being scared that I hadn’t considered the fact that he might actually want this. I swallowed thickly and pressed my forehead to his chest.
“I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, baby girl.”
I’d wanted to hear those exact words for so long, and now that he’d finally said them, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and I couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay. Maybe I’d been silly to worry so much.
He pulled away and kissed my cheek. “Are you ready to go home?”
“Yeah.”
I was already home, though. I was with him.
Epilogue
My life after that was as close to perfect as it could have gotten. I eventually emancipated myself from James’ legal guardianship so that there wouldn’t be any more issues regarding our familial status. Once the papers went through, we decided to move away. He opened a new law practice in Boston and we started out lives together.
I took a semester off school in order to take care of the child growing inside of me, though I took a spattering of online classes. James didn’t want me to give up on my education and neither did I, but I knew that it would be hard with a child on the way. Every struggle would be worth it when I finally got to hold our child in my arms.
Our daughter was born and we were eventually married. The wedding picture that hangs above our bed is a picture of us, smiling with little Lena in our arms. Whenever I look at it, I am reminded of the fact that I finally have a family again. I had suffered so much loss in my life and I always thought I’d never have a family. I didn’t want to give the world the opportunity to take away more people that I loved, but when I look up at that picture, I’m happy.
Even though we’re older now and have a child, we still managed to spend nights together in my favorite place. He still calls me baby girl and I still call him Daddy. The thing that brought us together is still going strong and is only reinforced by our love.
It might not be for everyone, but this is my happily ever after.
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