Dissipate

by Kristin Mayer

  “Are you and Stacy together?” I brought my hands to my mouth and gasped at my brashness. Not even sure why that was the first thing I said, I fumbled, “Ignore that question. I didn’t mean to ask it. She had mentioned it today.” I was rambling now. I needed to stop. “Ignore everything I just said. Let’s rewind to the part of me getting the job.”

  Aiden watched me with a smile that spread across his face. “We’re not together. I’m single.”

  “Aiden?”

  A male voice had me successfully stepping back from Aiden’s touch and gathering myself. What had just happened? Shame coursed through me. Wait. That was my old life. It was fine to be closer to a guy here and express yourself. Wait. Had I been too forward? Wait. What did I think was right? Everything was confusing at this point and I wasn’t sure what I thought or believed. I needed some time to regroup.

  “Kenzie?”

  For a moment, I had completely checked out of the conversation. The guy I had met at the library my first day stood in front of me. What was his name?

  Looking between us, Aiden asked, “You guys know each other?” His tone wasn’t as warm as it normally was and there was a hint of something else in it.

  They looked similar with their darker hair. Aiden’s blue eyes and stronger build gave him an edge.

  I answered. “We met at the library a couple of weeks ago.” I turned to the guy, trying to remember his name and hoping it was what I thought. “How’s it going? Trent, right?”

  “Yeah, good memory. I told you we’d be seeing each other around. How do you know Aiden?” Trent ran his hands through his hair and his voice was tenser than I remembered, but he still had a half-smirk on his face

  Aiden took a step closer to me which Trent noticed. A thick layer of awkwardness fell over the group. I wasn’t helping the situation since being around two guys so informally had me grasping at what to do. I felt the need to explain why I was alone with a boy even though I knew it wasn’t necessary. “I’m Brooklyn’s roommate and Aiden’s research assistant at the paper.”

  Trent grabbed a pen and tore off a piece of paper from the pad on the nearby table. His voice eased as he kept addressing me, but there was something underneath his tone that made me feel like there were other reasons behind his actions. “Call me. I’ve been thinking about you, hoping we’d run into each other since the day at the library.”

  With an extended hand, I took the piece of paper and felt Aiden stiffen beside me. “Thanks.” My voice was barely above a whisper as tension coursed through me, knowing Aiden was uncomfortable.

  Giving me a wink, Trent gave me a huge smile that showcased his dimples. “I’ll be waiting for that call, Kenzie. We’ll have fun.”

  There was an underlying tone he used that had me taking a step toward Aiden. Glancing up at Aiden, his jaw was set and his eyes were narrowed as he watched Trent’s retreating body. Aiden definitely had an issue with Trent for some reason.

  Aiden turned to me, concern etching his eyes. “Are you going to call him?”

  The protectiveness I felt from the question with maybe a hint of something else made me feel good. The feeling was foreign and different from how I’d felt about Matthew. I was still trying to understand why it was different.

  “Something’s wrong? What is it?”

  Aiden blew out a breath. His eyes pierced mine with desperation. “I don’t want you to call him. He’s a player, Kenzie.”

  From the tone Aiden used, a player didn’t sound like a good thing. I filed it away to see what it meant later. I trusted Aiden and I believed he was looking out for me. So far, I’d been listening to my instincts and they hadn’t led me terribly astray.

  Crumbling the piece of paper, I threw it in the garbage. “I won’t call him.”

  He was relieved and gave me a gorgeous smile. That look did things to me, making me answer him with one of my own as tingles raced across my skin.

  “Good. Let me walk you home before I have to get back to the house for a meeting.”

  More and more I wanted Aiden around when he wasn’t. He made me feel safe like Matthew had.

  IT WAS LATE September and the temperature was beginning to change. My new identity still seemed to be unknown to The Society, though the undercurrent of anxiety never completely left me. Last week, I had gotten a job at Iron Horse Coffee Shop that was three blocks from our apartment. I worked five days a week, from six until nine in the morning, making ten dollars an hour.

  Between my two jobs I would be able to pay rent, buy the essentials and save a little bit for unexpected problems if I watched my money closely. My paycheck from the paper was going to be close to eight hundred dollars this month, as I had been working nearly twenty-five hours a week. Auto-deposit was a neat feature I had learned about.

  Finishing my last class before the weekend, I headed home. With the student elections underway, work had been busy. Aiden had been assigned to report on all the different events that accompanied an election. As of yesterday, I had maxed out my allowed hours for the week and had the afternoon off. From all the research I had conducted, I felt like a walking encyclopedia of the history of student elections. Aiden and Tasha seemed pleased with my work and that meant a lot.

  This was the first weekend I was giving myself off. All previous weekends, I had gone to the library from sunup to sundown to keep learning about my new society. Honestly, my mind needed a break from all the stress.

  Coming from the other direction, Trent waved to me. “Hey, Kenzie. You were just the person I was looking for. How’s it been?”

  Brooklyn had echoed Aiden’s warning. Internally, I cringed. After finding out what a player was, Trent was not someone I wanted to spend time with. My gut instinct had been wrong about him initially and that bothered me, not knowing what else I had been wrong about.

  I still couldn’t be rude to Trent when we ran into each other from time to time. “Hey, Trent. Long hours studying and the paper has kept me busy. What’s up?”

  Flashing a smile, that revealed two adorable dimples, he stepped closer. “We’re having a house party this weekend. I was hoping you’d come. I’m still waiting on that phone call, but this would make it up to me.”

  A wink followed his flirty plea. Those gestures did nothing to me. Not like Aiden’s.

  “Umm . . . I can’t this weekend. Sounds like fun though.”

  Brooklyn was going with Mike, who was a Sigma Chi brother also. That had been what most of our talks were about this week. Things were going slow between them and she thought that they’d be taking it to the next level this weekend. Whatever that meant. I went with it and figured when the next level happened, I’d have my answer.

  Stepping closer to me, Trent came into my personal space. “I’m going to give you my number again. Call me. We can go get coffee or something.”

  At this point, it was easier to take the number and never call. “Okay.”

  Trent pulled out a pencil and ripped a piece of paper from a notebook from his backpack. He scrawled his number down again and handed me the piece of paper. “I’ll be waiting.”

  I gave a placating smile. A girl called from across the lawn. “Got to go. I’ll talk to you later, Kenzie.”

  “See ya.”

  Trent jogged across the lawn. Whoever it was gave him a huge smile as he approached. Coffee didn’t seem like it would hurt anything, but the memory of Aiden’s face when Trent had given me his number would have me throwing the piece of paper away again when I got home.

  A long weekend was ahead. I planned on studying and relaxing. No socializing. As I made my way closer to my apartment, my hand was yanked from behind, bringing me to a stop.

  “What the hell are you doing? I thought we had an understanding?” Stacy. I closed my eyes at the shrilly voice from behind.

  It appeared I couldn’t catch a break today. Extricating my arm, I turned around. Besides scathing looks and the occasional jab about my appearance, she had left me alone. “What are you talking about?”
>
  “Aiden is taking you to the party this weekend.” It wasn’t a question, but an accusation.

  “Aiden and I are going to a party together?” My voice matched my perplexed expression. Aiden hadn’t asked me to do anything this weekend. He normally asked if I wanted to come, but he hadn’t yet. He was probably tired of asking and me having to study.

  She narrowed her eyes. “The Sigma Chi party this weekend.”

  “I’m not going to the party with Aiden. He hasn’t even brought it up to me. Whoever you’re getting your information from is wrong. Even if I was going with him, it would be none of your business.” Stacy was wearing on my last nerve. As my confidence grew in my new way of life, I felt my inner self becoming stronger.

  “I wish you would go back to the hole you crawled out of and take your ugly-ass clothes with you.” The sneer in her voice had me taking a step back.

  The words shouldn’t bother me, but they still hurt.

  Tasha appeared at my side. With that don’t-mess-with-me-look, she eyed Stacy. “Hey, Kenzie. I wanted to talk to you about an article next week. Am I interrupting?”

  Over the last month, I had gotten to know Tasha well. I respected her and she seemed like someone I could trust. Well, trust as much I as could anyone at this point. There were still things I would never be able to disclose.

  Stacy looked like she was about to blow a cap. I was beyond thankful to Tasha for interrupting this interrogation from the blonde-haired monster. “We were finishing up. Stacy, it was nice catching up. I’ll see you around.”

  She huffed and paced off. I hoped Stacy was over the Aiden factor, even though nothing had happened between us. Apparently, she wasn’t.

  “Girl, you pissed in her cheerios.”

  I had no idea what Tasha was talking about, but I assumed it was bad. The slang still threw me.

  Shrugging, we walked and I tried to explain what I knew. “She has a thing for Aiden and thinks I’m in her way.”

  A colder breeze blew and my legs were cold. It was going to be necessary to get new clothes tomorrow. “She’s had a thing for him. That girl is a piece of work. You know Aiden has a thing for you. Why haven’t you guys started dating yet?”

  That had me stopping in my tracks. “What are you talking about? We work together and are friends.”

  Tasha and I came to a fork in the road. Looking at me like I was crazy, she shook her head. “You keep telling yourself that, Kenzie. Aiden’s a good guy.”

  “I know he is.” What else was I supposed to say? Why was everyone so focused on Aiden and me? The last thing I wanted was for Aiden to get unnecessary pressure from everyone and pull away.

  Tasha nodded toward the office. “Okay, I’m headed to the office. There wasn’t really anything I needed to talk to you about. That bitch rubbed me the wrong way with how she was acting toward you. I’ll see you on Monday.”

  “See you.”

  We went on our separate ways. As I walked to the apartment, I thought about Aiden. After working with him and getting to know him more, I was convinced we were only friends even though I was beginning to feel more. There hadn’t been another incident since the one in the hallway after I had gotten the job at the paper. After that, we’d never talked about it and I was too much of a coward to ask, if the truth be known. Rejection from Aiden would be hard and I saw the beautiful women who flirted with him. I didn’t hold a candle to them. It sounded self-deprecating, but I was a simple girl.

  As the days ticked by, my thoughts of Matthew lessened which made me feel like a terrible friend. I missed him. My heart hurt not knowing what he was doing. Hopefully, he was happy. He had truly been my best friend, but the connection hadn’t been as strong as it was when I was with Aiden which surprised me. The words from mom about Matthew potentially not being the one for me came to mind. I still tried to get my head wrapped around it all.

  Walking into my apartment, I sat my bag and the piece of paper with Trent’s number on the counter. No work, no more school and no more having to deal with anyone. This was going to be a perfect weekend.

  Fixing a bowl of cereal, I took a seat at the counter and ate. Tasha’s comment today had caused hope to blossom within me. Aiden has a thing for me? Stacy had believed so and apparently now Tasha did too. Countless nights, I had dreamt about our almost kiss, turning into the real thing. I needed to stop.

  A knock sounded at the door. “Kenzie, it’s Aiden.”

  “Coming.” I had thought I wouldn’t see him again until Monday. This was a pleasant surprise.

  I opened the door. Aiden was in my favorite pair of jeans and a green T-shirt with his dark disheveled hair. “Hey. I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”

  My pleased tone had Aiden’s eyes lighting up. I loved alone time with Aiden. He was one of the only people, besides Brooklyn, that I felt most like myself with.

  Walking in, I followed him into the living room. “Tasha gave me the afternoon off. Said she saw you heading home. I figured we could watch a movie together.” He took out a DVD from the back waistband of his pants. “You said you had never seen The Hangover. I’m righting a terrible wrong.”

  Getting to spend all afternoon near Aiden was going to be the highlight of my day. A fluttering feeling bloomed in my stomach, but I tried to keep the conversation light. “I think you had about ten movies on the list I had to watch.”

  Popping the DVD in the player, Aiden glanced back. “Then, we’ll have to keep repeating this until we watch them all.”

  “Sounds like fun to me. I’ll hold you to it.”

  Sitting on the couch, Aiden took his normal spot beside me. Lately, this was how we always sat when he came over. Normally, it was me on one end, Brooklyn on the other, and Aiden in the middle. Today, he sat closer to me than normal and the side of my body relished the occasional brush it felt as he moved.

  The Hangover had my stomach cramping from laughing so hard at the actions alone. A lot of it, I didn’t get, but it was still funny seeing the antics. Trying to recover after the outtakes at the end, I laid my head back, coming in contact with Aiden’s arm. He had slipped it behind me about midway through and I liked it there. A warmth zinged between the points of contacts. I wanted to move in closer to feel more of Aiden. The thought shocked me with how much Aiden was affecting me. Turning my head, we were eye to eye.

  “Thanks for the laughs this afternoon, Aiden. It was the perfect end to the week.”

  Bumping his knee to mine, Aiden asked, “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

  “I’m probably going to hang here. You know how exciting I am.”

  He bumped my knee again nonchalantly. “What would you think about going to the Sigma Chi party tomorrow?”

  Brooklyn had been trying to talk me into going to a party for awhile. They seemed intriguing, but from what I could tell numerous people attended them. I had heard stories about some of the happenings that transpired.

  The arm that was dripped across my back came to my shoulder. I was ultra-aware of everywhere we were touching. “You know you want to come.”

  I wanted to go with Aiden.

  “I don’t know, Aiden. I don’t want to cramp your style. I’m not your typical party-goer.”

  The door opened and Brooklyn came in. I moved to put a little space between us, but I was on the end of the couch so there wasn’t much space.

  “Hey, guys. I’m so glad it’s the weekend. I’ve got to get ready. Mike will be here in an hour. He’s taking me to the movies tonight. What are you two doing tonight?”

  Aiden acted like it was normal for us to be intertwined like this and it didn’t seem to faze Brooklyn as she looked on. Giving a crooked grin, Aiden addressed his sister. “I’m trying to talk Kenzie into coming to the party with me tomorrow at the house.”

  Brooklyn’s eyes lit up as she took off her lightweight black jacket. “Kenzie, you have to go! We’ll have so much fun.”

  Looking between brother and sister, they deployed their pitiful faces that had
to have been rehearsed through the years. “You guys are terrible and don’t fight fair.”

  A victory grin spread across Aiden’s face and his blue eyes danced with excitement. “So you’ll come?”

  “Yes.”

  At my agreement, Aiden and Brooklyn high-fived. Looking at the time, Brooklyn stood. “I’ve got to get a shower. My work here is done.”

  Bounding up the stairs, Brooklyn broke out into some tune. Music was still something I was adjusting to. We had sung hymns at The Society, but instruments were not allowed. The Light thought music distracted from the message the songs should bring. The Light. I mentally scoffed at myself for not questioning all the teachings sooner.

  Glancing back toward Aiden, I raised my eyebrow. “You two are good. What time do I need to get there by?”

  “I want to pick you up. This will be your first party and I don’t want you going alone.” Aiden stood, breaking our connection. He seemed nervous all of the sudden. “I need to get back to the house. I’ll pick you up at eight tomorrow night. Does that work?”

  “Eight sounds great.”

  Taking our drinks from the table that I had gotten us halfway through the movie, Aiden traipsed to the kitchen. I followed. Part of me was glad I’d have the place to myself this evening.

  A piece of paper caught Aiden’s eyes. “What’s this?”

  Crap. I had meant to throw that away. “I ran into Trent today. He wanted me to go to the house party. I said no. He gave me his number again to get coffee.”

  Aiden’s lips thinned. “That asshole. He knows.” Anger laced his voice.

  He knows? Taking the piece of paper, I tore it into little pieces before putting it in the garbage. “I meant to throw it away when I got home, but I was hungry. It was easier to take his number in order to end the conversation. What does Trent know?”

  “Nothing. It’s nothing. He’s an ass. Has he given you his number any other times?” Aiden’s jaw became stiff.

  I touched his arm. It was familiar now to touch him and not feel like I was breaking a rule. Aiden relaxed. “No. We’ve run into each other over the last few weeks a couple of times. When we see each other, by chance, Trent reminds me to call him. I give a polite smile and he goes on his way. I have no plans to call him”