The Song, The Heart

by Jade Winters

  ‘Oh?’

  Morgan bit her bottom lip. This wouldn’t be easy. She could already feel a prickling sensation behind her eyes. They may be estranged siblings, but she loved her sister and didn’t want to hurt her by raking up the past.

  She swallowed the despair in her throat. ‘It’s about Thomas Kidding.’

  April moved away from the screen, noticeably shaken. She rested a hand against her throat. ‘If it’s about his death, I already know.’

  ‘You do?’ Morgan and Adrian said in unison.

  ‘It’s not that backwards over here, you know. We do have the Internet,’ April said with a trace of irritability.

  Rancour sharpened Morgan’s voice. ‘There’s really no need to take that tone. We didn’t want you finding—’

  ‘Look, if that’s all you called for, I really don’t care. You shouldn’t have bothered.’

  ‘Shouldn’t have bothered? Well, maybe I shouldn’t bother telling you he left a letter Mum had written to him, and it was her fault Chloe died. Or would you have rather read that on the Internet too?’

  April reached down beside her and brought a glass of red wine to her mouth. She took a large gulp then wiped her lips with the back of her hand. ‘It’s a bit late for that. I’ve known for years.’

  Morgan jumped back in her chair. Adrian gripped the back of her seat to stop it from falling over. ‘You what?!’

  ‘You heard me. Mum told me.’

  Morgan had to take several deep breaths to wrap her head around this. She looked at Adrian. His skin had gone pale.

  ‘Then why the fuck didn’t you tell us?’ Adrian’s normally placid voice shook with anger.

  ‘I didn’t see the point,’ April said before taking another drink of wine.

  ‘Didn’t see the …’ Morgan shook her head. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘Mum killed herself and an innocent man went to prison.’

  April’s face distorted as she spoke, her mouth twisted with bitterness and her anger plain in her eyes. ‘Mum put drugs in that bottle. How was little Chloe supposed to know it wasn’t Lucozade? Mum couldn’t cope with the guilt and told me. I said I’d never forgive her so she took the easy way out.’

  ‘You think killing herself was easy? You bitch!’ Morgan shouted at the screen.

  ‘Now, now, Morgan. The only bitch was our mother. And as for that junkie boyfriend of hers who tried to cover for her, he deserved everything he got. Wouldn’t you agree?’

  Adrian and Morgan sat in silence.

  April snorted when they didn’t respond. ‘I thought so.’

  Adrian pushed himself to his feet and bent over so his face was right up against the screen.

  ‘And to think I spent all these years feeling sorry for you. I’m going before I tell you what I really think of you.’ He straightened and looked down at Morgan. ‘Sorry, but I don’t even want to hear the sound of her voice, let alone look at her.’

  He hurried from the room.

  ‘I see Adrian’s still running away from the truth. Judge me all you want. You always have, so it won’t make a difference now.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘You, with your principled self! You think I don’t know you blame me for leaving Chloe the day she died?’

  The leaden cloud of grief and loss enveloped Morgan once more. She had no desire to get into an argument with April about wrongdoings of the past. She opened her mouth to speak but was shut down straight away.

  ‘Don’t even bother denying it. It was in your eyes then, and it still is today.’

  ‘April, how could you think such a thing? If anything, I felt guilty for not putting my plans aside to watch Chloe for you. I have never blamed you for anything.’

  ‘Well, that’s not how it felt to me.’

  ‘I’m sorry you felt that way.’ Morgan bowed her head slightly, trying to hide her inner misery from April’s probing stare. She knew there was no way of getting through to her. April’s grief was still too raw. Maybe one day in the future she could try, but she wouldn’t hold her breath.

  ‘At the end of the day, nothing matters anymore.’ April’s voice was shrill, and her eyes glittered with unshed tears. ‘Chloe’s dead. Nothing will bring her back. I’d prefer it if you didn’t call again. Seeing you just reminds me of a period of my life I want to forget.’

  April reached over, and the screen went blank. Morgan sat there, staring at the spot where April’s face had been only seconds ago. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the stupidity of the whole situation. Had April done the right thing by remaining quiet about the truth? No matter which way Morgan looked at it, she couldn’t agree. The incident had been horrific, but it needn’t have been made worse by sending Thomas to prison. And I was going to have him—

  She couldn’t bring herself to think the word.

  She turned the computer off and stood. No, she wouldn’t be contacting April again. There was no point. She didn’t know or particularly like the woman she had spoken to, a woman who seemed to think nothing of a man losing four years of his life. She thought of his poor mother and how she must have felt when she found out the truth. At first, Morgan had felt guilty about contacting Daniel, even disloyal, but she had done the right thing. Two wrongs didn’t make a right, and clinging to the past was doing her no good. The time had come to move on into the future with Skye. She left the room and went in search of the woman who had literally brought her to her senses. Without her, God knows what she would have ended up doing. She only hoped she could repay the favour one day.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  ‘Testing, testing,’ Skye repeated into the mike. Her voice was low. Unbelievably, performing on stage was the last place she wanted to be tonight. She wanted to be home with Morgan, comforting her. Despite Morgan’s outward appearance, Skye knew her mind was in a muddle. If only there’s something I can do, but what?

  Everything she thought up, such as a weekend break or an evening out at the theatre, seemed insensitive. Skye didn’t want to seem like she was pushing the tragic news under the carpet; she just wanted to take Morgan’s mind off things.

  Skye looked down and spotted an unfamiliar face at the edge of the stage.

  ‘Hello,’ the petite woman with frizzy brown hair said shyly with a wave of her hand.

  ‘Hello. Are you looking for someone?’

  ‘No, well, yes. You, actually. I … I saw your video on YouTube, and I wanted to meet you. I think you have an amazing voice.’

  Taken aback, Skye felt her cheeks flush.

  ‘Oh, er, thank you,’ she said graciously, switching her gaze between the woman and the band members who were staring at them in amusement.

  ‘What’s your name?’ Skye asked the woman, trying her best to play off her embarrassment.

  ‘Maria,’ she answered. ‘Will you sign my napkin?’

  Maria timidly held a napkin and pen out to Skye, who hastily moved towards her and knelt down.

  ‘Of course,’ Skye answered with a smile while she etched her signature into the paper napkin.

  ‘Thank you so much,’ Maria said fidgeting with the cuff on her shirt. ‘I’m coming back for the show tonight. I can’t wait to hear more of your songs.’

  ‘That’s very sweet,’ Skye said with an unbreakable smile. She shook Maria’s hand before returning to her spot on the stage.

  Wow. That was unexpected. Lifting her hand to give the signal she was ready to rehearse, she stopped mid-air when she heard the ping of her mobile phone. Thinking it might be Morgan, Skye fished it out of her pocket. She peered down at the screen, dismayed to see a text from her dad.

  Thank you for all you’ve done. Don’t feel guilty. You’ve done nothing wrong. This is my own doing. I love you, and I’m sorry.

  Skye inwardly groaned. Oh God, not again. When will he give me a bloody break?

  She thought of Maria and her kind words.

  Why can’t he make me feel appreciated? A stranger thinks more of me than my
own father. Did he think she’d flounce off stage and make a fool of herself like she had last time? No way. Let him sleep it off, or better still, let his friends look after him.

  She switched her phone off and stuck it back in her pocket, returning her attention to the song she was trying to master.

  Seven hours later, her father was a distant memory as she waited in the wings of the stage, ready to go on.

  ‘Here, let me help you with that,’ Morgan said, coming behind her and zipping up her dress.

  Skye shivered when Morgan dropped butterfly kisses along the nape of her neck.

  ‘You look beautiful,’ Morgan said, turning Skye around in her arms.

  ‘And you look exhausted. I wish you’d tell me what’s on your mind.’

  Morgan pulled her close. ‘Only thoughts of you. I’ll be fine, I promise. I’m just feeling emotionally fragile at the moment, but it will pass.’

  ‘Just know that I’m here for you, no matter what.’

  She brushed the hair back from Skye’s face. ‘The beginning of our relationship hasn’t exactly got off to a good start, has it?’

  ‘Things happen.’ Skye leant forward and kissed her, leaving an imprint of red lipstick on Morgan’s lips. ‘But I wouldn’t change anything for the world.’

  Morgan nuzzled Skye’s neck. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Positive. I’m here for you no matter what.’

  ‘Likewise,’ Morgan said as the band started up. ‘There’s your cue. I’ll be down below watching.’

  Skye brushed Morgan’s lips with her own in a promise of what was to come later and watched her as she walked away. She wondered what kind of life people would have without family obligations and ties. Sometimes, the ones you loved were the ones who caused you the most pain.

  Only when Skye took to the stage for her performance and she was in the midst of singing a song she had written in the depths of her despair did her father’s text message come to mind. Was he serious this time? The chord for the chorus pushed the thought away, and she lost herself in the music.

  ‘All you do is watch as your actions kill my heart. How can you bear to look at me broken and in pain, not even attempting to put me back together again.’

  The words flowed from her heart. She looked down and saw Morgan standing at the side of the stage, her love for her evident in her gaze. By the time Skye sang the last verse of her number, she felt emotionally spent. Thankful she was heading straight home to spend time with Morgan, she bowed and hurried off the stage and up to the dressing room before anyone could stop her. Tonight was not the time to be meeting and greeting people, no matter how much she had previously enjoyed it. She switched on her phone in case Morgan tried to get a hold of her and quickly undressed and changed into her jeans and hoodie. She envisioned a nice long soak in the bath with Morgan and a glass of wine.

  Lost in thought when her phone pinged indicating a message, Skye ignored it. Suddenly, the phone came alive, and message after message pinged in quick succession.

  ‘What the hell?’ Skye said, picking the phone up and peering at it.

  A dozen messages from her mum. Fearful something was wrong with Zeus, her fingers shook uncontrollably as she punched in the numbers. Holding the phone in a tight grip, she prayed like never before. Please let Zeus be alright; please let him be alright.

  The call connected.

  ‘Mum, is Zeus okay?’

  ‘Zeus?’ May sounded distracted. ‘The cat? Yes, he’s fine.’

  ‘Oh God, I thought … when I saw—’

  ‘It’s your dad, Skye.’

  Skye slumped into her seat. She was pissed off beyond belief at her mother for scaring her like that. ‘Great, so he’s put you up to hassling me now. Jesus Christ, when will he give me a break?’

  ‘Skye—’

  ‘I don’t care, Mum. I’m sick of it. And how’s he managed to rope you back in?’

  ‘Skye, can you listen for a second. A friend of your dad’s called me—’

  ‘Called you?’

  ‘Yes. Your father’s withdrawing bad. He’s gone missing.’

  ‘Missing?’

  Her mother’s voice shook. ‘I don’t know where to look.’

  ‘I’ll be there as soon as I can,’ Skye said into the phone. She snapped it shut and grabbed her bag. She needed to find her father. Who knew if she’d ever see him alive again?

  ***

  As the night bus drove along the empty road, Skye rested her head against the cold pane of glass. The ten-minute journey from the train station felt like the longest drive of her life. A million thoughts raced through her head at once. Things must be bad for her mother to call her. The thought of abandoning him while she went swanning off to London filled her with shame. She always had a premonition that her recent luck—meeting Morgan, falling in love, and having the opportunity to sing in front of a live audience—had been too good to be true. She felt awful for abandoning Morgan, but what choice did she have? She would have broken down and told her the truth if she’d have asked, and she wasn’t ready to face her.

  The bus stopped, and Skye wearily made her way to the front. Emotional exhaustion overwhelmed her. She wasn’t surprised to find her mum waiting for her as she stepped off the bus.

  ‘I’m sorry I had to call you, but I didn’t know what to do.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. At least we’re here now. Do you have any idea where he could be?’

  ‘I asked around. He was last seen wandering by the river.’

  ‘What’re we waiting for? Let’s find him before he does anything stupid.’

  ‘Don’t you want to drop your stuff off first?’

  ‘No. I need to find Dad.’

  Without another word, Skye hurried in the direction of the river, not looking back to see if her mum was following. She dreaded to think what they would find when they reached their destination. Was this the end of the line—her dad drowning in the river despite all her efforts to save him? She couldn’t help thinking she could have done more, but in her heart she knew she had tried her best.

  The narrow path that ran down to the river was empty. Multi-coloured boathouses with puffs of white smoke funnelling through small chimneys made for a picturesque scene. Had the circumstances been different, she would have enjoyed the view.

  Skye stood on the edge of the bank, peering left and right. The light from the numerous lampposts provided just enough visibility to see a few yards across the dark murky waters.

  Where the hell are you, Dad?

  ‘Anything?’ her mum asked, coming up behind her, panting and out of breath.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Well, that’s got to be good, hasn’t it?’ May said, a hint of anxiety in her voice.

  ‘I suppose.’

  Skye couldn’t help noticing the strained look in her mother’s eyes. No doubt this was one of many escapades that had been replayed many times in her married life. ‘Maybe we should check out the all night snooker hall down Gray Street.’

  ‘Don’t you think we should wait until it gets a bit lighter? I don’t like that area in daylight, let alone chance it at night.’

  ‘You can go back to the house if you want,’ Skye said, laying a hand on her mum’s shoulder. ‘But I can’t leave him out here in this weather. God knows if he’s even wearing a jacket.’

  The thought increased her determination, even if it meant advancing into dangerous waters.

  ‘I hope he knows what he’s putting you through,’ May said, looping her arm through Skye’s as they walked back up the path.

  ‘Nothing he’s done in the past matters now. I’d give anything to find him safe.’

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Morgan awoke the next morning with a feeling she imagined was similar to that of a hangover. An ‘emotional hangover’ was how she often referred to it. She groggily hoisted her legs over the side of the bed and ambled to the bathroom. She had spent half the night trying to contact Skye. When she failed to get through to her,
she realised she hardly knew anything about her. She had an aunt—name unknown, and she lived in Marlborough—address unknown. She was a dark fathom. For all she knew, Skye could be married with a dozen kids.

  She examined the dark circles under her eyes and swore they were a mark of her permanent exhaustion. She showered, dressed, threw a lazy coat of make-up over her tired face and headed out the door. Work was her anchor when the seas were rough, and today they were at a dangerous high.

  ‘What’s up, grumpy?’ Chanel asked as Morgan walked into the bar and dropped into a seat. ‘If I had someone as hot as Skye to wake up to in the morning, I don’t think I’d ever stop smiling.’

  ‘I didn’t wake up with Skye. That’s the problem.’

  ‘Explain, please.’

  ‘After last night’s show … she vanished into thin air. I’ve been trying to get a hold of her ever since, but her phone’s switched off.’

  ‘Oh shit. You don’t think something’s happened to her, do you?’

  ‘No. The bouncer said he saw her jump into a taxi. This whole ordeal made me realise how secretive she is.’

  ‘Come on now, that’s a bit drastic, don’t you think? There could be a plausible explanation.’

  Morgan nodded. A sharp pain pierced her brain, and she rubbed her temples, wondering how people in relationships coped with the ups and downs. Morgan had never cared much for emotional roller coasters.

  ‘Yeah maybe.’ She turned to go. ‘I’ll be in my office if you need me.’

  Morgan spent the rest of the morning alternating between her anger that Skye hadn’t called to let her know she was safe and fear that Skye would never return. The thought of life without Skye was almost unbearable. By mid-afternoon, despite focusing all of her attention on paperwork, she was beside herself with worry. Just as she was considering calling the police, Chanel walked straight in and plonked herself into the seat opposite Morgan.

  ‘Problem?’ Morgan asked, unsure if she wanted to hear the answer.

  Chanel shook her head. ‘I come with good news.’

  ‘For who?’

  She propped her elbows on Morgan’s desk, her expression triumphant. ‘For you, of course. I know where Skye is.’