Blurred Lines

by Tamsyn Bester

  “This place is nice,” said Dane. He walked through to the living room and I followed. The large bay windows overlooked a moderate backyard with a built in deck, and fire pit. There would be plenty of space to add things later on, like a pool, and a sandbox.

  “Are you sure you and Jade are ready for this?”

  I turned to look at Dane, slightly amused by his worrisome expression. “No,” I replied honestly. “But our baby is coming whether we’re ready or not, and when she does, I want her to have a home. I’d be lying if I said I’m not freaking out, but Jade and our girl come first now. And this is what’s best for them.”

  He clapped his hand over my shoulder. “Okay. You know Kennedy and I will help you guys too, with whatever you need.”

  “Thanks, man. I appreciate that, and I know Jade will too.”

  “You’re going to be a dad,” he chuckled ruefully with a shake of his head.

  “Laugh it off now, Uncle Dane, because when my kid is thirteen, with horny little fucks chasing her tail, I’m calling you to help scare them off.”

  “You know I have your back.”

  I looked at my friend, my brother, and idly wondered when we’d grown up. We were no longer the mud-covered kids from yester-year, and we were no longer the horny teenagers screwing our way through high school. We were now two grown men standing on the precipice of the rest of our lives, both in committed relationships, and preparing for the future.

  I turned around just as Missy walked in. “Would you like to see the rest of the house?” She asked.

  “No, that won’t be necessary,” I replied. “I’ll take it.”

  “Fabulous,” she beamed. “I can have the documents ready for you in a few days. Where would you like me to send them?”

  “You can send them to my father to look over,” I told her. “When can we move in?”

  “Once all the paperwork is processed and approved, you should be able to move in on the first of next month.”

  “Perfect.”

  We could make do with our apartment until then, and by the time move-in day rolled around Jade would only have three months left in her pregnancy. That was plenty of time for us to get the house ready, and do the nursery.

  I expected to feel some kind of panic, but a strange sense of rightness filled my chest. Something my father had told me weeks ago, when I’d just learned that Jade was expecting, popped into my head, and standing in the home we would soon be living in made it seem so much more real now.

  If you looked ahead ten years from now, and saw Jade standing next to you, and if you know without a shadow of a doubt that you’d put up with all the hardships that life throws at you if it meant waking up next to her, then you know.

  The scary part was not that we were starting this part of our lives together so soon, but rather that I’d never been able to see this kind of life with anyone else. Knowing she was my future made the fear of not being a good partner, or good father less daunting.

  Because she made me better, and she made me want to deserve the life I’d spent years chasing and was finally getting a taste of.

  Chapter 15

  Jade

  You love me, but I want to feel like you want me

  I dropped onto our sofa with a sigh, and brought my hands to rest on my growing belly. Kennedy and Grady had taken me to a spa, as per Reid’s orders, where I was pampered within an inch of my life. I felt so relaxed, and so blissfully content, and I reveled in the feeling. It wouldn’t be long before it was all uprooted again, and I was forced to adjust to yet another one of life’s many changes.

  I smiled when I felt that familiar fluttering beneath my hands, a reminder that not all the changes ahead had to be bad.

  Kennedy sat down beside me, her legs crossed, and grinned down at her phone.

  “If you are sexting with Dane right now, I will throw your phone away,” I said, twisting my head to face her.

  “Just because you’re not getting any doesn’t mean I have to be celibate,” she replied with a laugh. “And if you’re so frustrated, then you should talk to Reid about that.”

  I groaned. “Every time I try to initiate anything he gently turns me down. I’m starting to think the thought of having sex with me repulses him.”

  “I highly doubt that,” she snickered. “Considering your current, uh, condition.”

  “True,” I relented. “But what if he doesn’t want to have sex with me because I look too big? Or what if he’s put off by this,” I gestured towards my baby bump.

  “You’re being ridiculous Jade. He can’t keep his hands off you, or your stomach. I’m sure he’s holding off for a reason.”

  Until we buy a damn house, I thought, thinking back to our conversation two weeks ago. Since then we hadn’t spoken much about his plans, but Kennedy had finally come clean about moving in with Dane.

  As emotional as it was, we knew it was going to happen eventually. That only left Ashley, and by the looks of it, Chase was considering moving in with her. They were spending the break in New York with Ashley’s family, and according to Grady that meant his brother was “tits over ass in love” – his words. I was happy for them, as I was for Kennedy and Dane, but some days I still felt overwhelmed. Or hungry. If I wasn’t screaming obscenities at someone, I was crying, and if I wasn’t crying, I was eating. If this was how pregnancy was going to be for the remainder of my term then Reid was having his balls cut off before we started building his “football team” family.

  I knew I was being ridiculous, but every time Reid turned me down, it stung a little more. It made me feel undesirable, and unattractive, and it infuriated me. I’d never in my life felt any of those things, and I shouldn’t have felt them now just because I was almost six months pregnant.

  “Maybe he’s getting it elsewhere,” I huffed sarcastically. “It would explain a lot.”

  “Will you listen to yourself?” Asked Kennedy, her voice high and filled with incredulity. “Pregnancy has done a number on you, and I have no idea why. Even with that belly you look stunning, and I have no reason to believe Reid would ever not want you, pregnant or not. The man is infatuated with you, and have you seen his face light up when he gets to feel your baby move?”

  I shrugged. “Doesn’t mean he wants me wants me.”

  Kennedy shook her head, and I could tell she was exasperated with me.

  “You really need to stop worrying,” she said, squeezing my hand. “He loves you. Anybody who comes near the two of you can see that.”

  I gave her a small smile, and gave up the argument.

  The front door burst open, and Grady filled the doorway. He was out of breath, and flustered, and not how we left him after our relaxing day at the spa.

  “Did you run here?” I asked, taking in his disheveled appearance.

  “Yes,” he puffed out, resting his hands on his knees. “I found....out....what...that....Jesus I need to start going to gym.” He straightened, and brushed his blond hair from his forehead.

  “Right,” he continued. “I found out what that fucking Hobbit did in Cabo to get her face busted up.”

  Kennedy and I looked at each other, and then looked back at Grady. “Well?” Kennedy prompted. I sat up, unable to shake the uneasiness that came whenever Stella popped up in conversation. We hadn’t seen her again since our last confrontation in the cafeteria but I knew in my gut that it wasn’t the last of her we’d see, especially if she still had her sights set on getting Reid back.

  “That was months ago,” I said. “Do we need to talk about it now?”

  Grady quirked a brow, and popped out his hip. “Of course we do. I have been trying to find out what the psycho did, and my bartender friend finally came through for me. He asked around, and some of the staff said they saw her go into the bathroom. When she walked out, she looked like she’d had her face rearranged.”

  “So someone beat her up in the bathroom?” Kennedy asked skeptically. “That makes no sense.”

  “That’s because she
did it to herself,” replied Grady. “Security footage showed that no one entered the bathroom before her for at least thirty minutes, and no one entered after her either. So she was alone, and that can only mean she did it to herself.”

  “I always knew she had a few screws loose,” remarked Kennedy, “But I think she might be missing a whole toolbox.”

  “You’re right on that one, honey bee, and to think Reid believed Jade did it to her.”

  I swallowed, and shifted uncomfortably. I didn’t want to relive that night, or any other night that followed because as far as I was concerned, it was over. So why was it bothering me so much? She wasn’t a threat to me, and Reid had made it clear that they were no longer together.

  “Are you going to tell Reid?” Asked Kennedy. I realized she was talking to me, and I simply shook my head. “There’s no point. That’s over and done with, and she’s out of his life. We don’t need a trip down memory lane.” I didn’t intend to snap, but my voice was harsh, and I was irritated with the conversation.”

  “Are you okay, tootsie roll?” Asked Grady, his brows furrowed.

  “Yes,” I lied. “Just tired.”

  It was only four p.m but I was in fact tired after our day in town. And I was missing Reid. I thought he’d be home by now, and thoughts of Stella only added to my newfound insecurity.

  You’re being silly, I scolded myself. Kennedy looked at me with sympathy and understanding.

  “You have nothing to worry about,” she said quietly, stilling my inner turmoil. “Reid loves you.”

  Grady motioned for us to scoot over, and then squeezed himself next to me, and both him and Kennedy had their arms around my shoulders.

  “Is he still not banging you?”

  I stared at Grady, and his complete inability to filter his words. When I saw how serious he was I burst out laughing, and didn’t stop until I had tears running down my cheeks. When I’d calmed down, they were both looking at me as if I’d lost my mind. Maybe I had, but for once I was able to laugh through my worry.

  “She’s completely lost it,” Kennedy said over my head.

  “Or maybe she just realized the insanity of whatever scenario she’d conjured up in her head,” replied Grady.

  “She can hear you,” I told them.

  “Good,” retorted Grady. “Because I know for a fact your man won’t go near that Hobbit again, and I have it on good authority that he never even had sex with her while they were dating.”

  My head shot up. “What?”

  He nodded his head triumphantly. “He didn’t touch her, Jade. Not once.”

  My whole body sagged, but I couldn’t understand why that knowledge made me feel so relieved.

  “You see?” Kennedy touched my arm. “You’re feeling insecure for no reason, Jade. I’m sure Reid is just taking his time, and making sure he does things right this time around.”

  Well,” snorted Grady, “Either that or he’s worried about poking your baby in the face with his dick.”

  “Oh my God,” I laughed, covering my face with my hands. “You are so not allowed near my child with that foul mouth.”

  “Please,” – Grady threw his head back dramatically – “That kid is going to walk out of that cooch spitting fire like her mamma, and that’s all on you. Pretty sure she’s going to be able to teach me a thing or two.”

  Kennedy laughed beside me. “Your baby is going to be born into a colorful family, that’s for sure.”

  I didn’t doubt it. I was so grateful for my friends, and more so because they put up with me and my hormones. They also told me when I was being ludicrous, and managed to erase my silly insecurities.

  But deep down, Reid was the only one I wanted confirmation from.

  GRADY AND KENNEDY ONLY left after I’d assured them I was fine. They somehow got my mind off Stella and her relationship with Reid, and by the time I was feeling marginally like myself again I was also starving. Grady had a date – my eyes nearly bugged out when he told us – and Kennedy went next door to wait for Dane. I hadn’t heard anything from Reid all afternoon, and rather than lament on how that bothered me, I started making dinner. I stripped down, and put my cotton sleep shorts on with one of Reid’s long sleeved Henley’s and my grey knitted Uggs before heading back into the kitchen.

  I flicked the stereo on, and started dancing around when Taylor Swift’s ‘Blank Space’ played through the speakers. I gathered everything I would need to make some ravioli with a béchamel sauce, and began preparing one of my favorite dishes.

  I was removing the pasta pockets from the stove when I felt two hands circling my waist. When I looked over my shoulder a grin, and two bright green eyes greeted me.

  “Hi.” I smiled, and felt my cheeks warm. I was sure I looked ridiculous, dancing around the kitchen like no one was watching, but Reid seemed to have enjoyed the show.

  “Hi.” He lowered his head, and kissed me, and with that single touch, hopefulness blossomed inside me.

  “I missed you,” I said against his lips, feeling my blood warm with want. It had me craving the feel of him, and after today’s admission I wanted him to prove me wrong, prove to me that he still wanted me that way.

  “I missed you too. Did you have a good day at the spa?”

  “I did. Thank you for spoiling me.”

  “It’s only the beginning.” He gave me one last peck, and then pulled away while I finished up with the sauce.

  “Smells good,” he remarked. I heard him unzip his jacket, and when I turned to face him, his attention was already elsewhere.

  Disappointment coiled in my chest, and I watched with longing as he switched the television on and flicked to a sports channel. Why had I expected something different? He’d made it obvious over the last few weeks that having sex was not on the agenda, and under normal circumstances I would have blown it off, but I was feeling emotional, and vulnerable. His continued rebuff had started wounding my confidence, and I didn’t like it.

  I plated our food, and sat down on the sofa as we started eating in silence. The longer it continued, the more irritable I became, and eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I slammed my plate on the coffee table, and stormed off to my room where I started picking up the clothes lying around just for something to do.

  “Asshole,” I mumbled under my breath, snatching up random items of clothing.

  I felt Reid’s presence when he walked in, but I didn’t acknowledge him. Maybe if I ignored him long enough he would start to feel the way I was.

  “What was that about?” He asked. He sounded confused, and if I had to spell it out for him then perhaps he wasn’t as attuned to my feelings as I’d thought.

  “Nothing,” I snapped, “It was absolutely fucking nothing.”

  “Did I do something to piss you off? Because you looked pretty happy to see me when I came home.”

  I huffed out a laugh. “I was happy to see you, until you...you...” I was so agitated I couldn’t finish my sentence. Was I even sure about what he’d done wrong?

  If I thought about it, he hadn’t done anything, but it was the buildup of brush-off after brush-off that had been percolating, and tonight was the final straw. Between worrying about why he wouldn’t have sex with me, and thinking about Stella, I felt discombobulated. Confused. All over the fucking place.

  “Until I what, Jade? Why are you so upset?”

  I threw our clothes across the room, and he had to sidestep before I hit him with them. I didn’t feel like treading lightly for his benefit anymore, no matter how crazy I was about to sound.

  “I am upset because you won’t have sex with me!” I yelled, throwing my arms out. “I’m upset because you touch me, and kiss me, and then when I want to take it further, you oh-so-politely reject me. And I’m fucking upset because I actually don’t know what the fuck I’m feeling.”

  He stared at me like I’d lost my mind, and I was starting to think I had.

  “You love me, but I want to feel like you want me,” I added, but the
more I spoke the more foolish I sounded. Even I could admit that my behavior was not only absurd, but also right out of left field. One minute I was calm, and happy, and the next I was yelling at Reid for something asinine like his lack of desire to screw me.

  But was it really asinine? Was I wrong for wanting to feel desired?

  Reid’s expression remained stoic, but his eyes flashed with something unnamable and his nostrils flared.

  He was angry? Why was he angry when I was the one having a damn –

  All thought stopped when he crossed the room in three strides, and crashed his mouth to mine. He wrapped his hand around my neck, and pulled. Hard. I gasped at the force of it, and braced my hands on his stomach.

  “You’re so fucking sexy when you’re mad,” he murmured. I could hear the indignation in his voice, but couldn’t tell if it was directed at me or not. “And even sexier when you’re pregnant.”

  My heart tripped in my chest at those words. I’d needed to hear them, and I only realized how much, once they’d passed his lips.

  His hands cupped my butt and tugged me into him with delicious roughness. God, I’d missed this. I’d missed how wild he made me, and how he made my body heat with ferocious intensity.

  He broke our kiss, and I opened my eyes, only to find him glaring at me.

  “How could you think I don’t want you?” He asked in a harsh whisper. “Goddamit Jade, I always want you.”

  Before I could respond, and possibly explain, his lips found mine again, and his hands slid down to my thighs. He lifted me up, and turned us towards my bed. With little effort, he climbed to the middle of my mattress, and held me against his body.

  “Reid.” My voice sounded so...breathless. Apparently the lack of orgasms and the way Reid was looking at me turned me into a puddle of incoherence. I was not this woman – desperate and wanting. I was a strong, confident mother-to-be, and...oh fuck it. I was too turned on to care about that shit. I wanted Reid to fuck me already. His gaze was heated and I’d been waiting for him to look at me that way again for so long that when he did, it knocked me off kilter.