Five Minutes to Love

by Jennifer Wilck

  Mind her calling? Guess it depended on how much she liked breathing, eating, and functioning. Because Karen’s voice made her stomach hurt. Her throat squeezed shut. Any thoughts about her current work project flew straight out the window. She looked toward the sun filtering into her office, without noticing the beauty. Should she call her back?

  With a sigh, she closed the door and dialed Karen.

  “Hi, Aviva. How are you?”

  Did she really ask her that question? “I’m okay, Mrs. Black, and you?”

  “Aviva, I’ve told you…what’s wrong? You don’t sound like yourself.”

  She sighed. “I’m doing the best I can.”

  “Oh, honey, are Jacob’s hours getting to you?”

  “Um…” Wait, it wasn’t possible, was it?

  “You know it won’t be for forever, right? He’ll be able to have more flexibility as he works longer. Although, I have to admit I don’t like them either.”

  She didn’t know. “Mrs. Black?”

  “Karen, Aviva.”

  “Karen?”

  “Yes, dear?”

  “We broke up.”

  The silence on the other end lengthened. For a moment, Aviva thought the phone had been disconnected.

  “You what?” The question was whispered. From her interactions with Karen, Aviva knew she never whispered, unless she spoke about a friend getting some disease. Or plastic surgery.

  “We broke up. I’m sorry, I thought you knew.”

  “No, I didn’t. When was this?”

  “The beginning of August. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to be the one to break it to you. Certainly not like this.” More than a month ago and Jacob hadn’t said anything to her?

  “No, sweetheart, don’t apologize. What happened? Was it his hours?”

  She didn’t like having to talk about it, but since Jacob hadn’t said anything, she probably should answer. “It was my fault. I couldn’t continue to see him knowing I’d prevent him from pursuing his dream.” Aviva took a deep breath. “I know what it’s like to love someone who is so dedicated to their job. I don’t want to do it again. I don’t want to stop Jacob from doing what he loves.”

  “No, honey, of course not. It was very noble of you. I’m sure it was very difficult.”

  “Yeah,” she whispered.

  “I’ve just made it worse, I’m sure. Listen, Aviva, I’m going to let you go. But I’d like us to catch up one of these days. I’ll call you, okay?”

  “Um, okay.” Please don’t.

  ****

  Jacob knocked on his mother’s door. He listened for her footsteps, trying to block out the last time he’d been here for dinner—three months ago—with Aviva. He wasn’t sure which was worse, the length of time or the memory of Aviva. Liar. He knew. He just couldn’t face it.

  Somehow, he’d gotten the dinner break he asked for. He’d probably pay for it by working later than usual, but he needed to talk to his mother in person. This wasn’t the kind of conversation they could have on the phone.

  She opened the door. Her face lit up briefly, soon replaced by anger, which she tried unsuccessfully to mask.

  He sighed. “Hi, Ma. Can I come in?”

  She stood back. He walked into the apartment. After weeks holed up in his office, only departing at night, it was disorienting to be out in the daylight. He walked around the living room, touching the backs of chairs and sofas, feeling the soft carpet under his feet as if for the first time.

  “Did you get Marcy’s wedding invitation?”

  He blinked. This was the first topic she wanted to talk about? The invitation had been addressed to him and a guest. At one time, that guest would have been Aviva. Not now. “Yeah, I looked at it briefly. I can’t go.”

  “She’s your cousin, Jacob.”

  “I know, but I have to work.”

  “On a Saturday night?”

  “Every night, Ma.”

  She nodded. “Probably better that way. It would have been awkward for you to have to explain why you weren’t bringing a plus one.”

  He froze. When he met her gaze, he saw recrimination reflected at him. She knew.

  “How do you know?”

  “Aviva told me.”

  Her name sliced through him, leaving a wake of pain. What the hell?

  “Bet you didn’t expect that answer, Jacob, did you?”

  “No, I didn’t. When did you talk to her?” What did she sound like? How was she? Does she miss me? None of which, he could ask.

  “Do you have any idea how awful it is to hear news like that from someone other than my son?”

  “Ma, I haven’t—”

  “Why wouldn’t you tell me you and Aviva broke up? Don’t tell me you haven’t had time.”

  “I haven’t.”

  She fisted her hands on her hips and glared at him.

  “Okay, I’m sorry. I haven’t had a lot of time”—he held his hands up to prevent her interruption—“but I should have made time to tell you about it. I’m sorry.”

  “That’s better. Now, come sit and talk to me. What happened?”

  “What did she tell you?”

  “That it’s her fault.”

  He frowned. He hadn’t expected that.

  “Is it not true?”

  “I don’t know. She doesn’t believe I’ll make time for her, though I’ve shown her countless times I want to.”

  “Why doesn’t she believe you?”

  He ran his hand through his hair. He blew out a sigh. “I have no idea. I’ve never once not made time for her, ever.”

  “Yet you work where you do.”

  He squinted at her, trying to understand her goal. “Yes. But she knew that when we started the relationship.”

  “Just as you knew when you started the relationship, she wasn’t interested in high-powered guys who are overly devoted to their jobs.”

  “I’m not overly devoted. I’m paying my dues.”

  “You’re not the only one.”

  He jumped off the sofa and spun on her. “What does that mean? Are you trying to sneak in some dig, because I don’t need that right now.”

  “Relax, Jacob. It was meant exactly as it sounds. You’re not the only one paying these dues. There’s no dig.”

  She paused. He returned to his seat, still confused.

  “I pay the dues every time I want to see my son but can’t because he’s working. She paid the dues every time she couldn’t talk to you or see you or spend time with you because you were studying. Every time she adjusted her schedule to fit yours. Every time she planned out her conversations with you in the moments you had to spare. I’m not judging you, I’m just stating the facts.”

  “But this is temporary. She knows I’m happy to make time for her.”

  “Is it? Does she?”

  “Of course. We discussed it lots of times.”

  “What happens when you have the chance to be promoted, to have an important job or work on an important case? Is it ‘paying your dues’ or is it your lifestyle she has to adjust to? How is she a part of your life if she only fits into the leftover holes?”

  “Are you on her side? Do you suggest I quit?”

  “I’m always on your side, Jacob, no matter what. But I’m trying to make you see her side of things. That’s all.”

  He dropped his head into his hands. He stared at the carpet between his feet. The Oriental pattern made him dizzy. He closed his eyes. “What the heck do I do?”

  “You decide what your dream is. You pursue it. But you understand not everyone can follow your dream. Sometimes dreams cost you. So you need to make sure your dream is worth it. If it is, you go full steam ahead. But if it isn’t, change your course before it’s too late.”

  She rubbed his back like she did when he was a child. For a moment, Jacob yearned to return to the easier, earlier time when the worst thing he faced was a monster under the bed. When a kiss could make everything bad go away. But he was an adult now. He needed to make his own d
ecisions.

  After shoveling in his food, he headed back to work. He was late, but he didn’t care. He took a few extra minutes to look at the people around him on the sidewalks. Most wore business attire and headed home. He, on the other hand, was not. Like a salmon swimming against the current, he bobbed and weaved around the harried commuters, taking twice as many steps as he would if he were walking the same direction as the rest of them. Home.

  When he finally reached his office, swarms of people piled out the doors. He waited for a break in the pedestrian traffic to enter the revolving door. The elevators were another wait, as most stopped on each floor on their way down to the lobby. Finally, he stepped into one and made it to his office.

  “Jacob, good, you’re back. We’re defending a motion tomorrow. I need you to finish this brief.”

  Jacob suppressed a laugh as one of the senior associates handed him a stack of papers. “Brief” was a relative term. He took them and turned toward his door.

  “Oh, and you’ll come with us to court tomorrow. Wear a good suit.”

  Heart quickening, he sat at his desk and went to work, fisting his hand as it automatically reached for the phone to call Aviva. He no longer shared things with her. As much as his heart hurt, this was what he’d waited for. This was why his dream was worth it.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The next day, after only three hours sleep, Jacob met the senior associate and several other lawyers from his firm at the courthouse. He was prepared. His new suit fit perfectly. His shirt and tie coordinated. His shoes shone. Would Aviva have liked it? He shook his head to clear the thought. He knew the brief backward and forward, had rehearsed answers to questions, could provide information on any topic related to the brief, could cite multiple precedents. He was ready. He had no time for stray thoughts of her.

  The senior associate looked him up and down. “Nice suit. Great tie. Wait here.” He pointed to a bench outside the judge’s chambers.

  “I thought you said I’d go with you.”

  Mark pulled him aside. “I know. I’m sorry. But there are already four of us. If we bring anyone else inside, it will look like we’re grandstanding. Wait here. I’ll fill you in when we’re done. Good job on the brief, by the way.”

  He loosened his tie and sat to wait. And fumed. He’d done all the work. Put in all the hours. Rehearsed. For what? A chance to sit on a bench outside chambers? What kind of a learning experience was this, unless he was ever called upon and asked the number of floor tiles in the hallway? How many more times would he have to kill himself without the benefit of reaping the rewards? Probably too many to count.

  “Jacob?”

  Stuart Rose from The Croft Firm walked toward him.

  He stood. “Hi, Stuart, how are you?”

  “I’m well. Are you here seeing Judge Abrams?”

  “The senior associate is. And some others from my firm.”

  Stuart nodded knowingly. “You write the brief?”

  Jacob nodded. His face burned.

  “Good luck. I’ll see you around.”

  Jacob clenched his jaw.

  He was done.

  ****

  Two and a half weeks later, Jacob took a deep breath and dialed Aviva’s work number. She answered on the third ring.

  “Aviva Shulman.”

  “Avs? It’s Jacob.”

  The silence on the other end stretched for a long moment. He wondered if he should have given his last name. She wouldn’t have forgotten him already, would she? Jacob was a pretty common name, but she’d recognize his voice, right?

  “Hi.”

  He melted into the chair. It was only one word, but it was a start. “Hi. I wondered if you’d meet me for lunch.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Can’t or won’t.” Another silence. Jacob gripped the phone.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  Okay, not the answer he hoped for, but she hadn’t hung up. “Maybe not, but I’d like to see you. I wanted to discuss something with you. Please?”

  “We’re already talking. Can’t you just tell me now?”

  “No, it has to be in person.”

  She sighed. Within that breath of air, Jacob heard pain and frustration and something he couldn’t identify. He willed her to agree.

  “All right.”

  “Thank you. I promise you won’t regret it. Four thirty-one Greene Street, Jersey City. I’ll meet you out front. Twelve okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll see you then. And Aviva? Thank you.”

  The clock on his computer read ten o’clock. Two hours to get ready.

  ****

  She was an idiot. A glutton for punishment. Meshugener. It had been eight weeks since she broke up with Jacob. She finally slept again, was finally able to go a few hours without thought of him. Now she was meeting him? Why did she do this to herself?

  Because he asked.

  Aviva shook her head and looked out the cab window. Just because he asked to meet her didn’t mean she had to say yes. She wasn’t his girlfriend. She was no longer at his beck and call. In fact, she had work to do.

  But I’m curious.

  Jacob hadn’t called in ages. When they dated, they’d talk at odd hours when he was trying to stay awake, or when a free moment late at night popped up. She missed that, and the emotional lift his voice provided. Now, she was potentially making the biggest mistake of her life.

  Traffic was at a standstill down the street from the address she’d given the taxi driver. Jacob stood outside a building entrance. Her heartbeat increased. It was hard to swallow. He looked better than she remembered. Sun glinted off the crown of his head, casting mahogany highlights in his hair. Leaning against the wall, one knee bent, his hands were thrust in his pockets. Tears made vision blurry. She leaned forward to tell the cabby not to stop, but the cab pulled over before the words came out.

  Jacob approached. Hands shaking, she handed the driver a variety of bills as the door opened.

  Jacob filled the gap. “Hi.” He held out his hand.

  His body occupied all the space in the cab, sucking all the oxygen out as well. She tried to take a deep breath but couldn’t.

  Lifting her head, she took his outstretched hand and exited the cab. “Hi.”

  His gaze devoured her. She willed herself to stop trembling. Movement from the corner of her eye distracted her. She looked around. “Where are we?”

  He smiled at her. “Not yet. Come with me.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  She balked and resentment returned. “No, you don’t get to surprise me. I’m not your girlfriend anymore. I’ve done everything you asked. Now you have to tell me or I’m getting back in the cab and leaving.”

  He looked at her, surprise on his face. He nodded. “You’re right. I wanted to give you a tour of my office.”

  “Your office? But I thought you worked—”

  He held up his hand. She stopped mid-sentence.

  “I know. Come see?”

  Opening the door, he ushered her into the brownstone. She admired the architecture while at the same time feeling confused. What was this place? Her gaze stopped on a sign: The Croft Firm.

  “Wait, what? I thought you worked for Smith Kane?”

  “I quit. I started here three days ago.”

  She shook her head. Before she could speak, someone walked over.

  “Aviva, this is Ann. Ann, this is Aviva Shulman.”

  Pasting a bland smile on her face, she shook the woman’s hand. Jacob crossed the foyer. She rushed to catch up with him. He pointed out the conference room, the kitchen, and the library as they passed. Walking upstairs, he led her down a hallway and finally into an office. There were two desks, but neither was occupied. He shut the door.

  “This is my office. My officemate, Charlotte, is out.” He perched on the desk. She burst into tears. “Wait, what’s wrong?” He leaned toward her but she shook her h
ead. She stood by the window, as far from him as possible.

  She’d leave, except she didn’t know how to get out of the building without being seen. “Aviva, please tell me what’s wrong. I thought you’d be happy.”

  “Happy? Why would I be happy?”

  “Because I don’t work for Smith Kane anymore, which means I don’t work the crazy hours anymore. They’re still long, but nothing like before. I thought if my hours were better, maybe we could get back together.”

  White-hot anger flashed before her, drying her tears faster than anything else. She spun around. “You thought we broke up because of your hours? You think fixing your hours will suddenly make things okay?”

  He started to walk toward her but stopped. He held up his hands in surrender. “Yes, no, wait, let me explain. I’m sorry, I planned everything out and then you started crying. I messed it all up. Can I start over, please?”

  She wiped her cheeks and nodded.

  “Okay. Originally, when you broke up with me, I was angry. I thought you doubted my desire to put you first, and you gave up on me. That anger burned in the back of my mind as I went to work for Smith Kane. But the work and the hours and the complete exhaustion made my anger disappear. The only thing I felt was hurt. I was miserable, but I didn’t know why. I didn’t want to think about it or admit I’d made a mistake. I worked and tried to forget about you. Unsuccessfully, by the way.”

  He smiled but she couldn’t return it. His faltered.

  “Anyway, then my mother interfered.”

  “I had nothing to do with that.”

  “I know. For once, I’m glad she did. Because she was able to get me to understand your side.”

  “My side?”

  His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “The lifestyle I choose by working for Smith Kane is not what you want to be a part of. No matter how hard I try to make sure you are not left out, like your dad did to you and your mom, it will never be enough because it’s more than just me working a lot. Am I right?”

  Her throat closed. She could only nod.

  “But I still didn’t listen. I went back to work. I created this fantastic brief for a client. The senior associate told me to be prepared to go to court. I assumed I’d play a key role. I was psyched. This was my dream, and I got to live it. Except, I didn’t. Because I went to court, the building, but I didn’t get to do anything except wait on a bench out in the hallway while everyone else defended my brief.”