Burn with me

by Rachael Tonks

  “Caleb,” I call out when I realize it’s him. He’s in his running gear, sweat beading on his forehead. My gaze is locked to the small droplets running down the side of his face. He uses his arm to wipe away the excess sweat before lifting his head to meet my gaze. My eyes search his face, waiting for something. Anything. I’m desperate for him to reach out to me, take me in his arms, and tell me it wasn’t a mistake. His forehead creases and his eyes narrow, but he doesn’t speak. He walks on by. Confused and angry, my adrenaline thunders through my system, making me dizzy.

  “Tell me why,” I yell so loud my voice falters. “Why won’t you open up and allow me in? I get you have a past. I get it. I mean I don’t know what your issues are, but I know there’s something going on with you. But stop pushing me away. It’s not fair.” I sigh loudly. “This whole cat and mouse game really isn’t working for me.” I inhale deeply, walking toward his statue like stance. A cluster of his brown hair falls over his tilted face. I lean onto my tiptoes, reaching up just enough to tuck the loose strands behind his ear. I half expect to get my hand knocked away, but instead his eyelids flutter shut and I’m pretty sure he shuddered. I rest my hand there momentarily, goosebumps covering my skin at the mere contact. His hand slowly grazes mine, his fingers wrapping around my hand, gently moving it away.

  “Talk to me,” I whisper, a thickness to my voice. My eyes deepen, an unspoken plea for him to answer and open himself up to me.

  “I can’t,” he snarls. His teeth clench and his eyes close shut tightly. He throws down my hand, taking a small step backward, moving away from me. Silence fills the air and I search for something to say, hoping to find the right words that might actually make a difference.

  “You gotta stop letting whatever shit happened to you in the past affect the here and now.” Standing in front of him, I open my arms wide, representing what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling.

  “You don’t know a fucking thing about my past, so don’t even go there.”

  “Maybe if you tell me about it we can work together. I can help you.”

  His shoulders move up and down, ever so slightly. I swallow down, nervous, not understanding what’s going on. Bending my head, I try to look around the mass of hair that’s fallen over his face. I soon realize what’s going on. A noise permeates from his throat, a deep menacing laugh. For the first time, I actually feel a little scared. But I won’t show him my fear.

  “What? What about this whole situation do you think is funny? Huh? I’m done trying to help you. There’s only so many times I can be pushed away.” I turn my back on him, throwing my hand in the air with frustration. I walk the few steps to my door, keeping my back to him. My unsteady hand tries to locate the keyhole, but instead I drop my keys to the ground. Reaching down in annoyance, I try to grab my keys only to be met by a crouching Caleb who already has a hold of them.

  “Here, let me,” he says sweetly. I step back, watching him unlock the door and push it open. I stand there, glaring at him in shock. I cross my arms, my eyes burning into his. He gestures his hand inside the apartment, indicating I should walk inside. I hesitantly move forward, pushing my hand against the door to keep it open. I rub the back of my neck with my free hand, before looking back at Caleb with a smirk.

  “Well, thanks for the whiplash.” I smile, more confused by his actions than ever. He is the ultimate mind-fuck. I remove my hand from the door dramatically, allowing it to slam shut behind me as I walk into the apartment. My hands shake and I feel physically sick. The constant emotional fuckery is taking a toll on me. How can something so messed up feel so right? I feel it in my stomach. The way it ties in knots every time I see his face. So handsome and rugged. Not in the preened model type way, but the naturally effortless way. I let out an audible moan of frustration as he, once again, consumes my every thought. And it scares me. I haven’t felt like this with a guy ever. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t describe the feeling, because it’s so unfamiliar to me. All I know is that every time I leave my apartment, I hope to run into him, to see his face. I’ll settle for any contact I can get with him. I have to get him to bring down his barriers. Somehow.

  I make my way to the bathroom, starting up the shower. I strip myself of last night’s clothes, stepping inside the cubicle. Standing under the stream, I let the warm water soak my body. It feels like heaven as it cleanses me.

  I close my eyes, tilting my head directly into the stream of water, my mind still stuck on Caleb. The hair on the back of my neck stands on end as my thoughts cause my heart to beat furiously. I slide my hand down my thigh before moving it back up the inside of my leg. I reach between, touching myself in the sweetest spot. My desire overtakes me and I’m barely able to catch my breath. I work over my clit, touching the spot that gives out the effect I so badly desire. My insides clench in response to my touch. It might be my fingers doing the work, but the image and thoughts provoking me are all Caleb.

  I long for his touch, for it to be him that causes me to scream out in absolute ecstasy. The more I imagine us together, imagine him touching me, the closer I get to climaxing. Within minutes, I feel the violent pulsating between my legs, my head dropping back as I work through my orgasm. My nerve endings tingle as the feeling works through my body, my legs becoming weak. I place my hand against the glass door, steadying my weakened, post-orgasm body. Reaching for the shower head, I release it from the holder, letting the water calm my tightened nerves.

  Once I’m completely sated, I quickly finish up in the shower. I can’t help feeling a little dirty, like imagining my neighbor during the act is somehow wrong. But damn, it felt good to finally get some release.

  Caleb

  “What do you want?” I ask in a huff as I answer the door to a smiling Josh. He stands there, his grin widening further, despite it not seeming possible. “What the fuck’s wrong with your face?” I ask, turning and making my way back into the apartment.

  He laughs noisily. “It’s called a smile. You should try it some time,” he retorts, his words broken between his laughter.

  “Get your running gear on. I got a plan,” he says with a wink.

  “Nah, I’m good.”

  “Did I say it was optional?” He walks out of sight, returning seconds later with my shorts in his hands. “You’ll need these where we’re going.”

  I study him, trying to work out what he’s talking about.

  “Go,” he shouts loudly, almost causing me to jump. Sighing heavily and with shoulders slumped, I set off toward the bedroom to change. It was pointless arguing with him. He has an idea in his head, and I’m not the guy who could ever change his mind. I reappear, ready to go for a run.

  “Ready?” he asks with excitement, clapping his hands together in front of him.

  “Let’s go,” I answer, a slight smile tugging at the corner of my mouth.

  Josh is unusually quiet as we head out of the complex. He’s normally telling me about his college friends or the latest update on his family. Josh’s parents were friendly with my foster parents until their death. This was one of the reasons we get along so well. We were kind of forced to spend time together as kids, and Josh is the sort of guy whose personality is infectious. It’s hard not to smile when you’re around him. He’s one of the good guys.

  I keep just a step behind him, as he powers forward and I actually feel like I’m struggling to keep the pace.

  “What’s the rush?” I yell to him, trying to get his attention.

  He turns his head, not once slowing his speed. A wolfish grin tugs at one side of his mouth, but he doesn’t answer. He just points in front of us, as if to indicate we should keep going. The longer he keeps it up, the more dubious I am about the whole thing. I keep going, pushing through the breathlessness and the aching in my thighs as my legs tire. As we round the corner, it suddenly dawns on me what his trick is. I watch as he slows his speed, coming to an eventual stop. I follow his lead, slowing my pace and stopping just beside him. I bend forward, resting my weary body
, my chest heaving as I try to catch my breath.

  “Coffee? Or maybe something a little sweeter?” he cajoles, walking toward the café where Amber works.

  “No way,” I protest through labored breaths.

  “Yes way. We’re going in there and we’re going to order a coffee from the beautiful Amber.”

  “Running. That’s all I signed up for. Be a friend, not a therapist,” I warn, my tone serious.

  “And this is me being a friend. Taking you for a coffee in the café with the hottest waitress in town,” he says lightheartedly.

  I shake my head, turning away from him. I slowly walk back in the direction we just came from. Before I know it, he’s standing in front of me. Josh is at least a head taller than me. I look up at his face as he stands there, glaring down. He pushes his hands against my chest.

  “I know how much you like her, dude.” He sighs lightly before continuing, “And I also know how much she likes you. Give yourself a chance, bro. I can see she drives you crazy, in a good way. So let’s go in there, say hi, have a coffee, and leave it at that.” He shrugs, making this sound like it’s nothing. But this is everything. I have the scars of my past to prove it. Not just the ones you can see with your eyes but the ones buried deep down. The ones that control my mind, my heart. So for me, this isn’t that easy.

  “I’ve already decided that it wouldn’t work with me and Amber,” I admit. “I’m trying to keep my distance from her and this kind of defeats the purpose,” I say, raising my brow.

  “You couldn’t stay away from her if you tried,” he replies with a laugh. “Come on. You can do this,” he says with confidence. His hands grip my shoulders, giving them a hefty squeeze. The sinking realization is that he isn’t going to let this go, and he certainly isn’t going to let me walk away. At least, not without a backlash of gigantic proportions. For as much as I say I don’t listen to him, I really do. I take in everything he says, and I’m pretty sure he knows this.

  I can do this. His words play over and over in my mind. I want to go in there, see her face. Her stunning natural beauty. The way she lights up a room just by being in it.

  “Ten minutes,” I snap, turning sharply and walking in the direction of the café. I feel his hand drop against my shoulder, his arm draping around my back.

  “See. I told you we could do this,” he says excitedly. “It’s a shame you won’t get to see Lily. Apparently,” he draws out the word, “she has a little thing for yours truly.” He taps his chest like a damn Neanderthal.

  “Really?” I muse. I can’t help the small smile that tugs at the corner of my mouth.

  “What?” he shrieks. “What the hell is that?” He points to the corner of my mouth. “Could it be true?”

  “What?” I can’t help but smile a little more.

  “Halle-fucking-lujah,” he sings. “The ape man smiles.”

  I narrow my brows, glaring at him with confusion. “Ape man?” I quiz.

  “Dude, you have so much hair; you’re starting to look like a damn ape.”

  “Ah, yeah. I guess I do. Just haven’t had the chance to go get it cut,” I dismiss. Stopping just outside the door, he looks at me.

  “Haven’t had the chance? That’s bullshit and you know it. You’re hiding yourself behind all that damn hair. Time to be seen.” With that he pulls open the door, his eyes bugging out, waiting for me to enter. As I walk into the small café, the aromatic coffee smell hits my senses. Josh is right behind me, making sure I don’t bolt. I turn to look at him, he points to a table so we grab it. I slouch a little in the chair, my anxiety growing thicker with every moment I’m in the place. There aren’t many people in, but the loud chatter pierces my overactive eardrums.

  “Josh? Caleb?” Amber calls, her voice full of disbelief as she makes her way over to us, stopping right beside the table. “What are you guys doing here? I mean…” –she stumbles over her words before continuing– “shit that sounds bad. You know I didn’t mean it like that, right?” Her face flushes as she quickly swipes away a few loose strands of hair. “I’m just surprised to see you both here,” she corrects herself and I can tell she’s genuinely shocked.

  “Well, that was the aim. To surprise you,” Josh teases, picking up the small folder menu laying on the table. “So what do you recommend, Amber?”

  “How about you start with coffee.” She smiles. “You guys like coffee, right?”

  “Sure,” I answer, speaking for the first time. I slowly glance up to look at her. A bright smile spreads across her face and even with her work outfit on, I’m pretty sure this is the most beautiful look I’ve ever seen on her. Her eyes appear to sparkle as her gaze fixes on me. Heat rises to my cheeks. I feel hot, embarrassed even, under her gaze. She moves nervously, biting her lip at the corner. It’s enough to get the adrenaline running and my dick twitching. I drop my head a little, allowing my hair to cover my heated face.

  “Be right back,” she sings as she makes her way back behind the counter. I watch her walk and I’m hypnotized by the way her hips move from side to side.

  “Here, man.” I feel a thud on my chest. I look down and Josh is holding a napkin against it. “Looks like you need this,” he says, teasingly. I snatch it out of his hand, ball it up, and throw it directly at him.

  A few moments later, Amber returns with two large coffees in hand. “These are on the house,” she says. Her eyes become wider and appear to light up.

  “Hey, I know Caleb here looks like a homeless guy, but we can afford to pay for our drinks,” Josh cuts in.

  I narrow my eyes, glaring at him with an unspoken warning. The pair of them stifle laughter and I can’t help but join in, letting out a small laugh.

  “So what brings you two in here?” Amber asks, pulling out a chair and sitting beside me. She’s so close I can feel the heat radiating off her, the electricity between us as our arms touch briefly. My body tenses.

  “Just thought we’d pay a visit to our favorite barista,” Josh replies.

  “You did?” she says enthusiastically. “Well it’s great to see you both here.” She turns, placing her hand on my folded arms. I swallow down, resisting the urge to turn and take her in my arms. “I gotta go. Bob will have my guts for garters if he sees me sitting here.” She pushes back the chair, saying her goodbyes before heading off to serve more waiting customers.

  “Can we go now? You got what you wanted. Enough is enough,” I bark out, shoving my chair back. Standing, I quickly make my way outside. I breathe deeply, trying to lighten the weight on my chest. I’m struggling to breathe. It’s as if I have a thousand bricks crushing my chest. I close my eyes tightly, trying over and over to take deep breaths.

  “You okay, man?” Josh asks with concern lacing his tone.

  “Fine,” I snap. Not intentionally but through my labored breathing. “I gotta go,” I say, walking back in the direction of my apartment. My feet move quickly and all I want is to be back there, in the comfort of my own space.

  Amber

  “You have to come, Amber.” Lily’s been trying to convince me for at least ten minutes.

  “It’s been a long week, Lil. I’m not sure I’m up for it,” I answer drearily through the phone.

  “Not up for girls’ night? Are you freaking kidding me? Am I even speaking to the right person? Because the Amber I know would never say no to girls’ night. It’s the perfect blow out after a busy week.”

  “Girls only, right? I mean no secret meetings with Ryan, or disappearing on me this time.”

  She sighs heavily. “I said I was sorry about that, Am.”

  “I know. I just want to make sure. As long as it’s girls only, I’m in.”

  She screeches loudly, causing me to pull my phone away from my ear in shock.

  “Oh my god. I cannot wait for tonight. It’s gonna be totally epic. Okay, so I’ll come get you in about thirty minutes. Be ready, bitch face.”

  I laugh a little, but before I can respond she hangs up the phone and I’m left laughing
to myself. Racing around, I try to make myself look like something presentable for the night.

  I stand in front of the full length mirror checking myself. I have on a black lace dress, fitted but not short. For some reason going out tonight doesn’t have the same appeal as it did before Caleb. The buzz for me was always hooking up with someone, having that sexual connection for just one night. No strings. No hassle. But since that kiss with Caleb, he’s all I can think about. The only one I want. I know this sounds crazy, and it makes zero sense in my mind. But my heart is dictating to me right now, and it’s pretty hard to ignore. I feel the buzz of my cell phone in my purse. I reach in, retrieving it before I answer.

  “I’m outside,” sings Lily.

  “On my way down,” I inform her, quickly heading out of my apartment and down the stair well. I walk steadily, my small heels restricting my ability to move any faster. As soon as I reach the doors at the bottom, I see the headlights of the cab parked right outside. I head over, opening the door and jumping in.

  “Hey, hon,” I say, kissing her lightly on the cheek.

  “Oh, I’m so excited for tonight,” she sings. “We’ll have cocktails and shots and forget all our troubles.”

  “Troubles?” I query. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “I’m talking about you,” she fires back. “You know, Caleb.” Her eyes widen at the mention of his name. “We need to get your mind off him,” she says sweetly, rubbing my arm.

  I proceed to tell her about the day Josh and Caleb came into the café earlier this week, and the fact that I haven’t seen him since.