Surrender Amanda Quick

by Surrender (lit)

  with a touch.

  Hush, darling. I have to go reassure

  your maid. I will be right back."

  He went to the door and opened it

  to find Nan hovering nervously in the

  hall.

  I was on the stairs, startin" for my

  bed, when I heard her ladyship scream."

  Nan looked up at him, her eyes faintly

  suspicious in the glow of the candle she

  held. Is all well?"

  She is fine. Nan. It was my fault. I

  awakened her in the middle of a bad

  dream."

  Oh, I wondered if that might be it."

  Nan's eyes lost their trace of accusation.

  Poor thing. She's been havin" some trouble

  with bad dreams for the past few months.

  I think it is one o" the reasons she's taken

  such a likin" for the parties and nightlife

  o" London this Season. Keeps her busy

  till dawn. But looks like she'll be sufferin'

  with those plaguey dreams again now that

  we're all keepin" country hours. Mayhap I

  should sleep a little closer to her."

  You needn't worry about her. Nan.

  She's got a husband now, remember? I

  will take good care of her. I am much

  closer than you are."

  Nan flushed and nodded quickly. Yes,

  sir. Well, I'll be off, then." She bobbed

  a quick curtsy and hurried back down

  the hall.

  Lucas closed the door and turned back

  to the bed. Victoria was watching him from

  the shadows, her arms wrapped around her

  updrawn knees. Her eyes were huge in the

  dim light.

  My apologies, Vicky. I did not mean

  to startle you awake so abruptly," Lucas

  said.

  What were you doing sneaking about

  in my room in the first place?" she asked

  tartly.

  He sighed, aware that the few moments

  of vulnerability had already passed. I know

  this will come as something of a shock,

  Vicky, but you have a husband now and

  husbands have a right to sneak around

  their wives" bedchambers." He crossed the

  room and sat down on the side of the bed,

  ignoring her hostile gaze. Your maid says

  you suffer from bad dreams frequently of

  late. Is there a particular reason, do you

  think?"

  No."

  I only ask because I, too, have had

  the occasional unpleasant dream," he said

  softly.

  I imagine everyone does from time to

  time."

  Yes, but my dream is a very specific

  one and it is always the same. Is yours?"

  She hesitated. Yes." Then, probably in

  an effort to change the focus of the

  conversation, she asked quickly, What do

  you dream of, my lord?"

  Of being trapped beneath a dead horse

  in the middle of a field of dead and

  dying men." Lucas drew a deep breath

  and looked at the flickering candle. Some

  of those men took a very long time to die.

  Every time I have the dream I have to

  listen to them in their agony. And I have

  to live through the torment of wondering

  whether or not I shall also die, wondering

  whether one of the human vermin who

  come out to loot the dead after a battle

  will simply slit my throat for me and end

  the matter once and for all."

  Her small, anguished gasp and the

  fleeting touch of her fingers on the sleeve

  of his dressing gown brought his eyes back

  to her face.

  How terrible," Victoria whispered. Dear

  God, Lucas, how ghastly. Your dream is

  even worse than mine."

  Of what do you dream, Vicky?"

  Her fingers clenched around the sheet

  and she looked down. In my dream I am

  always standing at the top of a staircase.

  A a man is coming toward me. He holds

  a candle in one hand and a dagger in the

  other."

  Lucas waited, sensing there was more.

  Something about the way she had hesitated

  over the phrase a man" gave him the

  impression her nightmare figure had a face

  she recognized. But it was obvious she did

  not intend to add to the description of the

  dream and he was unwilling to jeopardize

  their new intimacy by prodding her for

  details.

  In fact, Lucas decided, he had already

  gotten closer to her tonight than he had

  at any time since the fateful night he had

  made love to her. If he was wise, he would

  not push too far, too fast.

  Strategy, he reminded himself. In the

  long run, a man always got farther with

  strategy than he did with force.

  He suppressed a groan and got to his

  feet. Are you all right now?"

  She nodded quickly, not quite meeting

  his eyes. Yes, thank you. I shall be fine."

  Then I will say good night. Call me if

  you need me, Vicky."

  Forcing himself to walk back to his own

  chamber was one of the hardest things

  Lucas had done of late.

  The following afternoon Victoria sought

  relief from the tension of the ever-so

  civilized, now-silent battle raging between

  herself and Lucas by fleeing into the

  nearby woods with her sketchbook.

  She walked for some time before

  coming to a halt. Eventually she chose

  a comfortable spot on a hill beneath some

  trees where she could sit gazing out over

  the uninspiring view of the depressed

  farming community. From here she could

  see the cottages that needed patching, the

  rutted lanes that needed repair, and the

  nearly empty fields. Lucas was out there

  somewhere in one of those fields, she

  knew. He'd made plans to ride out on

  an inspection tour with his steward this

  afternoon.

  There was certainly much to be done

  here, Victoria was forced to acknowledge.

  Whatever else one could say about her

  husband, at least he apparently intended

  to put her money to good use. There was

  no evidence yet that he was going to pour

  it into wine, women, and song.

  But, then, Lucas was not a frivolous

  man, in spite of his reputation as an

  accomplished game ster.

  Frowning at her uneasy, chaotic thoughts,

  she bent her attention to the small plants

  and grasses around her. With a practiced

  eye she picked out several familiar species.

  But then she spotted a rather unusual

  cluster of mushrooms and her interest was

  immediately piqued in spite of her mood.

  She opened her sketchbook.

  This was what she needed, she thought.

  She wanted the temporary peace of mind

  her sketching and painting could bring

  her.

  Victoria spent a long time detailing

  the delicate mushrooms, losing herself in

  her work, Time passed quickly and the

  pressures of her new marriage faded, at

  least for the moment.

&n
bsp; When she was finished with the mush

  rooms, she went on to draw several

  interesting dead leaves that had fallen

  nearby in a graceful heap. After the

  leaves she discovered a quite fascinating

  puffball. Puffballs always presented a

  serious challenge. It was difficult to get just

  the right airy appearance without sacrificing

  the tiny details. Botanical drawing was an

  exhilarating combination of art and science.

  Victoria loved it.

  Two hours later she finally closed the

  sketchbook and leaned back against the

  tree trunk. She discovered she was feeling

  much better. Calmer and more steadied.

  The warm afternoon sun felt good and

  somehow the fields and farms below did

  not look quite so bleak. There was hope

  for stone vale, she thought suddenly. Lucas

  would be able to salvage these lands. If any

  man could do it, Lucas could.

  With her money, of course.

  But even that thought was not as

  irritating as it had been earlier. An insidious

  notion occurred to her. Perhaps Lucas had

  had a point last night at dinner. What had

  she ever done that was so terribly useful

  with her money in the past?

  Nevertheless, it was her money. Victoria

  scowled at that notion and got to her

  feet, brushing leaves from her walking

  dress. She must remember that she was

  the innocent victim in this situation.

  Three days later Victoria made her first

  trip into the village. She had wanted to

  ride on horseback, the better to explore

  her new home, but Lucas had put his

  foot down immediately.

  I will not have the new Countess of

  stone vale make her first public appearance

  on horseback. A certain amount of pro

  priety is demanded in this instance,

  madam. You will go in a carriage

  together with a maid and a groom or

  you will not go at all," he stated.

  As her relationship with Lucas could

  only be described as precariously balanced

  at best, Victoria had decided not to argue

  the point.

  In choosing that course of action, she

  realized she was fast becoming as prudent

  as the rest of the household. She was

  learning that it was decidedly easier on

  both herself and the staff of stone vale if

  she refrained from challenging her husband

  at each and every turn.

  It irked her to think she might be

  surrendering some small stretch of ground

  to him. But the truth was, it was difficult

  to maintain her bristling defenses twenty

  four hours a day. She was accustomed

  to being happy with Lucas, not at war

  with him.

  And there were definitely a few distinct

  benefits to maintaining some semblance of

  peace in the household, she grudgingly

  admitted to herself There was no denying

  that in response to her newfound discretion,

  Lucas, in turn, refrained from letting

  everyone feel the chill of his shockingly

  cold temper. The man had an air of

  absolute authority about him, which, when

  he chose to exercise it, got attention in a

  hurry.

  His capacity for leadership and command

  was, Victoria had decided, in part a product

  of his military background. But she also

  suspected that a good portion of it came

  very naturally to Lucas. He was a born

  leader.

  And the arrogance of a natural leader was

  no doubt bred in the bone. Without such

  arrogance and the accompanying leadership

  characteristics, Lucas would not have had a

  chance of salvaging stone vale and the land

  around it.

  Victoria reflected on that unpalatable

  notion as the carriage jolted uncomfortably

  over the bad road into the village.

  She had to admit that she had caught

  an occasional glimpse of the hard steel core

  of Lucas's character before her marriage.

  Indeed, it was probably part of what had

  drawn her to him. But the truth was, she

  had rarely been forced to confront that

  steel directly. Lucas had, after all, been

  deliberately wooing her. Naturally he had

  hidden the more unpleasant elements of

  his nature from her.

  You cannot really be meanin" to shop

  in this drab place, ma'am," Nan said as

  the carriage entered the main street of the

  village. Hardly the likes o" Bond Street or

  Oxford Street, is it?"

  No, it certainly isn't. But we aren't

  here to find a ball gown. My goal is just

  to have a look around and perhaps meet

  some of the people with whom stone vale

  does business on a daily basis. This is

  our new home, Nan. We must meet our

  neighbors."

  If you say so, ma'am." Nan did not look

  convinced of the wisdom of the idea.

  Victoria smiled faintly and decided to

  make the appeal on a more practical basis.

  You have seen the conditions at stone vale.

  The house is in a terrible state. Utterly

  deplorable. His lordship is too busy with

  his farmers to worry about the running of

  the household, and being a military man,

  I doubt he would know how to run it, even

  if he tried."

  That be true enough, I reckon. Runnin'

  a household the size o" stone vale is a lady's

  job, beggin" your pardon, ma'am."

  Unfortunately, I fear you are correct Nan.

  And I appear to be the lady who

  is stuck with the task. As long as we

  must live there, we might as well make

  the place habitable. And if we are going

  to spend money to make it comfortable,

  we may as well spend as much as possible

  here in the village. These people rely on

  stone vale for their incomes."

  Nan brightened somewhat at this bit of

  logic. I see your point, ma'am."

  People came out of the shops and the

  small, decrepit taverns to watch as the

  stone vale carriage made its way sedately

  down the rutted street. Victoria smiled and

  waved.

  There were one or two tentative waves

  in response, but the general lack of

  enthusiasm for the new mistress of Stone

  vale was rather daunting. Victoria won

  dered if it was her, personally, they found

  unappealing, or if their attitude was simply

  an extension of the local feeling toward

  stone vale in general. She could not blame

  the villagers for being less than optimistic

  about their futures, given the obvious

  neglect they had endured from the past

  master of the great house.

  These poor people, she thought, nibbling

  on her lower lip. They had suffered a great

  deal. This was a place where money could

  accomplish much.

  In the middle of the village, Victoria

  spotted a tiny dry-goo
ds shop. I think

  here would be an excellent place to begin

  our shopping."

  Nan managed to keep her mouth shut,

  although her opinion of the place was

  plain.

  Victoria was smiling in amusement at

  her maid's superior attitude when she

  stepped down from the carriage with the

  aid of her footman.

  The warmth of a bright spring sun

  fell on her full force, highlighting the

  deep amber yellow shade of her gown

  and glinting off her honey-colored hair.

  The amber feather in her tiny, yellow

  hat bobbed in the small breeze and the

  amber pendant she wore around her throat

  caught the sunlight and glowed with a life

  of its own. Everyone on the street stared

  as if momentarily transfixed.

  Then a little girl, who had been watching

  from behind the safety of her mother's

  skirts, suddenly crowed in delight and ran

  out into the street, making a beeline for

  Victoria.

  Amber Lady, Amber Lady," the child

  shouted merrily as she raced forward on

  bare feet. Pretty Amber Lady. You came

  back. My granny always said you would.

  She said you'd have hair the color of

  gold and honey all mixed up and you'd

  be wearin" a golden dress."

  Here now," Nan snapped not unkindly

  as she moved to intercept the youngster.

  We don't want to get mud all over her

  ladyship, now, do we? Shoo, child. Go on

  back to your ma."

  The girl ignored her, darting swiftly

  around the obstacle to grab hold of

  Victoria's yellow skirts with grubby fingers.

  Hello," Victoria said with a welcoming

  smile. What would your name be?"

  Lucy awkins," the child said proudly,

  looking up at her with eyes full of wonder.

  And that's my ma. And over there's my

  big sis."

  The woman Lucy had pointed out as her

  mother was already hurrying forward with

  a horrified grimace on her worn-looking

  face. She could not have been more than

  five years older than Victoria, but she

  appeared to be at least twenty years her

  senior.

  I'm so sorry, mum. She's just a child.

  She didn't mean nothin". Don't know her

  manners around her betters. She ain't seen

  that many of em. Betters, I mean."

  It is quite all right. She's done no

  harm."

  She ain't?" The woman's face held an

  expression of honest bewilderment. She

  dirtied your dress, mum," she pointed

  out in case Victoria had failed to notice

  the muddy fingerprints on the fine amber

  muslin.

  Victoria did not bother to glance down at