Duncan says, ‘Yes, it’s fine, but after I’ve got Jesika in bed we need a chat about what happened in the park, OK?’
Liam picks up the crocodile head from my toothbrush and says, ‘Cool, a crocodile head!’
Then he makes it snap, snap, snap at my face and I don’t like it but I can’t say, ‘Stop it!’ cos Duncan’s still brushing my teeth and my mouth is full up with toothpaste foam cos Duncan put too much toothpaste on the brush. I try to twist my head away but Duncan puts his hand on my chin and says, ‘Keep your head still, Jesika. I don’t want to hurt you,’ and Liam laughs and makes the crocodile head come nearer and I twist my face again but Duncan holds my chin so I can’t move it and he says, ‘Put it down, Liam,’ but Liam keeps putting the crocodile in my face, snap, snap, snap!
stop-it-stop-it-go-away-KICK!
‘Ow!’
Duncan stops brushing my teeth and I spit the foam into the sink and Liam’s holding his leg where I kicked him and making a mean face at me and Duncan’s going to be cross cos I kicked.
But Duncan isn’t cross. He says, ‘Liam, off you go and watch your film. Jesika, have a wee and then come and get into bed,’ and Duncan and Liam go away.
In the yellow bedroom, Duncan is sitting on the bed and he’s holding two story books and I’ve not seen them afore. He pulls the covers back so I can get into bed and then he reads one of the books and it’s about animals on a farm all making different noises but Duncan’s not good at reading stories cos he doesn’t show me the pictures proply and he doesn’t do the different voices like Mummy and Toby’s not snuggled with me laughing at the funny bits and my heart is banging hard and my eyes sting and I’m so so tired.
Duncan finishes the book and says, ‘That was fun,’ and he puts it down and picks the other book up and says, ‘Let’s see what this one is about.’ But I don’t want Duncan to read the story. I want Mummy to read it and I want Toby to cuddle and I want to be in my own house.
I cuddle Para-Ted tight and roll over to the wall and squeeze my eyes shut and I pretend I can feel Mummy, leaning heavy and warm on my back, and I pretend I can hear Toby breathing slow and quiet in his cot and I pretend I can hear the thump-da-thump-da-thump music under the floor and the swish-ROAR-swish cars outside the window and then I feel something pat-pat-patting on my shoulder and Duncan whispers, ‘Night-night, Jesika, sleep well,’ and I hear the door of the yellow bedroom swish and click and Mummy and Toby and the music and the cars all go away and it’s just me in the yellow bedroom going to sleep all by myself.
It’s morning and a yellow-blue tit is singing on the windysill. I push my covers off and creep out of bed to get a little bit closer so I can see it singing but when I get nearer it grows bigger and bigger and grows lots of fur til it’s not a blue tit any more, it’s a squirrel. It jumps off the windysill and disappears. I open the window and look down and the squirrel is in Duncan and Jane’s garden bouncing on the trampoline but now there’s also a swing and a roundabout and a slide in the garden and there’s lots of children playing. I want to play too! I run to the bedroom door and now I’m in the kitchen. Liam’s in the kitchen making lots and lots of bread and jam and he sees me and he stops and picks me up and says, ‘Up you go,’ and he stretches me up and up and up and up onto the tallest ever giraffe chair and it’s so wobbly at the top and I can’t see Liam and I’m so high up and I want to get down and I’m shouting and crying, ‘Get me down, get me down, get me down!’
A gentle hand strokes my hair. A soft voice says, ‘Shhh, Jesika, shhh, it’s just a bad dream. Just a bad dream. Back to sleep now. Back to sleep. Shhh.’ The hand keeps stroking soft and soft and the voice says, ‘Shhh, shhhh, shh …’ and the scary inside me gets small and small and I think, ‘Mummy?’ but I can’t make my mouth speak and I can’t make my eyes open and it feels like I’m sinking into a warm, snuggly blanket. Then the voice starts singing, ‘Lullaby and goodnight, in the sky stars are bright …’ and that’s one of Mummy’s songs so it must be Mummy and she’s come to take me home …
I can hear birds singing. Lots and lots. Twenty or a hundred or a-thousand-a-hundred. I remember a bird singing that was actually a squirrel. No, that was a dream. Mummy! Eyes open. I’m in the yellow bedroom and the sun is shining through the curtains. Mummy came and sang me a song last night in my bad dream. Is she still here? Is it time to go home?
I pull back the covers and jump out of bed and I take my pyjamas off and put my clothes on and put all my things inside my bag and Para-Ted too and then I have to run quick as quick for a wee cos I’m really bursting.
When I come back, Duncan’s in the bedroom and he says, ‘Wow, you got dressed fast this morning, Jesika!’
I say, ‘That’s cos I’m ready to go home with Mummy.’
Duncan says, ‘Oh, I don’t know if that’s happening quite yet.’
I say, ‘Where is Mummy? Is she downstairs?’ and I’m smiling and smiling cos I can’t wait to see her.
Duncan’s face goes squashy and he says, ‘Your Mummy’s still in hospital, Jesika. We’ll phone after breakfast to see how things are.’
I say, ‘But she was here last night when I had a bad dream and she sang me a song.’
Duncan’s face looks all sad and he says, ‘Oh, darling, that wasn’t your Mummy, that was Jane.’
My foot stamps and stamps again. It wasn’t Jane. It was Mummy. Jane’s cross with me cos of the biting and she doesn’t talk to me and she doesn’t sing me songs. It was Mummy. I run out of the bedroom and I shout, ‘Mummy! Mummy!’ and I go quick down the stairs but Duncan stops me in the middle and he says, ‘Steady, Jesika! Hold my hand,’ and we have to do the rest of the stairs slow like a snail. But at the bottom, I pull my hand away and I run into the telly room and I run into the table room and I run into the kitchen and then the glass room and only Liam’s there. Mummy’s not there. And I sit down on the green sofa and I’m crying and crying cos Mummy’s gone away again and forgotted to take me with her.
Someone sits next to me and I push my hands out and turn away and then Liam says right in my ear quiet, ‘I miss my Mum too, and Kyla.’
I stop crying and I look at him and I say, ‘Who’s Kyla?’
Liam says, ‘She’s my sister. She’s six.’
I say, ‘Where is she?’
Liam lifts his shoulders up and down and says, ‘Somewhere else.’ Then he smiles and says, ‘You know what she loves doing?’
I shake my head and Liam says, ‘Bouncing on the trampoline.’ Then he bends his head down and puts his mouth against my ear and it tickles and he says, ‘Do you want a go?’
I do want a go and I smile and smile but Liam puts his finger to his lips and says, ‘Shh, don’t let Duncan know. It’s a secret, OK? We’ll pretend we’re going to play football in the garden.’
I blink and blink and wipe my eyes and then Duncan’s there with bread and jam for breakfast and a big glass full up of milk, and when Liam asks if we can play in the garden, Duncan says only after I’ve had my breakfast so I eat and drink so so fast.
Liam helps me put my coat and shoes on and I keep giggling and Liam keeps saying, ‘Shh! It’s a secret, remember!’ and then Liam picks up the football and we go out into the garden and the sun is warm on my face but the wind is bitey and spiky on my cheeks and fingers. I can see Duncan watching out of the window so Liam says we have to kick the ball a few times til he stops watching and it takes for ages and then Liam says, ‘Quick, now!’
We run over to the trampoline and there’s a net all the way round that stretches up and up and I can’t see how you get in but then, afore I can ask Liam, I see a zip and he’s trying to pull it up and he pulls and then blows on his fingers and pulls a bit more and blows on his fingers and then suddenly the zip whizzes up all the way and Liam’s holding the net back, making a gap for me to get through, but when I try to get in, the trampoline is too high for me so Liam has to lift me up and I wriggle through the gap in the net and on my belly and I stand up and … wooo! It’s s
o funny trying to walk! My legs are all wibbly-wobbly and I fall over and my bottom bounces and I giggle and get up and try again and then Liam’s inside the net too and he holds out his hands and says, ‘Here, hold on,’ and I do and he pulls me up and then we’re bouncing and bouncing holding hands …
Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Wheee!
… this is the funnest fun ever! After lots of bouncing, Liam shows me how he can bounce onto his bottom and bounce right back onto his feet again. I try it but I can’t get back up. Then Liam holds my hands and says, ‘Try again,’ and I do and Liam lifts me right back up and it feels like flying!
Duncan comes rushing out of the glass-room door. Me and Liam stop bouncing and stand still in the middle of the trampoline. Liam says quiet, ‘Oops. In trouble now.’
But Duncan doesn’t tell him off. His face is all squashed up and he says, ‘Jesika, I’m sorry to spoil your fun but Delphine just phoned. We’re going to the hospital now to see your Mummy.’
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GOINGTOSEEMummygoingtoseeMummygoingtoseeMummygoingtoseeMummy-Mummy-Mummy-Mummy-Mummy-Mummy-Mummy-Mummy-Mummy-Mummy-Mummy …
I lean right forward so Duncan can hear me and I say, ‘Are we there yet?’
Duncan says, ‘A bit further,’ and then, ‘Sit back in your seat, Jesika.’
I sit back and look out of the window. When we left Duncan and Jane’s house, everything went past slow: houses and trees and people and cars and traffic lights and lorries and more traffic lights and buses. But now we’re on a HUGE road with so many veekles and bridges and everything is whizzing past fast and it’s making my belly feel swirly like when I swing too fast on the swings or zoom around and around on the roundabout.
I look up at the sky. Even the clouds are whizzing by, big and fluffy like pillows. Witches’ pillows. That’s in a song that Mummy tells me sometimes. That cloud over there looks like a castle with tall towers. Maybe it’s the giant’s castle that Jack finds cos it’s too big for people to live in, but there isn’t a beanstalk. It looks so bouncy, like a proper bouncy castle. I bet it feels bouncy too. I bet if you could get up to the clouds and walk on them, it would be like walking on the bouncy trampoline. But I don’t know how you get up there, cos beanstalks aren’t really real, they’re just in a story. I’m going to ask Mummy how you go up to the clouds. I bet Toby would like it too.
Toby!
I say, ‘Can I go and see Toby at the hopsipal too?’
Duncan doesn’t say. Maybe he didn’t hear me. The engine and the road make a lot of noise.
I press my hand against the window and it feels cold and smooth and tickly all at the same time. I pull it off and there’s a picture of my hand on the window. Not a proper picture, just the shape of my hand and my fingers and then it disappears. I press my hand again and then pull it off and there’s my hand picture again and … now it’s disappeared again. Is it magic?
I say, ‘Are we nearly there?’
Duncan says, ‘Not long now.’
Para-Ted is on the seat next to me, poking his head out of my bag. Duncan wasn’t going to bring my bag but Jane said we had to just in case. I said, ‘Just in case of what?’ but they were too busy going round the house and finding all my things and putting them into the bag to tell me. I heard Duncan say something about Mummy wanting to see something so I think it’s cos Mummy might want to see the new pants and socks that Jane buyed at the shop cos I didn’t have enough clean ones. The socks are stripy and the pants have princesses on them.
We’re not on the big, busy road now. We’re going slow past buildings and traffic lights and people again. I pick up Para-Ted and I say to him, ‘Are we nearly there yet?’
Para-Ted looks out the window and says, ‘Hmm. I think it might be another ten-thousand-hundred seconds afore we get there,’ and Para-Ted must be right cos he’s an ambulance teddy bear so he knows where all the hopsipals are in the whole of the land.
I blow out a big breath like Mummy does and I say, ‘That’ll take for ages.’
Para-Ted says, ‘You just have to be patient, Jesika.’
I don’t want to be patient. I want to be there now with Mummy and Toby doing cuddles and kisses and when I cuddle Mummy I’m not never letting go and, oh! It’s gone dark in the car. I look out the window and the car is driving inside a building and there’s lots and lots of other cars all parked. It must be a parking building. I didn’t know there were parking buildings! Duncan turns the steering wheel a lot and the car moves slowly into a space atween two cars and then everything is very quiet and everything in the car isn’t jiggling about any more and Duncan turns his head round and smiles big and says, ‘We’re here now!’
Duncan opens his door only a tiny bit and squeezes out of the car and I say, ‘Where are we?’
Duncan laughs and says, ‘At the hospital, of course!’
Now my car door is open a little bit and Duncan leans in and unclips my straps and he says, ‘Out you come.’ I’m still holding Para-Ted and I hug him tight to me as Duncan helps me to climb out of the car and then we’re standing in the big room that’s filled with cars and doesn’t have any windows and I say, ‘I don’t think this is the hopsipal.’
Duncan says, ‘You’ll see in a minute.’
I walk away from the car and there’s a roar like a lion and Duncan grabs my hand and tugs me back and the roar was a car driving fast right next to me and now there’s a smell and my nose stings and Duncan says, ‘Hold my hand, Jesika. We have to be very careful in car parks.’
We walk along a red path all the way to a door and then we go down stairs that smell like the toilets at preschool, but there’s not any toilets here. We go through another door and we’re standing outside and there’s a very big building in front of us and lots of other buildings aside it and around us and there’s roads and people and traffic and Duncan says, ‘Now, which way?’ And he’s looking and looking and then he points and says, ‘Ah, I think that’s the entrance over there,’ but I think Duncan’s wrong cos that’s not the place that the ambulance took me and Mummy and Toby and I say, ‘This isn’t the hopsipal me and Mummy and Toby went to.’
Duncan says, ‘Yes it is, Jesika. Don’t worry, you’ll see.’
We walk over the road and up to some big glass doors and they’re magic ones that open when you stand in front of them just like the ones at the hopsipal that me and Mummy and Toby went to but it’s not the same doors cos we walk into a busy place that’s not the long room with doors. Duncan stops and looks at a piece of paper in his hand and a big picture on the wall with lots of squares and colours and words and he says, ‘Along that way, I think.’ But I think Duncan’s wrong. We’re in a big space here that’s filled with tables and chairs and people and curling steam coming out of cups and plates with cake and sandwiches and yummy smells everywhere. Mummy and Toby’s hopsipal didn’t smell yummy. I don’t think this is even a hopsipal. I think this is an eating shop like the one next to Ade’s rainbow shop.
Then Duncan says, ‘Aha, I’ve figured it out. It’s this way, Jesika,’ and he tugs my hand and we walk away from the busy place with all the chairs and tables and people and we walk along a very long room that stretches and stretches for a long-a-long time. Sometimes there’s doors we have to push open and go through but on the other side the long room just keeps going and it’s like it’s going all the way to the other side of the world. I don’t know when we’re ever going to stop.
After for ages, Duncan does stop, and he says, ‘This way now,’ and we turn through a door and there’s another long room but this one’s not quite so long and we get to the next door so quick and we go through and there’s noise and people and busy-ness and beds and swishy curtains and afore we’re allowed to go anywhere, Delphine’s standing right in front of us and she tells me we have to wash our hands with special soap and she helps me take off my coat and she holds Para-Ted for me and she squirts something cold and slimy onto my hands and tells me to rub and rub and rub and the cold, slimy stuff
is magic cos it just disappears and my hands are dry again. I don’t even need to wash my hands under water. Then I’m hugging Para-Ted tight and Delphine’s standing right in front of us and she’s saying something to Duncan but I don’t hear it cos I hear something else that’s made my heart thump loud as loud and I listen and listen cos I’m not sure I heard it right …
‘Jesika.’
It’s Mummy. It’s Mummy! Mummy! I look all around me for where Mummy’s voice is coming from but I can’t see Mummy anywhere and then Delphine taps me on the shoulder and points to where there’s a lady on a bed who’s sort of lying and sitting at the same time and she’s smiling and waving and … IT’S MUMMY!
MUMMYMUMMYMUMMYMUMMY!
I crash into the bed and my head squashes on Mummy’s belly and my arms try to cuddle and squeeze as tight as tight and I think that Mummy didn’t really look like Mummy when I saw her from far away. She’s not wearing Mummy’s clothes and she doesn’t really smell like Mummy when I breathe in big breaths and her cuddle isn’t squeezy and squashy like my Mummy but then she says, ‘I’ve missed you so, so much,’ and I know it really is Mummy.
I want to say, ‘I missed you too,’ but my words get stuck and only crying comes out my mouth. Mummy strokes my hair soft and says, ‘Shhhh, shhh. I’m right here. It’s OK.’ And she says it again and again til my crying goes away.
Mummy’s fingers tickle the back of my neck and it’s shivery down my back.
I say, ‘I didn’t like sleeping in a different place to you.’
Mummy says, ‘I didn’t like it either.’
I say, ‘What do you do in hopsipal? Do you have to stay in your bed all day?’
Mummy says, ‘Yes, pretty much.’
I say, ‘That must be boring!’
Mummy smiles and says, ‘I’ve been too tired to be bored. And I’ve had visitors!’
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