Copyright © 2016 Rachael Tonks
Published: Rachael Tonks, November 2016
Interior Formatting: Angela Shockley @ That Formatting Lady
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.
All rights reserved.
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
More from Rachael Tonks
Mum.
To the world you were just one person.
But to me, you were the world.
I hope I've made you proud.
Love you always.
Amber
The day I’ve been waiting for is finally here. The day I pull into the Portland city limits to start my life over. Fuck, I need this and to be here with my best friend, Lily. It’s the perfect place to refresh.
The apartment building towers over me like a damn skyscraper, but overall it looks okay. I sit in my car waiting for Lily to arrive. We arranged to meet here, outside the apartments that will be my new home. I look down to check my watch. Fuck, she was late for everything. I don’t know why I thought this would be different. If it was possible, that girl would be late to her own funeral.
I haven’t seen Lily since my last visit here a few months ago, but she’s my best friend and the only person I need in my life. Before aging out, I’d been in and out of foster care for my whole shitty childhood, never making connections with any of the families I’d stayed with. Sad really. I guess they couldn’t handle me. I was often wild and not very cooperative. I met Lily at my last school and we immediately hit it off, promising to become lifelong friends. Ever since she moved away for college, I’ve been lost without her, but I knew I had to let her go and do her own thing. We swore to keep in touch and visit regularly, but it hasn’t been the same not seeing and talking to her every day.
But now I was here with my best friend as it should be. After all, there had to be a reason for all the shit I’ve been through since starting college.
Something positive had to come from being molested by one of my sleaze bag professors. The sick fuck kept trying to feel me up, and this time he picked on the wrong girl. Life without a family, without any real connections taught me I had to be street wise. At first I shrugged off the innuendos and inappropriate comments, but the minute that asshole slid his hand up my skirt when he thought no one was looking, was the exact minute I punched that sick fuck right in the face. It wasn’t long before I was in deep trouble with the school. I told them about the comments and the prior touches, but a troubled girl, from a troubled background was never going to be believed over the word of some snooty professor, who everyone loved and had worked at the college for years.
So, I got thrown out. There wasn’t shit to stay for, so I called up my girl and decided a fresh start, with the only person I love in my life was a wise move.
I’m pulled from my thoughts by a sudden thudding sound against the window that causes me to jump. I turn my head to the side to see Lily standing there, making stupid faces at me. I roll down the window, clutching my hand to my chest.
“Jesus, Lil, what are we? Fucking kids again?” I puff out breathlessly.
“Well nice to see you too, bitch.” She chuckles, reaching down and opening the door, pulling me out by my hands. I stumble to a standing position before tightly embracing her.
“Fuck, I’ve missed your face.”
“Well I sure as hell didn’t miss that potty mouth of yours.” She laughs.
“Hell, sure you did, girl. I know you missed every little damn thing about me.”
“Shit, you’re right. I can’t believe that you’re actually here. I just wished you had listened to me when I told you to come here in the first place. But, as usual, you’re a stubborn bitch and never listen to a word I say.”
“Well, when you’ve finished with the ‘I told you so bullshit’, maybe you’d like to show me my new apartment.” I rub my hands together with anticipation and excitement.
“Ohh, you’re going to loooove it,” she exaggerates. “But seriously, I don’t know why you didn’t just bunk with me. I have plenty of room at my place.”
“You know why, Lil.” I sigh.
“I know, I know. You need your own space. You’re a loner. Blah, blah, blah. Bullshit.” She rolls her eyes, walking toward the trunk. Popping it open, she helps to retrieve my few belongings. I stifle a laugh as she drops the heavy bags to the ground.
“You know I love you, girl, but I also love my freedom and most of all, my own space. Plus, you know what a moody bitch I am. I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship.” I wink at her, hooking my arm through hers. “Besides, I’m planning on making use of that apartment.”
“Oh yeah?” She narrows her eyes. “Exactly how?”
I suggestively wiggle my eyebrows. “It’s about time I got laid. It’s been a bit.”
“Oh Jesus, Amber.” She laughs. “Do you ever think about anything besides dick and dancing?”
I stop for a second, resting my finger against my lip, “Hmmm, no. I’m pretty sure I don’t.” I laugh loudly. “Purleaase tell me there’s plenty of hot guys at this college, because there sure as shit wasn’t any at the last one!”
“Professor Pervert wasn’t doing it for you?” she teases.
“Oh my god, Lily, you should have seen him. He’s old enough to be my granddaddy.” I hold my hand against my mouth as I pretend gag.
“At least you showed him. I heard he had quite the shiner.”
“He deserved more!”
“Come on.” She gestures with her empty hand, jingling the set of keys in the other before she turns and struts toward the entrance to the tall building.
“Bags, bitch,” I yell after her.
Caleb
I stumble toward the window that overlooks the parking lot out front. Slowly, I pull back the thick drapes, trying to locate the cause for the commotion outside.
I peek through the window, noticing two girls I’ve never seen around here before. As I take in the brunette dragging a suitcase along the ground, I suck in a sharp breath. I can’t make out what she’s saying, but it doesn’t matter. I try to turn my head away, but I can’t. My eyes are glued to her. She’s wearing a crop top that’s cut off just below her tits. Fuck. Those tits. Her midriff is exposed and she’s wearing some kind of gym pants. She struggles and I’d love to go down there and offer to help. But I can’t. Finally, I manage to tear myself away from the win
dow. After all, I don’t want anyone to see me.
Letting the drapes fall shut, I turn my attention back to the drawing I’m working on. I pick my pencil back up and try to continue from where I left off.
After a few shades of the pencil, I slam it down, frustrated that I lost my flow. I push back from my seat and stomp over to the small kitchen, grabbing a jug from the fridge, and pour myself a drink. I gulp down the cold drink, thinking of what I need to do to get back into that moment, where the pencil flows freely.
Drawing is my life, my passion, my business. The one thing I have that I can lose myself in. Where I can push out the ugly inside me by creating something beautiful. It is all I have. All I need.
Walking back over to my chair, I slowly sit down, pulling the sketchbook onto my knee. I stare at the paper, studying the parts I’ve already drawn. I blink harshly, shaking my head, trying to clear the only image in my mind.
There’s nothing. Nothing but visions of the beautiful brunette. I’m unable to decide whether I’m more intrigued or pissed off with the amount of noise they are making.
These apartments were always quiet and private. Just the way I like it. I like that no one knows who I am or where I came from. Total anonymity. I don’t care to explain myself to others. In fact, I’d happily spend the rest of my days as a nobody, a nondescript. I have one friend. One friend that understands how I am and accepts it, no questions asked. He’s the only one that knows anything about me.
Josh is my running partner. We became friends during high school, mainly due to the fact that our parents were good friends, so we were pretty much forced together every weekend. We were part of the same track and field team, he was one of the cool kids, and the only one that ever made any effort to talk to me. Not that I ever felt much like talking. Everyone thought I was a weirdo, an out of town freak. Everyone knew me as the mute, the crazy kid that didn’t talk. Except I could talk, I just fucking choose not to. I never had anything to say, at least nothing anyone would want to hear, and definitely nothing I wanted them to know. Running is one of the only times I leave the house. I try to stay in shape, look after myself. We run, he talks, and I listen. It kind of works. You could say it’s sort of a mutual benefit friendship. I glance over to the clock on the wall, realizing that I’m pacing back and forth. For fuck sakes, what’s wrong with me? As I shake my head at my self-induced anxiety, my hair falls over my face. I scrape it back before storming into my bedroom to change. I need to run this out. As I cross the threshold, I stop in my tracks, homing in on the noises I can hear next door. I can hear voices. Female voices. I try to figure out what they are saying, but the voices are too muffled. I listen for a few seconds longer, my intrigue piquing as they start to giggle. I shudder, the hair on my arms standing on end. Fuck, I’m standing here like some sort of lunatic stalker. Deciding I need the run now more than ever, I gather my things, attempting to distract myself from the new neighbors.
After ten minutes of searching for everything I need for my run, the voices next door have stopped. Stripping off my shirt and pants, I replace them with my running gear, push on my trainers, and grab my keys and a water bottle before heading toward the door. I quickly grab my iPod, secure it in my arm strap, and place the earbuds in my ears. I pull up my hood before opening the door. I peek my head out, carefully scanning the hall to check the corridor. The coast is clear. I start a light jog toward the stairs, holding my water bottle tightly in my hand. I keep my head down, not wanting or needing to make contact with anyone. I’m pretty sure no one ever uses the stairs anyway. I skip down the steps, my mind lost in the music until I reach the bottom, tripping over a large suitcase.
“Fuck,” I bellow out.
“Oh shit. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” My eyes flit to her face, but I quickly draw them back down. I shrug off her hand that rests on my back, jumping to my feet. My body language tells her everything she needs to know.
“Jeez, I said I was sorry,” she huffs. I glare at her momentarily before turning my back on her to pull open the door and head outside.
“Well it’s nice to meet you, too, asshole,” she yells once I’m outside. My heart is racing and I have no clue how to fucking steady it. I jog out of the apartment complex and down the street, my heart still hammering uncontrollably in my chest.
Fuck.
She is even more beautiful close up. I swallow as I try to get the image of the feisty beauty out of my head, but I think the vision of her is now etched deep in there. I struggle to shake it off.
Amber
“Jesus Christ! That guy was rude,” I screech as I re-enter the apartment, luggage in hand.
“Who? What?” Lily asks, looking directly at me. “Oh god, what have you done?” she asks, laughing.
“Shut up, bitch. I haven’t done jack shit.”
“Well, then what happened?” she asks, gesturing with her hands.
“Okay. So, I left my bag at the bottom of the steps for a second while I caught my breath. It’s a long trip and this bag is heavy as hell. There was no way I was making it up the stairs without a break. I debated trying the elevator, even though it says out of service.”
“And?” she coaxes, waving her hand in a circular motion, urging me to continue.
“And he tripped right over the fucking thing.”
“Oh shit. Was he pissed? What did he say?”
“Nothing.” I shrug. “He said absolutely nothing. I even apologized, and you know I don’t give those out easily.”
“Huh?”
“Weird, right? He had a hoodie on and it’s not exactly chilly out, is it? I didn’t even get a clear look at his face because his hair had fallen down, covering half of it up.”
“Well enough about the hooded jerk. We got bags to unpack.” Lily grabs the bag I’m still holding and sets it on the kitchen counter. “So what do you think about the apartment?”
“I think you did good, girl. It’s perfect!”
“It really is. I knew you’d like it.” She claps her hands together, a smug look on her face. “This apartment was an awesome find; given the budget you have.”
We spend the next hour or so unpacking. Most of what I have is clothes and all of my dance gear. I’ll have to find a new dance studio to attend classes at now that I’ve relocated. I make a mental note to add it to my ever growing list of things to do.
“Shit,” I shriek, checking the time. “I need to get to the college and collect my enrollment forms.”
“Well, then let’s go,” she almost sings.
I grab my purse, checking that I have my keys before we race out of the door.
“I really hope we make it in time.”
“Your car or mine?” she asks as we stop right outside the building. I scan the lot, looking for where I parked my car, and notice him, slowly jogging toward us.
“Incoming,” I whisper, nudging Lily with my elbow, as I nod my head toward the guy from earlier. Her head bobs up and down indiscreetly.
I’m nervous as I glance over at him, but his head remains in a downturned position, his pace slowing. I’m intrigued to know who’s behind the hood. Why didn’t he have the decency to acknowledge my apology? The closer he gets to us, he starts to lift his head. The hood falls back just enough to reveal his face. I stop for a second to get a clearer look and I’m pretty sure I let out the most obvious fucking gasp. His eyes dart to us both standing there, looking at him. I’m pretty sure my heart rhythm picks up a little. His long chestnut brown hair falls over his face, obscuring it. His jaw is covered in that sexy sort of, not shaved for days, possibly week long stubble. However, his eyes, they tell a story all of their own. They are dark, sad even, like the light behind them went out years ago, the flame was no longer ignited. I snap my head away, feeling guilty for even looking at him. The look in his eyes makes me feel nothing but sorrow. I tug on Lily’s arm, leading her toward my car.
“Aren’t you going to say something to him?” she asks in a hushed voice, eyes wide and glaring at me. I l
ook over my shoulder, once again catching his eyes with mine before he quickly races inside and out of sight.
“Like what?” I ask, a little confused by her question.
“Damn. Did you see that smoking hot, broody man look he gave you?”
“Me?” I shriek. “He was looking at us, not just me, Lil.”
“You think?” she says sarcastically.
“Anyway,” I interrupt, “it wasn’t a brooding hot look he had. It was one more like sadness and pain. I can’t help but feel sorry for him, yet I have no idea why.”
She looks at me, scrunching up her nose. “What’s wrong with you, girl? Stop being such a sap.”
“I’m not,” I snap. “It was the look in his eyes.” I circle my own with my index fingers, trying to get her to understand.
“Well that’s not what I saw! I saw a hot guy in need of a haircut.”
“Oh, and not to mention that beard,” I add.
“No way, girl. The beard is hot. That can totally stay!”
I huff, shaking my head as I climb into the car.
We drive down street after street, Lily’s directions totally sucking. Maybe we should have gone in her car after all.
“Just take the next turn.” She indicates with her arm. I slow the car down, hitting the indicator.
“Not this one, the next one!” she shrieks, causing me to jump.
“This is the next one,” I tell her. I correct the indicator and speed up a little to the next turn. Car horns blare with annoyance at my confused driving.
“Shit, Lil. You suck at directions.”
“I do not!” she exclaims. “You just don’t listen.”
As we approach the next turn, I stop arguing with her, needing to double check my turn.
“So this one, yeah?” I ask.
“Yesss,” she exaggerates. “This one.” I give her a sideways glance before making the turn. Damn, I love this girl, but there is no arguing with her. She’s as stubborn as a damn mule.
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