The River's Edge

by Tina Sears

  I tasted dust. The pressure of his lips on mine felt good. Safe. But ever since Mount Adams, I wasn’t sure how to feel about Reds.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Life Line

  WHEN SATURDAY ARRIVED, I dreaded getting up in the morning. I was frightened about going to the house in Mount Adams, but I desperately wanted to talk to my mom.

  As soon as it reached noon, Uncle Butch sat down at the table where we were having lunch. I kept my gaze down at my bowl of tomato soup. I avoided eye contact with him as much as I could. Today was no exception.

  “Time to call your mom,” Uncle Butch said. It was as if he was planning this moment all week. He even sounded happy about it.

  I held onto the table half-expecting that I would drift off the porch. “Can Wendy come with me?” I asked with deepening uneasiness.

  “I don’t see why not,” Aunt Lori said.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Uncle Butch said. His very presence made me tremble. “She’s still on restriction. Also, I have to stop by the office and I don’t need them running around in there.” His voice was firm. I could see that Aunt Lori was reluctant to argue with him and would rather stay out of his way.

  “Then I’m not going.”

  Uncle Butch cut me a malignant look.

  I ignored him. I would rather pour pickle juice into my eyes than go to the house with him alone.

  Aunt Lori walked over to me as soon as the words left my mouth. She knelt beside me and combed my hair back with her fingers. “What’s the matter, honey?” she whispered.

  The sheer act made me feel so comforted I could have cried. I wanted to cry, but I was too afraid. This never happened echoed in my head. I couldn’t help it. I grabbed Aunt Lori and hugged her, burying my face deep in her neck.

  “What’s this? What’s this all about? Don’t you want to talk to your mother?” Aunt Lori asked.

  How could I tell her? My uncle raped me, your husband. And what do I say to Wendy and Paige? Oh, by the way, your daddy is A Monster.

  Aunt Lori looked directly into my eyes. “I’m sure she misses you terribly, and if she doesn’t hear from you today, she might even come up here and get you.” She laughed nervously.

  “Please Daddy, can I come with you?” Wendy pleaded. “I won’t get in the way.”

  He compromised. “No, but if you two young ladies promise to be good the rest of the weekend, I will lift the restriction.” Wendy seemed happy with that and stopped pleading.

  I had only just begun. “Please, Aunt Lori. Can Wendy come with me?”

  Aunt Lori’s voice caught, as if she was about to say something. Ask something. She was picking through the rubble, trying to figure things out.

  “Yes. That’s a great idea. I need some things at the house and Wendy can help get them.” I don’t know if she was figuring anything out or not, but I was thankful and let out my breath. I think this was the first time she verbally disagreed with Uncle Butch.

  “Yay!” Wendy said.

  Uncle Butch started to say something, but he hesitated like people did when they sense something was different.

  I sat in the back and stared out the window, but I could feel his eyes on me. The car stopped, and Wendy went inside the house immediately. Uncle Butch got out of the car and stretched his legs. I was the last one out.

  He threw his cigarette on the ground and snubbed it out with his shoe. Then he went into the house, leaving me standing alone in the gravel driveway. The tiny rocks threatened to push up through my flip flops as I walked toward the door.

  I wasn’t in any hurry to enter the house of horrors again, but I did want to call my mom, so I climbed the steps with cement shoes and entered the house. Wendy was already in the family room with the TV on.

  Uncle Butch was standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open, most likely searching for a beer.

  I walked to the phone hanging on the kitchen wall and picked up the receiver. I heard the first ring. “Come on, pick up,” I said under my breath.

  My feet were burning holes through the floor. I stretched all the coil out of the phone line and it was just enough to allow me to walk around the corner into the dining room. I felt like I was on a leash and he was my master. I leaned against the wall, hoping it would hold me up.

  My mom finally answered on the third ring.

  “Hello?”

  “Mom?”

  “Yeah, honey. It’s good to hear from you.”

  “Mom, listen, you have to come and get me right now!” I whispered and was hoping she could hear the urgency in my voice.

  “You’re going to have to speak up, I can’t hear you. We must have a bad connection.”

  “You need to pick me up. Now!” I whispered—yelled so Uncle Butch wouldn’t hear me.

  “Honey, what is it? What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Uncle Butch. He . . .”

  Uncle Butch was on me in one quick move, like . . . that night. He was standing right beside me running his sausage finger across my neck.

  “What is it? You sound upset.”

  “Don’t,” he spit-whispered in my ear. He smelled like cigarettes and bologna. My ear was wet and I wiped his spit away.

  “Nothing, Mom. I miss you is all.”

  “I know. And it won’t be long now, I promise.”

  “Okay, Mom.” I hoped she didn’t hear the disappointment in my voice.

  “Are you having fun? Are you getting along with your cousins?”

  “Yeah. Getting along great.” I couldn’t help the sarcasm.

  “Good. Tell everyone hello for me and I’ll see you real soon.”

  “Okay. I love you,” I said as I hung up the phone. I was disconnected from my mother, disconnected from the rest of the world.

  Uncle Butch winked. “That’s my girl.”

  He said it like it was a pat on the head. I felt the collar tighten around my neck, felt him pulling on the leash.

  But I pulled back. “I’m not your girl!”

  “You better watch yourself. Maybe I should take you down a notch.”

  “You do what you have to do, and I will do what I have to do.” I turned away from him and called into the family room. “Wendy, it’s time to go.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  The Plot Thickens

  THE NEXT MORNING the whole cottage was disrupted by the sound of Uncle Butch’s yelling. “Wendy! Get in here and get this damn cat out of here!”

  “What’s wrong, Daddy?” Wendy jumped up and ran to her father’s call. I followed close behind, concerned for Oreo.

  “That stupid cat pissed all over my work clothes!”

  “Calm down, Butch. You don’t have to go to work until tomorrow. I’ll have them cleaned for you by then.”

  “I’m sorry, Daddy. He’s still a kitten. He doesn’t know any better yet.” Wendy picked up Oreo and handed him to me.

  I took him in my arms immediately and carried him from the master bedroom to our bedroom as Uncle Butch continued to bluster.

  “If that stupid animal can’t learn to use a litter box, I will show him the door with the toe of my boot.”

  “You will do no such thing,” Aunt Lori said. “He’s still little. He’ll learn. And don’t scare the girls like that. They love that kitten.”

  “You just watch me!” Uncle Butch said as he stumbled around the bedroom. “I’ll drown him in the river myself if I have to.”

  We were huddled around Oreo on my bed, but I could still hear Uncle Butch mumbling from the other room. I was scared for many different reasons. I had become a different, darker person and even entertained ways of getting back at him, The Monster, and today was no exception. Uncle Butch had shown me the meanness I was born into. I was meaner than a snake when the idea hit me, the whisper of venom coursing through my veins.

  Oh yeah, I could be dangerous. I would show him just how dangerous I could be. I wanted to show him how it felt to be trapped by a snake.

  I asked Paige to go f
eed Oreo for me because I wanted to share it with Wendy in private.

  “Wendy?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I was thinking. Maybe there is a way for us to get back at him.”

  She looked interested. “How?”

  “We’re off restriction tomorrow, right?”

  “Yeah,” she said.

  “Good, because it’s going to involve the gang.”

  “What’s the plan?”

  “Well, you said it yourself. The thing he hates most. Snakes,” I said. I felt devilish.

  The next morning was the first day of our freedom. Since it was Monday, I stayed in bed until I heard Uncle Butch leave for work. After we got dressed and ate breakfast, Wendy and I walked to the river to meet up with the gang.

  “It’s so good to be out of that cottage,” I said.

  “I know. I was going stir crazy,” Wendy said. “Plus, we get to see our friends again.”

  I could tell by the way she was skipping around that she was excited. But I also knew that going to the river was pushing the limits with Uncle Butch. He would punish us again in a heartbeat if he found out, and this time it wouldn’t be just restriction. I felt queasy thinking about it, but the idea of getting my uncle back propelled me further on my mission.

  We stumbled down the trail, flinging back branches, ducking under the brush, and tripping over twisted roots until we reached the opening. Above us, the sun struggled through the canopy of leaves. Long fingers of warmth trickled down around us.

  I saw Julie first. The sun was streaking through the trees, making the highlights in her hair seem more golden, her tan darker. She was wearing a flowered sundress and sandals. Then I saw the boys off to the side huddled around in a semi-circle looking at something in Reds’ hand. They didn’t even notice us.

  We walked up to Julie. The ground was covered with twigs and debris from high tide, and the muddy air was soft on my bare skin. The bottom half of the log in the clearing was still wet, and the dirt was damp but not muddy.

  “What’s going on over there?” Wendy asked, pointing to the guys.

  “Reds found a praying mantis, so they all had to look at it. You know, birds of a feather and all,” Julie said. She turned her attention to the boys. “Hey guys, look who it is. The prisoners have been released.”

  The sun was bouncing off the water and reflecting into our enclosure. Something about the water brought out the summer songs of the insects. The katydids, the frogs, and the crickets all seemed to be harmonizing. The birds had their own chorus. I soaked it all in.

  Reds looked up, and then put the praying mantis on the branch of a tree. “Hey Chris. Hey Wendy. Good to see you guys.”

  The guys broke away from their bug circle and walked toward us.

  “What’s up?” Tommy asked.

  Owl waved sheepishly, and Wendy waved back. His eyes seemed bigger than usual.

  “How was it being locked up inside all day?” Reds asked.

  “It feels so much better to be outside and to be by the river again,” I said. Without Freckles, we were three pair instead of a full deck, and it felt weird not having him here with us. “Anyone know anything about Freckles since he’s been gone?”

  “No, nothing. Not since his dad sent him away,” Julie said.

  “With a black eye, too,” Reds added.

  “His dad was always a mean man,” Tommy said.

  “My dad can be mean sometimes too,” Wendy said, surprising me. Had he hurt her too?

  “Your dad? No way. He’s the nicest man,” Julie said. “Remember when he used to let us have sleepovers all the time?”

  “He’s not the nicest man,” I said sharply. “Just because he thinks you’re prettyand let you have sleepovers doesn’t make him a nice man.” I looked at Julie with an intensity I hoped she could feel.

  Reds touched my arm and I quickly pulled away from him.

  “What’s the matter?” Reds asked.

  “Nothing.” My voice went up in pitch. “I just don’t think my uncle is the nicest man.”

  “Has he done something to you?” Reds asked.

  I looked at him, frozen. Julie stared at me.

  Speak. Tell. Do something! My throat was vibrating. Burning from the angry sharp words that were lodged there.

  “Chris. What is it? Tell me,” Reds said.

  My mom told me that you should never air your dirty laundry in public. She also told me that the Morgans never showed weakness. Her wisdom got me through a whole lot of problems before. Maybe I should take her advice now.

  “I don’t know, just forget it.” My moment of bravery slipped away.

  “Well, he can be mean, especially when he drinks,” Wendy said as if she was trying to come up with an excuse for me. It seemed like the question mark that had been following us around like a rain cloud was disintegrating. Her eyes grew moist.

  I kicked off my flip flops and walked further into the shadows where the canopy of leaves blocked the sun entirely. I wanted to go deeper into the cavern as if plunging into the middle of it would hide my haunted soul. I sat on a fallen tree limb that was still damp. The mud seemed to be swallowing my feet, as if Mother Earth was pulling me into her.

  There was a brief silence in which the distant echo of mockingbirds took me back to a place where I was just a girl sitting in the front yard and having a picnic with both my parents.

  “At least he’s interested in what you’re doing, Julie said. “My parents couldn’t care less about me. They’re too busy with their own lives. I can get away with just about anything.”

  She craved attention, and got it too, but it was the attention of her mother that she wanted most. It was a shame that her mother was in the same room with her, yet so far away.

  “I wish my parents were like that. Mine are too involved with my life,” Tommy said. “My mom is a nurse and my father is the athletic director of the high school. I can’t even piss without them knowing about it. Is your piss clear, Honey? Anything we should know about your piss, sweetie?” He sighed. “It’s obnoxious, believe me.”

  “My parents are all right,” Owl said.

  “Mine too,” Reds said.

  “What about your parents, Chris?” Julie asked.

  I wanted to tell them that my father was on an important business trip and would be back soon to be with me and he would bring me a present from some far off exotic place. I wanted to tell them that he was like the father on The Brady Bunch and that I had a whole house full of siblings. I would tell them that we all loved each other and were always there for one other. And I would tell them that when I hugged him, I would take in the smell of him. Like clean laundry hanging outside to dry.

  And I would tell them how he liked to pick me up and put me on his shoulders when I was little. That he had a great laugh that started from his toes and rose up through his body. When he laughed it was so sincere and contagious that everyone around him couldn’t help themselves but laugh too.

  I would tell them that my mother was never sick and that she always took care of me, fussing over my hair and the clothes I wore. That she let me have sleepovers all the time and made me cookies for dessert. That she didn’t have something called depression and had dropped me off at my cousins’ cottage for the whole summer, but instead was taking me to Disney World on a family vacation with my father and my imaginary siblings.

  That’s what I would have told them. Instead I uttered what came to my mind first. “I wish I were adopted.”

  “Chris’s parents are getting a divorce,” Wendy said.

  “I’ve never known anyone with divorced parents,” Owl said quietly. I knew he didn’t mean anything by it, he was simply stating a fact.

  “Yeah, well, that’s me,” I said, my feet still imprisoned by the mud.

  Reds walked over to me and sat down beside me. He put his hand around my shoulder and his hand trembled a little, and then settled. He didn’t try to paw me like Uncle Butch, just comfort me.

  Tommy walked over
to Julie and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He was taller than her and she tucked her head under his chin. They made the perfect couple.

  “Who wants to help me pull a prank on my uncle?” I asked.

  “I do,” Owl said, raising his hand.

  “Well, of course you do, you pissed in a squirt gun for fun!” Tommy said.

  “That sounds mean,” Julie said. She smiled her evil smile. “I love it!”

  “I’ll help you Chris, but why?” Reds asked.

  “Because he put us on restriction for no good reason,” Wendy said.

  I couldn’t figure her out. Sometimes she seemed to be so clueless, but other times she seemed to want to help me out. Like now.

  “And he threatened to drown my kitten,” I said. “And I know he will do it too.”

  “Why does he want to kill your cat?” Julie asked.

  “It doesn’t matter. He threatened his life, that’s the important thing. And I was thinking of a way to get back at him,” I said. “You know, just to scare him a little.”

  “How?” Julie asked as if she had to approve of the plan first. I was getting real sick of her stupid questions.

  “Reds, you’ll catch the biggest snake you can find, not poisonous of course, and make sure I don’t have to touch it,” I said. “Then, you’ll release the snake in the back door of our cottage right after my uncle starts his shower. It will crawl in there with him and scare the hell out of him.”

  “Yeah, he hates snakes. And when we see the look on his face, it will make up for all the time we’ve spent on restriction,” Wendy said.

  “I’ll catch a snake for you, Chris. I like practical jokes and there are plenty of snakes around here by the water,” Reds said.

  The thought of snakes being so close around us made me shiver.

  “Are you okay?” Reds asked.

  “Yeah, I just don’t like snakes. They scare me,” I said.

  “It might take a few days,” Reds said.

  “Okay,” I said, excited. The plan was in motion. I felt close to Reds then. It gave us a common goal, bonding us in that moment.

  “What do you want me to do?” Owl asked. He was so quiet I almost forgot he was there.