by Paige Notaro
“Just a moment, Corporal,” he said, softly. “I wasn’t trying to ruin your appetite. The mess hall does that well enough on their own. No, the reason I brought this up is that these men I just showed you were taken out by the same caliber ammunition that hit your leg.”
“It’s a common round.”
“Not common in Atlanta.” His smile grew hard. “Other than us, it’s primarily used by the Mexican Cartel. The same guys who happen to be shooting up your boys.”
I glowered down at him. He had nothing. If Montego was trying to hang me with frayed yarn, he would get no help from me.
“Whoah, guys,” a voice rose out of the hallway. “What am I interrupting?”
Dennis had come up right over Montego’s shoulder. His dark skin was beaded in sweat and he was heaving like he’d just come from a run. His eyes were wide open, though.
“Go on through, Private.” Montego dropped his hand, but his gaze stayed on me.
Dennis shot me a puzzled look as he passed on through. I shrugged even as I shrank inside. There were few enough faces I could trust at the base. I didn’t want Dennis to see this.
But he didn’t keep going. He turned and looked between me and Montego. “Is the Corporal in trouble?” he asked.
“His buddies sure are,” Montego said.
“They’re not my friends,” I said. “They haven’t been my friends since I went to war.”
“I know how that goes,” Dennis said. “My family here’s littered with idiot gangbangers. I almost used to look up to a couple of my cousins, but I can’t stand them since I got back. Always going on about this guy’s street cred or that, as if any of it matters.”
“Respectfully, Private,” Montego said. “This is not your fight. Run on to the jungle gyms and do some pull-ups.”
Dennis did not budge. “Respectfully, it is my fight. This man saved me in the heat of combat. Do you think he could have done that if he was just some criminal or whatever? Even if he was, do you think he would stay the same after that?”
He stared down Montego. My chest filled with a profound warmth, but only momentarily.
Things might be different if he had walked in a moment earlier and saw what he was defending me from. Or if Montego simply spelled out my past affiliations.
Luckily, Montego simply smiled and stepped further aside. “I wasn’t detaining the Corporal, just asking him some questions. I suppose I can let him reflect on what happened here for a bit.”
He tossed me a grim smile. He meant to rattle me, by letting this slide. Letting me think on how a black man had defended my racist connections.
It was just another item to add to my long list of ruminations.
I backed out into the hall. Dennis threw me a wink past Montego. I could only toss him a nod. It felt inadequate for many reasons.
I ate and headed for the armory. It was my assigned duty, but as I neared the cement bunker, my stomach dropped.
My role with the Storm’s Soldiers had come to an end. However, I could not abandon my father. I was supposed to call him today and confirm the timing of this month’s weapons drop. The operation was the one thing that he asked of me now.
It would be tough with Montego breathing down my neck.
But the bigger issue was that I no longer felt a pressing need for the task.
Getting the guns had been my purpose in joining the army. I had stolen them to support my father’s white nationalism cause. They had always been intended as a means for defense.
But my father would let the Storm’s Soldiers use them. He kept his distance from their activities, but he saw purpose in their drug war. I didn’t want to supply criminals.
The cause itself was another problem, now. I could still believe in my father’s vision. There was nothing wrong with a space where white people could live freely with their kind. But I couldn’t occupy that world anymore. It had no room for Rosa. It had no room for Dennis. It had no room for many of my brothers in arms.
I didn’t know how to hold the two ideas together, but perhaps I could keep them apart. Maybe I could wind down the operation here. My father hadn’t even seemed to need the guns urgently last time we talked.
I gave him a call on my private phone to check.
“Calix,” he said, his low, rolling voice comforting and frail all at once. “Are you doing well? How is your leg? You haven’t come by in a while.”
“I thought it best to work.” I couldn’t reveal it was Rosa eating up my spare time.
“Ah, I understand. Well, carry on then. We’re looking forward to your new delivery.”
My throat tightened. “You’re still expecting those on time?”
“Well, of course. That’s what you are there to provide us, right?”
“It was my goal, yes. But I thought we agreed that there was no rush.”
“Oh, I’m sorry if you got that impression, dear boy. No, your aid is invaluable to our cause. The Storm’s Soldiers may cast it aside, but I have not forgotten. We promised ourselves to forge a new world together you and I. And so we shall.”
“I…”
I wanted to say that it had been him who came up with that vision. I had just been there to help with the details. But I could think of no protest that offered both truth and comfort to him.
“Yes?” His voice rose, expectantly.
“Nothing,” I said. “I’ll make it work.”
“You are my bedrock, Calix.” His voice went tender. “I am so grateful you were not hurt after all you went through.”
“Me too,” I said. “I’ll try to come by when I can.”
“I would appreciate that.”
I shut it off and looked at the empty phone. A bugle call rang out long and eerie in the distance.
I descended into the armory and carried out my duties as usual. Those of the army and those from my father.
Later, I met up with Rosa and performed for her as well. These duties required far more effort. I had to grind my tongue into her, bear her open to me with my strength and bind her tight as I poured out the last burst of our lust into her. She was a far more strenuous master than any at the base.
She was also altogether more enjoyable.
As we lay together after, panting and exhausted, her soft little head nestled in my arm, a new weariness overtook me. The moon hung outside the window and I felt like a shadow. My life lay partitioned.
Everything lay in secret from each other.
It worked for now, but I knew it could not last.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Rosa
The past couple weeks, I could barely work the upper floors without flinching every time someone called my name. I’d expect to turn around and see the Chief of Medicine, or worse, the police jangling handcuffs. At least in ER, I could run out. I couldn’t exactly jump out a second story window.
My part in the investigation had been brief - I hadn’t been asked to do more than repeat the testimony I’d given my shift manager. But just the idea that people were wondering about me, watching my every move had me on edge every time someone called my name.
It almost reminded me of being back in Venezuela. We hadn’t grown up poor, but being middle class was almost worse. It meant your family had money and no security to protect it.
Even as a little girl, I’d always learned how to stay safe: travel in groups, know your surroundings, be ready to find safety or scream for help. It took a long time after moving to realize how paranoid that all was.
But paranoia was useful at times. It made sure you were never caught off guard.
I was busy adjusting the IV for a man in a diabetic coma, when I realized that someone had come up behind me. I whirled around, nearly dropping the bag altogether.
Lilly cocked an eyebrow at the foot of the bed. “Are you sure your blood sugar is ok?”
“Christ, Lilly.” I clutched my chest. “Don’t do that when I’m with a patient.”
“Enter a room noisily and wait quietly for you to finish up? Y
eah, that was a real jerk move.”
I hooked the bag back up. My heart was pounding, and I half-expected Mr. McComb’s eyes here to pop open. I was not a girl designed for secrets.
“What couldn’t you wait to tell me?” I said. “Don’t you have your own rounds?”
“I finished my rounds already,” she said. “I thought I’d just come by to chat. I didn’t expect to find my newly innocent friend being suspiciously jumpy to see me.”
“I’m no jumpier than-” I turned around. “Wait, what do you mean, ‘newly innocent’?”
Her smile danced on her lips. “Exactly what you think it means.”
“They closed their investigation?” My breath stopped in my lungs.
“That’s right.” She laughed. “You really shouldn’t look so shocked.”
“This is relief, Lilly. Relief.” I tried to pick her up in a hug, which didn’t really work given that she was taller and bigger than me.
She patted me on the back. “So now that it’s all over, you going to tell me what happened?”
“I lost my access card, and I got it back,” I said. “That’s all I know. If you want to ask my card some questions, I’d be happy to let you.”
“I think Calix might be a more interesting subject,” she said, smiling to herself. “I mean, how crazy is it that the item the card was used to get affects his case? And, he ends up dating the girl who lost the card.”
I glanced out the hall to make sure no one was hearing this. “Life is weird,” I murmured.
“Uh huh.”
“Still, if you could keep me and Calix on the down low for now, it’d be better. People might get suspicious.”
“Oh, come on.” She wrapped an arm around me and led me out. “I’d never want to see you hurt. I just want to make sure you’re not getting into even worse trouble.”
I felt light as I looked around at the bustling beeping corridors. Everything seemed bright and white and clean. Even the clouds of ammonia we walked through seemed to have a pine scent. This place was mine once more.
“I can take care of myself,” I said.
“Good,” Lilly said. “Cause you’ll need to be taking care of me soon, too.”
I looked at her confused. She was biting her lip though, looking like she was barely containing an explosion. My heart filled my chest.
“Oh my god,” I said. “You’re pregnant?”
She nodded vigorously. I wrapped her in another tight hug. Then, I though better and patted her belly to apologize.
“You ran a test here?” I asked. “It’s all confirmed?”
“Well, I mean there’s a little guy in there, but I shouldn’t even be telling you for another month or two. It’s crazy how many pregnancies end on their own. But I figured I’d need you anyway if that happens.”
“You’ll have me for anything.” I squeezed her hand and nearly cried with laughter. The relief was making me so giddy. “Especially, now that I’m not going to jail.”
“Jail?” Her eyes narrowed on me.
“It’s a joke,” I said, as we entered the nurse’s station. “I’m just super overwhelmed and grateful. You’re the bearer of amazing news today.”
“Well, you don’t owe me a thing for the case thing,” she said, dropping into a chair. “If you really want to thank someone, you should thank Lem.”
“Lem Sygard?” I asked.
“Apparently he had some say in getting it shut.”
“I see.”
“Maybe he’s not the jerk you make him out to be.”
“I didn’t say he was a jerk…”
But, I had certainly thought it. Even in the ER the other day, I kinda wanted to see Lem’s arm twisted again. Only, he hadn’t done anything to earn it this time. In fact, he might have been coming down to give me the good news.
I kept dwelling on that even as I finished my rounds. I went out to lunch with Lilly and a couple other nurses. A little crow toddled around the table cawing for handouts. Lilly cawed backed, glowing with the sun and her hidden truth.
I should have been in a happy mood, too. Instead, I just felt guilty. I was going out with the guy who had got me in trouble to begin with, and I was hating on the guy getting me out of it.
Sure, he was still probably trying to get on my good side. At best, this was an apology for the way he’d grabbed my arm that one time. But if I was looking for a guy to shield me from actual danger, then Lem was doing a whole lot better than Calix overall.
He just didn’t make me feel the same way that Calix did when I caught sight of him.
Was it just that I found Calix hotter? Was I really that shallow? No, there was more there. Calix and I came from similar worlds. Lem came from someplace far above. I could never be so close to him.
In any case, Lem wasn’t going to win me over. I liked what I liked. But he did deserve my thanks.
After we got back to the hospital, I went over to his office. The room was neat and sunny and the floor seemed to sparkle. His cases and computer and stationary were all lined up on one end of his desk. The only things on his walls were his framed diplomas from Emory and UChicago.
But his leather chair was empty. Of course, he’d be busy. He liked to keep track of everything with his patients. He was probably off recording more notes on his phone.
I went in to leave a note for him to come talk to me. I almost felt bad littering the dark wood with a post-it.
“Rosa?”
I jumped back as if I’d been tagging the desk with a gang sign. Lem stood in the doorway, arms barring the sides, his white overcoat slightly parted, just like his mouth.
“Oh, you’re here,” I said, trashing the note. “No need for this then.”
He moved in, still mostly at the doorway. His long narrow nose and thin face seemed to hone in on me.
“Was that for me? Is there something you need with a patient?”
“Actually, I just wanted to talk. I wanted to thank you.”
“Ah.” His mouth flattened into a smile. “I guess Lilly told you.”
“She mentioned that you helped get my case thrown out.” I came out from around the table. “Is she right?”
“She’s not completely wrong.” He looked annoyed a second. “She’s also not as discreet with information as she promised she’d be. I was hoping to share the news with you myself.”
“Well, I don’t know the details.” I swayed in front of him like an eager student. “I’d love to hear that from you.”
He looked painfully shy a moment. There was none of that arrogance I’d seen on our one date. Yeah, I could see how some girls would find this cute. It was charming, as long as he wasn’t crushing on me.
“I’m afraid it was just a matter of exercising my privilege,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. “My family name gives me a certain amount, and I thought I could at least do some good with it. I’d seen how stressed you’ve been the past few weeks. Just eager to finish your shift and get out.”
“Well, you weren’t wrong about that,” I said, chuckling. Of course, part of it had been Calix, but I certainly wasn’t going to remind him of that.
“Anyway, it didn’t seem that they had anything solid on you. There were some talks about having an outside consultant poring through video tape to corroborate elements of your story, but it seemed like an unnecessary and useless expense.”
My breath came shallow at the thought of what that would reveal, but I nodded and said, “Yeah.”
“So I simply made a statement on your behalf and asked that this witch hunt end.”
“You stood up for me?”
He snorted. “I suppose you could call it that. Let me tell you, it was quite the ferocious campaign I had to mount to wear out the retirees and comatose that make up the board of this hospital.”
I burst into a laugh. “Yeah, that sounds like quite the challenge.”
“In any case, they voted to remove you as a suspect.”
“Wow, I really can’t thank you enough.
” I shook my head. “So the case is finally over.”
“Oh, no.” He frowned. “The case is still very much on. They need to determine protocol for preventing another entry. They also still need to investigate others who might be responsible for the breach. There are other suspects.”
His gaze sharpened to a needle. I chuckled again, but even I could hear how hollow it sounded.
Lem slid past me to his desk and typed on his computer.
“There’s Mr. Black, of course,” he said.
This was not what I came in here to discuss, but I couldn’t just run now. “That would make sense,” I said.
“Have you noticed anything strange about him?”
“Oh, I don’t know much…”
“Rosa, I don’t need to be treated with kid’s gloves. You’re dating him. It’s fine. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I’d heard quite enough of that from Lilly. “I’m fine,” I said. “I appreciate your help, but I can handle that avenue of my life.”
“Of course. I was just wondering if you thought he could have taken the bullet.”
I made a show of thinking hard, then shook my head. “I don’t see any reason he would.”
“No? No relation to criminal activity?”
Lem looked at me quite intently, his long fingers steepled together. He knew the answer. I had seen Calix’s file and that was clean. He must have read some police dossier about Calix’s family.
“His brother and father might be up to some stuff,” I said. “But Calix is clean. He’s a soldier.”
“Well, his father is certainly a character of interest. The police have a small drawer of files from monitoring him. His brother actually walked away from the family several years back. One could imagine what he saw that drove him to it.”
“Hmm,” I nodded, trying to find a graceful exit. This was not how I wanted to learn my boyfriend’s biography. But I didn’t want to leave on a bad note.
“And there’s more than just the family,” Lem said, typing something more. “They have known ties to a criminal biker gang known as the Storm’s Soldiers.”
Ok, that was enough. “Lem,” I said, still gently. “That’s all interesting. I can ask Calix more about it, and maybe we can catch up later. I mean, he’s not a criminal, so there’s really nothing else that I can tell you now.”