Burn with me

by Rachael Tonks

  “Alright,” he almost sings, clapping his hands together. “Let’s walk a little further down this street. The cabs are usually parked up there.” Side by side, we walk down the sidewalk to where I can see a few cabs lined up.

  We get in a cab and start our short distance home. I listen to Josh talk, his voice manly but warm and comforting at the same time. I really had warmed to him, and there was no denying he seemed like one of the good guys. Despite this, I would never contemplate taking him home. He wasn’t the kind of guy you had a one night stand with. He was too nice. Boyfriend material even. Not that I was thinking about him as a boyfriend. Oh god. What am I doing? I shake my head, trying to dissipate the train of thought I’ve currently got whirring through my mind.

  As we round the corner, I see my apartment complex in the distance. As soon as we pull up outside, Josh hops out and runs around to help me out of the cab.

  “I’m good from here,” I tell him.

  “Let me walk you to your apartment. I want to know you got home safe.”

  “Honestly, it’s fine,” I say, walking quickly away from the cab and toward the apartment entrance. I turn to see Josh right on my heels. I shake my head and press the button for the elevator. The doors open and we both step in.

  “This is not necessary. You know that, right?” I wasn’t sure whether I should be weirded out, or flattered that he was so insistent about walking me to my apartment.

  “I’m a gent. What can I say?” He crosses his arms, resting back on one foot that’s propped up against the shiny metal of the elevator.

  “Well thank you, but you know I’m a big girl and can take care of myself.”

  “I don’t doubt it for a second.” He smirks, his lips pulling to one side, highlighting his cute as fuck dimples. I shyly look away, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks.

  As soon as the elevator doors open, I’m out and walking down the corridor. My mind races with thoughts of Josh. Sure he’s cute, but I’m totally confused about how I feel in this moment. I like him, but what should I do if he tries to kiss me. I don’t want to upset Lily. After all, she’s my only friend here.

  When we arrive outside my door, I pull open my purse. Reaching in, I feel around for my apartment keys. And that’s when it hits me. The memory of leaving them in the cab and Lily shoving them in her purse.

  “Shit,” I grate out, clipping the purse together and slamming it by my side.

  “What?” Josh asks, concern lacing his tone. “What’s wrong?”

  “Lily has my keys.” My eyes drift shut as I let out a heavy breath.

  “Call her, find out where she is. We can always detour.”

  I nod in agreement, pulling out my cell and dialing her number. I listen to the ringing, until the damn thing switches to voicemail. “Great, no answer,” I explain, slamming my back against the door. I rest my head back, closing my eyes. “Shit, this night has been the worst.”

  “Gee, thanks,” Josh says, a little tongue in cheek.

  I lift my head, feeling a tad shitty. “No, I didn’t mean you. Shit. Me and my mouth.” He leans forward, putting one hand at the side of my head. He’s so close our noses are touching. I can’t help but close my eyes as he carefully caresses the tip of my nose with his.

  “Hopefully this will make it better,” he whispers in a barely audible voice. In an instant, I feel his soft lips touch mine and my body ignites in response. The heat of his plush lips against mine is enough for me to press back, kissing him deeper and deeper. My senses fill with everything Josh. The taste of him, the smell of his sweet cologne, the heat of his toned torso against mine. I tilt my head, exploring his mouth with my tongue. I draw in his bottom lip, sucking it seductively. I hear a guttural moan come from deep within Josh. Pulling back to look in his eyes, a pang of pain, guilt even overtakes me as I look at this divine man standing in front of me.

  “Let’s go back to mine,” he proposes, his voice low and suggestive.

  I inhale deeply. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I side step, moving away from our embrace. Placing his hands around my wrist, he raises an eyebrow, as he tries to draw me back into him.

  “Why?” He tilts his head, waiting for me to answer.

  “That shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry. I’ve clearly had too much to drink.” His stare intensifies and his eyes narrow as he crosses his arms.

  “Hmmmm,” he hums. “I’m not buying your bullshit. That wasn’t the kind of kiss that could ever be described as a mistake. I know you wanted it just as much as I did. Why is it so hard for you to admit that you’re attracted to me?”

  I look at him, wanting to say something, to offer an explanation, but I have no clue what to say. I feel caught in the crossfire of my bitch of a friend and my own emotions.

  “I’m not the kind of girl you want, Josh.”

  “How do you know what I want?”

  “Well–”

  “Exactly,” he interrupts. “You have no clue what I want or what I’m looking for.”

  “I know it’s not me. And listen, you seem like a really nice guy–”

  “And you seem like a really nice girl,” he cuts me off again.

  “I really think this is a conversation we need to have when we’re sober. I have a huge habit of putting my foot in my mouth, and right now, I don’t want to say the wrong damn thing. Plus, I’m locked out, with no fucking clue what I’m going to do.”

  I pull out my cell again, dialing Lily’s number. The call now goes straight to voicemail. “Still no answer.” I shake my head, pushing the phone back in my purse.

  “I have an idea,” Josh sings enthusiastically.

  “Oh yeah?” I ask intrigued, wondering whether it will be another invitation to his apartment. He takes a few steps down the hall, before knocking loudly on the apartment door next to mine.

  “Wait,” I quietly shriek. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “It’s my friend’s apartment. I told you this is where Caleb lives.”

  “You have got to be joking, right? He’s going to be so pissed off,” I warn, but it appears to fall on deaf ears.

  Josh waves his hand at me in dismissal of my mild panic.

  “Then what? What are you actually going to do if he answers?”

  Josh doesn’t get chance to answer me because the door to Caleb’s apartment opens slowly. With my eyes transfixed on the crack between the wall and the door, my heart rate picks up with anticipation of seeing Caleb again.

  My stomach flips and I suddenly feel really nervous. I pull my purse to my chest, watching and waiting for some movements or words to come from Caleb. As he appears in my line of sight, I see his dark hair covering most of his face. His strong beard covered jawbone is the only feature I can make out.

  “Josh,” he gruffs out, holding open the door.

  “Man, I’m so glad you answered. The beautiful Amber from next door is locked out and we’re having trouble retrieving her keys. I was wondering if we could come in.”

  “Huh huh, not my problem,” he mumbles before stepping back, pushing his hand against the door in an attempt to close it. Josh slams his flat palm against the door, preventing any further movement.

  “Please, man. I wouldn’t ask if there was any other option.”

  Caleb turns and walks back into the apartment, leaving the door wide open.

  “I take that as a yes.” Josh smiles widely to me, holding out his hand. I glance down at it, shaking my head.

  “I’m not so sure this is a good idea,” I say, scrunching up my face, a little worried about stepping into this strange guy’s apartment. “You know, stranger danger and all.”

  “He’s not a stranger. I know him,” he adds.

  “But I barely know you. I mean, you could be a serial killer.”

  “Good thing I’m not…” He breaks off, tugging on my arm, and pulling me into Caleb’s apartment. The minute we walk through the door, I take in my surroundings. The apartment appears to be identical to my own, only
darker, un-kept, and littered with artwork. Some of the pieces resting against the wall are unfinished, but it’s an impressive array of art. There are watercolor pieces, sketches, oil, pastel, and acrylic. The list is endless. I’m awe struck and a little lost for words as I take in the splendor of what I’m seeing. I never expected that this is what Caleb is capable of.

  “Amazing, aren’t they?” An arm rests on my shoulder.

  “They really are,” I answer honestly, not able to find the words to describe how blown away I am at the talent it takes to do something so beautiful. At the sound of footsteps, I turn my head, anxious to see Caleb and apologize for the inconvenience.

  He’s taking slow steps toward us, blankets bundled in his arms. He walks over to the couch, throwing the bedding down.

  “It’s the best I can offer,” he mutters.

  “I’m sorry we woke you. I don’t think this is Josh’s greatest idea.” I laugh nervously.

  His dark eyes flit up to mine, his head moving ever so slightly as he acknowledges me. His gaze burns into mine, and I feel anxious under his intense stare.

  “Just make sure your moaning doesn’t wake me this time,” he snaps, before walking out of the room and out of sight.

  My eyes widen as I look at Josh, my hand covering my mouth as I contemplate the meaning of what he said.

  “Oh god,” I cry out, walking over and sinking into the sofa.

  “Care to enlighten me?” Josh wiggles his eyebrows, the obvious excitement written across his face.

  “Isn’t it obvious?” I answer, my teeth grit and my voice brittle. I look up to see a prolonged boyish smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “It’s not funny,” I warn.

  He holds up his hands in a mock surrender. “Text your friend, tell her where you are, then I’d suggest trying to get some sleep.”

  Caleb

  I can’t believe she’s here.

  I can’t believe he would bring her here. What’s he thinking? Well, clearly he isn’t thinking at all. Why not take her back to his apartment?

  I slam my aching body down on the bed, my arm resting across my face. I can’t stand the fact that she’s mere inches away from me. In the other room. With Josh. Why’s she with Josh? My mind floods with thoughts of the beauty from next door. I toss and turn, trying to think of something, anything but her. But fuck, she’s consuming my mind and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. My arousal strains against my boxers and my adrenaline courses through my veins. The euphoric feeling intensifies, prickling at the back of my neck and the base of my spine. I can’t help but touch myself, hoping to relieve some of the built up tension. Thoughts of the beauty in the other room increase every inch of my arousal. I stroke slowly, pushing the self-loathing to the back of my mind. I focus on the image of her, pushing any other thoughts away. Tugging and pulling relentlessly, the friction feels amazing. My breathing becomes rapid as I continue to work myself. The pressure builds deep within; the electric feeling rushing through my veins. I feel it throughout every part of my body. The sensation continues to build until I can no longer hold on. The wash of ecstasy leaves my body and my mind feels numb as I let go. My vision is hazy as I blink down, hoping to clear the post euphoric haze.

  But I’m snapped from my thoughts at a tap on the bedroom door.

  Shit.

  I hold onto my cock, my hand baring the contents of my orgasm. I panic. Bolting upright, I search for the tissue I know I left around here somewhere. Feeling around the bed, I search with my free, non-sticky hand. I stretch so far, I roll myself off the bed and onto the floor. I hear the click of the latch before a small amount of light streams through the opened door. Fuck. I’m on my knees, my hand grasping my cock, and Amber’s standing at the door, blinking rapidly.

  “Shit. Caleb, are you okay?”

  “Get out,” I roar, the embarrassment and awkwardness making me react badly. She quickly retreats, slamming the door behind her. Jumping to my feet, I pick up a tissue from the floor and wipe myself. I pull on some sweatpants and a shirt before racing into the bathroom to wash my hands and splash water on my face. I look at my dark reflection in the mirror. Grasping on to the side of the basin, my chest heaves as I try to steady myself, hatred washing through me.

  How could I do that with her in the next room? I’m a disgrace. I can’t believe I did that.

  I splash the cool water over my face again, open the small cabinet above the sink, and retrieve a hair tie. Pulling back the length of my brown shabby hair, I tie it in a knot at the back. Scrubbing my rough hands over my face, the prickle of my facial hair against my palm heightens my senses. I have to go out there. Say something. Anything. I know I’m not good at this stuff, but fuck, she saw me on all fours looking like a fucking freak. And even though I don’t understand it myself, I care what she thinks. I pad out into the room, my eyes drawn to Josh on the floor. His chest rises and falls and it’s clear that he’s already asleep, curled into a ball. My eyes search the room for Amber, and I find her standing in the small offshoot kitchen, a glass of water between her hands.

  “You can’t walk in on people like that,” I whisper, trying not to wake a sleeping Josh.

  “I knocked,” she screeches. “And then there was a loud thud. I was worried.”

  “No need to be,” I grate back. My eyes land on her as she sips the water, her head down and her eyes peering over the side of the glass.

  “I’m sorry. You’re right. I mean, I shouldn’t even be here.” She steps out of the kitchen, making her way toward me.

  “No, you shouldn’t,” I agree, all be it unnecessarily.

  “What’s wrong?” she snaps. “Is it me, or are you an asshole with everyone?”

  “Both.”

  “What?” She narrows her eyes, taking a step closer. “That doesn’t even make any sense.”

  “Makes perfect sense to me,” I offer, watching as she takes small, slow steps toward me.

  “I’m liking the hair.” She smiles sweetly, pointing to the mess on top of my head. “Suits you. You kind of have a look going on.”

  “The homeless look,” I comment sarcastically, not knowing whether her words are genuine or not.

  “Is that your attempt at a joke?” She smiles wider, her emerald green eyes turning piercing as she steps closer to me.

  I shrug in response. Her body’s so close to mine it’s making me nervous. She stands right in front of me, her legs crossed, and her body swaying a little as we stand there, as if time has stopped.

  “Your artwork is amazing.” She leans forward, running a finger down the frame of the painting behind me. Her hand brushes past the top of my arm and it’s enough to cause my heart to thud ferociously in my chest.

  “Thanks,” I finally manage to answer, my throat suddenly dry as I swallow down hard. I step to the side, walking away from her, and toward the fridge to get a cold drink. Needing something to put out the fire burning inside me. I grab a can of soda, pulling it open as quickly as I can possibly manage, before gulping down mouthful after mouthful.

  “Where is this place?” she asks, gasping as she takes in the scenic picture.

  “Not far. It’s a lake I found. About a thirty-minute drive from here.”

  “I’d love to see it. Maybe you could take me some time.”

  I swallow down hard as I hold the can to my lips, my eyes lifting to meet hers. She turns and makes her way back over to me, leaning against the counter top. I don’t say anything. What can I say? I’m torn between wanting to touch her so badly and running away. Everything about this beauty consumes me so deeply. But I know I can’t. I know how fucked up I am. How much I could hurt someone so innocent. I’ve done it before. I sure as hell could do it again. As soon as she finds out who I am, about my past, she will run. And I don’t blame her.

  This is why I keep myself hidden from the world.

  “That’s not such a great idea.” I sigh loudly. “You barely know me. You should stick to guys like Josh. He’s a good guy.”

/>   “Wait. What? I’m confused. Surely we can be friends. You know. Like you’re friends with Josh.” I see the sincerity in her eyes. The way her crystal gaze stares through me is terrifying.

  “We can never be friends.” I shake my head heavily. “This is a mistake. A huge fucking mistake.” I storm past her in the direction of my room. I hear her tiny footsteps behind me and her silent shouts as she follows me down the hall.

  “Caleb, wait,” she whisper shouts. I turn to look at her before closing the door behind me. Walking forward, I rest myself against the wall as I try to steady my heartbeat. The thud is like a thousand horses galloping and I take huge breaths to try and calm myself. The door handle turns and I whip my head to see Amber in the doorway.

  “What are you running from, Caleb? Why won’t you talk to me?”

  “You’re fucking relentless,” I snarl, as I turn toward her. She closes the door, and I quickly reach past her to turn on the lamp just beside the door. She stands with her back against the door, the light from the small lamp lighting each one of her perfect features. Her high cheekbones, her flawless radiant skin, her perfectly structured nose. Everything about her is my version of perfection. I stand there in front of her, my head downturned and my hands clutched by my side. She takes a small step forward, placing each of her hands on mine.

  “Talk to me. Please,” she pleads in a soft spoken voice.

  I react the only way I know. Badly. Taking each of her hands, I push her against the door, holding her by her tiny wrists above her head.

  “I’m warning you. You need to stay away from me. I’m not what you need in your life.” My mouth is so close to hers I can feel her warm, unsteady breaths against my skin. I watch, waiting for the look of fright to appear, for her to react. But she doesn’t. Instead all I see is her looking at me like she wants to stay, like she is enjoying this. My eyes flit to her neck and I watch as she swallows. “Why are you in here? Why can’t you leave me the hell alone?”

  “I saw them,” she answers nervously. I draw my brows together, trying to understand what she’s referring to. “The scars,” she admits. “The ones on your back. Why do you have them, Caleb? What happened to you?” she questions, her voice laced with concern and her eyes full of sincerity.