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by Amanda Berriman

  15

  DUNCAN IS SITTING on the bed again. I know it’s him cos I can see the birds on his socks. I think he’s waiting for me to come out from under the bed but I’m not coming out. I’m staying here til Mummy comes to get me.

  There’s a swish and now there’s more socks and these are Jane’s blue socks and she says, ‘I’m popping to the shop to get those bits we need. I’ll take Liam with me.’

  Duncan says, ‘Has he said anything yet?’

  Jane says, ‘Just that he was provoked, but he won’t say how. School rang back and want a meeting tomorrow morning. They want to suspend him for the rest of the week.’

  I can hear whispering.

  Duncan says, ‘Yeah, good point. I’ll try that.’

  Duncan’s feet move and his legs bend down and he’s going to look under the bed so I roll quick over onto the other side and squash up against the wall. It feels smooth and hard on my nose.

  Duncan says, ‘I’m going to do some work, Jesika. I’m only just outside the door if you need me.’

  Everything goes quiet.

  Cept for the birds. They sing a lot outside Duncan and Jane’s house. I don’t hear birds singing outside the windows in my house. Maybe it’s cos birds can’t fly that high cos our house is so high up above the road. Or maybe the birds are like Mummy and don’t like all the noisy music and shouting and cars and doors banging. Maybe that scares them away. I want to see the birds singing outside the window here. I roll over and look at the carpet. I can’t see any socks. I roll a bit further. There’s no one in the room. I come right out and stand up and I can see a tree outside the window. I bet that’s where the birds are. I creep on tiptoes cos I don’t want to scare the birds away.

  Oh! There’s something hiding on the floor ahind one of the curtains. I pull it back and there’s a real, actual pirate’s treasure chest!

  I stroke the wood with my hand and it feels smooth, cept when my hand bumps over the metal bits that go all the way round. I wonder what’s inside it? Maybe real pirate treasure! I push the lid up as hard as I can but it doesn’t move at all. Maybe you need more muscles to open it. Or maybe it’s locked, cos it does have a hole for a key. The hole is big enough to fit my pointing finger but not my thumb so I think it only needs a little key, but where is the key?

  Maybe Duncan or Jane has it? Maybe Duncan or Jane is a pirate! Maybe they sailed on a huge pirate ship on the oshun and found treasure and brought it back home and hided it in this bedroom ahind the long curtains so other pirates couldn’t find it.

  I want to be a pirate when I grow up cos then I can go on a ship on the oshun and find treasure and go to magical faraway lands with volcanoes and colourful birds and icebergs and things like that. Those places are in one of my story books and Mummy says it’s all true and they are real places you can actually go to.

  There’s more noises outside now, not just birds singing but also shouting and laughing noises, like lots of children, like at preschool. Maybe it’s children playing in the park. I stand up and look out of the window but the tree isn’t in a park, it’s growing right out of the pavement on a road with cars parked on it and all along the road are lots and lots of trees all growing out of the pavement in front of houses that stretch far, far away and I think these trees are where all the singing birds are hiding cos I can hear the birds but I can’t see them.

  I can see children running and skipping atween the trees and there’s Mummies and Daddies pushing buggies and holding hands with each other. Maybe these are children going to preschool like I do, cept I don’t go til after lunchtime and I’ve not had lunch yet. Does Duncan know the way to my preschool? I don’t know the way from this house but if he takes me to my house I can show him where to go cos that’s easy. I need to tell him that.

  I run over to the bedroom door and open it and Duncan’s sitting on the floor right outside with his back against the wall and his legs stretched right out and he’s got a computer on his legs and a big smile on his face.

  He says, ‘Hello, Jesika.’

  I say, ‘When is it time for preschool?’

  Duncan pushes down the top of his computer and puts it on the floor aside him and he says, ‘You don’t need to worry about preschool, Jesika.’

  I say, ‘Do you know the way?’

  Duncan says, ‘No, but I know it’s on the other side of the city, so Delphine’s said not to worry as it’s only for a few days.’

  I don’t know what Duncan means. I say, ‘I have to be there straight after lunch and if you’re late Stella shuts the door and you have to ring the doorbell.’

  Duncan says, ‘It’s OK, Jesika. You don’t need to be there today, or tomorrow. Your Mummy will take you back to preschool when she’s better.’

  I stare at Duncan. I don’t think he understands my words. I say, ‘But I want to go to preschool.’

  Duncan rubs the back of his neck and makes a wrinkly mouth and says, ‘Let’s think of something else that you’d like to do instead. It’s a nice day today. We could go to the park. How about that?’

  I say, ‘I want to go to preschool. I want to play with Paige.’

  Duncan stands up and holds out his hand and says, ‘How about we get some lunch sorted. Jane and Liam won’t be long and we can all have lunch together. Good idea?’

  I don’t like Liam, but lunch is a good idea cos I can’t go to preschool til I’ve had some lunch. I hold Duncan’s hand and he helps me walk down the stairs slow as a snail just like afore, but I don’t know why we have to go slow now cos when I runned up the stairs afore they weren’t slippy at all.

  Jane and Liam come into the kitchen when me and Duncan have just finished making pizzas, like we did at preschool one day cept this time I even got to make the pizza base flat with a huge rolling pin. I’m watching the pizzas through the glass door on the oven and the cheese is bubbling and then Duncan opens the door and lifts one of the pizzas out and it smells so yummy and Liam sniffs and sniffs and says, ‘Wicked, pizza!’

  Jane says, ‘Liam …?’

  Liam says, ‘Oh, yeah,’ and he turns to me and says, ‘I’m sorry about what I said, Jesika,’ and his face isn’t mean now cos he’s smiling but I remember his mean face and it wasn’t nice.

  He pulls out one of the giraffe chairs and sits on it but Duncan says, ‘We’ll sit in the conservatory, Liam. These chairs are too high for Jesika.’

  Liam laughs and says, ‘But these chairs are well good. Here, Jesika, I’ll show you,’ and steps towards me and I’m whizzing up in the air cos he’s lifted me and now I’m high, high up on one of the giraffe chairs and it’s a long way from the ground and Duncan drops the big cutting knife with a crash and he’s rushing over and Liam grabs my shoulders and makes a scary face and pushes me backwards, and I’m going to fall! And then he grabs me back again and laughs and says, ‘Saved you!’

  Jane says, ‘Liam!’ and then Duncan’s there lifting me up and whizzing me back down to the ground and he says, ‘She’s only little, Liam, remember.’

  Liam’s not smiling now and he says, ‘It’s just a game.’ And then he says, ‘Kyla loves it,’ quiet as quiet. He looks like he’s going to cry. I don’t know who Kyla is but I don’t like his game.

  We eat in the green room and I watch lots of birds fly in and out of the bird house. They’re having their lunch too. A robin flies in and peck-peck-pecks and then a brown bird flies onto the top of the house but he flies away again cos the robin flies out and scares him.

  Duncan says, ‘Liam, how about you tell Jesika what the different birds are. She likes birds too. What’s that one on the table now?’

  Liam says, ‘Everyone knows that one,’ and laughs but it’s not a nice laugh and he looks at me like I’m so silly for not knowing robins but I do know them and I say, ‘I do know robins.’

  Liam waves a hand at me and says, ‘See?’ and he smiles at me but I don’t want him to smile at me. I watch the birds again instead so I don’t have to smile back.

  The robin’s
gone. It’s one of the pretty blue and yellow birds. I don’t know what they are but I’m not saying cos Liam will laugh again.

  Duncan says, ‘Ah, there’s the bird that’s on my socks. A great tit, isn’t it, Liam?’

  Liam says, ‘A blue tit. Y’know, cos it’s blue.’

  Duncan laughs and winks at me and says, ‘So which one’s the great tit?’

  Liam says, ‘Yellow breast, black and white head.’

  Duncan nods and winks at me again. Why does he keep doing that?

  There’s two yellow-blue tits pecking at food again and, oh! That naughty robin! He’s just chased both of them away and he’s eating even more food. I think that’s why he has a big round belly, cos he eats his food and the food for all the other birds too.

  Liam leans forward and says, ‘Did you see what the robin just did?’

  I nod.

  Liam says, ‘That’s the boss robin. There’s another smaller one that visits sometimes but if the boss robin’s around he gets chased away, and when the boss robin’s hungry, none of the other birds get to eat. I even saw this boss robin chasing off a squirrel last week.’

  My eyes go wide and I say, ‘A squirrel!’ Cos squirrels are big and robins are tiny and I don’t know why a squirrel would be scared of a robin.

  Liam says, ‘Yeah, there’s a feeder hanging off a tree over there,’ he waves his hand at the park outside, ‘and the squirrel was trying to reach it and the boss robin just flew right at the squirrel and the squirrel ran away.’

  I say, ‘Can I see the feeder? Where is it?’

  Liam gets up and walks to the outside door and points and says, ‘On that tree, there.’ But I can’t see so I get up too and Liam opens the door and I look out the door and I can see the bird feeder hanging off the tree and it has nuts in it like the feeders at preschool and I can see a giantnormous trampoline!

  I say, ‘There’s a trampoline in the park!’

  Liam says, ‘In the park?’

  I stretch my neck to look further round the corner of the park but I can’t see past the trampoline and I say, ‘Is there a playground too with swings and a slide and a roundabout?’

  Liam says, ‘That’s not a park, that’s the garden.’

  I look at Duncan and Jane and I say, ‘You’ve got a garden! Can I go on the trampoline?’

  Liam does his not-nice laugh and says, ‘Everybody’s got a garden.’

  But I don’t have a garden. Not at my house. Mummy says the park is like our garden but we have to walk and walk afore we can go and play there.

  Jane says, ‘Liam …’ so so quiet and Liam falls back down onto his chair and says, ‘What?’ Then he says, ‘Hey, Jesika, have you ever been on a trampoline as big as that one? It’s awesome! You can have a go after lunch. Can’t she, Duncan? I can help her.’

  I’ve only been on the little trampoline at preschool and it’s got a bar that you have to put both your hands on when you’re bouncing and you’re not allowed to let go and I really, really want to try the big trampoline in Duncan and Jane’s garden.

  Duncan says, ‘Ah no, sorry, Liam, but Jesika’s too little for that trampoline. She might hurt herself.’

  Liam turns away and says, ‘Kyla never did,’ so so quiet and then he looks at Jane and says loud, ‘She’ll be fine, won’t she, Jane?’

  I really want a go.

  But Jane says, ‘No, Liam, I’d rather go with Duncan’s judgement on this.’

  Liam’s face goes mean and he says, ‘Duncan knows nothing!’

  And that’s very rude but Duncan doesn’t tell him off. He says we have to finish eating cos he’s taking us to the actual park instead and everyone’s talking and talking and then they forget about the trampoline, but not me cos I really, really want a go.

  Duncan helps me to get ready to go outside in the big room with all the doors where the stairs go up and it’s so exciting cos I’ve got a new coat and new shoes cos Mummy forgotted to put them in my bag when we went to the hopsipal and my new coat is pink and I’ve never had a pink coat afore and my new shoes are pink and I’ve never had pink shoes afore too!

  I’m ready and Duncan’s ready and Liam’s ready but Jane’s not ready but then we go out the door anyway and Jane says, ‘Have a good time. See you later,’ and bangs the door ahind us.

  Duncan tells me to hold his hand and Liam goes on the other side on his scooter and he says, ‘Why isn’t Jane coming?’

  Duncan says, ‘Jane’s got some work to catch up on.’

  Liam says, ‘But it’s Wednesday. You always work on Wednesdays.’

  Duncan says, ‘We’re having a swap around for a few days.’

  Liam says, ‘Why?’

  Duncan says, ‘For a bit of variety.’

  Liam doesn’t say anything else. I look up at Duncan and he looks down at me and smiles. Is Jane still angry that I bited her? Is that why she’s not coming too? She hasn’t got cross with me yet and neither has Duncan. Maybe they’ve forgotted to do it.

  At the park, Liam goes away where I can’t see him and Duncan says he’s riding his scooter on ramps and I want to see what Liam’s doing but we can’t go there cos it’s for big boys only and I have to stay in the little girls’ and boys’ playing area and it’s all baby toys that Toby can play with and Duncan won’t even let me do it myself cos he says he has to help me so I don’t fall and get hurt. He should see the pirate ship at my playground. That’s really big and Mummy lets me play all over it without any help at all!

  After for ages I say, ‘Can we go to preschool now?’ cos it’s after lunchtime and we’ve been to the park and I think if we don’t go soon we’ll be so late.

  Duncan frowns and says, ‘We can’t take you to preschool, Jesika, it’s too far away.’

  And I remember he said this afore. I say, ‘But I want to play with Paige.’

  Duncan says, ‘Paige is your friend?’

  I nod my head.

  Duncan crouches down and puts his hand on my shoulder and he says, ‘You must be missing everyone so much.’

  My eyes sting and I blink and blink and I think he’s going to say something else but he just squeezes my shoulder and then Liam’s there and he says he wants to go home and I say, ‘I want to go back too,’ and Duncan says, ‘Well, that was a short visit,’ but it wasn’t, it was so so long.

  Liam is grumpy and mean all the way home, and when we get back, he stomps upstairs and a door goes BANG! and Jane comes to the top of the stairs and says, ‘What’s up with Liam?’ and Duncan says, ‘Not sure, but he didn’t want to stay long at the park. Leave him for now, we can talk to him in a bit.’

  Liam doesn’t come out of his room all the rest of the day, not when me and Duncan play games, not when it’s telly-time and I’m watching the funny pirate programme on CBeebies and not even when it’s time for tea and we go into a new room that I’ve not seen that’s got a big glass table and squashy white chairs that I have to kneel up on to reach my plate. Duncan wants Liam to sit with us but Jane tells Duncan he’ll come down when he’s hungry.

  After tea, Duncan says, ‘What time do you go to bed, Jesika?’

  I say, ‘After the CBeebies bedtime story.’

  So Duncan checks the telly but CBeebies has already gone to bed so we hurry upstairs to the yellow bedroom and all the covers are back on the bed and Para-Ted is tucked into the covers and my pyjamas are folded on top and there’s a nappy next to my pyjamas, like the ones that Toby wears but more big, and I pick it up and I say, ‘Why is this nappy in here?’

  Duncan says, ‘It’s not a nappy, it’s big-girl pull-ups, so you don’t get a wet bed.’

  I hold it out to Duncan and say, ‘I don’t wear this. I have a big wee afore bed.’

  Duncan doesn’t take it from me and he says, ‘How about you wear it just while you’re staying here? That’s better than waking up in a wet bed, isn’t it?’

  I don’t do wet beds. Only when I’ve forgotted to have a wee. I don’t want to wear a nappy. Duncan walks over to close the
curtains and I hide the nappy under my pillow.

  I take off my T-shirt and Duncan comes back over and he’s watching me and I say, ‘You have to go,’ cos I think he’s forgotted about private pants again.

  Duncan says, ‘Ah, yes, OK. Shout if you need help,’ and he walks out of the bedroom.

  I take all my clothes off and I put my pyjamas on. They smell funny, not like my pyjamas. I go out of the bedroom and Duncan’s waiting for me and I say, ‘Where are my pyjamas?’

  Duncan laughs and says, ‘You’re wearing them!’

  I look down and they look like my pyjamas but then I sniff the sleeve. I say, ‘These aren’t mine.’ I sniff the sleeve again. ‘They smell like a different person.’

  Duncan laughs and says, ‘Well, we had to wash them, didn’t we!’

  I don’t remember washing them. I think someone’s mixed my pyjamas up with another little girl who lives somewhere else. I tell Duncan but he just says, ‘Never mind,’ and then he says, ‘Let’s brush your teeth now.’

  I say, ‘My toothbrush is at home.’

  Duncan says, ‘That’s OK, Jane bought you a new one,’ and he takes me into the bathroom and shows me my new toothbrush and it’s so exciting cos it’s a green crocodile toothbrush and the crocodile head actually covers up the brush and you have to snap it open like the crocodile is opening up its mouth and pull the toothbrush out and that’s magicAMAZING! Jane even got me toothpaste that’s only for children to use and I’ve never had that afore.

  Duncan stands ahind me at the sink and picks up the toothpaste and he takes the toothbrush from me and he squeezes on lots and lots.

  I say, ‘Too much! You just scrape it on, that’s what the dentist says.’

  Duncan makes his mouth squashy and says, ‘A scrape doesn’t sound enough. We’ll just do it this way while you’re here.’ He kneels down in front of me instead of standing ahind me like Mummy does, and he forgets to say, ‘Open wide,’ he just pushes the toothbrush into my mouth and brushes slow and gentle, not like Mummy who brushes fast and hard and bangs the brush against my teeth and inside my cheeks.

  Footsteps thump, thump, thump and the door opens and Liam slides along the floor on his socks and says, ‘I’ve eaten my tea. Can I watch that film now? Jane says it’s your decision cos she’s never seen it.’