Always Close to Home

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “What about you?” Esther asked Lydia. “You didn’t bring anyone along?”

  Lydia blushed deeply. “I don’t have anyone.”

  Esther regarded Lydia skeptically. “Don’t try to convince me of that.”

  “I don’t,” Lydia insisted.

  “What about him?” Esther motioned across the lawn behind Lydia’s back. “He seems quite interested in you. If I don’t miss my guess, he’s finally gotten up the nerve to come up and talk with you. I know he’s not from around here.”

  Lydia looked in the other direction on purpose. This was not something she needed—unwanted attention from a strange man in Ohio. How would she deal with that?

  “He’s coming,” Esther whispered. “He has to know you. How else…” Esther punched Lydia gently in the ribs. “Come on, look!”

  The girls along the railing sent sly glances toward the man, but Lydia still didn’t look in his direction.

  “He’s sure handsome,” Esther whispered.

  When Lydia snuck a look, the word burst out of her mouth. “Milton!”

  “Yah, in the flesh.” Milton’s grin spread from ear to ear.

  “So who is this?” Esther asked.

  Milton didn’t miss a beat. “Nobody, really. I’ve just come to chat with Lydia. Do you mind?”

  Esther didn’t move. “So how do you two know each other? I didn’t see you at the service this morning.”

  “I was sitting on the wall like a fly,” Milton teased, and laughter rippled down the line of girls.

  Milton was at his best—bold, brash, and full of himself.

  Lydia tightened her grip on the back of the swing but found nothing to say.

  Thankfully Esther covered the silence for her. “You still haven’t told us how you know Lydia, and why you’re here.”

  “Are all girls in Ohio this nosy?” Milton chuckled. “Or only the pretty ones?”

  Esther turned all sorts of colors, and Lydia found her voice. “Maybe you should tell us why you’re here, Milton. Neither Sherry nor Daett gave you a wedding invitation that I know of.”

  Esther looked at Lydia as if she had lost her mind, but Milton had played with her heart for long enough. Now he obviously planned to embarrass her in front of these strange girls. If this continued, they would all know her history with Milton before he left.

  “I’m sorry if I shouldn’t be here.” Milton gave Lydia his sweetest smile. “I know I’m not invited. That’s why I wasn’t at the service this morning, but I thought maybe you could get me an invitation for dinner tonight. Aren’t you the bridegroom’s daughter? See, I’m in strange country and homesick for the beauties of the North Country.”

  “But…” Lydia was at a loss to continue.

  “And I thought you might accompany me to the table along with the invitation.” Milton grinned. “If you don’t mind, that is. I know I would enjoy the occasion very much.”

  “Well, I…” Lydia stammered. “Yah, I guess it’ll be all right.”

  “I’ll see you then,” Milton said. With a smile he retreated across the lawn. Lydia watched him go, transfixed by his familiar form. He seemed to know lots of people and stopped often to shake hands as he moved through the crowd.

  “So what other secrets do you have?” Esther asked.

  “None!” Lydia retorted, amazed at the turn of events.

  Esther’s glance told her plainly that Esther didn’t believe her, as did none of the other girls. They wore open admiration on their faces.

  He’s not my boyfriend, Lydia wanted to shout at them. He just breaks my heart and plays with my emotions. He wants me to jump the fence with him. But none of those words came out of her mouth. She wouldn’t degrade Milton. He was a wunderbah man. She had tried to cast him out of her heart, and every time she thought she had accomplished the task, Milton showed up again. Not only did he show up, but he made some move that sent her heart all atwitter.

  “You’re a lucky girl,” Esther said. “Maybe I ought to visit the North Country myself. Have you got any more like him stashed away up there? Or that available brother of yours, is he…?”

  Lydia didn’t answer as she stood to walk away. There was no answer needed. Esther’s voice soon blended in with the buzz of conversation behind her. A hundred questions raced through Lydia’s mind. Why was Milton in Ohio on the day of Daett’s wedding? He must be here on business. So why come to the wedding? He had on his best Sunday suit. Did Milton want to surprise her? Shock her? Impress her? So she would finally consent to jumping the fence with him? If that was the answer, Milton had won the first round. She had accepted his offer tonight, because she couldn’t resist the man. Her heart was fixed on him, still longed for him, wept silent tears inside while she kept her eyes dry.

  Lydia made her way through the front door of the old farmhouse. She had to get away from the crowd. But where? People were still everywhere as they chatted about the awesome wedding meal Sherry’s parents had served in their huge pole barn. Compared to Laura’s wedding, this meal and setting had been…Lydia pushed the comparison out of her mind. Laura had been happy with what was available on Daett’s farm.

  “Let’s keep the wedding small with Mamm gone,” Laura had told Daett.

  Lydia paused to look around before she made a quick dash toward the stair door. Milton would take her to the table in that huge pole barn this evening. The thought took her breath away—even if Milton had ulterior motives. Her heart betrayed her while her mind stood firm.

  Lydia took the stair steps one at a time. They creaked like the ones at home, the sound a familiar one from her childhood. This was Ohio, a new community, but it was much the same. These people were her people. They had the same customs as her community did. Which stood to reason, since this was where most of the North Country community had moved from. Still…

  Lydia found a bedroom door and knocked gently. There was no answer, so she entered. The quilt on the bed featured a star-shaped pattern, and the dresser was clean and newly polished. Lydia walked over to the window and looked down at the crowd on the lawn below. Milton’s form materialized among a small group of men near the barn. The distance was too far to see his face, but he seemed perfectly at home. His arms waved about, as if he were in the midst of a story. As usual, he was the center of attention. He was so…something. After all this time she still couldn’t find the exact words to describe her attraction to the man. Lydia was unable to look away. He drew her, deeply, in a way no other man did.

  The best, Nancy had said. She was to choose the best. Was Milton the best? Perhaps, but the path he wanted to walk with her wasn’t the best. She knew that. The struggle raged again. Would she give in tonight if Milton asked her once more to join him in his planned jump into the Englisha world? What if he came right out and asked the question again? He might. Hadn’t he marched right up to speak with her in front of a strange group of girls? What if Milton asked the words, whispering them quietly at the table? “Will you be my frau, Lydia? I’m ready to wed you when you are.”

  Could she resist that? What if he took her in his arms behind the buggies after supper? Could she still say no to jumping the fence while resting in Milton’s arms?

  Lydia wrapped her fingers around the dark drapes and gazed down at Milton’s distant face. Would she betray her highest convictions? Her faith? On Daett’s wedding day? Her heart pounded with the question. Her knees trembled as she held on to the drapes. She wanted to breathe a desperate prayer heavenward for strength to resist, but the words died in her mouth.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Several hours later Lydia kept her gaze straight ahead as the long line of single girls approached the huge pole barn. Her heart was pounding, but at least she could hide her emotions well. That had always been a gift of hers—unlike Laura, who showed all of her feelings on her face.

  A wave of a hand came from the crowd of married women gathered near the pole barn door, and Lydia caught a glimpse of Laura and waved back. Laura had wanted to know who was takin
g her to the dinner table tonight. She had refused to say who the man was, which had only added to Laura’s curiosity.

  Lydia dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands as Milton stepped out of the crowd of unmarried men. He held his head high and marched right over toward her. She couldn’t take her eyes off of his face. He was so handsome, so sure of himself, so unafraid of the world. He was as comfortable here as he was in the North Country, while she struggled with the jitters amid unfamiliar circumstances.

  “Goot evening,” Milton whispered, his head bent low for a moment. “You’re the prettiest of all the fair maidens tonight.”

  “Milton,” she scolded.

  “Come now,” he teased. “Not even a goot evening for me?”

  “Please, Milton,” she begged. “I’m nervous enough.”

  He nodded, and Lydia didn’t look at him again until they had seated themselves in the spacious pole barn. Servers stood at the end of the long tables ready to begin once the prayer of thanks had been offered. The smell of delicious food drifted out from behind the curtains, where the evening cooks worked. Sherry’s parents had prepared only the best food in celebration of their daughter’s marriage to Daett.

  Lydia gathered her courage and asked Milton, “Why did you really come to Ohio?”

  Milton grinned. “To see you, of course.”

  “Don’t tease me,” she pleaded. “I can’t take it right now.”

  “I’m not teasing,” he said. “I did have some business, but that could have been arranged some other time. I adjusted my schedule because I wanted to surprise you.”

  Lydia didn’t dare look at Milton. Thankfully Bishop Monroe from the local congregation chose the moment to stand and announce, “Let’s bow our heads and give thanks to the Lord for this wunderbah meal prepared for us.”

  Everyone bowed their heads down the long lines of tables. Lydia waited a few seconds after the amen to look up.

  As expected, Milton was looking at her. “It’s so goot to see you, Lydia,” he said.

  “Thank you. It is a pleasure to be with you,” she managed.

  “Wow. Look at the spread tonight,” Milton said, surveying the trays carried by the servers. “Barbecued chicken, ham casserole, green beans…and date pudding. I hear that Ohio date pudding is unequaled anywhere.”

  “It is goot,” Lydia agreed, giving Milton a suspicious glare. “You know you could have given me some warning you’d be here today.”

  “And have you turn me down before I even arrived?” Milton chuckled.

  Lydia stilled her protest. He was more right than she cared to admit. This could well have been the only way she would have consented to seeing him again. How could she refuse him when Milton had cared enough to rearrange his business trip to see her? Her arms grew weak at the thought, and Lydia almost dropped the plate of chicken.

  Milton came to her rescue. “Whoa there!”

  It’s your fault, she wanted to say, but she gave him a sweet smile instead. This might be her last evening spent so close to Milton. She wasn’t going to give in to his renewed offer to jump the fence with him.

  Milton heaped his plate high again as the trays of food made another round. “I haven’t eaten all day.” He glanced sideways at Lydia.

  “You look well fed to me,” she said.

  He slapped his stomach. “I guess I did have breakfast, but that was so long ago…”

  “You poor thing,” she cooed, and he roared with laughter.

  “It’s nice that someone cares if I live or die,” he said once he’d calmed down. With a quick swipe of his hand Milton piled fresh salad high in the tiny corner left on his plate.

  “You shouldn’t put so much food on your plate,” Lydia chided. “They’ll be passing around these plates of food for a few more rounds.”

  “You’re sweet, you know, even when you scold,” he teased.

  “I’m sorry. I guess I shouldn’t fuss when you’re…” Lydia looked away. She couldn’t say the words when this evening would be over much too soon. Milton would say nice things, followed by another plea outside the pole barn with darkness wrapped around them. She would say no, and that would be the end of that.

  “When I’m what?” Milton asked.

  “When you’re here,” she whispered.

  Milton’s voice was gentle. “I understand. More than you can imagine. I’ve been doing a lot of things I shouldn’t have, Lydia. Of course you’re upset.”

  “I’m not upset,” Lydia said. “I’m just…”

  He gave her a quick glance.

  “Well, maybe a little upset.” A tear trickled down her cheek, but she didn’t wipe it away. “Is this just another of those wunderbah things you come up with that we can do together, but nothing ever…”

  Milton touched her hand under the table. “I’m the one who is sorry, Lydia.”

  He took a bite of his food and chewed slowly. His hand hadn’t left hers under the table, and she didn’t pull away. What a pickle they were in. Neither of them could leave the other, but they couldn’t come to terms either.

  The minutes ticked past, and Milton’s plate emptied. Lydia could hardly touch her food, but she managed to eat enough to satisfy any curious onlookers. This was Daett’s wedding and she should be happy, not close to tears. Laura’s smile from her place across the room beside John caught Lydia’s eye. Laura sent a little wave again. Laura saw by now that Milton was here. That much was obvious, and Laura would be hoping things turned out okay. John might even be praying, since Laura had surely told him about Milton’s presence.

  “I need to say something.” Milton’s hand moved in hers. “The words just come hard for me.”

  “For you?” Lydia exclaimed. “That’s hard to believe.”

  He shrugged. “Yah, for me. The road back will be difficult and long. I still have a lot of progress to make, but Nancy has spoken with me.”

  She gripped his fingers under the table. “Did she…?” Lydia couldn’t get the words out.

  “Nancy didn’t say anything to me about your visit,” Milton said. “What we talked about was me and life out there.” Milton paused.

  Lydia didn’t move. Why did Milton have to draw this out? The torment was almost too much.

  “I want to join the community, Lydia,” he said. “I think it’s for the best.”

  “You want to?”

  “I do,” he said. “Nancy doesn’t think I’ll be happy out there. Not without someone I love very much with me, and probably not then.” Milton gave Lydia a quick look. “You’re always in my thoughts, Lydia. No matter how much I resolve to leave the community behind and start a new life, I can’t do it without you. That’s what it is. You’ve given me so many chances, and you’ve given me another one tonight when you probably expected I’d ask you again to jump the fence with me.”

  Lydia looked away.

  He leaned closer. “I hope you can learn to trust me, Lydia. Especially after all the begging I did, trying to get you to go Englisha with me.” Milton grinned weakly.

  Lydia tried to breathe evenly. The date pudding bowl was almost to them on its first pass, and Milton hadn’t even noticed.

  “I’m serving you,” she said, reaching for the bowl and placing several heaping spoonfuls on his plate. “Enough?”

  He nodded.

  Lydia dipped out several spoonfuls onto her own plate. The dark dessert laced with white whipped cream looked delicious. She passed the bowl on before taking up her spoon.

  “To your journey back,” she said, lifting her spoon.

  He slowly comprehended, and he lifted his spoon to hers. As they ate, the smooth goodness melted in their mouths.

  A smile crept across Milton’s face. “You will be with me then—on this journey back?”

  She nodded, her eyes locked with his.

  “I’ve already told Deacon William I’m joining the baptismal class this spring,” Milton said, looking down. “I know it’s already started, but the deacon said he was sure an exception coul
d be made. He’d teach me the missed information himself if necessary. For someone like you,” he said.

  “He did not!” Lydia knew her face was bright red.

  “Yah, he did!” Milton chuckled. “Hey, you’re even prettier when you’re blushing. Did you know that?”

  Stop it! she ordered with a look. Milton’s soft laugh came anyway. Lydia forced herself to focus on the last of her date pudding. She couldn’t taste anything, but it didn’t matter. Milton was beside her, and he had said the words she had given up all hope of him ever saying. Thankfully the singing began a few moments later. Milton held the songbook with her, but they looked into each other’s eyes more than at the page in front of them. The hour and a half passed for them like a moment of time.

  “Come.” When the singing concluded, Lydia pulled on Milton’s elbow and drew him outside. She shouldn’t do this. A kiss now would be much too early in their relationship. But on the other hand, she had known Milton for a long time, and she had waited for this moment for a long time too. Milton seemed to discern her intentions and made no objection when they slipped behind the buggies and out of the lantern light. Voices murmured around them as the crowd came out of the pole barn, but Lydia didn’t hear a word. Milton was too close to her. She drew him closer and reached up for him, and they held each other.

  “I wish this moment would never end,” Lydia said.

  “But it’s only our beginning,” Milton said in a whisper. Then he held her as if he would never let go.

  Discussion Questions

  1. Do you have any memories of receiving or writing love letters as is common among the Amish?

  2. What is your experience with identical twins and their different natures? Could you identify with Laura and Lydia?

  3. Where did your sympathies lie as Teacher Nancy’s conflicted actions were revealed? How would you have responded if living in the closed community of the Amish?

  4. Do you think Laura was to blame for John’s fall at the barn raising? Should she have acted differently?

  5. Have you ever believed for a miracle? How did the Lord lead you through the journey?