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Deus lo Vult

Page 35

by Carlo Zen


  “Fine. Come at us, you pigs. Or perhaps I should say—we’ll give you a fight!”

  O God… Is this…? Is this what you wanted?

  (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Volume 1: Deus lo Vult, Fin)

  Appendixes: Interior & Exterior Line Strategy / Mapped Outline of History

  Afterword

  Before I greet you, I, Carlo Zen, declare:

  The publisher known as Enterbrain has most definitely got a screw loose.

  The title The Saga of Tanya the Evil. All my religion, ideology, nationalism, etc., etc. nonsense. The whole time we were revising the manuscript they didn’t ask for a single edit! How brave, am I right?

  Unless this was all a bad joke, or I’m on Candid Camera, or there was some mistake, this book should be in your hands right now. Yes, if The Saga of Tanya the Evil isn’t just a mass hallucination we share, then it must really exist.

  And so, although I can still only wonder why, this book has gotten out and seen the light of day. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the website where I started this novel, Arcadia (http://www.mai-net.net); the one who runs it, Mai; and all the users who left me so many comments.

  And to everyone who was looking forward to this, I’m very sorry indeed to have kept you waiting. I do hope you will enjoy the modernized and repaired version of this heartful story. It’s okay—it’s Carlo Zen’s The Saga of Tanya the Evil! The following warnings are for first-time readers, so if you’re already familiar with this title, kindly skip ahead because it will be long and unnecessary.

  Now then, first-timers. Greetings, this is Carlo Zen. It may be strange for the author to say something like this, but I wouldn’t steer you wrong: This book is hard-core nerdy, so think very hard about whether you really want to read it.

  First of all, this is a God, transsexual, transported-to-another-world novel with magic, and a ridiculously overpowered protagonist. I’ll say this: I slapped the title on this thing as though I was feeling hungover, or like I’d just pulled an all-nighter, and they made it all huge and put it on the front of the book. If nobody stops us, we should probably start worrying about the future of Japan.

  But this guy Carlo Zen, who writes the thing, is the worst kind of nobody. I mean, he’ll coolly ask stuff like, “Why do original protagonists always succeed at stuff like domestic politics and managing national affairs?” And not only that, but if you leave him to his own devices, he’ll start showing off, like, “Excuse me, have you read any books on development studies? Have you heard the latest about how a randomized controlled trial proved there is no such thing as a silver bullet?” Anyhow, he’s just kind of obnoxious.

  And he’s incorrigibly argumentative and stubborn in this twisted way. Ahh, geez, it should already be self-evident that he’s a good-for-nothing! Also this Carlo Zen suffers from a disease that makes him scoff at stuff like happy endings and the winning-is-everything mentality. It makes him adore delaying action and fighting withdrawals in the mud, losing battles, and the courage and solidarity of the international community.

  If you only like dreams, hope, peace, and friendship; or you don’t like it if the protagonist doesn’t win; or you want a happy ending…you’ll probably be better off, in an opportunity cost sense, if you skip this book.

  Of course, it’s true that it’s a problem for me if the book doesn’t sell…

  And to you comrades who are like, “It’s too late for us already!” and did me the favor of being tempted: Welcome to this side! We are wholeheartedly happy to have you!

  October 2013 Carlo Zen

  1 Chicago school The Chicago school (of economics) is, in brief, a delightful school of economic thought hailing the market mechanism. Some extremists even use economic values to analyze social issues across the board—drugs, families, education, immigrants, and so on. You can learn more from the slightly dated book The Economics of Life: From Baseball to Affirmative Action to Immigration, How Real-World Issues Affect Our Everyday Life or by checking out the latest on this blog: http://www .becker-posner-blog.com.

  2 Rawls’s theory of justice A theory that greatly influenced political philosophy. What would happen if we had to create rules to live by starting from scratch, when we don’t know our place in society? After that discussion, Rawls explores what fair laws might look like. His conclusions are broadly split into two principles. The first guarantees individual equality and freedom, while the second permits inequality for the purpose of special consideration and equal opportunity for the weaker members of society. It’s important to note that while he considers everyone equal, he takes the stance that the wealthy should pay progressive taxes to care for the weak and provide support for the needy. Also known as the Liberty Principle, the Difference Principle, and the Fair Equality of Opportunity principle.

  3 “An Essay on the Principle of Population” Mr. Thomas Robert Malthus’s classic masterpiece on demography. According to his theory, population grows geometrically, but the food supply (resources to sustain life) only grows arithmetically. In other words, it’s a brutal and blunt theory stating that mankind will quickly expand until all usable resources are stretched to the limit. Even without God’s decree to multiply, our population would always increase to barely sustainable levels. It’s a terrifying concept, yet surprisingly, it cannot be ignored.

  4 ICBM Abbreviation for intercontinental ballistic missile. Dr. von Braun said, “The rocket worked perfectly, except for landing on the wrong planet.” Then they went and came up with the most extreme use possible for it.

  5 Fuji Firepower Review The biggest military exercises viewable in Japan. They’re open to the general public to help civilians better understand the Japanese Self-Defense Forces, but people observe the large-scale maneuvers with the same attitude as watching a fireworks show. Thank you for all your hard work on the drills.

  6 Treaty of Londinium Some of it is completely original, while a good half is influenced by a real treaty. The reference was the 1852 London Protocol, which was signed as a diplomatic compromise in order to end a war. Since it wasn’t a peace treaty, the nations involved violated it out of opposing interests. It’s a sad fact of life that inconvenient international laws and treaties are broken with remarkable ease. But if a nation ignores them too much, they will face humanitarian intervention (especially if they have oil).

  7 warning line While one can be used in a variety of ways, in this book, the word refers to an interception line or patrol line. Though an enemy breach means trouble, it’s surprisingly easy to accomplish.

  8 ROE Not “return on equity” but “rules of engagement.” According to Professor Sumio Adachi’s definition, the rules were established out of “a need, when it comes to combat operations, to make careful provisions for different contingencies, be able to apply legal evaluations of those scenarios to concrete problems, and especially determine if the situation calls for war, as well as the details of how it should be waged.” In a nutshell, it describes fighting etiquette.

  9 Italian “Red Devil” Another term for OTO Mod. 35 grenades. These Italian grenades, notorious for their rate of misfires and accidental discharges, were feared by friend and foe alike.

  10 Murphy’s Law According to popular belief, the rule of thumb “If anything can go wrong, it will” was first phrased as “If there’s any way they can do it wrong, they will,” by Captain Edward Aloysius Murphy of the United States Air Force while conducting research.

  11 holy relic Bones, objects that created miracles, and whatnot. This is a touchy topic, so I’ll keep the jokes to myself.

  12 Maginot Line France put a significant amount of money into its defense budget (3.3 billion francs in the year 1930) to construct this defensive line. The sad thing was that Germany went around it, so the units holding it were unable to participate in the war in a meaningful way. Though they did a bang-up job securing the Maginot Line, the enemy chose to go through the Ardennes and Low Countries to wallop them—what a pitiful fort. It’s a classic example of how even a grea
t idea needs great execution to be any good.

  13 Tsugene-esque In Japanese, Tsujiinkyū. A joke about the awful tactical planner Masanobu Tsuji. It’s used for people who are only halfway competent. Due to his ability to take action and his—for better or worse—inflated pride, in a nutshell, he was toxic. His collection of arbitrary actions teaches us how important discipline is in military units. Even so, he was never punished and actually rose in rank; the world is full of injustice.

  14 Valhalla The place where the souls of those who fell in battle join the souls of past heroes. In other words, having to choose between victory or Valhalla means choosing to win or die. Most will end up in Valhalla anyway.

  15 echelon A special term used in the military. During an assault, the foremost party was the first echelon, the one behind them was the second echelon. The term was often used when arranging various military units.

  16 raison d’être A reason to exist. The firm line demarcating you as you.

  17 lend-lease A wartime service that allows mainly allied countries to rent everything from weapons and supplies to bases and land. They key word is rent, so they would only be borrowing. But to the opposing side, it doesn’t matter if these are rentals or not—if the enemy’s war potential increases, that’s a problem. Everything is supposed to be returned, but as you can see from the example of the Soviet Union sometimes failing to pay back the United States, things basically have to be offered with the assumption of taking a loss.

  18 Napoleon France’s great revolutionary soldier and politician. Just like Germany’s fellow with the toothbrush mustache, he’s an example of how an outsider manipulated the powers that be. This one lost, but he is well regarded, so you won’t get thrown in jail for talking about him in France.

  19 von Added to names of nobles. In modern times, new members of the aristocracy (semi-nobles) add von before their surnames in a usage akin to the English sir or the French de.

  20 K-Brot A new type of bread of which Germany is very proud. Kriegsbrot (“war bread”) is one half of the most disgusting field ration, the other half being dried vegetables, aka barbed wire. K-Brot is a healthy bread made by mixing potato flour into wheat flour to increase its volume, but unfortunately it has an acidic taste, among other things. The Empire doesn’t want for potatoes, so its armies are amply supplied with K-Brot.

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