Always Close to Home

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “Goot morning,” Nancy responded. “I hope I’m not intruding this early in the morning, but I thought I’d come and offer my help.”

  “We need all the help we can get.” Lydia forced a laugh.

  Nancy joined in, but her face said plainly enough that she could see the deeper meaning behind the words.

  As they walked to the kitchen, Nancy said, “I hope that we…” She seemed to search for words. “That me dating your daett isn’t a problem.”

  “Of course not!” Lydia exclaimed. “We have our other problems, but not that.”

  “I guess we all do.” Nancy’s voice was kind enough. “But I didn’t come to meddle. Just to help with the food. What can I do?”

  Laura was standing at the sink when she turned to greet Nancy. Nancy hurried forward to hug her.

  With Nancy’s help they would have dinner prepared in record time. The whole family would sit down to eat with smiles on their faces, and chatter about everything except what ached in their hearts. That’s what was wrong about this day and about their lives right now. They tried to make the right choices, but underneath…

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Laura stepped out of the washroom door at Bishop Ezra’s home and scanned the line of buggies. Nelson and Lester had left moments earlier, but Wendell hadn’t driven up yet. Did he intend to humiliate her further? He hadn’t looked or smiled at her once all evening. The young folks’ volleyball game had ended twenty minutes ago, but Wendell had lingered, engaging several of the young men in the barn in conversation. Maybe he wanted to impress upon her that he had everything under control—including her. Well, he didn’t. She shouldn’t have agreed to this ride home in the first place, but now she was committed with Nelson and Lester gone.

  Laura waited beside the washroom door. Two girls came out arm in arm, glancing at Laura before they climbed into one of the waiting buggies. There was still no sign of Wendell. She should go look for him and help him hitch his horse to the buggy, but she couldn’t. Not yet, at least.

  Laura moved forward slowly. Was she being foolish? What if Wendell had left already? That would be a scandal all in itself. She could hear the whispers. Laura’s pretty messed up with all her miracle talk, and now Wendell’s got cold feet and left her sitting at the volleyball game.

  But no. Wendell was too invested in this evening to leave without her. He should know that if he left her, she would never agree to another ride home with him. But then again, knowing Wendell and his boundless confidence, maybe he thought he had her firmly in hand. After all, he had been able to convince her to leave with him tonight.

  Laura sighed. She might as well walk toward the barn to find Wendell. But she would not help him hitch his horse to the buggy. Her walk out to the barn was the limit. She’d climb inside Wendell’s buggy and let him experience what he’d been giving her all evening—the cold shoulder.

  Laura approached the last few buggies parked beside the barn. Several men were still milling around, their forms indistinguishable in the dim darkness of the lanterns. Several horses were hitched up and snorting as the owners made their last-minute adjustments. One of them took off with a start and dashed past Laura, but it wasn’t Wendell’s buggy.

  Laura pressed on until she was almost at the barn. Wendell’s buggy was parked on the far side, but the man was nowhere in sight. Should she climb in or return to the washroom door? This had become an intolerable situation. Wendell couldn’t have been detained in the barn. This slowness to leave was of his own making, but for what reason?

  Laura turned to leave, but she paused when the barn door opened. Wendell appeared with his horse and a triumphant look on his face.

  “Goot evening,” Wendell called to her. “I see you’re waiting for me.”

  “Where have you been?” she retorted.

  Wendell grinned. “I had to straighten out some plans with Ben Yoder for next week. We’re both…” Wendell motioned toward the buggy shafts with his head. “Can you pick them up, please? Makes it easier, you know.” His grin broadened. “Isn’t this how you treat your boyfriends?”

  “I’ve only had one,” she snapped.

  “It’s never too late to learn, I guess.” Wendell waited with his hand on his horse’s bridle. “Glad I made number two at least.”

  You’re not making anything, Laura almost shot back. But Wendell was enjoying her anger way too much. She bent down to pick up the buggy shafts instead. Here she went again, giving in to the man.

  Wendell brought his horse underneath with a quick twist of his wrist, and Laura busied herself with the tug on her side. Apparently all her resolutions were for nothing. If only she could find her faith again…but that hope seemed far away, lost in the ironclad prohibitions of John’s parents. That was a mountain she had no strength to climb. John had taken his first hesitant steps this week, but her miracle was lost in the mist of the valley.

  Wendell peered over the top of his horse. “We shouldn’t fuss like this, you know. These little games are unbecoming of mature adults. The Lord invites us to live together in peace and harmony, even when things don’t go the way we had planned.”

  “You didn’t have to humiliate me,” Laura said.

  Wendell’s laugh was soft. “I wasn’t trying to humiliate you, Laura. I’m not even sure what you mean by that.”

  Laura kept her mouth shut. Any explanation would only make things worse. Laura finished with the tug and hopped in the buggy. Silence was the right answer at the moment.

  “That’s goot. You’re a submissive and quiet woman, I see,” Wendell said from the other side of the shafts.

  He smiled in the soft lamplight and then tossed her the lines—the same way John used to. Laura clung to the reins. She must not sink into utter despair. The memories of John would always be there. Laura held her breath when Wendell pulled himself up and sat beside her. He was so close that when he took the reins from her, one of his hands lingered on hers. Laura stayed frozen in place. This evening couldn’t get much worse.

  Wendell hollered out of the buggy window, “Getup, there!”

  His horse took off, and they dashed past the sidewalk where several of the girls were still waiting for their rides. Laura caught sight of their smiles as the buggy sped past. Why did everyone approve of Wendell and her as a couple? Couldn’t they see the pain in her heart? All everyone saw was John’s blindness. The community would have rallied around them if the accident had happened after they were married, but with them unmarried, everyone thought it was tempting the Lord to expect happiness for them. To marry a blind man who couldn’t support himself and his future family was simply unthinkable.

  Wendell smiled down at her as they cleared the lane. “So how was your Thanksgiving?”

  “We had a goot time,” Laura allowed. “Lydia came home with Milton for the day, and Nancy was there.”

  “The Lord’s will is being done,” Wendell said, as if that summed up everything perfectly. “Did Nancy have some goot advice for you?”

  Laura winced. “Lydia and I have been close to Nancy since our school years, but Nancy isn’t our mamm yet. I didn’t ask her about you, if that’s what you mean.”

  Wendell grunted. “At least Nancy’s doing the right thing. I’m hoping that rubbed off on you. Either way, I’m happy that you’ve come to your senses. It’s about time.”

  Laura stared straight ahead.

  Wendell gave her a sharp glance. “Maybe you should have a long talk with your sister about Milton. I hear he has no plans to settle in the community. Did Nancy say whether her choice has changed her brother’s mind? Surely you spoke of such an important matter?”

  “It was Thanksgiving,” Laura whispered. “We’re still a grieving family, Wendell. Daett and Nancy have just begun to know each other again after many years. We are thankful for what we have without trying to improve things we have no control over.”

  Wendell snorted. “That doesn’t sound like you at all, Laura. You were so sure that John would walk again a
nd everything would go back to normal.”

  “And John did walk, didn’t he?”

  “You know my feelings on that.” Wendell let out a strangled chuckle. “And the community agrees with me, which is why you’re in this buggy. I’m not a monster, Laura, because I want to wed you. What man wouldn’t? You’re quite a catch. Everyone knows this, as I’ve known since way back when. My question for you is, why didn’t John know? He didn’t ask to marry you until you lured him behind the shed at the barn-raising and charmed the question out of him.”

  “That is not true!” Laura shouted. Wendell’s horse suddenly sped up.

  “You don’t have to scare him with your yelling,” Wendell chided.

  “What you said is not true!” Laura repeated in the same tone of voice.

  “That you didn’t kiss John, or didn’t charm him?”

  Laura pressed her lips together and didn’t answer.

  “You know it’s true,” Wendell continued. “You kissed John and charmed him.”

  “And you are both awful and horrid!” Laura pulled away from him on the buggy seat.

  Wendell didn’t appear fazed. “Someone has to tell you these things, Laura. You may not like to hear them, but you will thank me someday. I’m a faithful soul. I’ll stick around even considering the problems your family might have.”

  Laura bit her tongue.

  Wendell ignored her silence. “I hope everyone continues to walk in the Lord’s will, but I also know that bad habits are hard to break. Nancy had drifted pretty far with her transgressions with that Englisha man, and your Daett is now seeing her. I know the whole community is overlooking the problem, and I hope they are right, but still…then there’s your sister, of course. Milton may follow his sister’s example. In light of all that, I’d say my love for you goes very deep, Laura, to risk so much. Don’t you agree?”

  Laura still couldn’t answer.

  Wendell didn’t wait. “In the meantime, I am here and in love with you, Laura. I’d make you an excellent husband, if I have to say so myself.”

  Laura choked on her words. “I don’t know where you get your information, Wendell, but it’s all wrong. Lydia would not leave the community regardless of what Milton does, and Daett knows what he’s doing. Deacon William and Bishop Ezra are both involved in Nancy’s situation. Surely they know more than you do.”

  Wendell grinned as he slowed for the Masts’ lane. “I know you mean no disrespect, Laura. You’re just feisty, and I like that in a woman. I would even commend you for being high-spirited. Especially after everything you’ve been through lately. I know you’ve suffered a great loss with your mamm, and to a lesser extent John, but the Lord has been with you. And He will be with us—if you surrender your will to Him.” Wendell smiled as he brought the buggy to a stop beside the hitching post.

  “You can just tie up,” Laura said before she climbed down.

  He hesitated. Wendell knew what that meant. He couldn’t be staying long if his horse waited outside in the cold rather than in the warm barn.

  “Just tie up,” Laura repeated.

  Reluctantly he pulled a horse blanket from under the buggy seat and draped it over the horse’s back.

  Laura didn’t wait. She was halfway up the walk when Wendell caught up with her and took her hand firmly in his. Laura almost pulled away, but the effort was too much. Wendell didn’t let go until they climbed the porch steps and approached the front door, where the soft light from the lamp inside spilled over the wooden floor.

  “Someone left the light on,” Wendell commented. “A nice welcome home, I’d say.”

  Laura didn’t look at him. He would see the tears on her cheeks if he cared to look. What would John say if he knew she was with another man tonight? But John likely knew. Someone would have told him, and he would approve. Wasn’t that what John’s parents had told her? John wanted her to go on with life.

  “Are you keeping me on the porch all night?” Wendell finally asked.

  Laura forced herself to move. “Come.” She opened the door and stepped aside.

  Wendell followed to look around. “Do I get anything to eat now that I’m here?”

  Laura pointed toward the couch. “That’s where John used to sit. You can wait while I get something from the kitchen.”

  “I’ll come with you,” he said. “Did John ever help you prepare tasty morsels?”

  Laura froze again. She didn’t want Wendell in the kitchen, but he wouldn’t go back even if she told him to. And of course John had never helped her in the kitchen. They had spent their time snuggled on the couch in sweet conversation, with plenty of food to eat.

  She entered the kitchen to point at a chair “Sit there!”

  Wendell smiled and took the seat as Laura picked out several fresh chocolate chip cookies from closed canisters. She laid them out on a plate and filled two glasses with milk. As she took a glass and a plate in her hands, Wendell jumped up and accepted them from her. She took the other glass of milk and plate of cookies and led the way to the living room.

  As she sat down on the couch, Wendell seated himself beside her and took a bite out of a cookie. “Hmm,” he said. “These are wunderbah.”

  “Thank you,” Laura mumbled.

  “And so are you.”

  She didn’t respond.

  “You know, this is going to work, Laura.” He finished another bite of cookie. “It will just take time. Some things come quickly and some things come slow, but the ones who take their time will stay. Think about that.”

  “Since there is plenty of time,” Laura said, faking a smile, “you can leave pretty soon, don’t you think?”

  Wendell’s smile waned. “That’s not quite what I meant.”

  “Your horse is cold,” she reminded him.

  “I’ll put him in the barn the next time,” he said, throwing her a glare.

  Laura almost laughed but stifled the emotion. Wendell noticed and didn’t appear pleased. How long would he put up with her attitude? Did Wendell really think he could win her over? Apparently he did.

  His goot humor soon returned. After he finished his third cookie and washed down the crumbs with the rest of his milk, he rose slowly and said, “Well, then I’ll see you two Sunday evenings from now, after the hymn singing if not before.” He paused at the front door to look back.

  Now was the time to tell him no, but she was frozen in place again.

  “See you then.” Wendell left with a smile on his face.

  A few moments later, his buggy lights flashed past the living room window. Laura stayed seated for another fifteen minutes before she could move. She must find her faith again. That would mean defying Daett’s advice and going against the consensus of the community, but better that and life as an old maid than this. She had always considered herself strong, but maybe she had been carried about by her emotions. Look where the despair of losing John had taken her. She had just endured a ride home with Wendell and had scheduled another date with him. What had happened to her?

  Laura stood and stared out the living room window. Wendell’s buggy had long gone from sight, and the only lights on the road were the occasional beams from an Englisha automobile.

  Laura bowed her head as the sobs racked her body.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  The following Thursday evening, Laura was sitting on a bale of hay in Bishop Ezra’s barn. The other young people from the district sat in a half circle around the room. Toy parts lay all around them in boxes on the swept barn floor. Laura had laid the instructions for her toy out in front of her, and she tried to focus as a train set slowly formed in her hands.

  Bishop Ezra sold toys for Christmas from his small shop, and the young folks had come in for the evening to help him assemble them. Sales were better than expected this year, and the bishop was behind in his orders. At least that’s what Wendell claimed, and being the bishop’s grandson, he ought to know. He had been seated beside her on the hay bale until Bishop Ezra asked for help with carrying in
more boxes. Of course Wendell had volunteered, but with reluctance. His emotions were hidden behind a cheerful smile. She had noticed his demeanor, and so had Bishop Ezra.

  “You can come right back,” Bishop Ezra had teased. “There’s the rest of the evening, you know.”

  Laura trembled. She had been trying to fortify herself for the upcoming date with Wendell on Sunday evening, but she had forgotten about the youth gathering this week. The man was clinging tighter to her than a bee to a spring flower. At least Wendell hadn’t asked to drive her home again after the gathering. There were limits to what she could take. Things were not supposed to move this quickly, but Wendell clearly intended to wed her soon.

  The cheerful voice of Deacon William’s youngest daughter, Miriam, interrupted Laura’s thoughts. “How are things going tonight? Can I sit with you?”

  Laura didn’t hesitate. “Yah, of course.”

  “At least until Wendell comes back.” Miriam laughed, and sent a quick look over her shoulder. “Are you two going steady yet?”

  Laura frowned. “No. We’ve not even had an official date.”

  “Well, you’re both older, so…” Miriam smiled as if that said it all. “Things can go fast, you know.”

  Laura concentrated on the toy train.

  “It’s for the best, you know.” Miriam’s hand touched Laura’s gently. “But I imagine it can’t be easy.”

  Laura pressed back the tears and kept her head down.

  “I’ll pray for you,” Miriam said. “Maybe things will get easier soon. Wendell’s a nice man, and everyone approves.”

  “I know,” Laura managed. She forced a smile and finished the last string in the toy with a flourish.

  “That’s the spirit,” Miriam said. “You’re such a sweet girl. It’s no wonder Wendell fell in love with you.”

  Thankfully the barn door creaked open again, and Laura didn’t have to answer Miriam. That would be Wendell returning with Bishop Ezra and the boxes, she was sure. But Miriam, seated beside her, made no effort to rise.