When Our Worlds Fall Apart

by Lindsey Iler

  Several times I open my mouth to beg her to follow me, but I know it won’t be fair. Instead, I hold her in my arms and memorize her face. Every dip and bend of her body under my fingertips is seared into my memory.

  When I look back on high school, I’m not going to remember the championships and the parties. I’ll remember watching Kennedy on stage and the way she felt beneath me. I’ll remember what it sounds like to hear someone tell me she loves me and means it.

  I’ll remember this moment forever.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Kennedy

  Graduation Day

  The football stadium fills with family and friends. I spot my parents immediately. It’s hard not to see my dad’s camera around his neck. They slide in next to Graham’s mom. Since prom night, my mom has made it her priority to befriend Mrs. Black. They’ve become fast companions. Much like Amanda and me, they have no business confiding in each other, but somehow, it works.

  The stage is at the fifty-yard line with rows and rows of chairs in front. The faculty sits beside me, waiting to play their part in sending us graduates out into the world.

  The excitement in the air is palpable when the graduating class enters from the parking lot in two single-file rows. If we could bottle the way we all feel today, anything would be possible.

  My eyes scan the crowd several times. In the third row, Dan, Violet, and Graham sit together. Violet and Dan wink at me, but Graham doesn’t look up. He’s focused on the hem of his gown.

  “Quit reading the speech,” Violet yells across the field. “It’s the same one it was earlier this morning.”

  “Bite me,” I yell back, squeezing the index cards between my fingers. “I’ll find you afterward.”

  Since prom, Graham and I have spent every possible moment together. The days leading up to today have been hard. We know what today signifies. The thought alone makes my eyes tingle with unshed tears.

  It’s our last pitch, our final bow.

  Graham will be in Georgia soon, and I’ll be all the way in New York City. We each have a path we need to follow, and unfortunately, they go in opposite directions.

  Speaker after speaker takes their place behind the podium, and Violet sticks her finger in her throat, pretending to choke herself. It’s almost impossible to hold back my snickers. Our Vice Principle sneers at me more than I’d like to admit. Little does she know, her disapproval only makes me want to laugh harder. I’m introduced, and as I stand, I toss my cards on the chair.

  As I listened to all of the others talk about our future, not one of them discussed our past. I realize my speech shouldn’t be rehearsed and cold, like my original words are. It should be a celebration of how far we’ve all come.

  A loud squeal releases from the microphone as I adjust it to an appropriate height. A few laughs ensue from my classmates, and I look at their smiling faces and grin back to the crowd.

  “To say this year has been hell for me is putting it lightly,” I start off. My language choice earns me a few snickers. “The whole point of my original speech was a rather long, drawn out cliché. No offense to all of you,” I smile at the staff behind me, “but after being told we can do anything we want with hard work and dedication, and the skies the limit, I want to turn in the opposite direction with my own speech.”

  I address my classmates. My eyes fall on Graham, leaning forward in his seat much like he always does when I’m on stage. “Although all those things are true, I don’t want to forget about the four important years I spent inside those walls with all of you.”

  The audience claps for several seconds, and when they silence, I continue.

  “It was here we changed into the young adults who are being sent out into the world. Some of us won championships.” I grin at Graham and his eyes soften. “Some of us fell in love for the first time.” Graham’s smile broadens as he winks, making me laugh. “And some of us got much-deserved justice. What I’ve learned most from my four years here is that nothing is guaranteed, and we are in charge of what happens next. We can make the choices to guide us into the next phase of our lives with our heads held high.” I nod a few times as Graham’s eyes widen. His honey irises take me in. “I want to thank you most of all for allowing me to grow, to learn, and to heal. If it weren't for you, I wouldn’t have been able to get off the ground.” I swipe an escaping tear. “So to you, I leave you with this. Don’t let the world knock you down because at some point it will try. You can’t let it win. When things feel at their lowest, fight on, and please, always remember, you are worthy of new adventures and happiness.”

  The loud, ecstatic cheers make me laugh through my tears. Violet cries as she watches me, and Graham stands with his feet planted on the ground and his arms flat against his side. I swallow down the lump in my throat and stop my perusal before I reach his face. I’m too afraid of what I’ll see.

  As each of my classmates is called to the stage to receive their diploma, I watch from where I sit with a genuine smile on my face. When her name is announced, Violet runs up the stairs and wraps me in a hug.

  “You’re the strongest person I know,” she whispers into my ear. “By the way, Graham wept like a little baby.”

  I pull away from her. “He did not.”

  “Perhaps I’m over exaggerating, but he definitely heard you loud and clear.” Violet kisses me on the cheek and skips to grab her diploma.

  When I hear Mark’s name, my spine stiffens. He may understand my choices, but it doesn’t take away the hurt I’ve caused him. Although, after prom, he and Skylar became ‘Facebook Official’, I still feel the strain between us. As his feet hit the stage, I smile at him, but he passes right by me, not giving me a second glance. He reaches for his diploma, and instead of walking down the other side, he comes straight to me.

  “You’re going to be okay,” Mark says. “And that’s all I really need, Kennedy. Be happy. You deserve it most of all.” Another round of tears waters my eyes, and I’m sure I have the ugliest smile plastered on my face as I try to fend them off.

  “Thank you, for everything,” I whisper. He needs no explanation. Mark knows what he’s done for me. “I’ll never be able to repay you.”

  “Sure you will. Just promise me the next guy who tries to win your heart, deserves it. Give him hell.” We both laugh as he walks to his seat.

  Dan’s stands at the bottom of the stairs. His foot taps the grass beneath him as he waits for his name to be called. He runs up the stage and throws his arms around my waist, twirling me around like I’m his personal rag doll.

  “I’m going to miss you next year,” I say into his ear as he sets me down. “Who’s going to help me keep Amanda and Violet out of trouble?”

  “You’ll do just fine without me. Plus, I’m not that far away in Maryland. You guys can road trip to me.” Dan smiles and wiggles his eyebrows. I slap him on the back as he goes to get his diploma.

  Name after name is called, but one, in particular, I’m afraid to come face to face with. When I finally hear him called, my hands grow clammy. I watch his long, lean legs carry him up the stairs, my eyes cast down until he stands in front of me. His hand lifts my chin.

  “Was your speech for me?” Graham asks, bold in his stance with his legs spread slightly.

  “Of course it was,” I whisper.

  Graham nods. He drops a short, painfully slow kiss on my lips. I lean forward and deepen the exchange. The crowd roars with cheers for our public display. When he breaks away from me, I whimper. Graham grins, causing my cheeks to burn with embarrassment.

  My finger grazes my lips in the absence of his. “Did we just do that?”

  Graham shrugs. He turns towards our classmates and pumps a closed fist in the air.

  My hands cover my face and Graham pulls them away.

  “I need to thank you, Kennedy. You’ve always believed in me even when I didn’t deserve it. You’re the reason why I got off the floor, too.”

  Graham steps forward with his hand extended for
his diploma. When he has it safely tucked away, he turns back to me, winks, and walks down the stairs to join our friends in the audience.

  “That was some kiss,” Amanda's voice breaks me from the fog. She shakes her head and pulls me in for a hug. “Next year’s going to be a fucking blast.”

  “Get out of here. Grab your diploma before they change their mind,” I joke, pushing her shoulder to get her to move. We laugh until she’s back in her seat.

  As the last of us accept our diplomas, I look out at the crowd and see smiles on the faces of all the people I love. My classmates and I switch our tassels to the opposite side and throw our caps in the air in celebration. The stadium fills with shouts of congratulations and excitement. I jump from the stage and run to be with my friends. Before I get too far, I hear my dad’s loud whistle. I find him, my mom, and Mrs. Black waving at me. I run into their waiting arms and sigh from their warm embrace.

  “Your mom and I are so damn proud of you, kiddo.” My dad snaps a picture.

  “Thank you, but please, don’t start crying,” I joke, looking right at my mom.

  “Oh, honey, she’s been crying all day,” Mrs. Black chimes in with a smile. She hugs me, congratulates me on Columbia, and tells me to contact her friend who lives in New York if I need anything at all. I hug her back and thank her as I back away from their chatter.

  The crowds on the football field make it hard to find anyone. I stand on my tiptoes, searching with no luck. As I duck around a large family, a hand pulls on my waist. Graham stands above me.

  “We’re over here,” he states, his voice flat.

  I follow him to our group of friends with my hand tucked inside his. The warmth of the contact radiates through me like a shockwave. My eyes stay locked on the back of his head as we walk. With long strides, he glances back and smirks to make sure I’m still behind him.

  Amanda and Violet wrap their arms around me as Graham and I break through the crowd. My hand doesn’t drop from his even when they hold me in a tight hug.

  “That was quite the speech, Kennedy,” Dan announces as he barrels through the group to stand next to Violet.

  “It wouldn’t happen to have been meant for a certain someone, would it? I mean, I’d like to believe I did all those things for you.” Violet’s eyes bounce between Graham and me. When they drop to our joined hands, she hoots with appreciation. “It’s about damn time.”

  “What’s about damn time?” Graham questions.

  “You and Kennedy, back together. We’ve only been waiting all year for this to happen. No more watching the two of you miserable. No more hearing you bitch about girls Graham chases around. No more mopey face when you see Mark and Kennedy together,” Violet explains.

  Graham and I look at each other with mirror image confusion in our eyes.

  “I didn’t mopey face,” Graham argues.

  “What about Mark?” Mark sneaks his head into our circle of friends.

  “Violet’s relief over not watching Graham shoot daggers into the back of your head whenever you’re near Kennedy,” Dan adds with a laugh.

  “You did that?” Mark looks at Graham. His eyes say he’s uncomfortable, but his smile tells a different story. Graham and Mark haven’t had a real conversation, but somehow have come to an understanding to let bygones be bygones.

  Everyone turns to Mark and answers in unison. “He did that.”

  “You do realize we’re standing here, right?” I interrupt their banter.

  “Oh, we know. We just want to make sure you guys are aware of the hell you’ve caused us this year,” Amanda chimes in.

  “You were only around for like an eighth of it,” Violet states. Her lips turn up in a smirk as she pulls Amanda in for another hug.

  “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.” Dan points to them in their mock embrace. “Unless you guys start making out. Now that I can rally behind.” Amanda and Violet slap him in the chest.

  “So, what are we doing this summer?” I ask. My eyes scan the small group I call family. “We have to do something before we all go our separate ways.”

  I step in front of Graham and lean against his chest. His arms wrap around my shoulders, and he pulls me in tight.

  “I’ve been waiting all year to hold you like this,” he whispers.

  “We have all summer,” I murmur. Graham’s body stiffens against mine. His uneasiness makes my skin crawl. “Did I say something wrong?” I turn in his arms and peer up at him.

  Graham pulls away and my chest instantly aches.

  “Kennedy, I’m leaving in three weeks,” Graham confesses, linking our fingers together and pressing them against his chest. His heart beats frantic against my knuckles. “I have a chance to play summer ball with some of my new teammates.”

  The news of Graham’s early departure makes my eyes burn. The news is a kick in the stomach. I’ve been under the impression we have more time together.

  I rub my eyes and look up at him with a hooded stare. “If we only have three weeks, then I guess we better make the best of it,” I state, my voice steady, when inside, I’m falling apart.

  “Kennedy.” He wraps me in a hug again as I cry into his chest. His lips come down on the top of my head where he leaves a series of kisses.

  “Can we just go, be alone? I know Dan has his party tonight, but I’d really just like to be with you.”

  “Of course, we can. Let’s sneak away.” Graham rubs my shoulders. His head tilts and he inspects my splotchy face. As he tucks me under his arm in the perfect crook, he groans. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

  I peer up at him through my eyelashes. “About what?”

  “Becoming a Yankees fan.”

  “Maybe we’ll catch a game in the city sometime, then.”

  “Maybe we will.” Graham nods as he faces forward. We walk out of the stadium side by side, the way we were always meant to.

  Graham and I walk out of our past and into our future, hand and hand. A sense of dread tries to weave through the hope I hold onto, but I push it away. All my time this year has been spent learning to grow and letting go of things out of my control. Sometimes, things in life happen. People make choices—some good, some bad—but at the end of the day, we have to own them.

  Graham chose to walk away from me last year, and at the time, I didn’t understand. Now I know it’s the same reason I went to his house on prom night. He knew he would hurt when he made his choice and I knew what I could be facing when I walked into Graham’s basement. We’re selfless when it comes to the other.

  There has never been any doubt of the love we share. It’s the type of love we feel even when our worlds aren’t connected, even when things seem impossible and broken.

  A love like ours, you fight for.

  A love like ours means we’ll always find each other.

  Acknowledgements

  Once again, I’m going to start by thanking my amazing husband, Bryan. While writing this second book, you’ve handed over your endless support, reminding me time and time again why I love you so much. You are my best friend and the love of my life. With you by my side, I know anything is possible.

  To Katie, my editor, I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate you and everything you do. You helped me through the struggles I ran into while writing When Our Worlds Fall Apart and in the end, I couldn’t be happier. I will especially miss your hilariously snarky comments on my manuscript—-“That would be a bloody mess.”

  To my beta readers. Words can’t express how much your honesty and encouragement helped me create this part of Graham and Kennedy’s world. A special thank you to Tiffany, who let me talk her ear off and had an abundance of advice for me when I was doubting myself.

  To Cassy, the amazing cover designer, you completely blew my expectations out of the water when you shared the cover with me. You took a very small idea and turned into what it is. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

  To all the bloggers, thank you for taking a chance on the Our Wor
lds Series. Your support of Graham and Kennedy’s story means the world to me. Everything you do to support us authors is beyond appreciated. You all are amazing.

  To my readers, where should I start? Oh, that’s right... YOU GUYS FREAKING ROCK! You have been waiting patiently for this book to come out and I can’t even begin to explain how much your support means to me.

  -Lindsey Iler

  About the Author

  Lindsey Iler has had her feet planted in the state of Michigan since she was born and she still lives there with her husband and three kids.

  When she’s not writing, she’s spending time with family and friends, listening to music, reading (obviously!), and hopefully just enjoying every moment in life.