“Yeah, that’s an idea,” she said, avoiding his stare.
He smiled at her. “Guess I’ll get busy on the cabinets then.”
“Do you need any help?” she heard herself ask.
“No, tearing them out is the easy part. But we can put them up in your studio together, if you’re into that sort of work. Some women aren’t.”
“I taught myself to do that sort of work ages ago. My husband wasn’t very handy.”
“Your husband?” He looked worried. “I didn’t know you were married.”
“I’m not, now.”
He actually seemed to sigh in relief. Fawn didn’t know what to make of him. Was he infatuated with some false image he had of her? Why else would he be upset that she might be married? Or was she reading him wrong? She had to admit to herself that she was horribly out of practice. And Richard’s conniving had made her all the more confused. She didn’t trust her own feelings.
“I’ll be back soon!” he shouted as he suddenly bounded from the porch. “Maybe we can share dinner later on!”
“Oh, but I can’t!” she yelled after him. Too late, though; he’d already disappeared round the house.
Taury brought up the cabinets and Fawn helped him install them along the back wall of the guest house’s living room. They were in good shape, and would make great storage for all her trinkets and beads and tools.
He was dressed in his usual attire; shirtless with faded jeans and worn athletic shoes. Fawn of course had on cut-offs and a tank top, this time a blue one. She tried very hard to ignore the closeness they were sharing, but with both of them half-naked, and sweaty, it was impossible.
He held the upper cabinets while she screwed them to the wall, over and over until all of them were done. Then it was pretty easy to scoot the bottom units in and level them up. He even brought a wood countertop to finish them off.
Once they were through, they stood back and admired their handiwork.
“They don’t look that bad,” Fawn decided. “If I paint them all a nice turquoise they’ll be cool.”
“Yeah, I can see that. Would you like me to help you paint them?”
“Oh, I think I’ve wasted enough of your time. I like painting in solitude; it kind of helps me get rid of my stress.”
“I guess that’s one way to go about it. I could think of something better.” She glanced at him; he grinned. “So, it’s near dinner time. I could order in some pizza. There’s a great little pizzeria in the mall across the highway.”
“I tried to tell you earlier; I have a dinner date at the De Paolos’ house. They asked me days ago.”
“Oh, okay.”
“You could come along. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”
“I’ve never met them. What are they like?”
“Well, Frank is a set designer at Universal. And Jimmy is a caterer. They’re good people; very friendly and kind.”
“Maybe you better call them. I wouldn’t want to barge in unannounced.”
“Sure, I understand.”
She called them, knew before she asked that they would say yes.
“It’s all set.”
“Great! I’ll head on home, take a shower. Meet you back up here in fifteen minutes? Or do you need longer to get ready?”
“No, that’s plenty of time.”
He nodded, hopped into his huge silver truck and eased it out of her driveway.
When they arrived at Frank and Jimmy’s they seemed like a real couple out for a casual date. Fawn didn’t have any dresses or slacks, had to make do with a ruffled red blouse and a pair of black denim shorts, her feet clad in bejeweled flip flops that she had embellished that evening while waiting for Taury.
“Come in, darling!” Tall, gray-headed Frank De Paolo welcomed Fawn in a thick Louisiana drawl as he hugged her. “You look lovely! And this must be Mr. Trahern! I’m glad to finally meet you.”
Taury held out his hand, shook Frank’s. “I’m happy to meet you. Fawn told me you’re a set designer. Maybe you can give me some ideas on renovating my house.”
“I’d love to, boy, I’d love to! Been dying to see into that old house since we moved here! Jimmy, where are you? Our guests are waiting!”
Jimmy De Paolo came running from the back of the tiny frame cottage. He was a lot younger than Frank, probably thirty or so, kind of short with a dark buzz cut and big, inquisitive blue eyes.
“Hello, Fawn! And Taury, is it? Welcome! I’ve got the deck all fancied up so we can eat outside and watch the sunset. The chicken is at the perfect temperature but if you’d like a cocktail first I can store it in the warming drawer.”
“Of course they want a cocktail, Jimmy!” Frank walked over to an old bookcase that had been refitted as a bar. “What’ll you have?”
“Oh, maybe a bit of wine, Frank … nothing serious for me.”
“Okay, darling. Mr. Trahern?”
“Well, first, I wish you’d call me Taury.”
“Will do! What’s your poison, son?”
“I’m not much of a drinker. Wine, too, for me, I guess.”
“Coming up!”
Frank handed Fawn her drink then gave one to Taury. She took a moment to examine him while he wasn’t looking. He was fresh and clean, dressed in a neat pair of dark blue pants and a crisp light blue shirt. And he smelled like heaven; some kind of subtle musky scent that wasn’t overpowering like most guys wore.
When he had rung her front doorbell he’d made her feel like a teen on her very first date. The anticipation of seeing his face again, even though he’d only been gone less than half an hour, was painful. She cursed herself for feeling so wrapped up in him; telling her starved self esteem that it was only some kind of pity that kept him attentive.
Dinner brought the kind of stimulating conversation and atmosphere she always expected from Frank and Jimmy. But underneath it all that urgent, undeniable need lingered, winding itself into a minor frenzy with Taury’s every glance. Fawn tried to ignore it, but he was watching her eat, and sip her wine; even seemed to be staring at her chest as it rose and fell, her heart quaking inside it.
She couldn’t handle it. All she wanted once her divorce had become final was to settle into Connie’s house and finally start being herself. A free spirit, accountable to no one; her days and nights would be her own for the first time in her life. She would not let this boy change that, especially since she was certain that if he did want her, it was by some cruel quirk of nature. Nothing good could come from it. He’d use her, and move on, and she’d be left to pick up the pieces, again.
It was hard enough trying to get past losing Richard, and she didn’t love him, not really, not in the way a man should make you love him. He was her guardian, her overseer, her warden. But her heart was convinced that if Taury got hold of it, there was no letting go. She’d be trapped by loving him, and she couldn’t face that.
A strange, unsettling quiver spread over her from head to toe. Her heart began to boom in her ears. She knew what was happening – a panic attack. She’d had them before, but this one was earth-shaking. She had to get out of there, fast!
Fawn stood; the three men looked at her, puzzling.
“What’s wrong, angel?” Frank questioned as he gazed at her pallid face.
“I’m feeling a bit ill. I think I should go.”
“Well, certainly. Do I need to call a doctor?”
“No, no, Frank. I’ll be fine, as soon as I get home.”
“I’ll take you,” Taury said, coming round the table towards her.
“Oh, please, don’t let me spoil your dinner! I’d rather go by myself. Sit down, Taury. Honestly, I don’t need any help.”
“But I want to help you. And I brought you here. It’s only right I should see you home.”
“No, please! Jimmy, Frank, convince him to stay!”
She grabbed her purse and ran for the door, leaving the three men standing there, confused.
Once she reached the front door to the bungalow, she
flung herself through the hall and bedroom then hid in the bath, crying, and hoping that Taury hadn’t followed her. Then, realizing that he hadn’t; she cried harder.
FIVE
After a miserable, soul-searching night Fawn dragged her sleepless body into the kitchen where she nibbled on a piece of buttered wheat toast and contemplated what to do next. Taury had called around ten P.M. and she assured him she was okay. She didn’t think he accepted her lame excuses but he abided by them. Then she had to answer to Frank, who was sometimes like a kind but meddling aunt, and Jimmy, who was like the brother she’d always wanted. It was nice to have people worrying over her, but a bit of an annoyance as well. She thought she’d have so much time to herself there. It wasn’t turning out that way at all.
Once she got her eyes open and her limbs moving, she managed to have a productive morning, painting the studio cabinets and setting up a vintage desk by the beachside windows. She hadn’t consciously put it where she had a good view of Taury’s house – or had she? But there was the beach house, framed like an art piece right before her. He was nowhere to be seen, though his truck was parked in front of the open garage. Inside it were rows of what seemed to be antique motorcycles. He had mentioned to Jimmy that he was restoring some Indian cycles as a hobby.
Fawn wished she had listened more to their conversation. Taury had told Frank and Jimmy more about himself in an hour than she’d learned during their whole afternoon together. But it was mostly talk about his hobbies: renovating houses, and restoring vintage bikes. He was very quiet about his past, then, and during their time installing the cabinets. He’d only been interested in discovering her thoughts on movies and music and renovating. He hadn’t given her time to ask questions. But now, probably, he wouldn’t care to answer anything she asked. She had a feeling the whole debacle was over. It saddened her but she was still sure dating him would only lead to pain – and she was so tired of hurting.
Fawn decided to drive over to the shopping mall for a bit of browsing and maybe a nice lunch at one of the quaint restaurants there. The sky looked a bit iffy; storms had been forecast but she figured she’d chance it anyway.
She washed up, stepped into a fresh pair of shorts and a red T shirt with French cut sleeves. The convertible top of the MG was already open, so she eased into her seat and started down the drive. The pink bougainvillea and heirloom red roses and splashy yellow mimosa made a lovely, fragrant backdrop. She was happy; being there was right, and true. There was no other place she’d rather be. So why did the bad dreams haunt her sleep? Why did she feel as though everything could come tumbling down around her shoulders at any minute?
She hung out in a drugstore for awhile, sampling new mascaras and eye shadows, finally bought a few, plus a tube of lipstick in a magenta-pink that looked great against her skin.
A clothing shop caught her eye; she entered and wound up buying two skimpy sundresses, one in red, the other in lavender. Then, of course she needed shoes to match each dress, and a purse. Their lingerie was to die for; she hadn’t bought anything sexy in years. Richard’s tastes were too old-fashioned for her: lots of frills and ruffles and bows. She liked the slinky simple stuff, wound up purchasing a black bra and panty set, and a leopard print teddy, and a magenta-pink bikini to match her new lipstick. It never occurred to her why she was getting all these girly items. For once in her life she allowed herself the freedom to buy without thinking, to indulge herself without feeling guilty. It was stimulating!
She had a late lunch at a charming Japanese steakhouse that was decorated with tatami mats and low tables with pillows for seating. Her appetite, which was usually quite dull, surprised her. She wound up ordering a huge bento box full of sushi, salad with ginger dressing, tangy noodles and wonderful shrimp fried rice, with a cup of sake on the side.
A sudden rainstorm blasted the air as she rushed to her car. Frantically, she threw her purchases into the trunk and raised the convertible top, getting thoroughly drowned in the process. Finally safe within the wet car, she started the engine and stepped on the gas, only to discover that one of the tires was flat!
A curse hissed from under Fawn’s breath as she braved the storm to check the damage. Somehow a sliver of glass has gotten wedged into the tire. She thought back on her drive up from San Diego, vaguely recalled passing by a minor traffic accident, where the only injury was to a vintage sedan’s windshield. Leave it to her to pick up a souvenir.
“Oh, well,” she shrugged. “It won’t get changed with me just standing here!”
She slicked her soaked hair back behind her ears and wrestled the spare tire and jack from the trunk. She had taught herself to do simple car repairs on her MG. Richard hated anything old, refused to deal with it. But it was a gift from Connie on her twentieth birthday – which meant it was her most prized possession besides the bungalow.
Funny how ungentlemanly these rich Southern California guys were – not one had stopped to offer her assistance. Not that she needed it but somehow it would have seemed a nice gesture. They were probably afraid of mussing up their two hundred dollar haircuts or ruining their designer suits in the rain.
Lightning struck a tree on the hill above the mall; Fawn jumped, began to struggle harder to finish the job. Then she noticed a large, gleaming silver truck slinking towards her. The passenger window slid down, revealing Taury Trahern, dressed in a stylish black suit with a striped vest and tie. He looked like he’d just stepped off the runway in Milan or out of a cologne ad. She gasped.
“Need a hand?” he asked.
“I’m almost done.”
“Well, let me do the rest. You hop up in here before you catch cold.”
He opened the passenger door.
“I’ll get your seats damp.”
“No problem. They’re leather.”
She stepped up into the cabin.
“But you shouldn’t be out in the rain in that suit. You’ll ruin it.”
“I’m itching to get out of the damn thing anyway.”
He started to remove the jacket, then the tie, the vest, and a white shirt. Fawn couldn’t help noticing the sensuous curves of his torso, and the tuft of golden hair just below his belly button. “Here I go again,” she thought, trying to calm her booming heart.
Taury smiled at her as if he knew what she was thinking. Then he climbed out of the truck and went round to her car. She watched him as he made quick work of attaching the spare and replacing the tools into her trunk. The rain sheathed his broad, tan shoulders, darkened his hair, and sent her off on a fantasy where the two of them were locked in a wet embrace in her shower. She gasped again.
The click of the truck door as it opened brought her back to reality.
“All done!” Taury announced. Fawn lowered her gaze, patting her flushed cheeks with damp hands as he got in and turned the engine.
“Thanks, I really appreciate it. Guess I’ll head on home.”
He sat quietly for a moment, looking at her.
“You don’t like me much, do you?”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Yes, I did. But I don’t know why you’d ask such a question. I don’t really know you.”
“Would you like to?”
“Look, you’re a sweet guy. You’ve been kind to me but…”
“But what? You’re just not into me. Is that it?”
“I’m not ready to be into anybody right now.”
“Why? Because you think it isn’t proper so soon after your divorce?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“I don’t believe that. And I don’t think you really do, either. You’ve been conditioned to act a certain way, that’s all.”
“Taury, I’ve just come out of a bad marriage. I can’t trust any feelings I might have right now, about you, or myself.”
“But you can. Look, all I know is that I’ve felt a connection to you since I first saw you up on the hill. And then, that night in my house, when our eyes met it was like a can
non went off in my heart. I want you, Fawn, I can’t be more honest than that. And I know you want me. I can see it in your eyes. Now, I don’t do the one night stand thing. I’m not a casual man. I want you for always. And if you’re not ready, I’ll wait.”
This was too unreal; no one had ever said words like that to her, not Richard, or any boy she dated in high school. She wasn’t the type to be waited for.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Well, then don’t say anything. Go home and think about me, and the way I make you feel. Or the way I could make you feel … if you’d relax and let things flow.”
She gazed into the deep set blue eyes. He seemed sincere, but how could she know? He was a stranger. She knew nothing about him besides a few dry facts.
“Maybe … maybe we could get to know each other, like most people do. Go on a few dates and talk a lot…”
“And waste precious time when we could be in bed.”
She was about to have an orgasm just at hearing that word ‘bed’ come out of his luscious mouth. How could she sit through conversation and movies and dinner when all she wanted was to lie down with him and never get up?
“Is that all you’re interested in?”
“No, I want to know everything from your conception up to before I drove here. But the pull between us is killing me, Fawn. It must be the same for you. Say it is.”
He slipped his dark hand over hers, squeezed it tight. She looked into his eyes again. They were glistening with a heat she’d never seen before. She reached her free hand to touch his cheek. He took that as a ‘yes’, drew her to him, bound her up in a strong but gentle caress. Their lips met, melded. It was like she’d never been kissed till then. His mouth molded hers to suit his needs, urging her on softly with his tongue.
“Wait,” she whispered. “We can’t, not here.”
Losing Control Page 3